by Rowe, Brian
As I threw my shirt off and enjoyed the sight of a body that appeared especially healthy and lean, I nodded to the mirror.
“Thank you Leese,” I said out loud. “If you cursed me to look like the next comic book superhero… I’ll take it!”
I jumped in the shower, humming, ready to take on the promising day ahead of me.
---
“You made it,” she said.
“I made it.”
Idlewild Park, located just around the corner where I spent my dying days in the hospital, was mostly desolate on this chilly Sunday morning. A few children were playing on a jungle gym nearby, and a loud baseball game was taking place across the way, but all I could see at the center of the park when I arrived was Liesel rocking her body back and forth on one of the two swings.
She looked deathly, in a way I had never seen her before. Her hair was a mess, and she wasn’t wearing any make-up, as if she had rolled out of bed and decided to pass on the shower before heading over.
On a positive side, though, as I sat down on the swing next to her, enjoying taking in a few breaths of the crisp April air, I could tell that Liesel was the calmest and most relaxed since I popped her the question on Christmas Eve. She looked at peace, and I knew that meant that she was either ready to break things off with me entirely or willing to go along with any decision I were to make about our future.
“I haven’t been to this park since I graduated,” I said. “It kind of brings back memories. I used to come here a lot right after I turned sixteen and got my license. I was able to finally leave campus and drive over here on my lunch break.”
“I come here once in a while. It’s quiet here. It lets me think about things.” She pointed up at the tall hospital in the distance, which I had been trying to avoid by facing the other direction. I didn’t like to think about the awful time I spent there. “I also can see from here the hospital room you were in.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I think a lot about that night. Don’t you?”
I sighed. “I try not to.”
“It was so scary. What I did that night was a last ditch effort, in every sense. There was no plan. I just knew, deep down, I couldn’t lose you. That you were ultimately going to be a very important person in my life.”
I brought my hands down to Liesel’s. They were cold and rough, like she had been outside for hours.
“Cam, you have to understand something,” she continued. “I’ve liked you a whole lot longer than you’ve liked me. You first noticed me… what… a year ago? I fell madly in love with you when I was a freshman. I never thought you’d ever truly see me, let alone be with me. And I had to put a curse on you to do it, which shames me more than you know.”
“No, you don’t have to—”
She shook her head and let go of my hands for a moment. “Let me finish.”
“OK.”
She turned away from me, and I wasn’t sure if she was going to start crying. “This last year has been incredible, with you. The months after you got better… they were just beyond amazing. I had it rough for a long time, Cameron. Being with you has been a light in my life like I can’t even explain. So when you proposed to me at Christmas, I couldn’t have asked for anything more. I didn’t care how young we were, or how confused we may be about our futures. I just knew I wanted to be with you. And that’s why I freaked out last night. Because when you said you didn’t want to get married, I thought what you meant was that you don’t want to be with me.”
“You know that’s not what I meant—”
“I also freaked out because it seemed impossible for me to be this happy. I knew there was going to be a snag along the way. I was just waiting for it. I knew the minute I got in your car last night that you had something on your mind, and I thought it might have to do with the wedding. I tried to ignore it, but I kind of knew it was coming.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but I knew Liesel would keep talking, so I just exhaled and didn’t say a word.
“And I need you to understand, too, Cam, that I’m not, and never have been, in need of a man to make me happy, to make my life complete. I’m not Bridezilla. I didn’t freak out last night at the thought that I might not get married this month. It’s never been about the marriage. The marriage, to me, just signified that you were really serious about our relationship, and that you wanted to be together… forever. I don’t care about the wedding. OK? I don’t care one bit.”
“Really?”
“Really. I mean, it’s kind of ridiculous when you think about it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, look at us. We barely have any money. You’re starting college in the fall across the country. It’s not the right time to get married. Don’t you agree?”
I just shrugged, not wanting to say or do the wrong thing.
“I just… I don’t know,” she said. “I was really upset last night, for many reasons, but as soon as I woke up this morning, I realized just how stupid I’d been. And then it got me to thinking that maybe, you know, I’ve been pressuring you or something.”
“You haven’t been pressuring me…”
“I’ve been thinking that I’ve given off some kind of impression that without a wedding I’ll never be happy, or something. And it’s not true. All that I know… all that is good and dear and true to me, Cameron, is you. And if you want to be with me, then I say, to hell with the wedding. Let’s just be together. Let’s take it day by day. And see where life takes us.”
“You’re serious?”
“Absolutely.”
I pursed my lips and looked out at the Truckee River, which was overflowing and rushing at top speeds. “My turn?” I asked, like I needed permission. She nodded. “Here’s the thing. When I asked you to marry me, I wasn’t thinking too much about what it meant. All I knew was that I wanted to be with you, no questions asked. Was it the right time? Maybe not. We haven’t been together that long. We’re eighteen.” Liesel’s eyes widened. “And nineteen.” She smiled. “But I don’t know… I wanted to do it. And I felt good about it.”
“And then you got scared.”
“And then I got scared. For a week. Maybe less. It wasn’t a matter of, you know, oh, God, I’m gonna have to spend the rest of my life with one woman, what am I thinking. It also wasn’t so much the idea that you could turn me into a pile of dust in the blink of an eye if I said something to upset you.”
She nodded, playfully. “I could’ve done that to you last night. I was a good girl.”
I rose my eyebrows. “So you didn’t set a curse on me last night?”
“Not deliberately. I mean, I don’t think I did. You feel any different today?”
“No.”
“Then I think we’re OK. I won’t lie. For a good, oh, minute or two, I was pretty damn pissed last night. But I’ve been good about keeping my powers on the down low. You have no idea, Cameron, how hard that’s been. But that’s another conversation...”
“One which I really want to have with you…”
Liesel smiled big as I jumped off the swing and took a step forward. I started caressing her freezing hands.
“What scared me, Liesel,” I continued, “was the thought that getting married might change things between us. Things have been so good… I didn’t want to screw it up. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I can’t imagine a future without you in it.”
She kissed me, and I kissed her back, enjoying a moment of PDA as I noticed in the corner of my eye a group of freshman teenagers with skateboards riding by, all pointing at us. I kissed her on the cheek a few times, and then we butted our foreheads together.
“I’m sorry about last night,” she said.
“Me too.”
“Can we forget it ever happened?”
“Of course.”
“And we’ll tell everybody we decided to hold off on the wedding.”
I smiled and kissed her softly on her cute little nose. “Or�
� we could just not tell anyone anything.”
It took her a few seconds to respond. “What do you mean?”
“We could just… you know… proceed with everything as planned.”
“You mean…”
“I mean…”
Liesel’s eyes grew to the size of oranges. “You don’t want to cancel the wedding?”
“Hell, no. I love you. Let’s get married, Liesel.”
“Oh my God, Cameron, I love you so much!” Liesel jumped off her swing and knocked me to the ground. I was thankful to hit dirt instead of cement as Liesel tumbled on top of me and wrapped her arms around my stomach. She started kissing me on my forehead, worked her way down to my cheeks, and continued to kiss the top of my chest.
“I love you, I love you, I love you,” she said.
“I love you, too, sweetheart.”
She pulled down my dark blue shirt a smidge to kiss some more of my chest, and for a moment I thought she was going to seduce me into having sex with her right there in the middle of the park. The craziest thing was that I wouldn’t have stopped her.
“Uhh… Cam?”
“Mmm hmm?”
“You goofball. Why did you shave your chest hair?”
“What?”
I leaned my head forward and pulled the collar on my shirt down as far as it would go. For the last six months I’d had a small patch of hair at the top of my chest. It was nothing impressive, but it was enough to attract notice, particularly by Liesel.
She gave me a confused, worried look as I rubbed a few of my fingers over my upper chest. She was right. There wasn’t a single hair in existence.
I didn’t think anything of it, and it didn’t really bother me. But I figured it might bother her. So I decided to lie.
“It was getting to be a little too much,” I said. “I just wanted to see what it’d be like for it to be smooth again.”
She laughed and rested her chin on the exposed skin area. “You dork. I’ve never heard of a guy who shaves his chest hair.”
I shrugged. “Maybe there’s more of us than you think.”
She smiled and rested her cheek on my chest, softly stroking the area surrounding my belly button. I thought she might comment on the newly required stiffness of my chest and stomach muscles, but she didn’t.
I stared up into the dark gray clouds, my body resting against the soft, surprisingly warm dirt, and I started grinning.
Liesel was back. The marriage was still on.
And this time, nothing, and nobody, was going to stop us.
---
I arrived home a little after 11 P.M. that night. Liesel and I had spent the day together, enjoying a picnic lunch, and then going out for a nice dinner at a new Chinese restaurant in Reno called Flame. We were able to eat without incident, and I was finally able to surprise Liesel with her necklace birthday present. She loved it so much she started macking on every inch of my face yet again. Most important of all, though, she stayed put in her seat for the entire dinner. When our fortunes arrived, we decided to open them at the same time. Liesel’s said, “A Good Surprise Is In Store For You.” That one made both of us smile. Mine said, “You Are Going to Prove Your Love in a Memorable Way.” We both kissed each other after I read that one. The night could not have gone any better. Here we were, three weeks away from getting married, and I couldn’t have been a luckier guy. My fear was gone, and the naysayers were leaving me alone. It looked like, finally, everything was going to go our way.
“Hi honey,” my mom said, sitting on the couch in the family room, as I made my way into the house. She had tears in her eyes.
“Mom? Are you OK?”
She nodded and smiled, wiping her eyes and trying to pretend like there was nothing wrong. “Yeah, uhh, there was this article I was just reading about a little girl who was kidnapped and murdered. So sad. How are you?”
“Never better. You’re up pretty late. For you, I mean.”
“Yeah, I’m not that tired. I made myself some coffee earlier and I’m starting to think it wasn’t decaf.”
I leaned over the couch and rubbed our dog Cinder for a good minute or so, watching with glee as she immediately flipped over onto her back and stuck her paws and feet up in the air.
“How was Liesel’s birthday dinner?” my mom asked. “I’ve been meaning to ask you.”
“Oh, it was good.”
“Did she like that necklace you bought her?”
“Yeah. She loved it.”
“Good.” She ran a hand through her hair and smiled up at me. Her eyes were still red from crying. “I can’t believe my little boy’s getting married this month!”
“I know, right?”
“And this time a year ago I thought I’d be planning your funeral…”
She sat up and turned off the TV. I finished petting Cinder as my mom jumped up to her feet and started turning off the lights in the family room.
My mom yawned and stopped in front of me before she turned off the last light. “You’re sure about this, huh?”
“What?”
“You know. Getting married?”
“Of course. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. It’s the right thing for us, Mom. I want to be with her.”
“I know you do.”
“Is Dad feeling any better about the wedding?”
“You know he is. He was a little thrown by the whole thing, but he’s come around. I even caught him checking out his tuxedo in the back of the closet a few nights ago. He just wants you to be happy, Cam. We both do.”
“Thanks. That means a lot.”
I started to turn toward the hallway, when my mom grabbed my head and brought it right back toward her. Immediately my thoughts turned to that afternoon when my mom planted her lips against mine. She thought I was Dad then, but she’d have no excuse this time.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Huh. Did you shave today?”
“No. I didn’t get a chance to. Why?”
“Hmm. It’s just odd.”
“What is?”
“No five o’clock shadow.” She tilted me forward slightly and inspected my chin. “What can I say? I kind of missed the Cameron who could grow a beard.”
I took a step back and smiled. “You won’t see him for another six or seven years, unfortunately.”
“I have to wait that long?”
“Yes. A long, long, long time.”
“Fine.” She patted her hand on my shoulder as she turned off the final light and made her way up to her bedroom. “Nite, Cam.”
“Nite, Mom.”
My journey across the house to my bedroom started as a leisurely stroll but slowly transitioned into a sprint. I passed my bedroom and headed to my bathroom. I turned on the light and slammed the door.
She said she didn’t do anything. Come on, Cam. You’re just being paranoid.
I leaned forward and analyzed every centimeter of my chin. There wasn’t a single small hair, no fuzz, no nothing. My chin was as smooth as a baby’s bottom. And I hadn’t shaved in nearly forty-eight hours.
I threw my shirt off and checked out my body. It looked the same, just a little more toned. But the one main difference was the disappearance of that small patch of chest hair. It was as if it had never existed for these last two or three months.
I hope my hair doesn’t disappear on every part of my body.
I tapped my hand against the top of my head, happily, before bringing both my hands downstairs to inspect some other places that hair usually grew. Things were definitely not bald down there. Thank God.
“Cameron, relax,” I said to myself, loud and pronounced to the person looking back at me in the mirror. “She didn’t do anything, you’re fine. Sleep it off—”
“Are you talking to yourself?” I heard Kimber say from the hallway.
“Go to bed! It’s almost midnight!”
“So?”
“Don’t you have school tomorrow?” I asked, almost paternally.
&n
bsp; That silenced her. She closed her bedroom door, and I didn’t hear another peep out of her as I brushed my teeth and finished up in the bathroom.
But she wasn’t silent for long.
4. Sixteen
I awoke to the sounds of Kimber playing her violin. But what I heard was not the typically soothing melodies she liked to play. This was as harsh as nails striking a musical chalkboard, one that didn’t emit classical or new age, but hardcore rap. I laid in my warm bed for a few minutes, noticing on my phone that it was only 6:30 A.M. I still had another few hours to sleep before I’d start this mostly uneventful day. I just had one single outing I needed to make.
When’s my tuxedo fitting? Two o’clock, right?
I stared up at the ceiling, reaching my hand out against the wall to feel the vibrations coming from Kimber’s angry violin playing, trying to imagine the near future of sharing a bed with someone else every single night. I didn’t know much yet about Liesel’s sleeping habits. She could be a snorer, a farter. She could sing out spells in her sleep, for all I knew.
I rubbed my fingers against my forehead and decided I couldn’t take another minute, let alone another hour, of Kimber’s chaotic practice time. I slipped on my socks and made my way out of my room, yawning and trying not to trip in the hallway from sleepiness.
I knocked on her door. “Kimber?”
There was no answer. The harsh sounds of the violin were blasting through the door.
I knocked again. “Kimber! Will you please open your door?”
Again, no answer. I decided to open the door anyway, even though I couldn’t think of a time in recent history when I entered my sister’s bedroom without her permission.
“Kimber, will you please stop playing…”
I looked across the bedroom to see my little sister with her back turned to me, sitting on a chair, playing her violin ferociously, not so much like she wanted to practice for her big June performance, but like she wanted to destroy her instrument. She was pressing her bow against the violin so hard I was surprised it hadn’t torn in two yet.
She was also wearing just a bra and panties.
“Oh… oh God!”