Mike was sitting on the one and only bed in the room, his phone in his hand. He was typing rapidly, probably using it as a computer. He lifted his gaze, his face tight with stress.
She shot him a glance and turned around to grab clean clothes from their meager possessions. Why hadn’t she bought anything to sleep in that morning? Dammit. She grabbed a pair of panties she wished were more modest now and pondered her options.
“Take one of my T-shirts. It’ll be long enough to cover you,” he whispered as if he were afraid to speak to her.
His idea wasn’t bad though, so she tore into a package of tees and grabbed one.
“Can we talk?”
She shook her head, her back to him. “Not yet.”
He sighed. “Okay. If you’re done in the bathroom, I’ll shower now. Zola…please don’t open the door for any reason. I know you’re pissed at me. And I understand. But I don’t want you to risk your safety.”
She kept her back to him, her bottom lip between her teeth while he shuffled across the floor and entered the bathroom. As soon as the door snicked shut, she dropped the towel and hurried to cover herself with the T-shirt and then panties. The tee was white and revealing even though it hung below her ass. The panties were way too sexy, and he’d been with her when she bought them.
She climbed onto the bed, shoving the backpack he’d left there out of the way. Crossing her legs in front of her, she stared at the bag and allowed curiosity to get the better of her. What did he carry around in there?
She knew the basics, but how many weapons did he have and how much cash?
The zipper was open, a few papers sticking out. She lifted the front flap and slowly reached forward to pick up a gun with her tentative fingers. Was it loaded? She set it down next to her and opened the bag wider. There was another gun deeper in the bottom. She ignored that one to grab the envelope on top. It was filled with cash. Lots of cash.
Jesus. Tens. Twenties. Hundreds. No wonder he had no trouble paying in cash everywhere they went. If she didn’t know better, she would guess he was a bank robber or a drug dealer.
Another pile of paper caught her eye. A bundle of trifolded pages with a rubber band around it. She grabbed that next. Curious. Not giving a fuck about his privacy.
The moment she tugged off the rubber band and opened the top page, she stopped breathing. These were the emails she sent him the month they went away to college. He’d printed them…
She glanced at the bathroom door. The shower was running. Did she risk looking at the pages to remind herself of her words?
Who the fuck cared? So what if he caught her? They were her emails.
He kept them…
What did that even mean?
The man traveled around with only the most important items in his world at his fingertips, and among those items were five printed emails written from a high school sweetheart? One for whom he took a bribe to break up with by way of a ghosting?
With a deep breath, she faced the paper in her hand. This one was the last one she sent.
She scanned the page, knowing full well what she’d said to him. It hurt to remind herself how she’d lied and told him she was with another man. A student from Yale. Older than her. She’d really embellished the total fabrication to make it believable.
A tear ran down her face as she set the first page aside and picked up the next. The second to last email she wrote him was totally different. Still filled with pleading words that he please write back. Was he okay? Was he mad at her for some reason? Did she have the wrong email address? Had he not gone to Berkeley after all?
So many questions. She’d had no physical address for him at the time. No phone number. His local phone number had been disconnected. He had never contacted her with a new number, not even to tell her the address of his dorm. But she’d easily figured out what his email address had been, and she’d never gotten a mailer daemon.
The third page made her vision blur with tears. Her desperation and sadness over having lost contact with him was evident. She remembered the day she’d sent that one. It had been raining outside. She’d been in her dorm room, her roommate out for the night.
Zola pressed the paper to her chest and fought back the need to sob out loud. So many memories. So painful. It hurt so badly knowing that while she’d been writing those emails, he’d been enjoying the fruits of her father’s bribe. Had he already moved on? Had he been dating other women while she pined after him?
She wanted to scream. Her chest hurt so badly. The betrayal was more than she could bear.
Her knee hit the last two trifolded pages, knocking them so that the little pile fell over. Except there weren’t two pages left. There were three. No, the one on the bottom was an envelope.
She knew she had sent five emails in all. What was the envelope?
As her fingers betrayed her and reached for it her gut clenched. It was a letter. The return address was her father’s. The handwriting was his too.
She fingered it, letting the previous page she’d been clutching fall to the bed.
Oh. My. God. He carries my emails. And a letter from my father? What the fuck alternate universe was she living in?
As she eased the envelope open, she was aware the water was no longer running. But she couldn’t stop herself. She didn’t care if he caught her. It didn’t matter. She wanted to know what her father said to him that was so convincing he let her go for a few dollars.
A trifold of paper slid out of the envelope, and when she unfolded it to read her father’s words, something fluttered from the center to fall between her legs. She held the letter to one side to see what had fallen and froze.
It was a check. It lay upside down against her foot, but there was no mistaking the back of a check.
The world spun out of control. Her father hadn’t said a word about Mike not depositing it.
The ringing in her ears drowned out all other sounds. A bomb could have fallen next to the bed, and she would have missed it as she stared at that check.
Finally, she lifted it with two fingers as if it were contaminated or covered with fingerprints she needed to protect. When she flipped it over, she saw that it wasn’t a personal check but a cashier’s check, and then her eyes bugged out of her head when she saw the dollar amount.
The bathroom door opened, jerking her from her daze. She glanced toward the entrance, tears running down her face. A garbled sob escaped.
Mike met her gaze, his shoulders falling. “Baby…”
She couldn’t stop the dam from opening. Wild ugly sobs hitched her breath. Her tears fell as she clutched the unread letter, letting the check land once again on the bed. Her father never would have known if Mike cashed it or not. But nobody in their right mind would receive a cashier’s check and hold on to it.
Mike rushed forward, a towel around his waist. “Zola, babe…”
She sucked in oxygen which only fueled her tears. Loud wailing filled the room as if she were in pain.
Mike shoved all the papers away and sat on the edge of the bed. He eased the letter from her grasp and hauled her forward by the shoulders.
She let him, unable to stop him from touching her. Needing the contact. Was it him she wanted to hold? Or was it just a warm body in the room needed for comfort from her deep sorrow?
He cupped the back of her head and eased her face against his neck. She didn’t wrap her arms around him, but she let him embrace her with his free arm, tucking her against his side awkwardly. He stroked her scalp, his fingers threaded in her hair. “I’m so sorry.”
She cried for what seemed like an eternity before she managed to suck in a breath. “You never cashed it.” Her voice sounded like it belonged to someone else.
“Of course not.”
She lifted her hands to place them on his firm, warm chest and lifted her face to meet his gaze through her blurry vision. “Why didn’t you say anything?” She jerked back a few inches so she could see his eyes better. “Why? Dammit, Mike. Why did yo
u break up with me without intending to take the money?”
He swallowed. “What difference does it make that I didn’t cash the check? I still let you go. It was the worst decision of my life.”
Her eyes widened. “Are you kidding? It makes all the difference in the world.” Especially because it was a fuck-ton of money that would have made his life comfortable for years.
Once again, she wanted to slap her father across the face. How dare he?
“He asked me to let you go, babe. I did what he wanted without even consulting you. That’s all that matters. It was the wrong choice. I never should’ve let him manipulate me like that.”
Suddenly she needed to know. She needed to read her father’s words and know what he said that convinced Mike to let her go. She shoved off his chest and grabbed the paper from her lap.
As she lifted the single sheet of white computer paper, her gaze was already scanning the page.
At first her father pleaded with Mike to give her the space she needed to succeed. He didn’t want her to give up her dreams and drop out of college or law school for a boy. It would kill her. She would regret it later and Mike would regret it too.
Next, he wrote the most absurd insinuation that Zola was so wrapped up in Mike that she wasn’t concentrating on her studies and her grades were already suffering. Her father made his case so well, even Zola felt bad for the imaginary girl in question. In the end, he begged Mike to take the money, make something of himself, and not let Zola destroy her life with futile dreams.
Her fingers shook as she threw the letter to the floor. “Oh my God.” She jerked her gaze to Mike’s. “Those were all lies.”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I never said or felt those things. He made it all up. And even if I had thought of leaving school to be with you, I never would’ve told my dad.” Her voice hitched. “He lied. He made up the entire thing to get you to break up with me. And he won.” She grabbed Mike’s biceps with both hands, rising onto her knees to crawl closer and shake him.
He still frowned.
“He won. He ruined us. He lied to you and convinced you to stop talking to me while at the same time he convinced me you weren’t worth it if you couldn’t even be bothered to write back to me.
“I was so extremely distraught over your lack of communication that I told him about us one night. Why did I do that?” She wanted to scream. She was screaming. “And then…” She sobbed, fighting to continue to speak. “And then while he had you convinced to leave me alone, he conned me into thinking you weren’t worth it if you didn’t even care I was dating someone else. He told me I’d feel better if I had closure. If I let you go. He made me believe it was the best choice for me. But he set us both up, knowing you wouldn’t respond to that final email either.” Another sob. Another drag of oxygen. She’d never get a full breath again.
Mike grabbed her waist and held her firmly.
“He won. He got exactly what he wanted.” Her voice fell as she lowered her butt to her heels. She released his biceps with one hand to slap a palm over her forehead. “I’m so stupid. I let him win.”
“Zola, he didn’t win, baby. He didn’t.”
She lifted her gaze to his again, her eyes widening. “How do you figure? I haven’t seen you for twelve years. I’ve never had a healthy normal relationship. I’ve never even been with another man. I’d say he fucking won.”
Mike shook his head. “I’m here now. I don’t deserve you, but if you’ll have me, I’m here now. I’m a jerk for ever letting this happen between us. I take full responsibility for my actions. I was eighteen, hardly more than a kid, but I knew one thing—I didn’t want to jeopardize your relationship with your father. He’s all you had. You loved him.”
She couldn’t speak.
He lowered his voice. “I know you still do. I knew everything he asked of me was fucked up, but I also knew I would forever destroy your bond with him if I showed you that letter. You might have resented me in the long run for ruining your relationship with your dad.
“I was afraid he would disown you if you stayed with me, leave you with nothing. And I had nothing to give you. I had no way to support you. I was broke and uneducated and eighteen. You had everything going for you—a father who loved you, money, great educational opportunities. I couldn’t take the risk that you would throw that all away for me.”
Her chest tightened.
“Zola, I loved you so much that I let you go. It was the wrong choice. I know that now, but I had only the best intentions when I let you go. It hurt like hell. I never got over it. But I knew after I read that letter from your father I had no other choice. My hands were tied.”
More tears slid down her face. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. He loved me.
“I can never express how sorry I am.”
“Why didn’t you tell me all this yesterday or the day before?”
“Because I was a coward. I wanted you to be safe more than anything, and I was afraid you would request someone else be put in charge of your protection if I rocked that boat. I don’t trust anyone else with your safety.”
His shoulders fell. He lowered his voice. “I thought you would hate me for what I did. I wanted to tell you. I started to a dozen times, but then I stopped myself. Every hour with you has been a blessing. I couldn’t bring myself to ruin it with this pile of shitty truths.” He motioned toward the mess of papers.
That was when he also spotted the gun on the bed. He lifted it, tucked it back into the bag, and lowered the bag to the floor.
His attention came back to her, his hands grasping her arms. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and I will fully understand if you can never get past this, but I’m gonna beg you to stay with me until this threat to your life is over. It would kill me to turn your life over to someone else to protect you.”
She frowned. “Why would someone else protect me?”
He scrunched his forehead up to match hers. “I figure you’d rather be anywhere else in the world than with me right now. And I get that, but I’m pleading with you to put your anger aside and let me do my job to keep you safe.”
She shook her head, reaching for his chest and flattening her palms on his warm skin. “You better not pass me off to someone else.”
Half his mouth curved up in a small smile and he blew out a breath. “Thank you.”
She eased her hands up to his shoulders, enjoying the feel of his skin beneath her palms. “Don’t leave me,” she told his chest. She didn’t know for sure how rocky the next few days might be. As she came to grips with everything that had transpired, there would be moments of angst. But she knew one thing for sure, she didn’t want another moment of her life wasted fighting with Mike.
Mike pulled her onto his lap, settling her sideways and cupping the sides of her face to hold her head just right. His gaze never left hers. “I’m not going anywhere. For as long as you’ll have me.”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat and licked her lips. “Why aren’t you pissed? I want to drag my father out of his home and let the bad guys have their way with him. How can you sit there smiling as if you won the lottery?”
“I did. You’re the lottery. Maybe I didn’t get to claim my prize for a bit longer than planned, but I’m here now. You’re mine. You’re on my lap, in my head, under my skin. If you’ll have me, you’re mine, Zola. I win.”
She wiggled her hands out from between them and set her palms on his cheeks, lowering her lips to his. She kissed him as if her life depended on it. That wasn’t far from the truth. If she released him, she might actually die.
Mike grabbed her waist again, lowering her back to the bed as he continued kissing her, propping himself over her. His palm spread to encompass her entire waist, his fingers brushing against her breast.
She sucked his tongue into her mouth, unable to get enough. A frantic desperation told her to make up for lost time.
She stuffed thoughts of her father
and how angry she was out of her mind to concentrate on the man above her that she had loved more than life itself so very long ago. Could she love him like that again now? “Please,” she pleaded against his lips. “I need you.”
He lifted his face a few inches, searching her eyes.
“I was always yours. He can never take that away. I don’t know how or when I’ll be able to forgive him, but I know one thing for sure, I need to forgive you and move on. We’ve been together for two days, and already I know we have to figure this thing out between us. Walking away isn’t an option.” She gripped his forearms, her nails digging into his skin.
Mike smiled, his face warming. “I don’t deserve you,” he stated.
“You have me anyway,” she whispered.
He straddled her body and dragged her farther across the bed. When he hesitated, she reached around to his tight ass and plucked the towel from his hips. “I need you,” she repeated.
She shuddered when his hands reached under her T-shirt and smoothed up her hips and waist, dragging the cotton material with them. And then he whipped the shirt over her head. Still straddling her on his knees, he lowered his lips to hers, nibbling the corners until he broke the connection once again and leaned back.
His gaze was clouded with lust as he cupped her breasts and began to toy with her nipples.
She arched into his hands as the tiny buds stiffened.
“You’re so damn sexy, even more than you were when you were eighteen. I wouldn’t have thought it was possible.”
The same was true of him, but she couldn’t form words at the moment. Instead, she squeezed her legs together to fight the growing need between them. It didn’t help.
Mike inched his knees down her body until her pussy was exposed, and then he lifted first one knee and then the other to nudge her thighs open and let him nestle between them.
The exposure made her gasp. All the lights were on. His gaze honed in on her center as he reverently stroked her skin so lightly she could hardly feel it. When he spread her lower lips apart, she groaned. “Mike…”
“You’re so wet. I haven’t touched you, and already you’re so wet.”
Saving Zola (Sleeper SEALs Book 4) Page 12