“We have a long wait. If you want to talk about it, I’m all ears.”
“No thanks. It would just upset me again.”
“Huh,” he said again. “It’s not good to hold anger inside.”
I knew he wanted to talk. We went on to talk for what seemed like three hours straight. He told me about his time in the military. He told me about his wife and all his kids. He said he met his wife just before going into the service and they married shortly after he returned from boot camp. He talked about his time in WWII and when he finally got out, only to reenlist again during the Korean War. He said he would have fought in the Vietnam War, but they told him he was too damn old.
He had four kids, all girls. He said his wife liked boys and hoped for all boys. They never got much of a honeymoon because he had to go fight right after they got married. He talked about his wife with such love and devotion. He talked about how his girls were his everything and there is not a thing in this world he wouldn't do for them. He talked about how his wife begged him not to reenlist for the Korean War. She didn't want to be a widow raising four girls. He believed defending his country was just as important as being a good husband and father.
He turned to me and said, “Do you know why I was able to survive fighting in two wars? Because I prayed. I prayed every single night to the good Lord. I prayed I would make it home to my family safe and sound.”
I looked away, contemplating what to say. He had told me so much. I still didn't want to talk about what was bothering me. I enjoyed listening to him. Usually people who were in a war never talk about being in a war. That’s how you can separate the true heroes from the fakes. I believed him though.
Before I could say anything to him, he said, “I know you don’t want to talk about what’s bothering you. If I were you, I would talk to the good man upstairs. He’ll listen, and He will help you find the answers you’re looking for. Thanks for your time young man.”
With that, he got up and walked away. I could have sworn he was flying back to Birmingham on the same flight. I was going to take his words to heart. I was Catholic, just not a practicing Catholic. I needed to rediscover Jesus and promised myself that once I got back, I would start going to Sunday Mass again. The old guy inspired me, whoever he was.
Chapter 56
I arrived back home in Andalusia as expected, 5:00 AM. Everyone was still asleep as I walked in the house and made my way up to my bedroom. Amy barely opened her eyes as I got undressed and quickly got under the covers. She gave me a kiss and held onto me as we both fell asleep.
I woke up later in the morning to the sound of her throwing up in the bathroom. It sounded awful. So awful it almost made me lose my late night snack I had driving home last night. When she was done, she walked back to the bedroom and snuggled under the covers next to me.
“When are you going to see the doctor?” I asked.
“If it doesn't go away in the next couple of days, I promise I will go.”
I knew she wasn't going to go. Amy was a pretty tough customer. There was not a whole lot able to keep her down. Whatever bug she was experiencing, I knew she would try and wait it out.
The next time I woke up, it was early afternoon. I couldn't believe I slept this late into the day. I took a shower, got dressed and headed downstairs. When I got downstairs, there was a guy in a suit talking to Amy at the dining room table.
“Hey Darrel,” Amy said. “Come here and let me introduce you to Tom Simpson. He’s going to help us get Ellie back.”
I shook his hand and sat down at the table. I gave Amy a little squeeze of the shoulder, “Thank you.”
She returned a smile and went back to the conversation with Tom, filling me in as they went. Most lawyers you can only trust as far as you can throw them. When dealing with lawyers, I’m always reminded of a joke in one of my favorite movies, “The Rainmaker.” What’s the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? The prostitute stops screwing you after your dead. I love it. I trusted Mr. Simpson though. He seemed genuine even though Amy’s family was probably paying him a fortune. He was in his mid to late forties and was a well-respected family attorney in the area. Amy was on top of things. She started right away talking to an attorney, just like I expected.
He advised me on doing a couple different things. The first thing we needed to do was actually locate where Ellie was living. Next, we would need to locate Mary and talk to her about the custody issues. Before the conversation with Mary would take place, I would need to submit a DNA test to prove I was Ellie’s father. At the time, I thought this was stupid, since it was obvious she was mine. Mr. Simpson said once the first couple of steps were completed, everything else would start falling into place.
I expected things to go by rather quickly. They didn't. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and before we knew it, we were starting our jobs at the school. I was extra busy due to getting my first crack at coaching high school varsity.
Ellie was located rather quickly. She was living with Terri and Don in Davenport, Iowa. They refused to allow any contact between Ellie and me. It hurt like hell. All I wanted to do was have her with me. The month I spent with her was the greatest month of my life. Apparently, the thing holding everything up was the fact that there was no mention of me being the father anywhere. Mr. Simpson said there was some red tape we needed to get through and he was working on it as fast as he could. It wasn't fast enough. I wanted Ellie with me the day I got back. I tried understanding everything that was going on. It was hard, knowing that I was Ellie’s father, and I couldn't have her with me.
Amy had finally gotten over her stomach bug. She did have the occasional relapse in the mornings; as the day went on, she would start feeling better. She started complaining about gaining weight. She did start getting a little pooch on her. Honestly, it looked sexy on her. She was always so six-pack-ab-rock-solid, it was nice to see a little softness in the middle. She hated hearing that.
No one had been able to locate Mary, and Terri was keeping pretty quiet on her whereabouts. She was smart enough to keep quiet with anything that would benefit me. This would all change on August 28, 1997.
Chapter 57
August 28, 1997 was my first practice as head coach of AHS varsity baseball team. This would serve as a welcomed break from everything else that was going on around me. For two hours this day, I was able to forget about everything and concentrate on baseball.
Most of the starters from last year’s team were seniors. I was going to have a team full of kids who never started at the varsity level. I was familiar with them, and they were familiar with me, making for a smooth transition with the coaching change. I was going to try to have a good team this year. The next three months were going to be all about hitting, so when spring came, they would be mashing. And that’s what we did the first practice. We hit and we hit some more. I threw batting practice to each guy. By the end of the day, I had my shoulder on ice. I swear I threw somewhere around three hundred pitches. I refused to let any of my assistant coaches throw batting practice. This is when I could tell who everyone was. I could separate my single hitters from my double hitters, to my home run hitters, just by the sound of the bat hitting the ball. I identified who was going to need the most work and who just needed a few tips here and there. I wanted a team full of mashers from top to bottom and even coming off the bench. Hit, hit, hit and hit some more became my motto.
I was super stoked after this first practice. I believe most of the kids were too. In order to keep them motivated, we agreed to only have practice four days a week for the first couple of weeks, and then three days once the games started by week four.
I was floating on a cloud as I drove home that day. I pulled into my normal parking spot at Amy’s parents’ house and noticed Mr. Simpson’s car there. I was hopeful for a little bit of good news. I entered the house and walked into the dining room where everyone was sitting. Something bad had happened, I was certain. Everyone was quiet with a look of glo
om on their face. My shoulders dropped, waiting for some terrible news.
“Darrel, can you sit down,” Amy said somberly. “We need to talk.”
I closed my eyes not knowing what to expect and I asked, “What happened?”
I could tell Amy had been crying. It was rather obvious. Her eyes and nose were bright red. She looked at me as a tear started to slowly roll out of her left eye. I watched it as it moved down her cheek and came crashing quietly down to the table below. A couple more would follow the same path. She was having a difficult time getting out what she wanted to say. She leaned over and clutched onto me, falling into my arms.
“Please tell me what’s going on?” I asked. I could feel the warmness overtaking my eyes, “Please tell me Ellie is fine.”
Amy couldn't tell me. She whispered into my ear, “I’m so sorry.” She got up and went running out of the room.
I looked at Mr. Simpson and demanded, “Please tell me what the hell is going on?”
He looked at me without blinking and said, “We found Mary.”
“That’s awesome,” I said. “Is there a problem working out some type of custody arrangement with her? If there is, just give me her number and let me talk to her.”
“You can’t do that Darrel,” he said.
“Why not?” I responded.
“I’m sorry Darrel, but Mary died two months ago.”
Everything went cloudy. I was having another out of body experience. I couldn't hear anything except a slight buzzing in my ears. I couldn't feel anything either. I wanted to stand up and run outside, but my body was too numb. I wondered if I were actually dead. I wondered if this is what death felt like? I remembered the old man at the airport and what he said. He told me to talk to the man upstairs about my problems. He would listen and help me find the answers to my questions. I wondered if he was an angel sent down from God to help push me towards reclaiming my faith. I promised myself I was going to get more connected with God. I had failed, and this was my punishment. I felt like I was floating and slowly drifting away from everyone. I could see them all below. Amy was on the living room couch crying. Mr. Simpson was sitting there staring at me. Beth had her head buried in her hands. I looked up and I swear I could see Mary. She looked the same as she did when she left my house, shortly after my mom’s funeral. She looked so pretty then. That was the picture I kept in my head every time the thought of her came up, until I saw her again at the cemetery a couple months ago. What happened to you Mary? This is all my fault. I should have paid more attention to you when I saw you last.
“Darrel.”
What Mary.
“Darrel.”
Yes Mary.
“Darrel!”
I snapped out of it. That was the strangest thing ever. I looked at Mr. Simpson as he continued to say my name.
“I’m here,” I said overcome with emotion. “I must have just drifted off or something. I’m sorry. Do you know how she died?”
He shuffled through his papers and found the report, “She was in a bad car accident. It says she got hit head on by a drunk driver. She was pronounced dead at the scene.”
“Where did this happen?”
“It looks like just outside of Davenport, Iowa.”
I sat back in my chair in disbelief. I thought about Mary. The only thing I could see now was her smile. Her beautiful smile. I was pissed at her mom. Why wouldn't she tell me this at the airport? I guessed this is why she was so nasty to me. With Mary dying she surely felt like she was going to lose Ellie and pretended Mary was still alive.
I walked over to the couch and sat by Amy.
“I’m so sorry Darrel.”
“It’s alright,” I responded. “I can’t believe she’s dead. I feel guilty for being so upset with her when she didn't call the last week Ellie was here.”
Saying that made the tears start falling from my eyes. The thought of Ellie never seeing her mom again broke my heart. The thought of being angry at Mary when she stopped calling Ellie tore me up inside. She was dead at that time, I thought. How selfish can I be?
My first love was dead. It seems everyone I love eventually dies. I made Amy promise to go see a doctor to see if they could find anything wrong with her that was causing her nausea. I couldn't lose her. I was paranoid.
Mr. Simpson came over and sat in the chair next to us.
“I hate to say there is good news to come from this.”
I sat up and listened.
“I was able to get a court date next week for a custody hearing,” he said. “They are doing a DNA test on Ellie back in Iowa and I need you to go see these people first thing tomorrow.”
He handed me a card with some doctor’s name on it. “What’s this for?”
“That’s so they can swab your cheek again and send it overnight to Iowa. The court wanted a new sample. By the time we get to court next week we will know for sure if you are Ellie’s dad.”
“I know I’m her dad,” I said. “So will I be able to bring her home next week?”
“If the DNA matches.”
It was good news to hear even though my soul missed Mary. I hoped my mom and dad were taking care of her in heaven. Now they were all three surely watching down on me.
I went to bed that night and prayed. I prayed harder than I have ever prayed in my life. My hands hurt from squeezing them together so hard. I spoke to my mom and dad. I apologized to Mary. I promised to make everything right and give Ellie the home she deserved. I made a commitment to God that night. I would never abandon him again.
Chapter 58
I went out the next day and got my cheek swabbed, hoping this sample makes its way to Iowa, unlike the last time. This would turn out to be the longest week of my life. I was hardly sleeping with the eager anticipation of getting my daughter back. I missed her like crazy. My feelings were intensified even more so now that Mary had passed. I knew Ellie was with Terri, but I felt like she was all alone up in Iowa.
Ellie was still young and likely not understanding what happened to her mom. I had a heavy heart knowing the last time Ellie got to see her mom was when we left to come home to Andalusia. And that was the last time Mary got to see her. I knew Mary loved Ellie. If what Terri had told me that day in the airport was true, it broke my heart even more.
Every night I looked at her pictures in the book Mary had made. I prayed to God every night. I didn’t pray to get Ellie back, knowing that would be selfish of me. I prayed for understanding of the plan he had in store for me, whether I got Ellie back or not.
I hoped I would get her back. I was certain I would get her back.
Amy’s stomach issues had come back. It was scaring the shit out of me. When everyone you love always dies, you stay paranoid at the smallest thing. I begged her to go see the doctor. She promised she would and made an appointment on the day I was to leave for Iowa. I wasn’t upset she couldn’t go with me. We had planned for her to stay home. It was the best. I’m sure Terri had known about Amy, and seeing us leave with Ellie could only harbor ill will towards us.
With all the drama going on, Amy and I had neglected the house we bought. We were supposed to be working on giving it a complete makeover, but neither one of us had the time. I ran into a little extra money when Troy sold my parents’ house. It wasn’t a whole lot, but enough to redo the siding on the house. Paying for it with that money made me feel like there was a little part of my mom and dad in the house. Once everything got done with getting Ellie back, I was planning on working on it.
Slowly but surely the day arrived. Mr. Simpson had left a couple days before to work out a few things before I got to the courthouse. Our court date was at 1:00 PM, so I left the day before. I was flying into Cedar Rapids, IA and would have a two hour car ride to Davenport. I didn't want a whole day of traveling, so this was best.
The day I was scheduled to leave, I had still not heard about the DNA test I submitted. I wasn't too worried about the chances of not being her dad. I was as close to one-hundred percent
sure as I could get. The thought of not being never really crossed my mind. I figured they must have come back positive or there would be no use in me going to court. Don’t get me wrong, father or not, I would have taken Ellie back in a heartbeat.
The day I left I made Amy promise me she was going to see the doctor. I didn't want any surprises when I got back. She promised to tell me what was going on with her when I called her later that night.
I took Ellie’s photograph book and stared at the pictures the entire flight. I missed this little girl like crazy. I prayed it was only a matter a time before she was with me for good. I missed a lot of firsts, and I didn't want to miss any more. My nerves were about to kill me.
Chapter 59
Here I was, sitting in my hotel room waiting to talk to Amy. She was supposed to go to the doctor today to find out what has been causing her nausea. I think I called her almost every hour until she finally called me back, four hours later.
“Do you think you called me enough?” Amy said as she finally answered the phone.
“Stop it. You know I’m worried sick about you. What did the doctor say?”
My Blue Eyes Page 24