by Donna Alward
“That sounds fair to me. I’m going to be out in the vines all day. A swim will feel good tonight, though.”
“Okay.”
Jace nodded. “But you have to be good for your mama, you hear?”
“Yes, sir.” Matteo agreed instantly, respectfully, and Anna stilled.
What had she done?
They had needed to talk. And she was glad the truth was out. But what was said—and done—in the dark last night was very, very different in the clear light of day. He was starting to step in, in small insidious ways. First with the boat and with Aurelia and now giving instructions. She wasn’t sure she wanted that. Not that Jace had done anything wrong, but she didn’t want Matteo especially to get his feelings pinned on Jace. He’d already lost one male figure, albeit a mediocre-to-poor one. But to let him rely on Jace and take him away again…and take him she knew she must. This was a place to heal and regroup, but not to start over. Their future was not here. She had a house and a job in Victoria. Matteo would be more confused. And hurt.
She hadn’t foreseen this happening. And perhaps she should have, but she’d been thinking in crisis mode, and the idea that Matteo and Jace would bond hadn’t crossed her mind. Especially after the way they had crossed swords the first night.
“I’ll take Aurelia. She needs to be changed. And then I’ll make us all breakfast, okay?”
She couldn’t meet his eyes. Instead she focused on the baby, forcing a smile where she felt none. Sleeping with Jace had been a mistake. She’d suspected it at the time but had ignored the warnings. Guilt slid through her. Once again, she’d made a choice based on her own wants and not the bigger picture.
It had been beautiful but a mistake nonetheless. It should have been about ending something that had never truly been ended. She wanted to build her own life for herself and for her children. The last thing she’d wanted was to find herself smack dab in the middle of…whatever it was they were. Clearly not over, if Jace’s actions were any indication.
Jace stepped back as she took Aurelia from his arms, and she sensed the cautiously confused look on his face. She would explain it later, when the children were occupied.
After breakfast he disappeared, and she determinedly cleaned up the mess and packed up the children. The day was sunny and warm again, and she made sure they were set up with lots of toys before going inside and taping off the living room, preparing it for the paint she’d chosen.
She took frequent breaks to check on Matteo and Aurelia, read them stories and unwrapped snacks. This was what she’d wanted all along. Freedom. She could spend her time the way she wanted, yet inside she was making progress, on her own schedule, and it gave her such a sense of accomplishment. How long since she’d known such freedom? Perhaps never. There had always been some expectation at the Morelli office, or a standard to uphold as Stefano’s wife. She was tired of it and had come here wanting to find out how to define herself.
She sighed. She hadn’t meant to define herself by attaching herself to Jace again. Wouldn’t that be a step backwards? Oh, trying to make sense of it all only confused her more.
“Mama?”
She paused, her paint roller in hand, at Matteo’s tiny voice.
“Yes, darling?”
“We’re tired.”
“Would you like to sleep on the bed upstairs for a while?”
He nodded, and she smiled softly, putting the roller back in the tray and going over to hug him close. “Lots of playing and fresh air,” she said. “Let’s get Aurelia changed.”
She gave Aurelia a bottle and tucked them both under a light blanket, the baby already asleep on the wall side of the bed and Matteo’s eyes heavy as he curled up beside her. She wondered briefly what their baby would have looked like, hers and Jace’s. Dark hair surely. And brown eyes. And a hint of dimples, like their daddy. Sadness mixed with tenderness as she ran one gentle finger over Matteo’s cheek. She’d thought telling Jace would end these feelings, but now wondered if they would ever go away. Or if she wanted them to. In some way, it kept her heart tethered to his.
She left the children there and went to finish the primer coat on the wall. She was washing out the roller at the kitchen sink when Jace came in.
“You planning on staying all day?”
She smiled, trying to push down the sense of excitement she felt just knowing he was close by. He came into the kitchen, a bag in his hands and a grin on his face.
“That was the plan. I’m painting the living room today.”
He held out the bag. “And Matteo and Aurelia?”
“Tired out. Asleep upstairs.”
“So we are alone.”
Her heart tripped as he said exactly what she was thinking. “Yes.”
He flashed a quicksilver smile. “Perfect.” He put the bag on the countertop and stepped forward, pressing a kiss to her surprised lips.
“Jace,” she chided, but he simply laughed, put his arms around her and kissed her again.
And oh, he tasted good. So good she could have kissed him here in the kitchen all afternoon long. For a few moments, she let herself go and kissed him back. But in the end she made herself push away. She couldn’t get carried away again. Yesterday had been different. Today had to be about clearer heads.
Her cheeks flushed, she looked at the plastic bag instead of him. “What’s in there?”
“Lemonade.” He reached in and pulled out a glass bottle. “It’s a hot day. I thought everyone might enjoy it.”
“It’s lovely, but you don’t have to take care of us, Jace.” She put the bottle on the counter and rinsed a few glasses from the cupboard, just to keep her hands busy.
“I know. I want to.”
Were they still talking about lemonade? She wasn’t sure. It was a small gesture and a lovely one, but there was more going on here.
All day she had been thinking about what to do, and she’d come up with a pseudo plan. They couldn’t stay here. They would all come to rely on Jace too much. She’d come to regroup and she was doing that. Talking to Jace yesterday had been painful, but it had helped put some of the unresolved issues between them to rest. It had cleared the air of so many of the things they should have talked about sooner. The past was behind them. She needed to move on. And she needed to do it standing on her own two feet, not by jumping into another dependent situation. That’s exactly what would happen if she stayed here with Jace.
“Speaking of, there’s something else in the bag. But it’s just for you.”
She reached in and pulled out a small rectangular box. Her heart froze. Surely he didn’t feel the need to ply her with gifts after they’d made love. The lemonade soured in her mouth. It was something Stefano had done in the past, given her something from the jewelers when she’d pleased him in some way.
It wasn’t that she wanted anything from Jace, she didn’t. And she definitely didn’t want a lover’s token to cheapen what had been between them.
With trembling fingers, she opened it. It was a twisted silver chain with the most gorgeous locket she had ever seen. The heart shape was over an inch high, and stamped in the middle was an orchid. One that looked just like the orchid on the Morelli logo.
It was too much, and her throat clogged, not at the beauty of the piece, but at the gesture. Didn’t he realize his welcoming kiss meant just as much? It only proved that she was right in deciding to move on.
“How did you…I mean, where did you find this today? You cannot convince me this piece was in the village. And you haven’t had time to travel elsewhere or have anything shipped.”
He came to her and clasped her hand, so that the necklace was held by the two of them. “Of course not. I have had this a long time.”
She didn’t understand. “But we have been over for…”
“Forever,” he finished. He pressed the gentlest of kisses on the crest of her cheek. “You don’t see, do you?”
She shook her head. When she’d picked up the box she’d been afraid it was a lover�
��s morning-after gift. But now it dawned on her that it was so much more, and her insides twisted with a combination of elation and fear. This made it so much worse.
“I bought this in Vancouver. I had to borrow the money from Alex back then. We were on our way home. I wanted to buy you a ring but knew I couldn’t afford it. But this…I wanted to give it to you when I proposed. I thought…”
He broke off, cleared his throat. “Alex didn’t know. He thought I was off to buy something for my mom’s birthday. But I saw the orchid and thought of you. I knew the story behind your family, you see. How your grandmother was the one with the fortune and your grandfather was the poor boy, but how it was their love that made them strong. I wasn’t totally blind, Anna. And I thought you could put a picture of our baby inside.”
When had he become so sentimental?
And didn’t he know how much it hurt to receive such a gift now? Now, when any possibility of putting a picture inside was gone?
“Why now?” she whispered, touching the orchid on the front with the tip of her finger.
“I don’t know,” he answered softly. “It seemed right. Considering all that happened yesterday. Considering how far we’ve come.”
But had they come so far? All they’d done was finally have a conversation they should have had—and had avoided—for too many years. And making love had been… Her body flushed all over. It had been incredible. More than incredible. But it had been a reaction, and she was no longer foolish enough to make big decisions based on an emotional reaction. She’d done that before and had ended up married to Stefano.
This time she had to keep her eye on the big picture. And this time it wasn’t only her heart at stake. It was the lives of her children. She was too old and wise now to take risks.
“I’m sorry, Jace. I don’t think I should accept this.”
She pulled her hand away and put the chain back in the box. But when she moved to hand it back to him, he held up his hands.
“No, Anna. It is yours. It has always been yours. What you choose to do with it, I’ll leave to you.”
“I don’t want you to think I need presents.”
His chin flattened. She got the impression she’d insulted him, but that hadn’t been her intention. She just didn’t want him to think there was more to this than there was.
“Perhaps I wanted to give it to you.”
She didn’t want to fight over it. She didn’t want to fight with him at all anymore. Now was as good a time as any to tell him what she’d decided while she was rolling paint today. She took a deep breath, hoping he wouldn’t interrupt midstream so she could get it all out. Make him understand, without there being hard feelings. They’d already had enough hard feelings for a lifetime.
“Look, Jace, I’m very glad we talked. We should have a long time ago and it feels…good knowing it is not between us anymore. But yesterday…it was simply a reaction to something we should have resolved and didn’t. Closing a chapter, do you see?”
His jaw clenched, and she quailed a little but knew she had to press on. She had to finish this job to put the rest into motion. But it wouldn’t do to lead him on.
“I’ve been thinking. And once everything is delivered and in place next week, the children and I are leaving.”
“Leaving.” A muscle in his jaw ticked, and his eyes darkened. “Where are you going?”
She lifted her chin. She could do this, she could. “I want to branch out on my own. The one thing I loved about my home was the ability to decorate it the way I wanted. And I’ve really enjoyed putting together your guesthouse. I’m going to take some courses and then build my own business as a decorator. I’ve been doing marketing for Morelli, so the business side will be a breeze. I’ve really enjoyed the hands-on part here. I can take my time and decide what to do about my house and Morelli. But building something new, it’s what’s right. For me and for the children.”
“You’re running away.”
She shook her head. “No, Jace. Running away was what I did when I came here, and I came here to figure things out. I’ve come to realize a lot of things. And one is I need to look forward and make a life for me, and Matteo and Aurelia. I’m not running. I just refuse to make huge life decisions based on emotion, which is what I did when I lost the baby.” She took a breath and forged forward. “It was what I did last night. I let my emotions rule my head. From now on, I’m thinking things through.”
She met his eyes and just said the words. “The children and I will be leaving for the Island next Friday.”
A cry sounded from the doorway and they both turned their heads. Matteo stood in the breach, his brown eyes flashing and his lips set in a hateful line.
“No! I do not want to go!” He shouted it right at his mother. “I hate you!”
“Matteo!” Anna gasped at the outburst, but Matteo spun and ran out the front door, slamming it behind him. The bang woke Aurelia, who immediately started crying.
Jace gave Anna a withering glare. “You get Aurelia. I’ll find Matteo.”
He left her in the kitchen, making her feel like the world’s worst parent all over again.
Chapter Ten
Matteo’s tiny legs couldn’t compete with Jace’s long ones. He caught up with the boy when he was only halfway across the yard. Neither were the kicks and furious grunts aimed at him any match for Jace’s strength. He simply scooped up the boy and held on until he quieted.
“I’m sorry, Matteo.”
He looked down into the brown eyes, recognizing the confusion and upset reflected there. He meant so much more by the words than Matteo would ever understand. But he was smart enough to know that Matteo was hurting and was at an age where he couldn’t possibly make sense of it. Hell, Jace didn’t even understand and he had thirty more years of experience.
Matteo stuck out his lip. “Why are you sorry?”
Jace refused to look away. “I’m sorry because you lost your papa and now your mama says you are leaving again. That is why you’re angry, yes?”
“Put me down. Please.”
The last word was the only reason Jace complied.
“Jace?”
“Yes, Matteo.”
“I am going to miss your boat.”
Jace tried not to laugh. Matteo was so clear, so honest in what he wanted. Growing up complicated things. He took Matteo’s hand, the smaller size unfamiliar but not unwelcome in his own. He gripped it tightly, hoping he could reassure the boy. Had it only been a few weeks ago that he’d resisted having the children here? And now he could hardly imagine Two Willows without them. “You are not gone yet. We’ll still go for rides. I promise.”
He wished he could convince Anna to stay as easily as he’d gotten through to Matteo. Surely she had to see their mistakes could be righted. This didn’t have to mark an ending. It could be a beginning. He could provide for her now. He’d given her the locket as an attempt to begin proving it. But perhaps she needed more incentive. He looked around him as the sun glowed warmly on the exterior of the guesthouse. Two Willows was a wonderful place to raise a family. He could offer her that. She had to see how happy her children were, with the trees and grass and the water surrounding them. He could buy a few horses, show Matteo all those things his father had shown him as a boy. The things he had enjoyed with Anna and Alex as they’d grown. Now he could provide that and so much more.
All he knew was that this time he wasn’t going to give up so easily.
“Let me talk to your mama about it,” he said, kneeling before Matteo. “For right now I don’t want you to worry. Why don’t we go for that swim I promised?”
Matteo’s eyes suddenly swam with tears.
“What is wrong now?”
“You said I had to be good for Mama.” A sniffle cut the sentence from the next one. “I wasn’t good. I said I hated her.”
Ah. Again Jace bit back a smile. He was beginning to understand why Anna tried so hard. Matteo’s soulful eyes stared up at him, seeking some sort of absol
ution, and Jace meant to give it.
“Did you mean it?”
He shook his head.
“You were angry?”
Matteo shrugged and Jace’s heart softened further. “Maybe scared?”
Another shrug.
Anna came out of the guesthouse with Aurelia on her hip. His heart caught, tangled up in wishes that somehow their child could have lived. She was such a good mother, and at first it had surprised him. But not now. Anna had a world of love in her heart, but for right now it was reserved only for her children. What would it take to break down the walls around it, so she could love him too?
Jace stood, holding Matteo’s small hand in his. She paused and stared at him, her with the baby in her arms and him with her son holding his hand. He’d be damned if he’d let her get away this time. But he couldn’t press his case. Not with the children listening to every word. She’d already said how Matteo had heard her arguing with Stefano. No, this was something they had to do alone. Right now they had to do something to cool the tension simmering.
She came forward and he forced the muscles in his body to relax. “Is she okay?”
“She was just scared.”
Aurelia had her fingers in her mouth, but as Jace reached out and smoothed her curls, she let go and reached out for him. “Up,” she said.
Jace let go of Matteo’s hand and took her into his arms. He settled her comfortably, absurdly pleased by the confounded look on Anna’s face. “I think Matteo wants to say something,” he prodded. He put his free hand on Matteo’s head, encouraging, supporting.
Matteo scuffed the ground with a toe, reverting to the Italian he had learned at home. “Mi dispiace. I’m sorry, Mama. Ti amo.”
She knelt before him. “And I love you. Always.”
He hugged her then and she turned her eyes up at Jace as Matteo’s arms clasped her neck. It was clear to him she wasn’t sure how they’d gotten to this point. And no matter what she said, she was running scared and making decisions based on that emotion. It was also equally clear to him the cause. His chest swelled as the impact struck, and he knew more than ever that he couldn’t give up.