Breathe

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by Donna Alward


  “But you never said it to me before.”

  He smiled a little, his lips tipping up just a bit, and it made her want to kiss them. But what he was going to say was more important. And she needed the words. Needed to hear them once and for all.

  “When we were young, I was afraid. I told myself I wouldn’t say it until I was sure I could provide for you. But then when you told me about the baby… I got you the locket and promised myself I would tell you when I gave it to you. But that never happened. You were engaged to Stefano and off-limits. But I never really stopped. I tried. I went out and dated and kept looking for someone who would perhaps take your place. I started this ridiculous competition with your father thinking it would help get you out of my system. But nothing could. I should have known better.”

  “Why?”

  He stepped forward and took her hands. “Because you can’t be replaced, Anna. I knew it the night you told me about the baby and we made love again. There will never be anyone for me but you. And now I find myself hoping, just a bit, that you love me again. Because I don’t think I can take losing you once more. Not when I love you…and the children…quite so much.”

  Anna didn’t know whether to weep or laugh. “You always said it was about providing for me. And you never understood that I didn’t care about those things.”

  “I was proud. I know it. But growing up, how could I not notice the differences in our households? You with your fancy clothes and servants. And my father a simple laborer. I wanted to deserve you. I wanted to show you I could do it.”

  “And you did,” she said softly.

  “Yes, and I’m proud of that. I’m proud of Two Willows. I’m proud that my mother and father are comfortable now and looked after. But I want a family of my own. It all means nothing without you with me, Anna. I want you. And Matteo and Aurelia. They are such beautiful children.”

  “Are you sure you are ready to be a father, Jace? It’s only been a few weeks.”

  As much as his profession of love meant, she knew she had to put her children first. And so she held her breath, waiting, hoping. She loved him, always had. Now she had to be sure he was ready to commit to her children as well. They needed a father, a real one. She wasn’t an innocent girl anymore…she was a package deal. And she wanted it to be true. Wanted to believe.

  “If I had any doubts, they vanished when I saw Matteo fall in the river. I have never been that frightened my whole life. I love him as my own. And Aurelia too.” He reached for her and cupped her cheek in his hand. “Both of them, and any brothers or sisters that might come along. If you want.”

  Her heart tripped and started again. “More? You would want more children?”

  “I know you might not want to risk it again, after what happened to us before…and I love the children. But if you wanted more…” He paused. “Do you?”

  “Well, yes, but—”

  “When I came over the knoll with Matteo in my arms, and you were waiting…I felt like I could do anything. This is where we belong. Please, please say you believe it too.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead, his breath warm and moist against her skin. “What if you’re already pregnant, Anna?”

  The thought stopped them both. Anna pressed a hand to her stomach, wondering. Remembering. And then, with the faintest of glimmers, hoping. Yes, she’d like Jace’s child. They deserved that, both of them.

  “I am almost afraid to hope,” she whispered.

  “Just say you love me, Anna, and we’ll figure out the rest. I promise.”

  “I love you.”

  “Now say you’ll marry me.”

  “I’ll marry you.”

  She pulled back from his arms and looked up, a smile dawning on her face. His expression mirrored hers, wide with wonder and happiness.

  “I’ll marry you,” she repeated, stronger, surer.

  As he swung her up in his arms, she knew it didn’t matter if she didn’t have all the answers. The time had come to trust…in herself, in him. The rest would work itself out.

  Epilogue

  “Aurelia, could you get me the blanket, please?”

  Aurelia picked up the soft pink blanket from the diaper bag and took it to her mother, her long dark curls kissing the tips of her shoulders. She looked very much like Anna had at that age, a fact her Uncle Alex pointed out every time Anna mentioned her daughter’s latest precociousness. Anna was now cuddling one-year-old Eva in a rocking chair. “Thank you, Aurelia. You are Mama’s good helper.”

  “Don’t forget me!”

  Matteo burst through the door, followed by Jace.

  “Yes, of course.” These days Matteo’s help was less with the baby and more around the vineyards, but Anna loved seeing him follow in Jace’s footsteps.

  “Papa says we can get the boat ready tomorrow.” He went to Anna’s chair and put a finger on Eva’s cheek. “You wait, Eva. Papa says I can drive.”

  He was rewarded with a sleepy grin.

  “Room for three more?”

  Four heads turned towards the door.

  “Uncle Alex!” Matteo’s cry rang out and he ran to his uncle. “You can come on the boat with us tomorrow.”

  Alex laughed and drew Melissa inside with him. Their daughter, Laura, peeked out from mahogany-colored bangs, a thumb popped in her mouth.

  “Matteo is more than happy for male company. I think he feels overrun with girls.” Jace came forward, hugged Alex and ruffled Matteo’s hair.

  “Let me take her,” Alex said, lifting Laura from Melissa’s arms.

  Melissa sighed, rested her hand on her significantly rounded stomach, and lifted her cheek for a kiss from her brother-in-law. “I’m so glad we could come for the weekend. Alex says I’m not allowed to travel after next week.”

  Anna shared a look that clearly said, “Men,” even though she knew they both secretly adored being doted upon.

  “And your father?” Jace put the question to Alex, who answered with a sober shake of his head.

  “I’m afraid not.”

  Roberto Morelli had refused to attend Jace and Anna’s wedding, and his relationship with Alex was tenuous at best.

  “Our father is too proud for his own good,” Anna replied.

  But Jace saw beneath her pronouncement to the hurt. “I’m sorry, Anna.”

  Anna looked into Jace’s eyes. After all the years of resentment, he’d swallowed his pride and gone to Morelli to speak to her father, to ask for his blessing and to put the past behind them. She loved him for trying, even if her father had refused to even open the door. “It’s not your fault, Jace,” she said softly.

  Alex broke the dismal mood by clapping his hands together. “Okay, okay, enough of this—cookies and milk with Uncle Alex in the kitchen. You too.” He aimed a glance at Melissa. “You need your milk.”

  Aurelia and Matteo disappeared with the Morellis at the promise of sweets, and Jace leaned over to give Anna a kiss.

  “You’re sure you’re up to this?”

  Anna laughed. “Are you sure you are? You’ve got a full house for a few days.”

  “There’s always room for family.”

  Anna thought back to barely two years previous, when Jace had been a bachelor and things hadn’t been nearly so rosy. “There really is, isn’t there?”

  “But…I don’t want you to wear yourself out.”

  She grinned. “I’m fine. And Alex will help for a few days.”

  “Yes, but that was before—”

  “Before three children and a son on the way?”

  She patted her rounded belly and her smile widened at Jace’s expression.

  “A son? You know?”

  “I found out last week. But I wanted it to be a surprise.”

  “A son…”

  “And a brother for Matteo.” It had been a bone of contention for a few months when Eva had turned out to be a sister and not the brother Matteo had requested. “I don’t want you to overdo it, Anna. We can hire help.”

  Anna nodded. It n
o longer bothered her to think of the children having a nanny. Jace was not Stefano. But she worked from home now, running the wine shop and taking care of the accommodations for the guesthouse. She enjoyed seeing the happy faces of her children during her day and taking them for walks in the afternoons. The children came first. And when Jace came in from among the vines…

  “If I need help, I’ll be sure to ask. The only help I need right now is putting the children to bed. And after that…”

  “And after that, Signora Willow?”

  The promise was clear in his voice and she closed her eyes for a moment. She was so lucky. So blessed to have him as her husband and her best friend. In so many ways, her life had been waiting for her. Like a bottle of Two Willows Syrah, all the flavors and notes and tones locked inside until Jace had uncorked it. With Jace she had the freedom to breathe, and with that freedom came unexpected richness, full and satisfying.

  She tipped her head up for a kiss, tasted him on her lips and smiled.

  “And after that…” he murmured, questioning.

  The moment held, perfect.

  “After that,” she whispered softly, “is forever.”

  About the Author

  A busy wife and mother of three (2 daughters and the family dog), Donna Alward believes hers is the best job in the world; a combination of stay-at-home mom and romance novelist.

  An avid reader since childhood, Donna always made up her own stories. She completed her Arts Degree in English Literature in 1994, but it wasn’t until 2001 that she penned her first full-length novel, and found herself hooked on writing romance. In 2006 she sold her first manuscript, and is now an award-winning author of more than a dozen romances.

  From her home office in Nova Scotia, Canada, Donna loves being back on the East Coast after nearly 12 years in Alberta where her career began.

  To learn more about Donna Alward, please visit www.donnaalward.com, check out her blog at www.donnaalward.blogspot.com, or join her newsletter. Send an email to Donna at [email protected].

  Look for these titles by Donna Alward

  Now Available:

  Almost a Family

  Sold To The Highest Bidder

  All she wants is his name on the dotted line. He’s got other ideas…

  Sold to the Highest Bidder

  © 2010 Donna Alward

  For Ella, marrying Devin had seemed like a good idea at the time. Friends since childhood and in love with him for as long as she could remember, marriage had been the next logical step. Then the real world called, and Ella’s feet had itched to get out of Backwards Gulch, Colorado.

  Now, with a new opportunity on the East Coast beckoning, it’s time to put her past behind her once and for all. When she sees Devin standing on a charity auction block, she decides it’s the perfect opportunity to finally get his signature on the divorce papers he never signed.

  Devin’s certain about one thing when he sees Ella for the first time in twelve years—she’s not the girl he married. The way she left him still stings, and if she wants him to sign on the dotted line he’s going to make her work for it…for the full forty-eight hours she paid for.

  When the old attraction flares between them, the years apart disappear and resolve melts faster than high-country snow in summer. But when Ella awakens with the same determination to get back to Denver, divorce papers in hand, she has a problem…

  Devin still hasn’t signed them.

  Warning: Bourbon shooters, shirtless cowboys, and a hot rendezvous or two…

  Enjoy the following excerpt for Sold to the Highest Bidder:

  Ella scrambled to write her check and hurry outside, her heels clicking furiously on the scratched wood floor. The article had slipped to a corner of her mind. She knew Ruby Shoes and its patrons well enough to fudge that part of the article. She ignored the calls from old neighbors and long-ago acquaintances. What she really wanted to know was where Dev had gone. And how on earth she could convince him to sign the papers so she could leave this backwoods town behind her forever. He owed her now. She had just made sure of it by buying him off the stage. He was at her beck and call for forty-eight hours. All she wanted would take a few seconds.

  The air outside had cooled and it kissed her skin, damp from the close atmosphere inside the bar. Her feet halted abruptly. Dev was leaning against the tailgate of his pickup truck, the same two-tone brown Lariat he’d driven to the courthouse on their wedding day. It had several more dents and rust spots now. He’d put his shirt back on. Thank God. Because seeing all those planes and angles while he’d flashed that knowing dimple at her had been torture. It had brought back memories she’d rather stayed buried.

  She didn’t want to be married to him any more. That had nothing to do with the fact that seeing him strip off his shirt had made her want to touch him. Taste him. Make love to him. It was plumb crazy, but her libido had spoken loud and clear—it was listening to her memory, not her head.

  A small grin curled up the side of his mouth and her breasts tightened. She needed him to sign the decree. Now. So she’d never have to see him and his sexy grin again. So she could finally move on.

  “What are you doing here, Ella?”

  His voice was a little soft, a little rough, and it rode the endings of her nerves, sending shivers up her spine. She straightened her shoulders. There was no way on God’s green earth she would let him know he got to her in any way. And he sure didn’t want to spend two days with her. Not once in twelve years had he made any effort to see her whatsoever. She’d let him off the hook all for the price of his name beside the X.

  She lifted her chin, tucked her notebook more firmly into her handbag. “Does it matter?”

  He nodded, slowly. “You bet your designer bag it does. And I’m pretty sure paying two thousand dollars for two days with me wasn’t the reason. Though we could have a lot of fun in two days, don’t you think? For old times’ sake?”

  Memories of bygone days swirled around her, seducing. “Shut up, Dev,” she murmured.

  He boosted himself away from the truck and came closer. She could smell his woodsy aftershave, feel his body invade her personal space and hated herself for liking it. Craving it.

  He leaned into her ear while the hairs on her neck stood up from the close contact of his breath on her skin.

  “You could have had me for free.”

  She planted her hands on his shoulders and pushed, skittering away on her heels. “I…I was sent on a story. It had nothing to do with you, you egomaniac.”

  He snorted, looking at the ground and scuffing it with the toe of a sorry looking boot. “A story. Of course. Makes sense to send a big-city reporter to a dive like Ruby’s for some trumped-up charity event.”

  He wouldn’t understand. He never had. This was why she’d sent him divorce papers several times, even back when the legal fees to do so meant she had to eat peanut butter for a few weeks. “There’s something bigger at work than Betty Tucker’s illness, you know.” She straightened her blouse and raised an eyebrow at him. Damn straight. There was corruption from the top down, and Betty Tucker was only one victim. Bringing an exposé against Betty’s insurance company would guarantee Ella her choice of assignment.

  “I bet Betty Tucker wouldn’t think so. Do you think a woman who might be dying cares at all about how many newspapers get sold in Denver?”

  Damn him. He’d always had a way of making her feel small when that wasn’t what she’d meant at all. Couldn’t he see it was a greater-good issue? But Dev had never been one to see the big picture. He’d had the most annoying tunnel vision of anyone she ever met. Right and wrong. Black and white.

  “I don’t expect you to understand,” she huffed, lifting her nose and moving to walk past him to her car. Forty-eight hours. Hmph. If he’d sign by the X right now, he’d be off the hook and she’d consider it two thousand dollars well spent. They could end this farce of a marriage and get on to their respective lives.

  He reached out and grabbed her
arm.

  “You never expected me to understand, Ell.” The words were laced with unexpected venom. “I understand a hell of a lot more than you think.”

  His fingers burned holes in her sleeve and she fought back the thrill of excitement thrumming through her just by having his hands on her again. It shouldn’t happen after all this time, but he’d always had that effect on her. She pasted on the brightest smile she could muster. “Brilliant. So why don’t you tell me what I’m thinking right now?”

  He still had a firm grip on her biceps and she tilted her chin way up to look at him. Even with her heels on, he was taller than her. Over six feet of manly sexiness. Her gaze caught on his lips. Those lips had known every inch of her when they’d been little more than kids. She blinked. Back then he’d been the solution, not the problem. The savior, not the devil.

  “You’re thinking, how am I going to get Dev to sign those papers I’ve got sitting in my car?”

  She twisted out of his grip and stomped to the car as his knowing laughter echoed behind her. She had been thinking exactly that. Along with wondering how his mouth would feel over hers when she wanted nothing more than to be free of him. For good. How was it possible to think both at the same time?

  “Well. You’re smarter than you look,” she answered, determined he not know the effect he was having on her. If ever she’d needed confirmation that she’d done the right thing by not looking back, here it was staring her in the face. She couldn’t even manage a simple conversation with him without losing perspective.

  “Yep. So where to now, Ell? Because according to your terms of purchase, we’ve got forty-eight whole hours.”

  A shiver went through her at the possibilities. But possibilities got a girl absolutely nowhere. “You sign these now, and we’ll call it even. Both of us free as a bird.”

  He came towards her, walking with that lazy long stride she remembered. His T-shirt was untucked and had a line of dust across it from the floor inside. She wanted to reach up and brush it off. But she didn’t. She couldn’t touch him. Not after the way her body had reacted when he’d whispered in her ear.

 

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