"Will you say morning prayers, boy?"
Benjamin swallowed hard and glanced at his father from across the table, murmuring the words softly beside the old man. When he was done, Ezekiel nodded and dug into his breakfast, speaking to the Bishop as he ate.
"It is good to see your son with us once more, Samuel. He has given us renewed hope in family and love. Your wife was the happiest I have seen her in a very long time," he said, looking down at his meal while he spoke.
The Bishop looked at his son, his eyes unreadable.
Blank even.
"She was happy last night," he finally conceded, frowning and drinking the last of his coffee to cover his frustration.
"The prodigal son returns," Ezekiel said and looked up at the Bishop with an intensity that I could feel from across the room.
The Bishop sat a little straighter but said nothing.
Ezekiel nodded as if the Bishop had answered him and turned back to his meal.
"Benjamin," he said after a moment. "I speak for the Elders when I say we are grateful for you showing the courage to return. We hope that you will stay and formally accept our Way, as God intended. The community will be here for you should you choose it. And if God so chooses, a path to lead."
Benjamin flushed and looked up at Nathan.
"I do not mean Nathan, Benjamin. God has other plans for him," Ezekiel continued and put his fork down, the intensity in his eyes never wavering.
"It is time to come home and take your place, son. The community needs this," the old man said, his voice soft and crackling, but the meaning clear.
"It is time for this poison that eats at the two of you to be expelled, and for you both to take God's purpose to heart. It is time for this family to be healed and for you to become the man God intends."
The image of Benjamin as he sat there while Ezekiel told him he had to come back played in my head again and again while I hastily completed my morning chores before the Sermon. We left before the heated argument that must have followed. Nathan took my shoulder while Jonah made our farewells. Benjamin looked after us with the countenance of a young man going off to fight an unwinnable battle.
His eyes beseeched us.
Or cursed us.
I wasn't sure which.
But if he didn't run now, after Ezekiel's words, I would be amazed and relieved.
Nathan was quiet on the ride back; Jonah only spoke for a moment before he too fell silent. Emma held a sleeping Abigail in her arms, but had glanced at me with those perceptive eyes of hers.
Could she sense the guilt I suddenly felt for pushing Benjamin to go see his mother?
Now he was being told that he had to return. Could he still refuse?
If he refused, did that mean he would no longer be permitted in the community?
I shook my head and concentrated on the milking of our impatient cows. They sensed my frustration, or perhaps they were upset we were late in milking. I wasn't paying attention. I was worrying over the idea of Nathan losing his friend. I was worried once again about Nathan becoming Bishop. I was worried I would be denied, based on all the words thrown around the night before.
Did Ezekiel tell Benjamin he had to come back for Nathan's sake? Because no one would allow their future Bishop to marry an Outsider?
My head hurt from all the questions and lack of sleep.
I couldn't think, couldn't concentrate. I sat beside one cow long after she had been milked and struggled to understand why I was sitting there. My mind had shut down.
My body wasn't much better.
Carrying two large pails of milk, I tripped and spilled most of one over into the grass. I watched it disappear into the soil, struggling not to cry at the loss. We'd be short milk now for all the food we needed to make. How would I possibly be able to juggle milking and gardens and stitching and being the Bishop's wife?
Fannie gave me a tired knowing smile when I walked in. Either she had seen me trip or she just knew. But she remained quiet and focused instead on kneading the bread for supper after the Sermon. We worked in silence, filling and emptying the oven until just before services. When the other wives showed up to help out, Fannie sent me upstairs to change.
After a quick sponge bath and change into clean clothes I stepped out into the hallway just as Emma emerged from Hannah's old room. She pulled me close and hugged me, her breath labored.
"It's okay, Emma," I soothed, feeling her pull away at my words.
She touched my cheek and smiled.
"I am not worried about today, Katherine. I am sad for this morning. He does not see you," she said.
I frowned, confused. She let out an exasperated breath and rolled her eyes.
"I mean the Bishop," she explained and my frown deepened. I hadn't thought much on him ignoring me this morning. Only his accusations and what they meant for my future.
"That doesn't matter, Emma," I said shaking my head and forcing a smile. "Today is your day. Yours and John's."
We hugged again and walked downstairs together, Emma growing more nervous as people began to arrive. Emma took my hand and sat me down by the aisle, so that when called, she could make an easy exit. I looked around for Nathan, finding him with John as they stood near the door adjoining the other room.
Ezekiel was led in and seated a few rows in front of us. He smiled and nodded in our direction before leaning over his Bible, pushing his glasses up to his forehead to read. The room filled quickly, and at the Bishop’s entrance, people found their seats and quieted down.
I watched the Bishop as we sang the opening hymns for baptism. His face was unreadable once more, which was disconcerting coming from him. It was easy to interpret his outward contempt for me, but today he was a mask of neutrality. I had to wonder if that was due solely to the conversation we had left that morning.
Had Ezekiel convinced Benjamin his place was here?
The Bishop walked out with Emma and John, her hand tightening on mine for a brief second before she slipped out. As we settled, I looked around for Benjamin, hoping he would be here. I couldn't find him, which made my heart sink at the idea that he was running away once more.
Nathan stood tall and sure as he started the next song. His face was solemn and focused as he led the congregation. I wondered if he felt the same as me. In a couple of weeks, we would be doing this also if everything went well. To that end, he would accept a duty he neither wanted nor could afford to take should he be chosen.
With his Outsider bride to cause extra stress.
The song ended and we sang another, his eyes catching mine briefly during the verse. I thought I saw a ghost of a smile before he looked away to concentrate on the singing. I was sure he was trying to provide me with strength. He knew me so well, I was sure he knew I was battling my fears as I sat at the end of the bench, alone in a room full of people.
The congregation finished the song just as the Bishop re-entered. I slid to the side as Emma returned, her hand gripping mine tighter than ever, her smile near bursting. I knew that those who were to be baptized met one last time with the Bishop, to offer those joining one last chance to step away. Judging from Emma's death grip and nervous excitement that coursed through her body, I was sure she had all but shouted her agreement to this way of life. I glanced at John, and caught him looking our way, a smile on his face that seemed to light up his side of the room.
I felt a calm wash over me at their enthusiasm. As the Bishop spoke the introductory words to the baptismal Sermon, I thought on how this would change everything for the person making the leap.
No going back.
No retreating.
No breaking the rules.
That person was casting off any thoughts of a different life and choosing this one.
An Amish life.
There was no way to separate from it except to be excommunicated once one was baptized into the Amish way. By taking the vow to live the Amish life, Nathan and I would agree to live by their rules, and to support one another an
d our way of life. I could feel the build up of excitement coursing through me just as Emma must.
This was the moment she had waited for.
The Bishop paused in his Sermon, as if to gather his thoughts. Taking a deep breath, he looked straight ahead, his voice detached as he spoke.
"Today we see members of our youth take the final step, by accepting in their hearts and in their souls the Way. With each new member, our community grows stronger. With each baptism, a duty fulfilled. Today's baptism is no different. For we bring into our community the means to continue on, to strengthen and to remain true to the Way. As God demands."
He paused and took another breath, this time more resigned as he opened up his arms, eyes closed.
"Today we shall celebrate the baptism of three of our youth, who shall now come forward and present themselves to their community and to God."
I blinked and turned to Emma, whose grip had tightened until it was almost painful at the Bishop's words. She held her smile for a moment before pulling it into that quiet mask that was expected and stood to move forward. John was standing and moving to the front of the room where the deacons were preparing the pails of water.
But I was lost in the Bishop’s words.
He had said three.
I turned when I heard soft murmurings behind me.
And there, walking down the narrow aisle, was Benjamin.
I held my breath as he walked toward the front, his head held high and his back straight. As he neared, his gaze flickered over to Nathan, and I watched as his eyes turned from something of solemn duty to determination. Glancing down at me, he offered me a soft smile before passing to kneel beside John. He bent his head in preparation for what would change his life forever.
And possibly the community as well.
Benjamin had come home.
CHAPTER 11
I watched Benjamin walk out of the house, surrounded by men and women I didn't know, but who looked ecstatic to see him back. Only a few people looked alarmed by the Bishop's son returning, and interestingly enough, those were the same individuals who spoke ill of me when they thought they were being discreet. I felt Emma beside me, her hand coming up to grab at mine, her smile brilliant as she pulled me outside. We were barely off the porch when she leaned in and let her words flow.
"I could not tell you, Katherine! But oh, how I wanted to! When we walked back to make our pledge, he was there! His father was so brusque with him, but he stood tall and determined as he spoke his pledge, and I am just so happy for him, Katherine!" she exclaimed and continued to pull us out toward the sunlit benches.
I followed along in a daze, my body tired and my mind whirling too quickly for me to think on one thing for any amount of time. Benjamin was back, there were celebrations to be had for the baptisms this day, and what that meant for my own future with Nathan. Emma sat me down on one of the shadier benches and moved to step away.
"Where are you going?" I asked, confused. She smiled and leaned in to hug me.
"You worked hard last night. Relax for a moment. I will bring us plates," she replied and bounded off toward the group of women laying out food for midday meal.
I sighed and let my eyes close, feeling the sun peek through the leaves and cast shadows across my eyelids as I sat there. There was a sense of peace that lay over the land. A warm gentle breeze blew to amplify the smell of food and crisp dry grass. The sound of children running around and playing filled my ears, along with the conversations filtering around.
Sometimes I wished I didn't know German.
My head dipped down and I hid my frown, my eyes concentrating on the explorer ant that was moving in a zigzag across the table. I wanted to concentrate on anything other than the conversation closest to me that seemed to continue on in blistering fashion. I could feel my face heat up, and my heart hammering.
I was tired.
My nerves were worn raw from my dealings with the Bishop.
But the words I heard near me made me feel frustrated and question the meaning of “love thy neighbor”.
He should never have been allowed back.
I am sure she had something to do with bringing him home.
She sits there as if to be waited on.
Not a good match for young Fisher.
She is charming our good men, drawing them away.
His farm will falter.
I stood abruptly, causing their voices to silence and their eyes to look over at me. I threw on a false smile, and like the quiet Amish woman I wasn't, spoke out.
"Es tut mir leid. Bitte entschuldigen Sie mich," I said, offering my apologies and excusing myself while their eyes widened. I was pretty sure I had said it all right.
I turned from their reddening faces and sought out Emma before she made my plate. I wasn't hungry anymore. I expected animosity to joining the community; I even expected a direct lashing out when it was my turn to be baptized. But seeing and hearing it be directed to one of their own irritated me.
Benjamin deserved better.
Sarah Jensen caught sight of me as I trudged closer, her eyes narrowing as I drew close.
"What is it, Katherine? You appear aggravated. Be at peace today," she said and wrapped her arm around me. I blew out a long breath and tried to smile.
I was sure it looked like a grimace; she held me a little more firmly and pulled me with her toward the kitchen.
"Today is a monumental day, Katherine. We have seen a miracle today. From what I hear from Ezekiel, you and Nathan will be next. We are truly blessed," she said, smiling.
"If the Elders allow me," I murmured, feeling the fatigue and my worries begin to overwhelm me.
She stopped and looked down at me, her eyes full of concern.
"Why would they not?" she asked. "You have put forth more effort in learning our Way than many of our own children. You are a light that has awoken many, Katherine. I have no doubts in your acceptance."
I nodded and looked down at my feet, afraid to believe her. She had always been civil, since the moment I had met her. She was kind like the Bergers. But the words from the others, time and again, left me doubting.
"I know there are some who may be upset if I marry Nathan," I whispered and glanced back toward the group I had overheard. Sarah looked where my eyes had traveled and she let out something like a snort.
"Oh my, Katherine, do not worry over the Schrocks," she replied and leaned in to whisper. "They have no right to question you. They come from Ohio, from an Old Order community that I believe shunned them. We took them in with open arms. It is our way, and they should have no reason to act as they do. They were new to us not so long ago."
I glanced back once more, frowning.
"Why would they think less of Benjamin, then? I understand why they are upset about me," I started but Sarah shook her head, huffing hard.
"They see our present Bishop as a man to bring back some of the old ways they agreed with. Do not worry, Katherine. Having Benjamin home is a Godsend. And perhaps things will change for the better soon," she muttered and directed me inside toward the kitchen.
I found Emma there, as well as Fannie, who looked about as tired as I did. Fannie nodded to Sarah, who left us alone with a nod and an encouraging pat on my shoulder. I met Fannie at the counter and felt her warm arms wrap around the two of us. She hummed quietly in our ears while she held us.
"I am so happy for my daughters," she said and pulled away, placing her palms on our cheeks.
I looked at her, abashed.
"I didn't do anything," I murmured.
Emma grunted and shook her head at me.
"That is not true, Katherine. Not only did you take up duties to care for the Yoders this morning, but you finally told the Bishop what he needed to hear!" she said, nodding firmly.
I glanced from her to Fannie, nervous now that they knew of the tongue-lashing I had given to the Bishop.
"I know it was wrong to say those things, but he just made me so mad," I stammered.
Fannie hugged me tighter and let out a soft laugh.
"Katherine, from what Emma tells me, you said what many have wished to say. You are unconventional, but we love you for that bit of new courage you give us," she replied.
"You should have seen Benjamin's face while we listened," Emma chuckled.
My eyes widened.
"He heard it too?" I squeaked.
She nodded.
"I think you might have given him the courage to do what he did today, regardless of what Elder Ezekiel may have said. I think Benjamin knew he needed to come back," she explained.
I wasn't sure how to feel about that. Was he feeling guilty? Did he go through with it for himself, or because he felt Nathan would suffer? Or that I would suffer?
"Katherine, do not worry," Emma said. "Come, let us get some food and relax for a little while. This is a celebration, not an inquisition."
I nodded and made up a plate, relaxing some when we finally sat down across from Nathan, Benjamin and John.
"Where did you run off to?" Nathan asked, a little concerned. "You seemed frustrated when you stood up and walked away."
I waved my hand around dismissively.
"I couldn't sit there alone," I replied, not wanting to bring up what I had heard in front of Benjamin.
Even still, Benjamin was looking toward the Schrocks with a knowing eye. He glanced back at me and then concentrated on his meal. Nathan pursed his lips, seeming to understand that there was more to the story, but left it alone while we ate. I somehow knew we would discuss it later.
As a distraction, I turned to Emma and John.
"So now that you are officially committed to the Way, how long do we have until the wedding?" I asked, and laughed as Emma blushed.
John was unfazed by the question. He simply pulled the chicken apart in his hands slowly and offered me a lazy grin.
"I do not think we wish to wait until you and Nathan are ready. It will be late winter by then," he said, his smile growing. "So we plan to announce it today to those we intend to invite."
Nathan's eyebrows raised in surprise.
"You mean to be wed in a few weeks?" he asked, looking from John's smug grin to Emma's beet red face.
Renewing Hope (In Your World #2) Page 15