Looking back, I’m sorry I couldn’t have been there for her. She couldn’t walk away from her mum; all her life she kept going back for more. It sounds strange but I think she was addicted to the punishment. It was the only kind of love she knew. Molly was the kindest person you would ever want to meet. She would do anything for anyone but couldn’t live with her own demons. She didn’t deserve what she got, none of us did! I’m so thankful my dad took me away from that house of horrors.
Every single one of us is scarred. Debbie has had drink issues and suffers with nerves and depression. Daniel has been in and out of prison for drugs and violent offences. Alex too has serious problems with alcohol. He still has problems dealing with emotions and relationships. When the going gets tough, he walks away. Kassie never did experience any real abuse from mum although she did meet Uncle Joe. I don’t know how far that went, because we don’t talk about it. She was too young to remember the rest of us getting abused.
Kassie is the only one who still speaks to mum and none of the other kids speak to Kassie much. We were all jealous of her and how special she was treated. She still defends mum even though she knows better.
I speak to Kassie on the computer occasionally as she looks after Molly’s son. She tries to understand but it is hard for her. She has food issues and is morbidly obese.
Molly--rest in peace Molly--one day your son will know how much you loved him and learn the truth that you couldn’t live with your demons.
Then finally me, Abbie. I am the lucky one. I came out swinging, fought battle after battle and managed by some miracle to survive. I found true love and a man who helped me deal with my demons. He helped me learn to love and to trust. It took a lot of years and I do still struggle at times. But at least I have a loving family, a support system to help me forget my nightmares and hold my head up high having some pride in my victory.
Since Lilly was born, our families came to understood that Lawrie and I were an item in for the long haul. Maggie and I became the best of friends. She is my mum and is always there for me when I need her. I’m so sorry I put her through all the hell I did, it wasn’t personal. Maggie’s boys never forgave her for leaving them with their dad. They never understood she did it out of love and haven’t really spoken to her since.
I don’t work anymore--What am I saying?--but Lawrie and I foster children in care. There are still so many children with stories like mine, and they are just as angry as I was. But everyone needs someone to love and we try to do our part.
I have been living with Lawrie for 26 years and married for 22. No, it hasn’t all been plain sailing, no relationship is, but we are still together and that’s more than a lot of “normal” people can say. Without a strong will to survive and the love of Lawrie and our girls, I probably wouldn’t be here to write this story.
In the end I just want to tell you one thing: It’s okay to cry. Never ever give up hope! One day someone WILL see your invisible tears.
CUPBOARD LOVE
by Abigail Lawrence
Coming Soon...
A shocking story of abuse, neglect and betrayal with a twist.
This book is based on the true story of Dione’s struggle to survive the grim abuse she suffered at the hands of the people she should have been able to trust...
With no mother there to protect her, five-year-old Dione finds herself at the mercy of her abusive father. Locked away in a room no bigger than a cupboard, she never sees the outside world--unless her father wants to use her. This is the only life Dione knows, until one day she finds out she has brothers and sisters who have secret plans to rescue her.
The children run away and live on the streets, until Dione’s father finds them, returning them to a life of unimaginable physical, sexual and psychological abuse.
But Dione and her siblings have tasted freedom as street urchins and run away continuously until someone reports them to the authorities and the children are thrown at the mercy of the courts, they are found and finally taken in to care.
Dione lives in various foster homes and tragically continues to suffer. Her life seems hopeless until she's given a last chance with foster parents, Abbie and Lawrie. Abbie and Lawrie provide her with love, boundaries and stability, the kind of home Dione has never experienced. Her barriers finally begin to crumble and she learns to trust again.
But then, just as she's begun to trust people, she discovers a dark secret about her family that sends her to the brink of insanity.
Invisible Tears
Copyright © 2010, 2011 Abigail Lawrence
Published by: Abigail Lawrence
Abigail Lawrence has asserted her rights in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
ePUB ISBN: 978-1-908400-23-9
Registered with the IP Rights Office
Copyright Registration Service
Ref: 1012157921
This work is a memoir and is based on a true story. It reflects the author’s present recollection of her experiences over a period of years. Certain names, locations and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect people, and certain individuals are composites. Dialogue and events have been recreated from memory and in some cases compressed to convey the substance of what occurred.
Every effort was made to corroborate memory with fact. All of which is not to say that every word of this book is true; it has been added to and a lot is hearsay. Some sequences and details of events have been changed. That said, most human stories are subject to errors of omission, fact, or interpretation regardless of intent.
Edited by Steve Ward
Invisible Tears Page 20