I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and slipped into a warm, maroon zip-up sweatshirt. As I peered at myself in the mirror, I noticed a glow in my cheeks. I slid a hand over my face and wondered if I was starting to thaw from the grief that had overwhelmed me since January. My hand drifted to the small thumbie around my neck; an imprint of my dad’s finger print made into a small necklace. My mom had bought them for Josh and me when funeral arrangements were being made. She had only just received them in the mail. I had placed mine on the same chain as the small silver heart Micah had given to me for Christmas. It was a way to always have a piece of him.
My phone buzzed, startling me from my thoughts. Micah’s name appeared on the screen.
MICAH: Hey, u ready?
CHARLIE: Ready! I’ll be right out!
CHARLIE: I have blankets and snacks
MICAH: OH! planning ahead huh?
CHARLIE: I thought we might appreciate them later
CHARLIE: Plus, I’d like to stay warm
MICAH: how sweet of u
MICAH: I’m at the red light down the street
MICAH: so I’ll be there soon
MICAH: then we can talk about
MICAH: this whole staying warm thing
CHARLIE: Okay! I’ll meet you outside
MICAH: great ;)
MICAH: the stars are out!
CHARLIE: s
MICAH: see u in a sec
I grabbed the blankets and my backpack and walked out of my room. My mom was sitting at the dinner table with a few ladies from church who had come by to visit.
“Be back later!” I called over my shoulder as I headed to the front door.
“Going out with Micah?” she asked, as if she didn’t already know the answer.
“Yup,” I replied as I slipped on a pair of UGG boots and unlocked the front door. “I’ll be back in a few hours. We’re going to go hang out.”
“Doing anything fun?” my mom asked as the other ladies at the table continued to snack on the fruit and vegetable tray in front of them. I knew about grieving their lost loved ones. Sometimes they talked about books and other things going on around the town. I liked that my mom was reaching out to friends, and spending time with other adults. She couldn’t be cooped up with teenagers all the time.
“We’re going to do some stargazing,” I answered.
“It’s a little cold for that, isn’t it?” one of the ladies asked with a smirk.
“We’ll be fine,” I responded.
“Make sure you’re back by eleven,” Mom called after me.
“I will, Mom. Don’t worry.”
“Be safe,” I heard her say as I slipped out of the front door. Those were the same words my dad would have said to me. I resisted the tears that threatened to fill my eyes. I held my breath as I walked down the path to the driveway where Micah waited for me. He got out of the driver’s seat and opened the rear door so we could put my bag and blankets there.
“You all right?” Micah asked as I took a step back from unloading my things.
“Yeah,” I said softly. “Yeah, I’m all right.”
Micah rubbed my shoulder cautiously. I wondered if he didn’t believe me. I probably should have known that he didn’t. But Micah didn’t respond to my lie. Instead, he gestured to the car.
“Let’s go see if we can catch a few stars.” He winked.
“Going to put it in your pocket?” I asked as I started toward the passenger side. I knew he’d understand the reference to the “Catch a Falling Star” song. Micah leaned his forearm against the hood of his car as he watched me. His dark eyes twinkled.
“I’ll save it for a rainy day,” he echoed. I released a giggle. He seemed proud of himself as he tapped his fingers on the metal.
“Let’s get going, shall we?”
“Let’s!” I slid into the car. After Micah climbed in and got himself buckled, he lifted his finger to his stereo system.
“Do you mind if I play something?”
I looked to him and then the stereo, feeling a little tongue-tied. “Of course not.”
“You sure?”
“I’m super sure, Micah,” I said, determined. Music would be a comfort, wouldn’t it? Music would bring back something special—normalcy. He hesitated, then turned on the radio.
“I made a mix,” he explained as he tugged a CD free from the console between us. He slipped the plain disc into the CD player and kept his gaze glued to the screen. He turned the volume knob up, until the car filled with sound. Drums and guitars played in a repeating rhythm. Then, slowly, an electric piano and other instruments built into the melody. I thought I recognized it from a trailer of a movie. Who was the band?
“It’s Muse,” Micah replied, seeming to read my mind. “‘Starlight’.”
“It’s a good song,” I said. “Perfect for tonight, given the title.”
“Exactly,” Micah said with a smirk. “The pun was completely intended.”
“Obviously. You’re so clever.” I laughed and brushed a wisp of hair from my face. Micah backed out of the driveway and headed toward the main road.
“Where are we going?” I adjusted in my seat so that I could watch him. There was something about driving at night with him, something adventurous and romantic. Sexy, even.
“I thought we would go back up to the State Park again. It’ll be clear and open for stargazing.”
“Good thing I brought extra blankets,” I said. Micah glanced in my direction and nodded.
“Yeah, good thing. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You’d probably cry. You’d be so lost. Cold too.”
“Maybe cold,” he chuckled. “But I don’t know about the whole crying thing.”
“You would,” I teased. I didn’t know where this rush of happiness had come from. But the intoxicating joy filled me as I lifted my fingers to play with his hair.
“I’d probably be a very different person without you,” Micah confessed.
There was truth there, lingering in his words. I knew, as I stared at him, what he’d said was true for me too. The girl he had met on the bus in what felt so long ago, had changed. For the better. He had embraced me for who I was. And I loved him for it. He flashed me a smile as another song filled the car. I slowly withdrew my fingers from Micah’s hair. I recognized the song as “Wipe Your Eyes” by Maroon 5.
“This is a song about you,” I said. I listened to the lead singer sing about wiping tears from the other person’s cheek. It was exactly what Micah did for me. Micah turned the volume up.
“I guess you could say that,” he said. “Though, I think the guy totally made the girl cry.”
“Well, minus that,” I replied over the loud music.
“I think it’s still relevant,” he said seriously. “But I do want to wipe your eyes. Every time.”
My heart was beating wildly in my chest as I let his words settle in my mind. I turned my gaze to the window. The song played on as Micah drove up into the mountains. I took in each lyric as I fought back the tears that wanted to escape down my cheeks.
“I’d be devastated if I lost you,” I whispered. There was a long sigh and then I felt Micah’s hand on my knee.
“You won’t have to worry about that, C. I’m not planning on going anywhere.”
When I didn’t reply, Micah lifted his hand to the stereo and skipped over a few songs.
“I put this song on the mix with you in mind. Whenever I hear it, as cheesy as it sounds, I instantly think of you.”
“What is it?” I asked with interest. I didn’t recognize the voice or the melody as the song played between us.
“The song is called “Up.” It’s some Olly Murs song I heard the other day on the radio. When we were fighting. It just reminded me of you. Of us.”
I sat up a bit as I listened with a smile. Micah’s hand found
mine as he carefully interlaced our fingers.
“You’re stuck with me, Charlie,” he promised.
“Stargazing (fat. Justin Jesso)”
Kygo
“WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO be so quiet,” Micah said as he parked the car in a deserted area of the State Park. There were rules about being in here after dusk. To avoid being caught by park rangers, we drove down a road with the headlights turned off. Micah turned into one of the parking areas as quickly as he could, to avoid hitting something he couldn’t see.
“Well, be quiet then,” I hissed teasingly.
Micah got out of the car, pulled the blankets from the back and set about arranging a thick, warm one on the hood. He motioned for me to climb up as he grabbed my backpack. I pushed myself up onto the covered hood and situated myself up against the windshield. Micah tossed another blanket at me.
“I’ll be right there.”
“It is a good thing I brought these, huh?” I laughed.
“Yeah. It’s cold,” he called over his shoulder as he tugged a sweatshirt over his head.
“It is still kinda winter,” I said. “Just in case you haven’t noticed.”
“Spring. April is spring, technically,” he corrected as he settled beside me, and gazed up at the open sky. Everything around us was still and silent. The sky above us was vast and dark, and the stars looked like small speckles of glitter. Micah’s fingers brushed against the back of my neck as I let my cheek rest against the upper part of his shoulder.
Micah pulled the extra blanket up around us and pointed up to the clear, sky above us.
“I bet your dad is looking down at us right now,” Micah said. “I can almost hear him say ‘get your hands off of my daughter’.”
“No way.” I shook my head. “He liked you.”
“Yeah? You think so?” He raised his brow. When I nodded, Micah smiled. “I liked him too.”
He slid his other arm up under his head as he tilted his gaze back up at the sky.
“You know, I think I was really lucky the day we were partnered up,” Micah said. “I mean, if someone had told me that moving to Grand Lakes would change my life so much, I probably wouldn’t have believed them. I never really saw myself being this sort of guy.”
“This sort of guy?” I echoed curiously.
“Yeah, I mean,” Micah shrugged and adjusted a little as he turned his gaze to me, “when I got here, I hung out with Marshall and his friends all the time. I was more like him and his friends. I went to his parties and chilled.”
“I don’t think you could have ever really been like him or his friends,” I said, shaking my head. “Smoking cigarettes and drinking doesn’t change what you have here.” I allowed my hand to rest on his chest. His chocolate eyes locked with mine as I continued. “Honestly, I think you had nowhere else to fit in and Marshall was a quick fix. He was what you were used to.”
Micah shrugged in response. He knew I was right.
“I never saw myself dating someone like you,” he said with a smirk. “A quiet, shy girl...”
“As opposed to those raccoon-eyed girls?” I asked. “Is that what you’re normally into?”
Micah snorted and snapped his fingers. His eyes were taunting me playfully. “Damn it, you caught me.”
I sat up a little and gazed down over him as I pulled the blanket up a bit more to cover us.
“Seriously though, I can say the same thing about you. I never thought I’d ever date anyone like you. The boy from across the tracks. The boy who smoked and hung out with the wrong crowd.”
“I’m sure your dad was thrilled,” he said with a smirk. “I think we surprised each other.”
“I’m sorry about everything that’s happened lately,” I offered. Micah wrinkled his brow. His hand found mine and he squeezed it.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Charlie. You keep apologizing for no reason.”
“I just am,” I replied hopelessly.
“Well, I’m not sorry,” Micah remarked. “I’m not sorry at all.”
Of course he wasn’t sorry. “I’m not upset that you’re sad, Charlie,” he said as his hands cupped my cheeks. “I know you struggle with this whole ‘not being good enough’ thing, but you’re good enough for me. You being sad is not a hindrance in our relationship. It doesn’t make me any less lucky in having you. If anything, I’m the luckiest.”
“I don’t want you to miss out—”
“I know you don’t want to go to prom, and that’s why I haven’t asked,” he interrupted. I felt tongue-tied as he nodded knowingly. “I mean, I’ve heard Rachel and Jennifer go on about their dresses and plans, but I haven’t heard anything about it from you. And when Josh and your mom talked about it that night at the dinner table…”
“I just don’t think I want to go to a huge party like that and feel the way I did at the skating rink. I felt like I had to be something that I wasn’t. I had to be happy. I had to act like I was having fun. I…”
“I know,” Micah nodded. “I know.”
“If you want to go to prom, though…” I began awkwardly. “I mean, you should go.”
“Without you?” He looked amused as he tested the words coming out of his mouth. “I don’t think I could enjoy prom without you. I think I’ll just come over to your house and we can watch a movie or something.”
“Really though, if you want to go…”
“I’ll think about it. Okay?” Micah sighed. “If you really want me to go, I’ll think about it.”
I knew, deep down, I wanted Micah to go. I wanted him to have the opportunity to do something normal. To do something he would have done without having ever met me.
He laid back against the windshield and pulled me down beside him. Micah tucked me into the crook of his arm and I rested my head on his chest. As we both looked up to the starry night sky, I heard Micah begin to softly hum “La Vie En Rose” to me.
“Heal”
Tom Odell
“SO YOU’RE REALLY NOT GOING to prom?” Josh asked in my doorway. I turned to look at him from over my shoulder, and was pleasantly surprised to see him dressed in a handsome suit.
“Wow! Look at you, Josh!”
“I wish I could say the same about you,” he said, gesturing to my pajamas. I had been having so many doubts about going to prom over the remaining weeks, that I forced myself into pajamas once I got home from school. I wanted to convince myself I had no other options for the rest of the evening. It was going to be just me and the musical, Meet Me in St. Louis.
“What is Micah doing tonight?”
“I think he’s going. I told him to go.”
“You really think your boyfriend is going to prom without you?”
“I don’t see why not. He’s a big boy. He doesn’t need me for everything.”
“But the whole point is to go with friends. To celebrate the end of the year. Don’t you think he’ll want to do that with you?”
I frowned and crossed my arms across my chest.
“If you’re trying to guilt me into it, Jennifer has already tried.” I tugged my phone free from my pocket and opened the screen to the messages she had been sending me throughout the day.
JENNIFER: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU’RE NOT GOING!
JENNIFER: IT’S SO LAME CHARLIE!
JENNIFER: IT’S BEEN MY DREAM TO GO TO PROM WITH MY FRIENDS!!
JENNIFER: DO NOT TARNISH THIS DREAM FOR ME!
JENNIFER: I AM SO MAD!!!!!! :(
JENNIFER: I FEEL SO SORRY FOR MICAH!
JENNIFER: CHARLIE. PROM IS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE
JENNIFER: UGH! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE NOT GOING!!!!!!!
Josh read over the texts with a smirk.
“I mean, I hate to say it, but she’s right. You should go.”
“I have a great night planned for myself,” I said.
“Me and Judy Garland are having a movie night.”
“While all of your friends, and boyfriend might I add, go to prom.”
I shrugged and tried to look a little less bothered. It was too late anyway. I couldn’t go. I didn’t have a dress. My hair wasn’t done.
“I hope you have fun.”
“You know Mom is out, right? She and her friends went out for dinner and a movie,” Josh began. “So, if you were staying for her…”
“I wasn’t staying for her,” I said too quickly. Only a bit of that was a lie. “I just…don’t want to feel misplaced again. I felt so weird the last time I went out with a crowd.”
“You’ll never know unless you try again, Charlie. I really don’t think Dad would have wanted you to sit here tonight.” I knew Josh was right. Dad would have encouraged me to go.
“I don’t have a dress, so it doesn’t matter. Bye!” I called over my shoulder as I sat back down on the edge of my bed. I wanted the conversation to be over already.
“Whatever,” Josh huffed. “See you later, Charlie.”
I didn’t look back as I heard Josh walk down the hallway. I flicked on my TV and sat back against my pillows as the movie began. I loved this movie. I opened a bag of gummy bears and started to snack. Just as Judy Garland was about to sing about trollies, I was startled to hear the doorbell ring.
I pushed myself up, glancing down the darkened hallway. As I walked to the front door, I prayed silently that it wouldn’t be Rachel or Jennifer. I knew I didn’t have the stamina to keep resisting their persistent request to go.
The Songs We Remember: A Young Adult Romance (The Songs in Our Hearts Book 2) Page 15