“She agreed to come back with us,” Ty said. It was Jennifer’s turn to look impressed.
“Willingly?” she asked with a small grin.
Ty returned his own mocking smile. “Yes, willingly. What, you think you’re the only one who can get on their level?” He gave a genuine smile this time. “I didn’t even have to hold her hand to convince her.”
Jennifer rolled her eyes. “Hey, you wanted to break her.” She shrugged. “So I did.”
Ty snorted. “Faked nonchalance doesn’t suit you, Agent Gulden.”
“And real gloating doesn’t suit you, Agent Jackson,” she retorted.
He snorted again but didn’t respond past that. His attention went to the bedroom above them.
“She’s afraid of him, but she gave us part of his name,” Jennifer said a moment later, all humor gone. “But she still thinks he’s a good boy and won’t give us his first.”
“Children change you,” he said with no real conviction. Not that he didn’t believe what he said but because the relationship between Brenda and her son wasn’t exactly familial. “And so does being held captive for years without realizing it.”
Jennifer nodded. He suspected she had also drawn the same conclusion about Brenda. Halpert, or whatever his real name was, might have taken care of his mother but he’d also ruled her life after her husband had died. Ty guessed she hadn’t decided to change their entire lives at the drop of a hat just because her son had said so. If he was a betting man he’d bet fear had been a big factor in that decision.
“She never stood a chance,” Jennifer whispered.
“No,” he agreed. “No, she didn’t.”
Chapter Five
It was amazing how much he could despise the clock.
Nick had gone from glancing up to it every few minutes to stark avoidance. Even when the case was closed and they caught the bomber—which he swore to himself they would—he guessed that he’d never look at a clock the same way again. Not without thinking about secrets and death and a sociopath who was barely legal to drink.
The rest of the CMU team in office didn’t seem to be as diligent about pretending they weren’t all on the edge of their seats as the sun came up, signaling less and less time left.
James burst into the office. The door slammed against the wall making them both jump.
“It’s easy on its hinges,” Nick said mildly.
“Noted,” James replied, grabbing the door to stop it banging again.
“There are two schools on Long Island. Look.” James leaned over Nick’s desk and pointed at two buildings, one really large and sprawling, and one much smaller one.
Before James said a word, ice trickled down Nick’s spine. Schools. Thousands of kids. “What’s the connection?” he asked.
“Paul Prentice’s and Kai Aoki’s kids go to those two schools,” James said. “I checked in with both, and they both have their kids out of school because of Terra’s death. But I doubt Halpert knows. Also, neither of them have received any communication from him, which means that they are definitely the key to Halpert’s mental breakdown. He wants to devastate them, plain and simple. When it involves the directors of BrainWave directly, there are no bargains, no communications asking them to spill their secrets—it’s just direct action.”
“So there’s a difference in how he approaches his victims. Some he just wants to destroy, and others are just collateral damage. He gives them the option to destroy themselves, or watch as innocents die.” Nick shook his head. “Some have the option, and BrainWave people don’t. There is more to the BrainWave connection than we know. Something big. Go. Go to Long Island with Xander, get the local police authorities to evacuate the schools immediately, and sit with Prentice and Aoki and don’t move until they tell you who Halpert is to them.”
“Got it, boss.” James disappeared a lot more quietly than he’d arrived.
“I want to wring his neck,” Ty had voiced ten minutes later, during one of Nick’s trips to the coffee machine. It had become the collective desire of the group since.
Ty had a right to be angry. He had been working his own leads trying to find a connection between BrainWave, the man they now knew had the last name Michaels, and anything that could help them find the kid. Aside from the breakthrough he and Jennifer had gotten with Mitchell’s mother—and even that had begun a long search of a common last name. The rest of them had all but stalled in the new information department. Which was an entirely new level of frustration Nick didn’t think was possible to reach before the bomb was set to go off at 2:30 p.m.
All he could do was hope that they could find the bomb in one of the Long Island schools. And get rid of it before it could hurt anyone.
Now Nick was standing in the break room again, staring at a pot of coffee brewing, and picturing himself wringing the Whisperer’s neck. He wasn’t a particularly violent man but that didn’t mean he couldn’t fantasize about it.
An idea made easier when he remembered what all was at stake.
Nick’s thoughts went to his brother, Jason. Then to his father.
He became angry again.
“Dr. Oliviero thinks he might be able get more out of Mrs. Halpert,” Jennifer greeted as she walked into the break room. There was an empty cup of coffee in her hand. “Or, I guess it’s Mrs. Michaels.”
“Finally something good,” Nick said.
Jennifer nodded. She turned to face the coffee machine, too. For a moment they both stood there watching percolation like it was a sporting event. And, maybe for them, it was in some weird way.
“How’s Christina and Eloise doing?” Jennifer asked after a moment. Since she and Ty and brought Mrs. Michaels in she’d been with the woman through getting a statement. She’d also eased her into the metaphorical arms of Dr. Oliviero. It wasn’t that the older woman trusted Jennifer. It was she just seemed to trust Ty less. Maybe that said something about her clearly being dominated by her son. Then again, that was their in-house psychologist’s job to look into. Not his.
“I like to think I’m a smart man,” Nick started. “But whatever it is they’re doing is clearly over my head.”
Jennifer laughed. “I’m glad I’m not the only one lost in the technical jargon,” she admitted. “It’s like they have their own language and I’ve left my Hacker Rosetta Stone at home.”
Nick smiled. It didn’t last long.
“I just hope they can find something soon,” he said, sobering. “We’re running out of time.”
The coffeepot filled halfway before Jennifer spoke.
“Not that I’m particularly eager for this answer but—” Jennifer lowered her voice. “Why hasn’t Mercer given our friendly neighborhood psychopath the go-ahead to expose us? He didn’t hesitate when it was Victoria’s neck on the chopping block.”
Nick had already answered this question but, he realized, he hadn’t given it out to the team. They’d all been in their own worlds, ferociously trying to put an end to Michaels’s games. Aside from being aware of the clock, they hadn’t been that aware of each other.
“Before it was just one of us. Now it’s all of us.” Nick shrugged. “It would cost the FBI more to lose us as a team right now so we’re allowed to work this until we can’t anymore.”
“But if our secrets get out...” she said, trailing off but not before Nick heard the angst in her tone.
“Then we’ll be forced to stop,” he admitted. “Depending on our personal brand of transgression.”
He reached for the coffeepot, now full, and began to fill his cup. When he was done he moved aside so Jennifer could do the same. Like her tone, he didn’t miss the mask of concern that twisted her expression.
What was Jennifer’s full secret, he wondered. He’d stopped her before revealing too much earlier. Was it as bad as his? Or worse?
“If my secret gets out, my life will be over.”
Nick felt his eyes widen in surprise. Jennifer turned to him with a meek smile.
“Is it that bad?” he had to ask.
“It’s one of those things that sits on your chest and you feel the weight of it every day. Just some days it’s not as heavy.” Her smile fell. “And some days it just crushes you.” Nick wasn’t as close with Jennifer as he was to the rest of the team, he knew. But in that moment he felt a surprising pull of sympathy for the junior agent. A feeling only heightened as he watched her eyes hollow out.
She was no longer in the break room. She was in the past.
Nick started to reach out but stopped himself. He was against keeping secrets. Yet, he had his own. He was a hypocrite. But one that needed to stay strong and unwavering in leading the team.
Nick felt tired.
“He didn’t expose Lara’s secret,” he pointed out instead. “So there’s a chance he won’t expose ours.”
“Especially if we catch the son of a bitch!”
They turned to see Ty, eyes narrowed. Angry.
Nick could appreciate that anger. It created a new wave of enthusiasm within him. Something he doubted even the new coffee in his hand could. He nodded toward the agent.
“Then let’s catch him,” Nick agreed. He flashed a quick smile to Jennifer. It didn’t look like the enthusiasm had caught on. “It’ll be okay, no matter what happens,” he tried to assure her.
She nodded. She still looked lost in her own thoughts.
Nick decided it was better to give her space. She wasn’t the only one who had a secret they didn’t want to get out. Nick guessed the closer the countdown clock ticked down, the worse everyone was going to feel.
Because, while they were experienced agents, they were still human.
“I’m going to go get back into search mode. James and Xander should be calling in soon,” Nick said to Ty as he started to leave the room. “Let me know if you find anything new.”
* * *
Jennifer watched Nick’s retreating back with a detached sense of defeat. Ty watched her with an open look of concern.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
She nodded at the clock over the refrigerator. Each movement of the second hand seemed to pick at her calm. Peeling away her resolve to not let her fear or guilt win. She needed to keep both buried. Deep.
However, the hands of the clock weren’t making it easy.
Regret. Tick.
Panic. Tick.
Anguish. Tick.
Her life crashing down around her, losing everything and everyone.
Tick.
“I need some air,” she hurried, already feeling her heartbeat pick up speed. She set her full cup of coffee down too hard on the counter, making some splash out and burn her hand. She didn’t care. She needed to get out.
Now.
Walking fast, but not too fast, she breezed through the bullpen in the direction of the elevators. She picked up the pace once out of sight and as soon as she could hit the elevator button.
Her breathing became erratic. Her palms started to sweat.
The elevator was taking too long.
She turned and nearly ran to the door leading to the stairwell. She flung it open and felt a morsel of relief when it was empty. Her heartbeat was now thundering against her chest and in her ears. It covered up the sounds of her footsteps as she hurried to the landing of the floor beneath. It also covered up the footfalls of the man behind her.
When Ty grabbed her shoulder and spun her around, she was nearly hyperventilating.
“Whoa, whoa,” he said when she was facing him. She felt the concrete of the wall behind her back but in no way felt the stability it should offer. Then again, she was trying to focus on getting away from Ty and also trying to keep breathing. “What’s going on, Jennifer?”
“I—I’m fine,” she tried. Though even to her ears she didn’t sound it.
“No,” Ty was quick to say. “I think you’re having a panic attack.”
Jennifer was going to brush his guess off but, he was right. Still, she tried to pull away. He grabbed her shoulder to stop her.
“Breathe in with your diaphragm,” he ordered. “Right now, take a deep breath.” Jennifer did as she was told, but it was a struggle. She didn’t look away from him as he gave the next instruction. “Now breathe out with your diaphragm. Not your chest.”
Again, Jennifer did as she was told.
“Good. Now do it again,” he said. “Deep breath in.” He waited. “Deep breath out.”
Jennifer let herself be coached. Not because she was too afraid to walk away, but because it was actually working. Her breathing started to even out and her heartbeat starting to resemble its normal pace.
But the pain... It was still there.
“Are we good?” Ty asked. “You’re not going to pass out?”
“I’m not going to pass out,” she promised.
Ty dropped his arms but not his gaze. “I’m assuming that was a special occasion panic attack and not something you’re used to dealing with,” he guessed. Jennifer nodded. “I’m also assuming it’s about your secret.”
Again Jennifer felt her head dip down in confirmation. She didn’t lift it back up. Heat and tears began to blur her vision.
“I’ll give you some space now. Remember to breathe,” Ty said. He couldn’t see she was starting to cry. She was glad for it. He turned and began to walk up the stairs before pausing to call over his shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Jennifer. We’ll all make it through this.”
Her hands fisted at her sides. She lifted her head and ignored the growing wetness against her cheeks. Ty had already turned back.
“My sister had cancer.”
Ty was facing her again. His face pinched, angry.
“Don’t tell me,” he hurried. “There’s a chance our secrets won’t get out and—”
“I killed her, Ty.”
A familiar chasm widened in Jennifer’s chest. Pain that would never be forgotten. That would never go away. The feeling only electrified as Ty’s expression wiped clean. It moved her closer to the bottom of the stairs. She had to tell her partner. She had to explain.
“She—she was terminal and so sick,” Jennifer continued. She could feel the tears in her eyes and hear the despair in her voice. She’d never admitted it out loud before. “She tried to stay strong through the beginning of it—accepting what was going to happen. She had a husband and kids.” Thinking about her nephew and niece made her hesitate. Not to mention double the pain. Jennifer shook her head a little, as if to move the thought of them as far away as possible. At least for the moment. “But then the pain started to win.”
Jennifer’s fists tightened. Physical pain bit into her palms.
“She had always been so resilient growing up,” Jennifer continued. “Always the one I came to with my problems because I knew she could handle them along with her own. She was a superhero. Never wavering in her loyalty to me and never ever letting me down. I didn’t even realize how good she was to me until I saw her in that hospital bed, twisting and burning and crying out in pain.”
Jennifer had to stop again. This time to collect herself.
Ty continued to stare, his expression unreadable.
“We’d been taking shifts at her side one week and I had been there for almost two days straight when she gave me a look I’ll never forget,” she said, almost in a whisper. She was getting to the bad part. The unforgivable part. “Have you ever had to notify someone that their loved one has been killed?” Jennifer didn’t wait for an answer. “Before the anguish really sets in, before they really acce
pt what’s happened, that they’ll never seen their loved one again, there’s that moment of the purest kind of denial. The last bit of belief that saves them from a world of heartache. That keeps them away just a little bit longer from the truth. That look.” Jennifer shook her head slowly. “She never had it when she asked me to kill her.”
Jennifer put her shaking hand up to her mouth just as her chin began to tremble. She had never been one to openly sob, especially not in front of a fellow FBI agent, but with the deadline looming in the distance, her dark, deadly secret had been clawing its way to the surface. After years of doing everything in her power to keep it buried.
Ty descended the stairs once more until he was right in front of her. The proximity coaxed her to finish the story. His silence also encouraged her to, for once, get the entire event out in the open.
“I didn’t want to and for days I didn’t,” she said, voice warbling in some places as she tried to talk around the tears. “But, eventually I did. I upped the morphine until it was too much. I even held her hand as she—” Jennifer couldn’t finish that thought. She switched to another. “The doctor didn’t suspect anything since she was sick already but a nurse had a suspicion that I’d done something. She accused me and my sister’s family overheard. You know what they did?”
“They defended you,” Ty guessed. His voice was as impassive as his expression.
Jennifer nodded. “With tears in their eyes, they defended me without any doubts in their minds.” She took another pause. It wasn’t as long as the others. “I almost told them then and there, jail time be damned, but then I heard my sister before she died. Begging me to never tell them what I’d done. Because she knew that if they found out, they’d never forgive me, I’d lose them, and then I’d be alone in the world. She spent her entire life trying to look out for me. And there was she was, at the very end of it trying to make sure that after she was gone I’d be taken care of. And, Ty, I just killed her.”
Tough Justice: Countdown Box Set Page 58