“I want to know how you tick. Sometimes that means looking at the parents.”
It was Lara’s turn to smirk. “So understanding Brenda would help us understand you?” she asked. The muscle in Halpert’s jaw twitched again. Lara decided to keep applying pressure.
“This isn’t about my family,” he said, close to a whisper. “This is about yours.”
Halpert slammed his fists against the top of his desk so hard the frame shook. Lara jumped, heart in her throat, and for the briefest of moments thought her reaction would cost her her life. But when Halpert started shouting she realized she was still there in one piece. A lot of good that did her.
“Tell me now,” he yelled. “Tell me what you thought about your father!”
Heartbeat thundering, breath quickening, and the roar of fear in Lara finally took over. Her resolve to stay emotionless disappeared without a trace.
“He was an asshole,” she yelled. “After my mother died he left me in all the ways that counted. He drowned himself in drink while treating me like some little shit kid that wasn’t even his. Nothing I did, ever, won me any amount of love or respect. Our best times together since my mother was killed was when he got sick and I visited him. Half of the time he didn’t even know who I was, mistaking me for colleagues or my mother, and it was in those times I finally felt any fondness from him. Because, even after twenty years, he couldn’t treat me like anyone other than the little girl whose mother was murdered in her own home. It took near death for him to even talk to me like I was a human.”
Lara’s heartbeat was galloping. Her face was heated. “And you want to know the worst part of it all?” she added, voice pitching even louder. “It was my fault. I thought he did it for a while. I thought he killed her—that it was his fault—even though I tried to pretend I didn’t think that way, I did at one point. I still do sometimes. The idea will sneak up on me even. Sometimes it feels like it will always be there, lurking deep inside of me. I tried to dismiss it completely but couldn’t. And then he died and now I don’t have either of them. Just questions I’ll probably never find the answers to.”
She was shaking. She couldn’t believe it. She was actually shaking.
Halpert’s burst of anger had switched back to mirth. He was smiling again.
“So, that’s why you’re obsessed with your mother’s case,” he said. “Solving it would be like a double whammy for you.”
Lara lifted her brow, confused.
Halpert seemed to be overjoyed to help her out.
“If you found out who killed your mother then you’d finally know for sure if it was your dad or not. Once and for all,” he said. “Really you have more than one cold case here.”
Lara fisted her hands. Her nails bit into her skin.
“But if it’s not your dad then you’ll finally know who took away both your parents.” Halpert raised his hand to stop her before she could interrupt. “Before you try to go tough cop on me, let me remind you it’s just the two of us here. Agent Delano won’t give you any stern looks and the rest of your team won’t look at you with pity, something I’m sure you hate when it’s directed at you.”
Halpert shrugged.
“There’s no need to put on a brave face when we’re alone. No need to lie to me, Lara. You can finally admit it out loud. You can finally admit that your mother’s love wasn’t the only thing that died that day on your kitchen floor. That’s why this case is so important. It made you lose your entire family.”
“Shut up,” Lara growled. She felt her nostrils flare as rage exploded within her. “You shut the fuck up. How did you manage to convince yourself that you of all people have the right to talk to me about this? What does it even matter?”
Halpert raised his other hand. This time he held up both in defense. Bemused defense but defense none-the-less. “I’m just stating facts, Agent Grant,” he said, so calm Lara felt it push her closer to the edge of completely losing it. “No need to get angry.”
“You’re a psychopath,” she whispered.
“Speak up, Lara,” he said. Though she knew he’d heard her. His eyes never left her. He wasn’t just watching her, he was studying her.
And she was unraveling. Right in front of him.
“You talk awfully big for someone who hides behind computer screens,” she said after a moment. “You almost sound like a full-fledged adult and not some pimple-faced teenager who found the keys to Mommy’s office.”
What had happened to dropping her snark? Well, Lara didn’t know. But she couldn’t stop it now. Not when she saw how it made his eyes widen. A sign that he had not only heard her, but what she said had indeed bothered him.
She was already mentally rallying for another verbal attack. One that would cut into him like he had cut into her. Admitting out loud why solving the case was so important to her hadn’t been cathartic. Not when her only listener was a madman. Lara was going to have to put herself back together and turn the tables around, quickly. Distracting Halpert had become her mission. One she supposed was still working, just not like how she’d wanted.
“Oh, Lara. You can insult me all you want if it makes you feel better,” Halpert said. He wasn’t smiling but she could hear it in his voice. “But you know what?”
Lara felt her lip curl up. “What?” she asked, despite her resolve to not play into his game.
“At least my mother is alive.”
If Halpert had been sitting in front of her, in the flesh and not virtually, Lara would have come out of her chair, hands ready to strangle him right then. She wouldn’t get far before the bomb would kill them both but, for a moment, she’d know she was so close to hurting him.
And that would be the end of that.
However, she didn’t move a muscle. But that didn’t mean Halpert had missed the way her expression twisted. He cleared his throat.
“Don’t move, Lara,” he reminded her.
“Or you’ll throw a tantrum and blow something up?” she snapped.
Halpert didn’t wait for dramatic effect. Maybe he sensed he had pushed Lara too far to just sit there and play with her emotions.
“Yes,” he said, calm. “That’s exactly what I’ll do.”
His smile crept back. Lara hated it. How was a twenty-one-year-old getting to her like this? At the end of the day all he was was a punk kid mad at the world.
So why was she shaking?
Chapter Eight
“You know this could all go horribly wrong.”
Xander cut a grin over to James. It was his attempt to lighten the situation. He was nervous, anxious. A lot was riding on them keeping the evacuations under wraps. If anything went wrong...
James decided to use the last of their car ride to Public School 22 to join in on the humor. Might as well get a few jokes out to relieve as much tension as possible...
Before they had to try and find a bomb.
“The only thing that’s horribly wrong right now is your shirt,” James said, motioning to Xander’s everyday ware. Like the officers, they had changed out of their work clothes in an attempt to help blend in. Or at the very least not to cause unwanted attention. Though the T-shirt Xander was sporting was an old shirt showcasing a giant cat exhibit at the zoo. It was an obnoxious green and had lions across the back. “Unless you were going for horrible. Then you nailed it, partner.”
Xander made a show of looking down at this shirt.
“It was the only one I had in my personal vehicle,” he said. He motioned to the car around them. James had agreed to drive to Long Island and, if they survived everything, Xander would drive back. Though, James wouldn’t admit this out loud, he needed to drive. It kept his mind occupied and out of the arena of dangerous what-ifs. “And, hey, I love this shirt.”
He pointed to the zoo’s emblem on his chest. It was faded li
ke the rest of the shirt. “One of my best dates happened here,” he said. There was a burst of pride behind his statement. It made James laugh.
“Really?” he asked in disbelief. “You mean you took a woman to the zoo and it ranks as one of your best dates? I don’t know if that’s sad or impressive.”
Xander’s grin was back. “Not only was it one of the best dates, it was with my best girl, too.”
And then it clicked for James. “Oh, you’re talking about Maddy,” he guessed as they hit a small pocket of traffic.
“You’re damn straight I am!”
The pride of a father was back. And the love of one, too. If they’d had any other week James would have left the thought at that. However, after Xander had told the team his secret, James couldn’t help but hesitate before continuing. It was something his partner picked up on.
Xander’s grin turned into a more tame smile. James looked back at the road as the cars began to move again.
“I already knew she wasn’t mine. Not biologically at least,” he started. “Even though I was already hook, line and sinker for the girl, I still had moments when I struggled with the news.” The atmosphere in the car became heavier. Serious. James kept quiet, dutifully listening to a story he bet no one else had been told.
“I was pissed at Heather mostly,” he continued. “I felt betrayed, you know. But what was bothering me the most was the thought that some guy out there could potentially come in and take over my role if anyone ever found out. That he would just come into my life and take my daughter because, technically, she was his. I didn’t want to share her. Even if it was only a slight possibility. I didn’t like the prospect of losing control. Not when it came to Maddy.”
He sighed. He was tired.
“So, at the time, all of that frustration and worry ended up actually pushing me away from Maddy,” he admitted. The sound of regret washed through the words. “And then Heather did something that changed me.”
Xander caught James’s eye as they came to a stop. He snorted.
“She yelled at me,” Xander said with some humor. “She told me she didn’t know if it was work, her or some stupid thought in my own head, but something was distracting me and, this is a direct quote, ‘You need to get your head out of your ass before Maddy thinks you don’t love her.’” Xander shook his head. “I don’t want to be that guy who says you can’t comprehend what the guilt of letting down your own kid is like because you don’t have any yet, but I am going to say just that this one time.”
“I accept that,” James assured him. Xander returned to looking out of the windshield.
“Just the thought that my hang-ups, even justified hang-ups, might make that little girl think I loved her any less than the day before... Well, it was a bucket of ice water to the face. So, I decreed that at least once a month I would take my daughter out on a playdate starting then.”
Out of James’s periphery he saw Xander touched the emblem on his shirt again.
“And this is where she wanted to go.”
“And that’s why it was one of your best dates,” James said.
Xander nodded. “It was the first day I decided to just say ‘fuck it’ and love that little kid with all my heart,” he said. “And not worry about anything else.”
James felt a smile pull up the corners of his lips. He even felt a bit of warmth at his partner’s words, despite everything that had happened. He guessed pure, unflinching love had that affect on people. Even if it was by association.
“Still,” James said after a moment had passed. “You have to admit, nostalgia and good feelings aside, that’s an ugly shirt.”
Xander laughed. “Oh, yeah,” he agreed. “It’s fucking ugly, dude.”
James laughed and the tension in the car lessened for a minute. James recognized that moment for what it truly was, but he didn’t voice it. He didn’t need it. Xander knew as well as he did that they were at the point of no return.
The calm before the storm.
* * *
Nick fell into a chair in the bullpen. He moved it around until he was facing Ty and Jennifer. Even ground. Because their problem was a shared one.
A life-changing one.
“James and Xander are on the way to one of the schools,” he began. “They’re going to call when they have more information, but, until then we need to talk about what happens after that.”
“Assuming the bomb is found and dismantled before being detonated,” Ty added.
Nick nodded.
“Assuming everything in our current plan goes off without any issues, yes.”
Jennifer’s frown deepened to the point of dragging down her entire demeanor. Ty mimicked the expression. While Nick had no doubt they would each be happy at a positive outcome in regard to keeping the school and its children safe, there was a catch to winning the battle that they couldn’t escape.
And, as they waited for news, Nick thought it was time to voice it.
“If we can’t find Michaels by the deadline and he realizes that he doesn’t have a bomb to blow up to punish us then it’s safe to assume our secrets will indeed come out.”
Ty glanced at Jennifer who had gone pale.
“It would have happened anyway,” she said, lips thinned. “If we didn’t find the bomb we would have chosen to get exposed no matter what.”
“True,” Nick conceded. “But if he finds out ahead of our deadline that his bomb is no longer in play—”
“Then he might decide to tell our secrets ahead of time, too,” Ty finished.
“Yeah,” Nick agreed. “So, I want you to take a moment to go ahead and accept that there’s a good chance that’s exactly what’s going to happen. That our secrets are going to be blasted across every media outlet at any time. You might even think about trying to get ahead of it. If you can.” He lowered his voice and instead looked at the clock on the wall. “I know some secrets you can’t really prepare anyone for if they got out but maybe some can be salvaged.”
Ty cussed not-so-subtly beneath his breath. “This has been the week straight from hell,” he said bitterly after a moment. “Wherever Lara is, lone wolf or not, I hope she’s having better luck at this shit than we are.”
Nick returned his gaze to the man.
He hoped he hid the guilt, concern and a little anger that he felt pulse through him at his partner’s name.
“I think it’s time we find Agent Grant,” he said, already walking away. Footsteps made him turn halfway down the hallway. It was Jennifer.
Still pale, her face was set hard.
“I want to see if Christina or Eloise have found anything,” she explained. “Patience was never my strong suit.”
Nick understood that. Soon they were standing in a room that looked like it was straight out of The Matrix movies. Among the wall of monitors and plethora of keyboards Christina and Eloise sat in the middle, eyes glued to their screens, fingers flying across their keyboards. Nick had to clear his throat to get their attentions. Even then they looked at him with almost hollowed-out stares.
“She’s getting closer,” Christina greeted, motioning to her new partner. “It’s just going to take a little more time.”
Nick nodded, even though he didn’t like the information. Then again, he hadn’t been surprised. And it wasn’t like he had found something to crack the case wide open on his own.
“Good,” he said. “But could I borrow you for a second, Christina?”
The tech analyst looked confused. Still she detangled herself from her workstation and followed him. They stopped farther down the hallway. He didn’t want anyone to overhear them.
“What’s up, boss man?”
“I need you to find Lara,” he started, not whispering but definitely not broadcasting the request either. He didn’t want to alarm the rest of th
e team that his anger at Lara might have clouded his concern for her. It was one thing for her to go rogue to check out potential leads, it was another to be gone this long. Especially when they were on a deadline.
Christina cocked her head to the side and raised an eyebrow. “Why? What’s happened?”
“She hasn’t been around this morning,” he admitted.
“Have you called her?”
“She left her cell phone in her desk.”
Christina’s eyebrow rose even higher. “That doesn’t sound like foul play,” she pointed out. “That sounds intentional. Are you sure you want me to spend the time trying to track her down right now?”
Nick was nodding before he even realized he was sure. “With the way this case is going, it would be our luck that she’s not looking for leads but has become one herself. She’s a magnet for trouble.”
Christina looked like she wanted to argue with the order but she was smart enough to know when to drop her complaint. Because, even if it was temporary, Nick was the boss.
“Okay, I’ll get started now,” she said. “I’ll track her vehicle’s GPS and—”
“Nick, Christina!”
They both turned their attention to Jennifer. She had her head popped out of the tech room.
“Eloise found something,” she said, waving them over.
Which was unnecessary since they were already hurrying toward her.
“What is it?” Nick asked. Eloise turned in her chair.
“Is there anything significant about Staten Island?” she asked.
“Apart from being Staten Island?” Nick said, already getting a bad feeling in his gut. “Why?”
“It looks like our bomber had an interest there,” Jennifer answered.
That bad feeling grew.
“How much of an interest?” he was almost afraid to ask.
“If you count me finding a few unregistered access points from one of his search engines pertaining to it,” Eloise said. “Then a lot. At least more than he seems to have vested in other areas.”
Nick might have been the boss but that didn’t mean he had to be professional at all times. He let out a long sigh.
Tough Justice: Countdown Box Set Page 60