by Vi Carter
“Look at me, Grace.” I did. Derek lowered his head, his tongue and mouth working mere seconds before my world was torn apart.
I was still breathing hard after coming as Derek moved back up to me, leaving a trail of hot kisses in his wake. When he hovered over me, his eyes still hungry, my body came alive again. Derek kissed my nose before getting off me; he pulled his jeans over his erection. I would have felt used, only I kind of had used him. “What are you doing?” I asked, pulling the covers over my exposed body. I was blushing like crazy. Derek pulled on his t-shirt.
“Playing hard to get,” he said with a grin, and I laughed.
“I don’t think you understand the term hard to get.”
Derek was watching me with a warm, loving smile. “I love when you laugh.” My stomach tightened at his sincerity. He moved to my dresser, and I was confused as he rummaged through the drawer. Once he got to the third drawer down he seemed to have found what he was looking for. He handed me his t-shirt before giving me a soft kiss on the lips. “Good night, Grace.” I was speechless as he left my bedroom. My front door closed, and I shut my eyes, smiling. He was playing hard to get. The next time, I wasn’t going to be distracted by his hot body, and amazing lips. I would take the lead. I slipped on his t-shirt, knocked off the light, and fell asleep smiling.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
DEREK
I TOOK A SHOWER, smoked a cigarette, and now I sat on the end of my bed, feeling dirty. After Emmett found Craig in Grace’s apartment the other day, he was pissed. When I had answered the door and found Emmett Harrington standing there, I thought Grace had told him about us, and I was dead.
“You need to take her away from here,” he said, not looking at me. I swallowed the bile that had risen in my throat as I closed the door.
“What?” I managed to say.
Emmett stopped pacing. “It's only for another few weeks, you have my word. But you need to take her away from here.”
My jaw went slack. "Emmett–"
“By any means possible, Derek. You’re a good-looking lad. Just do it.”
I was so confused. “You want me to seduce your sister into coming away with me for a few days?”
Emmett paused, coming to his senses, but his face shut down. “Yes. Whatever is necessary.” His final words were said without emotion, and he left. Bringing Grace to my home was twisted, but I had nowhere else to take her.
Having Emmett's permission to be with Grace made this worse. If Grace ever found out–I stopped that thought. She wouldn’t. It was in both our interests that she didn’t. I pushed away from the guilt and walked past the smashed mirror before getting into bed.
GRACE
“Did you know that there are more stars in the sky than grains of sand on this Earth?”
I looked down at James. “Really? Where did you learn that?” For a five-year-old, James knew too much.
“TV,” he said, smiling up at me. I couldn’t see his dimples as his hat had long ears covering the sides of his face, but I knew they were out in full force. We left the house to take a walk as my parents had fought the whole day about Emmett. It wasn't fair on James to have to listen to their screaming. Sometimes I think my parents forgot they had him. I was more like his mother. “I also learned that babies grow inside mammies’ bellies. The stork doesn’t really bring them. They just tell that to children.”
I smiled at him. “Did you also learn that from tv?” I asked, and he shook his head.
“No. Lilly’s mammy is having a sister for Lilly. Lilly said it grows in her mammy’s belly. Her daddy’s willy must have put it there.” I nearly choked on my saliva.
“Did Lilly tell you that?” God, I must have a word with Lilly’s parents.
“No, I heard mammy say to Emmett if he didn’t keep his willy in his pants, that Sarah would have a baby.” Wow he was a mountain of information. I needed to also talk to mam. She needed to be more careful around James, and who the hell was Sarah?
I stopped walking and hunkered down so James and I were at eye level. He was a smart kid. “You can’t go around telling people that,” I said, retying his scarf that was coming loose.
“Why not? It’s the truth.”
How could I explain to him that he shouldn’t know this stuff? “I know but you can’t use the word ‘willy.’”
Now he scrunched up his nose. “Why not? I have a willy.” He waited for me to answer. I really didn’t have a clue what to say.
“You're right, never mind me, you can say willy all you want,” I said and stood up. The rest of the walk home, James said ‘willy’ every few seconds. I questioned his intelligence, and when I looked at him with narrowed eyes, he just laughed.
“You said I could say willy,” he said innocently.
“Yeah, but not like five billion times.”
He started to count on his chubby fingers. “I only said it that many times.” he held up eight fingers, and I snorted.
“Yeah, right,” but I was secretly smiling at how cute he was.
***
When I woke, I checked my phone for the time. It flashed the early hours of five in the morning. James’s voice lingered in the room as I wiped the tears from my cheeks. I wanted to get all my memories and have them taken from me. It was so painful. My heart hurt, and when I pictured James again, it was like an airbag had gone off and hit me in the chest. I shook out my hands. “Pineapple, pineapple, pineapple,” I repeated until my heart slowed down. “Willy.” The word tumbled from my lips and I took a calming breath. “Pineapple,” I said through my tears. “God damn you! Pineapple!” My words came out loudly as I stumbled out of bed.
A storm brewed inside me, and I stood on the edge of sanity. A laugh tore from me. I was losing my mind. I continued to shake my hands, but it didn't help. The tears fell regardless of how much I tried to push them back. “I hate you. I hate everybody,” I left my room and put the shower on. I stripped quickly, finding it hard to see with the tears, but I managed to climb into the shower. “I hate you, God,” I said while sinking to the floor of the shower. I sat and sobbed as the shower drowned out my cries and washed all my pain away.
It was how I pictured it, my pain jumping onto the water and going down the drain. But right now it wasn’t working, the pain was there so real, so raw. People often say they have a pain in their heart, and you think it’s not possible to have an actual pain in your heart, but it is. So, instead of fighting the battle that I was doomed to lose, I let it fully in. All the pain, all the hurt, and I said his name. It was like permission for me to really cry, to cry without trying to get a grip or pull myself together. I cried like I never had to stop. I cried as my body, mind, and soul demanded it. I cried, alone in my bathroom, for the brother I loved, the one I lost. The one who should still be alive, still smiling his crooked smile.
***
Friday finally arrived, and I sat in Derek’s jeep. I had gone into town on Thursday and gotten myself a few new things, like underwear and such. I needed this break so much. I promised myself that I would leave everything behind and really enjoy this trip with Derek. I had avoided him all day Thursday. After Wednesday night's breakdown, I needed time to myself. Thursday I also had the appointment with Emmett. We didn’t see mam, she had been sedated as she’d had another episode, so it was just Emmett, Rose, and me. We signed the papers for the transfer. Rose wasn’t one hundred percent convinced, but she remained really supportive. Emmett didn’t linger, but just told me to call him if I needed anything. He seemed occupied. Once I signed the papers, I left. I spent the rest of the day shopping.
Twinkle Toes sat in the back of the jeep in her little cage. She started barking as Derek climbed in after he put our bags in the boot. When he looked at me, we both smiled. He smelled gorgeous, and gave me a soft kiss on the lips before buckling his seat belt.
Once we hit the road, I rolled down the window and let the wind in. I wanted to be free. My yellow polka dot sundress added to my mood. Its flowy material gave me that
free spirited gypsy look, and I smiled. It was a hot day, but the light, airy material kept me cool. I tried not to think about sunny days. I had made a promise to enjoy this weekend, and I fully intended to keep it. The wind whipped my long hair all over my face, and I fought with it. “Do you need help?” I could hear the humor in Derek’s voice, but I managed to grab my hair and pushed it out of my face. When I looked at him, he grinned. I rolled the window up halfway and my hair settled, no longer obscuring my view of Derek. His t-shirt let me really see his arms. Tanned and muscular. I couldn’t wait to have them wrapped around me. He looked at me sideways, a smile on his face. “Care to share?” he asked, and I blushed.
“I was just wondering about who would be at your house?” A white lie. I had thought about it, just not right now.
“My mother isn’t home, and my sister is away at college.”
“So, we have the place to ourselves?" I questioned.
“Yeah. Is that okay?” He looked at me sideways, gauging my reaction.
“What will we do for the whole weekend?” I smiled even as I blushed, and Derek glanced at my bare legs.
“I can think of a few things.”
I laughed. “Watch the road,” I told him. He glanced away from my legs that he had been focusing on a little too long.
We chatted for another hour before pulling over to stretch our legs. We had two more hours of a drive before we reached his house. I left my phone in the jeep. I considered switching it off to block out the world, but I didn’t. Instead, I decided I would check it once daily in case of any emergencies. I put on my flip-flops and got out of the vehicle. Derek smiled as I passed him. My stomach flipped. He leaned against the jeep, filling it up. I tried to wipe the stupid smile off my face as I entered the shop.
I picked up two bottles of water and some sandwiches and, by the time I got to the counter, Derek was finished filling the jeep and was ready to pay. His hand went easily around my waist. It startled me a bit, him showing affection in public, but I willed my body to relax. The clerk smiled at us when she rang all up and Derek paid. “Young love,” she said. I froze at the word love, but managed a smile. Derek didn’t seem fazed at all as he smiled and thanked her.
Once we were back on the road, we played the ten question game loads of times. From simple ones like our favorite color, music, books, tv shows, religious beliefs to political views, and now tougher ones, like the one, Derek had just asked. He wanted to talk about James. I faced the window. “I know I told you one day I would talk about him, but not today,” I said.
It took Derek a moment to answer. “Okay, what about Emmett?”
I wanted to groan. “Can we leave that one to another time, also?”
Another long silence. “So your family, as in mother, father, brothers, sisters?” he questioned.
“None,” I answered with a bite.
“It’s all off the table?” he glanced at me now.
“Yes.” more silence.
“Okay. Then tell me about your last boyfriend.” I didn’t want to, but it was the lesser of two evils. Well, actually my ex wasn’t a big deal, so I decided to give him this much. I still wasn’t comfortable opening up to people.
"We dated for six months, Gerard had been nice, but that was it he was just…‘nice.’ He wanted more from me, and I wasn’t ready."
“More as in sex?’” Derek asked. I hid a smile.
“No, we had sex,” I answered his real question. He seemed to sit up straighter, his hands tightening and then relaxed around the steering wheel. His reaction turned me on. “I mean we were dating for six months, so of course we had sex,” I said.
He looked away and focused on the road, “I heard you the first time. I got it.”
“Just making sure." I couldn’t hide my smile.
“Are you laughing at me?” He looked back over at me with a frown.
“Never,” I joked, and he relaxed.
“What more did he want?”
“More from me. He was always with fifty questions, and I wasn’t ready.”
“About your family?” Derek asked, his compassionate eyes flicking back towards me.
I gave a small nod, yeah about my family. But saying it out loud after telling Derek I didn’t want to talk about it, made it seem like he had to wait for longer than six months. “I would never make you wait that long,” I said, and Derek smiled.
“For sex?” I bit my lip, it would be lucky if I lasted six hours.
“To talk,” I said, and he glanced at me, all serious now.
“Who says I’ll be around that long?” and his words felt like a punch in the stomach. I looked away, trying to hide my face.
“You might not be,” I said, hoping I sounded convincing. But right now, I was free falling.
“I’m joking, Grace,” Derek squeezed my arm, making me look at him and I forced a smile.
“Obviously, like… look at me,” I said, trying to keep it together.
“I am, and you are beautiful.” Derek’s words took away the sudden fear and replaced it with bliss. I wasn’t sure I liked how much power he had over my emotions.
“Eyes on the road,” I told him, and he diverted his attention away from me. I let out a small sigh of relief.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
GRACE
TWO HOURS LATER we pulled up at Derek’s parents’ ranch. When someone says ranch, I picture a wooden structure, like a lodge as such but what we pulled up to was more like a country house, a beautiful, two-story stone building. Twinkle Toes had barked for the last hour of the journey and I took her out of her cage once we stopped, before letting her down to do her business. Derek got the bags out of the boot. “Does your mam know we are staying here the weekend?” I asked as I watched Twinkle Toes sniff at the fence posts for a suitable one to pee on.
“Kind of.” Derek closed the boot, and I followed him to the front door.
“Kind of?” I questioned he opened the front door.
“She knows I am with a friend. I just didn’t say if the friend was a male or a female.” Twinkle Toes followed us, and Derek closed the door. The spacious hall and the oak flooring reflected the light that poured down from the open gallery above us. The inside was not what I expected. A huge red rug covered the center of the floor, the rest of the hallway bare, but it felt appropriate.
“I’m your ‘friend?’” When I said it out loud, I cringed at how needy I sounded. I wanted to tell Derek not to answer that, but he pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I melted against his chest, my arms going around his neck, fingers sinking into his hair. “Would you kiss a friend like that?” he asked. My breathlessness answered his question.
“No.” I didn’t want him to stop, but he let me go and we made our way into the kitchen, which sat to the back of the house. “Wow, this is some kitchen,” I said as Derek opened up the double-door fridge. Once again, from the outside, the house deceived me. The enormous kitchen opened up into a dining room, the whole back wall was large windows, letting in so much light. The white kitchen gleamed, yet I could see from the spice racks, and cookery books that the kitchen was used. Derek took two bottles of water from the fridge and handed me one.
“If you want to freshen up, I will make our food.” I knew what I wanted to do, and freshen up wasn't it. But I kept my thoughts to myself. Derek carried my bag into the room that I would be sleeping in. I stared at the single bed longer then I should have. He didn’t waste a moment, but dropped the bag and a kiss on my lips before leaving. It’s like he knew if he lingered I would attack him. I didn’t waste time, but freshened up. I washed all the vitals, but kept the sundress on, just changed my underwear and bra into a nice red set I had bought. I freshened my makeup and took extra time on my eyes. Amber said they were my best feature, so I emphasized them as much as possible. I left my hair down, running my fingers through it before spraying myself with perfume. I automatically reached for my phone and remembered I had left it in the jeep. Chewing my lip, I debated whether or not to get
it.
I made up my mind. I had a message from Amber.
Please, please don’t forget to use protection when having sex. You may get pregnant. I am living proof.
Thank you for that solid advice. I replied and smiled as I went back inside the house.
“What are you smiling at?” I looked up at Derek as I entered the kitchen.
“Amber, she has a way with words,” I said.
“How long have you two been friends?” The food smelled delicious, all the scents reminded me I hadn't eaten for a while. My stomach grumbled. Derek turned the steaks and shook the mushrooms before going to the cooker. I sat up at the breakfast bar and admired the view.
“Two years,” I said. My phone dinged.
I’m not joking Grace. Penis inside vagina without protection equals a baby. That simple.
I laughed; she was being serious. Derek smiled as he continued to watch me. “Did I tell you how much I love your laugh?” My stomach tightened, and I bit my lip.
“Yes you did.” We stared at each other, but my phone broke us out of our moment.
Correction: penis doesn’t have to be fully in. The little guys can swim. Red alert they can SWIM. I suggest you become a lesbian so there is no chance of a baby. This pregnancy obviously made her a little crazy. Funny, but crazy. I put the phone on silent as Derek dished out our dinner. He made a steak, with fried mushrooms, side salad, and garlic spuds; he poured two glasses of wine and set it all out on the dining table.
“This looks and smells fab,” I told him as we sat. I dug in and moaned with pleasure. “Oh, the steak is to die for.” He had cooked it perfectly; the tender meat just seemed to melt in my mouth. We ate and chatted. I had never laughed so much in a long time. The laughter loosened muscles that had been wound too tightly. Derek was a great storyteller and the farmers around here seemed hilarious without knowing it.