by Ali Vali
“I’ll see you in a couple of days, then.”
“You bet. I just need to pick my last team members and we’ll be ready to fly.”
*
“I won’t let you down if you give me the chance, ma’am.” Lieutenant David “Blazer” Morris stood at attention in front of Berkley as she geared up for one more training flight.
“You’re the one who sacrificed his wingman the first day here hoping to get me in return for his sacrifice. Why would I trust you enough to take you? What’s going to prevent you from doing that again when it really counts, only it’s me up there with you?”
“Because I’m the best in the Navy after you. I’d think you’d put past mistakes aside for that reason alone.”
Berkley zipped up her flight suit and laughed. “Cocky sons of bitches don’t impress me, boy. Let’s see what you got up there today and I’ll let you know, but even if I pick you, just remember one thing.”
“Anything, Commander.”
“If I pick you, you’ll be flying wingman this time and you should start praying I’m not in a sacrificing mood when we’re flying over the Korean countryside.”
*
The next morning her mother stood on the porch of the house and waved good-bye to Berkley. Junior sat as her side, his paw in the air, waving as well.
Her father drove her to the base to see her onto the transport plane that would take her and her team to Washington. There were seven people standing with Will when he brought the Jeep to a stop in the hangar. Their attention turned to the Levines as Berkley lifted her duffel out of the back.
“Lieutenant Whittle, a word with you please,” her father said, staying next to the vehicle.
Berkley threw her gear up to be stowed but didn’t interrupt the two men who had their heads together. When they rejoined the group there was only a little time before they had to be in the air.
“I’m proud of you, kid, and you do what you have to, but you come home to your mama. In and out, remember that,” Will told her as he hugged her.
“Yes, sir.”
“Just remember the Levine golden rule of flying and you’ll be okay,” her dad added.
“Land because I want to, not because it’s someone else’s idea,” Berkley said when Whittle shrugged. “Take care, Dad, and I’ll see you.”
“I’ll see you and your backseat as soon as you’ve finished the job. Heard the kid didn’t have a name, so I took care of it.” He pulled her close and kissed her. “I love you, Cletus, and you be careful.”
“I will, Dad. I love you too, and tell that to Mom while I’m gone.”
“You got it.”
Chapter Ten
The transport plane was loud and the passengers all closed their eyes and got as comfortable as they could for the long flight. Berkley stared out the window until the clouds obscured the ground. It was time to leave something else she loved behind in search of the next chapter of her life.
Her time in Fallon had been overshadowed some by her memoires of Aidan and the years of happiness she’d missed out on. As hard as it was to get through, she felt she had succeeded in burying her personal life deep enough that she’d been able to give Will her best. It’s why she felt she owed it to herself to get wrapped up in the excitement that was starting to build in her gut.
The fact that she was ready wasn’t a question she had to waste her time on since she’d felt different every time she climbed into the cockpit in their training flights in the last few days. Her confidence was quickly changing Harvey too. Their relationship was staring to gel on the ground as well as in the air.
The only factor that made her feel unbalanced was her feelings for Aidan. It had been two days since Aidan had left, which had given Berkley the opportunity to clear her head when it came to the woman that she knew was the opiate of her life. Not that she’d ever considered taking drugs, but she could see how people fell easily back into a habit no matter how long they’d gone without.
Aidan Sullivan had been a young naval officer when they’d met, and it had been an instant attraction strong enough to short-circuit her defenses. For two years, that attraction had grown into a relationship Berkley was so certain of that she concentrated on the life they’d have together that would end with them picking cemetery plots, and on little else. She never once thought that Aidan would one day be gone of her own volition.
Her problem now was that no matter Aidan’s mistakes, she’d never gotten to the point of hating her, no matter how hard she’d tried. Aidan hadn’t left because of someone else, so there was no sense of betrayal to fuel her ire, and because Berkley had started from that position, what Aidan was saying was like rain to land scorched from drought. Those pretty promises of what could be had sunk in no matter how hard she fought against it, but the numbness she’d felt for so long was being replaced not by hope, but by fear.
Love was easy to fall into but hard to maintain because it took trust and commitment, Aidan had that in abundance, only it was for the Navy. As they said their good-byes before Aidan left for her meeting in Washington, Berkley had come close to believing the promise in her eyes.
If you’re honest with yourself you’d walk away, she thought as she joined her group in closing her eyes and stretching her legs. But if I’m even more honest I’d just give in because there isn’t any other choice. The latter thought was more accurate since it summed up the reasons why she hadn’t moved on.
For every heart there was only one perfect home, and she had found hers in a cocky officer who’d shot her down in more ways than one. And it didn’t matter to her heart that Aidan had been the source of great pain; there was no denying she’d also been the source of her greatest happiness. It was those memories that were starting to win out.
“Hey, Cletus,” Harvey said, stopping Berkley from wandering any further down the road of her past. “Do you think during our time off you’ll have a few minutes to meet my parents? They’ll be in town.”
“Are you two getting married or something?” Blazer asked. “If you are, which one of you is wearing the dress?”
“Fuck off,” Harvey said.
“Ooh, I guess it’s going to be you, Whittle,” Blazer said and his partner, Alan Lewis, laughed.
“Listen to me.” Berkley put her hand on Harvey’s shoulder as she stood. “I’m already regretting picking you, and it’s not too late to change my mind, ass wipe,” she said to Blazer in as menacing a voice as she could. “So why don’t you concentrate on what you need to do to fit in as a part of this team, and if you can’t, then now’s the time to let me know. I’m not as impressed with you as you are, so it won’t be a difficult decision to find a replacement. Either way, when we get back I owe you a comeback for the stupid remarks, and it’s going to involve you losing some of those pearly whites.”
“My apologies, ma’am,” Blazer said. It sounded like the three words had been a struggle for him.
“Just keep your mouth shut and we’ll be fine.” Berkley stared him down and cut him off when he went to say something else. “I’d take that advice starting now.”
Berkley walked to the back of the plane and got a Coke. As she popped the top Vader joined her and pointed to the storage area in the next section back.
“Are you sure about this kid, Cletus?”
“He’s got attitude to spare, but he’s good if he follows directions.” They sat away from the others when the plane hit turbulence. “I’d worry about it,” Berkley said in a low voice, “but he wants it too much to fuck this up.”
“I remember what that was like,” Vader said.
The liquid in the can fizzed a little as they were jostled by more turbulence. “Me too. That’s why I gave him the chance he asked for. He’s a hotshot, but the thing Will taught me is they’re all redeemable. He’ll be fine, and since he’ll be coming with me I’m not going to give him any other choice but to fall in line.”
“It’s good to have you back. We all know what a taskmaster Will is, but you sti
ll have a lot of field work left in you. After that you can go back and play with obnoxious pups.”
“How about you? What’s been on your plate besides bombing rocks in Afghanistan?”
“I got a girl planning a wedding for December, so clear your schedule and bring the dress whites. She wants all the pomp that goes with having a bunch of sailors wearing their shiny ribbons.”
“Anyone who said yes to you is worth meeting.” Berkley laughed.
“All I can tell you is that she’s a crazy from your hometown and after spending time with her when I went down there after Katrina, I understood you better. It must be all that gumbo that makes you all a little nuts.”
“It’s not the food, buddy, it’s the heat, so December was a good choice. Sounds like she’s crazy for saying yes, but not completely.”
“She tells me I was the crazy one for asking.” He bumped shoulders with her. “What I found is that life can be better when you mingle the insanity with someone else. Remember that, Cletus. It’s not too late, my friend.”
“Yeah?” Berkley laughed. “You have anyone in mind?”
“I’ll let you know if I meet anyone nuts enough to hook up with you.”
They continued their talk as they looked over the information Aidan had left with Berkley. She had started to develop her plan during their training runs. Vader was to lead one team and she the other. She trusted Vader to carry out what needed to be done as much as Aidan trusted her with the overall mission.
Their friendship had started in flight school where they were way ahead of their classmates thanks to fathers who’d put them in cockpits as soon as they were old enough to start training for a license. But it wasn’t only the mechanics of flying that they taught. Like her father, Vader’s dad had access to jets and taught his son what was possible at the stick.
When they finally got their chance in the seat of an F-18, all their time in the air came together and they were evenly matched. Vader was someone she trusted not only on her wing, but to carry out orders without a glitch.
“You know what the crappy thing about our job is?” Vader asked.
“What’s that?”
“None of these idiots ever learn from experience.” He pointed to the soldier in one of the satellite photos. “They play at war with kids like this, and I don’t think they ever stop and realize they aren’t toy soldiers. That when their stubbornness makes the world react, this guy isn’t going home once I blow the shit out of this place.”
“I believe love is changing you.” Berkley accepted the pictures back.
“You think I’ve lost my edge?”
“Some people do because they go into these things thinking more about the life that’s waiting for them than the mission.”
“I’m in love, but I’m not in that category yet.”
“I know,” Berkley said as she buckled in. “If you were you wouldn’t have agreed to go.”
“I’m coming along, and when it’s done the beer’s on me.”
Chapter Eleven
Washington, DC
When the plane landed, Berkley took a cab downtown and checked into the Essex House next to the Capitol. They weren’t set to sail for another week and she didn’t want to be stuck in a barrack in Norfolk where the Jefferson was moored. She left the room in her khaki uniform and headed to one of her favorite spots in the city intent on enjoying her days off.
She was standing in the main room of the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum admiring the planes hanging from the ceiling when Aidan found her.
“Think you could have done rolls in that one?” Aidan pointed to one of the older ones in the exhibit.
“If I wanted to crash and burn, maybe. That’s not what would’ve worried me, though. I would’ve been a nervous wreck thinking I was going to shoot my propeller off.” She took her eyes off the relics and looked at Aidan in her dress whites. “You do the Navy proud, Captain. You are beautiful in white.”
“You say that like you mean it.”
“Wanting to go slow doesn’t translate into blindness. The president made a good choice if he wants to recruit as well as put a new face on the Navy.” Berkley winked and moved to the next exhibit. When she attended the Academy she’d spent a lot of weekends visiting museums and historical spots. Her father was a pilot, but her mom was an American history professor who instilled a love of the subject in all her children.
“I don’t mean to be such a pain, but could you define slow?”
“Last time around we went at warp speed and look where that got us.” Berkley walked her to the World War II exhibit.
“Considering I slept with you on the first date, I think you need to cut me some slack,” Aidan whispered into Berkley’s ear after she pulled on her arm hard enough to make her bend down. “And if you tell me you don’t remember that I’ll hurt you.”
“Of course I do, and that I’m here at all is testament that you’re getting some serious slack.” Aidan gazed at her with such loneliness that Berkley’s chest hurt. Chances weren’t like buses, her mom said all the time. If you missed one, sometimes that was all you had on your schedule. “Come on.” Berkley offered Aidan her arm.
Outside, the weather was cold but sunny and the mall wasn’t overly crowded with tourists. “I’m probably freaking you out, I know that, but—”
“You decided on your course and you don’t want to wait,” Berkley finished for her. “Don’t give me that face,” she added and poked her finger gently against the middle of Aidan’s forehead. “Do you want me to be brutally honest with you?”
The question made Aidan hesitate and sigh. “Probably not, but go ahead.”
“That night you told me you had to leave for this,” she tapped the symbols of Aidan’s rank, “hurt me more than anything ever had. I wanted so much from you and you didn’t feel the same way. That kind of hurt changes you in ways you don’t realize until you start to get over the crushing effect of it.”
“Do you think you can get over what I did? I know you won’t ever forget.”
“You’re wrong,” Berkley said with conviction and stopped moving. “I loved you, Aidan, and because you left didn’t mean it stopped. It’s why I answered every letter and it made me think about you every day.”
“You still love me?”
“I do, but to be honest, it’s different. All I can compare it to is flying after losing your nerve. Just because you can’t force yourself into a dangerous situation doesn’t mean you’ve lost your ability to fly the plane. That’s the part that’s ingrained into your brain to the point that it’s second nature.”
“I know that going in, baby, and there’s only one way to prove myself to you.” Aidan looped their arms together again and started them walking. “Actually, two things.”
“Don’t feel like you have to get crazy on me.”
“I’m not.” Aidan smiled. “The first thing is consistency, and the other thing I need your consent for.”
“Let’s hear it.” Berkley walked slowly and tried not to stare at Aidan.
“Did you bring the monkey suit?”
“According to you, I owe you a date, so I took the dress uniform out of mothballs. I figure if you wanted to collect, a pizza joint wasn’t going to be good enough.”
“Careful talking like that, Commander. You could turn a girl’s head.” She laughed, relaxing her features enough that it reminded Berkley of when they first met. “I do want to go out, but tonight I’d like to do something different.”
“Is it kinky?” Berkley asked with a laugh. “Even if I was up for it, I’m sure that could be dangerous so close to the Pentagon.”
“Maybe after dinner in the privacy of your hotel room, but tonight I’d like to have dinner with my parents.”
The wind was blowing down the mall, and it ruffled through Aidan’s hair as they started back toward the Capitol. “Call me when you’re done, then,” Berkley said, trying to sound light despite the fact that Aidan was already trying to blow her off.
“I meant I want us to have dinner with my parents.”
“You want me to have dinner with the admiral?” Berkley stopped to stare at Aidan as if to see if she was serious. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“He’s mellowed some after taking the teaching job at the Academy, and I think it’s time he and mom meet the one thing in my life that’s more important than the Navy.” Knowing there were too many people around and how much trouble they could make for themselves, Aidan just smiled up at her but made no move to touch her more than she was already. “I really want them to meet you, honey.”
“You don’t have to do that. I believe you want to try again, so there’s no reason to get crazy.”
“My parents don’t work for Naval Investigations, and this is important to me.”
“If you’re sure, then let’s get changed. I want to make a good impression, so I need to polish my shoes. Just tell me when and where.”
Aidan squeezed Berkley’s arm. “You do realize what this means, right? At least that’s what my father’s going to infer from you coming, and he’d be right because that’s what it’ll mean to me.” She put her hand up to block out the sun. “Are you sure?”
“What it’ll mean is dinner and meeting your parents, nothing else. That’s it, Aidan, so don’t go shopping for those rings just yet.”
“Then why go?”
When an elderly couple passed them and the gentleman gave them a look of what Aidan took to be suspicion, she started walking again. “Because I said I was willing to try, and to do that means giving in even when I don’t think we’re ready for whatever your timeline is. But we have to remember one thing. We had something that we walked away from.”