by Botts, Liz
Claudia found me within seconds of the opening buzzer.
“Can you believe that Josh can’t play today?”
I found myself scanning the bench for him. “Why can’t he play?” I asked.
“Duh!” Claudia said. “He got injured when he saved you.”
“Oh,” I said as my eyes landed on Josh. My stomach twisted as I saw the walking boot on his left leg.
Claudia sighed again. “I heard that Josh is dating that skank Belle Jacobs.”
Hearing Claudia refer to anyone as a skank made me want to laugh, but instead I said, “She’s a cheerleader, right?”
“Yes,” Claudia said. “I’ve heard that the only reason he’s dating her is that she’s easy.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I mean, Josh’s dating life was his business, of course, but I loved hearing gossip about someone so seemingly perfect. And hearing it all from Claudia made me giddy for some reason.
“Hey, who are we talking about?” Maggie bounced over from her section in the band, surprising me and Claudia.
“Josh Larson,” Claudia said in a confidential tone of voice.
“Ohhh, what’s the dish?” Maggie asked, perking up at the promise of gossip.
Claudia glanced around, making sure that no one could overhear her in the deafening roar of cheering in the gym. “Well,”
she started. “I heard that Josh is dating Belle Jacobs.” She paused for dramatic effect. “Because she’s easy.”
Maggie gasped. “How can you besmirch his good name that way?” Then she laughed. “Everyone dates Belle Jacobs because she’s easy.”
“Guys, seriously, we shouldn’t be talking about this. It’s just so…so crass.” I squirmed, my eyes finding Josh again. He looked like he was enjoying himself, even confined to the bench. It made me feel odd to think that I’d caused him to be sidelined. And yet, he still seemed to be contributing to the team.
“Crass? Geez you sound like my mother,” Claudia rolled her eyes. I cringed. She was right. I sounded exactly like my mother.
But honestly, these kinds of conversations made me so uncomfortable. Blessedly, the buzzer sounded, sending Maggie back to her section and focusing Claudia on the game. My eyes drifted to Josh, and to my surprise, his eyes seemed to find mine across the gym. I tried to ignore the jolt that rocketed through my stomach and unsettled me a ridiculous amount.
At the next time-‐-out, I escaped the gym to the cafeteria where I figured I could at least clear my head. Instead, I saw a small group of girls giggling near the concession stand. Curiosity got the better of me, and I edged closer to get a better look. There, on a banner stretched in front of the counter, was an invitation to the prom for Megan spelled out entirely in candy. Inwardly I groaned, and felt a flash of mint green jealousy. I didn’t even want to go to prom, did I? And who asks someone in January? Seriously.
Feeling suddenly defeated and deflated, I flopped down at the nearest table and plopped my head into my hands. I watched the girls flutter around Megan. This happened every year, so why did I feel so unprepared for it?
“Why so glum, chum?”
I glanced over my shoulder, perking up at the sight of Kyle standing behind me. He grabbed a chair and pulled it up right next to me. I mean, right next to me. My stomach did a funny little jump, and I wondered if this was what it felt like to be in love. I couldn’t hear what he was saying as my heart thundered in my ears. Kyle’s leg knocked against mine, and he let his hand rest on my knee. “So what do you say we get out of here?”
My mouth opened and shut, and I had a bad feeling that I looked like a fish gasping for air. Kyle’s hand started drifting further up my leg, and for a brief second, I squirmed with discomfort. My skirt felt infinitely too short suddenly.
“Hey, Kyle, come on!” Adam shouted from the gym door.
“We’re on. We need you, dude!”
Kyle gave my leg a final squeeze, pushing my skirt up a bit as he did. “Another time,” he promised.
I watched him saunter off to the gym, and my mind ticked in confusion. Why hadn’t I paid better attention to what he was saying? Was this my chance with Kyle? Was I missing it? Still…as his hand rose ever higher on my leg, I’d started to feel a little icky.
Was that normal in a situation like this? I didn’t have a ton of experience with guys, so maybe this was all to be expected.
Before I had any more time to ponder out my predicament, Claudia found me and dragged me back into the roar of the gym.
And my thoughts melted into a puddle. Besides, with auditions to focus on, why worry about anything else?
****
When auditions finally arrived, everyone around me was smirking as Josh Larson got up on stage to take his turn. He had the audacity to be auditioning for Chad, the lead male role. The entire drama club had basically already decided that the role of Chad should go to Kyle, since, you know, he was a senior and he had written the musical, for goodness sake.
Josh gave an average reading. He could clearly act, but he was meant for a supporting role, not some big, out in front, lead role. Just because he was the sports star of the school, that didn’t mean that he was meant to be the star of everything, especially when you considered the fact that he’d only transferred to our school at the beginning of the year.
Then Josh opened his mouth to sing. Everyone shut up and silence blanketed the auditorium. No one even blinked until Josh was done.
Kaylee leaned over and whispered, “He sounds just like a Disney character.”
I wanted to laugh at that. You know, make some crack about how he sounded like Le Fou from Beauty and the Beast or Pumba from The Lion King, but I couldn’t because Josh Larson didn’t sound like either of those characters. And if anyone but Kaylee had said that to me, I would have thought they were crazy. But that’s the thing. I totally understood what Kaylee meant. Josh sounded like a prince in a Disney movie, the lead guy who’s swoon-‐-worthy even if he is a cartoon.
When he finished the audition song, Josh stood at the center of the stage while the auditorium remained completely silent. He looked so uncomfortable, and for a minute, I couldn’t figure out why. Then I realized that no one was clapping. I’m pretty sure everyone had been stunned into silence by the awesomeness of his voice. Still, I forced my hands together, not wanting to break the spell, but not wanting him to look like that either.
Kaylee started clapping next, and pretty soon the whole auditorium had erupted in thunderous applause. Josh got an “aw-‐-
shucks” look on his face and had the decency to blush. He was cute when he blushed. No! I reprimanded myself firmly. Josh Larson certainly was an attractive male, but I was not going to become one of his legions of fans. He had enough girls fawning over him to start a fan club, or a harem. I was not going to join that group.
Ms. Bard rushed onto the stage, applauding like her arms were from a wind-‐-up toy. “Oh, Joshua! That was spectacular!
Phenomenal! I can’t make you any promises, but if I have my way, you’re my Chad!”
I stopped clapping. My hands literally fell flat into my lap. I scanned the room for Kyle, who was sitting in the front row looking smug. Relief coursed through me. Kyle wasn’t worried or threatened by Josh. Why should he be? I mean, Kyle wrote the freaking play. He was still a shoo-‐-in for Chad.
Ms. Bard seriously looked like she was going to faint or swoon or something. Josh had already taken his seat back on the far side of the auditorium, close enough to look a part of the group, but far enough away to denote the difference between us and him. Ms.
Bard continued to fan herself, and at one point, she began muttering to herself and glancing around absently.
Finally, she said, “Oh my, we should get back to these auditions. Who’s next to audition for Chad?”
A few more guys tried their hand at Chad’s part, but none of them came close to Josh’s smooth tone. I shifted anxiously, wishing Ms. Bard would skip right to Kyle’s audition. When Kyle’s turn came
, I could feel the anticipation in the room. It followed him as he climbed the stairs to the stage, and it reached a near frenzied pitch as the pianist warmed up.
Kyle opened his mouth, and the audition song spilled out. I waited for the swirl of amazement to hit me, but it never did. Kyle’s audition seemed flat to me. There was no emotion in his voice, no connection to Chad. I found myself stealing glances at Ms. Bard, wondering if she felt it too.
When Kyle finished, the applause was polite. A few girls gushed to him as he came back to his seat. From the look on his face, it was clear that Kyle sensed defeat, or at least near defeat, because he immediately went to Ms. Bard. The two of them held a tense, maybe a little terse, conversation before Kyle stalked back to his seat and sat down, arms crossed.
“He wasn’t as good as I thought he’d be,” Kaylee whispered.
“I know what you mean,” I whispered back reluctantly, my eyes straying across the room to Josh. He was leaning slightly forward in his chair, his hands laced together, resting on his knees.
His posture gave me the impression that he was tense, and I guess he was because he was sort of out of his element. Or was he? What if Josh had been some amazing drama geek back at his old school?
And when he transferred here, he decided to remake his image into that of a jock? It was a nice theory anyway. But if he was trying to remake his image here, why would he be auditioning for the musical?
“Hey, Mags,” I whispered. “Have you heard anything about why Josh is trying out for the musical?”
Maggie shook her head. “Not yet, but don’t worry I have my ears open.”
For a first class gossip, Maggie could be surprisingly disappointing at times. I was trying to mull over some possibilities when Maggie leaned over to me again and in an excited whisper said, “Do you think it’s because he’s on the injured list for basketball? You know, ever since he heroically saved you.”
I rolled my eyes. When were people going to stop talking about that? The guy had knocked a basketball away from my head, not pulled me from the clutches of a runaway train. And besides, what was the worst that could’ve happened to him? A bruised knee? What a baby. Although he had been in a walking boot for a few days. Whatever. He was still a big baby.
“Whatever, Mags,” Kaylee whispered from my other side.
Thank goodness for Kaylee. “He’s probably just trying to prove that he’s good at everything he does.”
Frowning, I glanced back over at Josh. He didn’t seem like he was trying to prove anything to anyone. He sort of looked like he really wanted the part. In a way, I felt sorry for him.
Thankfully, Ms. Bard interrupted our ponderings by announcing that the Kelly auditions would begin. Kaylee and Maggie squeezed my hands. They were the only people, aside from Ms. Bard, who knew I’d decided to audition for Kelly in addition to the role of Kelly’s little sister. Claudia was called first to read and sing. Not to sound petty or anything, but she was terrible. Her reading felt like she was auditioning for a role on some MTV reality show, and her song sounded like a dying giraffe; giraffes don’t have vocal chords.
I watched with relief as Claudia got off the stage to a rather disapproving look from Ms. Bard. Only one other girl signed up to audition for Kelly. Michelle Martin was a senior, and in my personal opinion, amazing in all things drama related. Plus, she had a really sweet demeanor, and every time she was up against anyone for a role, she cheered louder for her competition than anyone else.
And her audition was close to miraculous. I actually closed my eyes while she sang because I loved listening to her voice. It seemed almost incomprehensible that I’d willingly put myself into the same category as Michelle, but I just had to try. Honestly, the fact that Michelle would clearly get the role of Kelly helped relax me enough to almost look forward to my audition.
As Michelle wrapped up her audition, my mind wandered to my conversation with Kyle. How could he be mad at me for auditioning for Kelly when Michelle was clearly going to get the part? A little flicker of hope danced in my chest that maybe Kyle would actually be proud of me for putting myself out there in front of the whole drama crowd.
When Ms. Bard called my name, I snuck a glance at Kyle. He didn’t flinch or turn toward me. In fact, he made no sign that he’d even heard my name read. My heart sank. Maggie and Kaylee squeezed my arms and murmured positive things. With shaky breath and knocking knees, I climbed up onto the stage. The minute I opened my mouth to speak Kelly’s part, the miraculous transformation that makes acting totally worthwhile happened. I fell into the role, becoming Kelly inside and out. When I spoke the words they were truly Kelly’s words, and I felt like I was channeling another whole person.
My voice shook as I began the audition song, but in the moment, I wasn’t sure if it was because of nerves or emotions.
Regardless, the song was a fun one to sing, and throwing myself into the part, I could easily forget about the audience watching me.
The melody of the song was fairly simple, but there were complex undertones that sifted through the song like sand in the wind.
Applause raced through the auditorium when I finished; a pleasant surprise after watching Michelle perform. I took my seat, careful not to look at anyone but Maggie and Kaylee. True to form, Maggie began to inform me of all the reactions in the audience, and Kaylee’s eyes shimmered with unshed tears. They both went a little overboard, in my opinion. Still it was flattering to hear myself praised on the same level that I would praise Michelle.
Ms. Bard made a few more notes on her clipboard before climbing up to the stage, and saying, “Call back lists will be posted by lunch time tomorrow. I will tell you that I’ve already made my decisions for the main roles of Chad and Kelly. Those will be posted with the rest of the cast list on Friday. Please don’t bother me about who got the parts. You know I won’t tell you, and all the nagging gets quite tiresome. Please remember that there are no small parts, only small actors. And I’d like everyone to consider helping out in other, behind-‐-the-‐-scenes areas, beyond your required ten hours. If you have any pertinent questions, please stay after and ask me. Dismissed.”
Maggie had to get to band, and Kaylee had to work, but I pretended I needed to ask Ms. Bard a question so I could mill around for a bit, hoping to get a chance to talk to Kyle. I stayed in my seat for a minute after Kaylee and Maggie left, quickly organizing my reasons for auditioning when I’d promised not to.
My thoughts were interrupted by someone’s throat clearing.
I looked up to see Josh Larson standing in front of me, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. He gave me a tentative half smile, and I couldn’t help but smile back.
“Hey,” he said, smiling a little bigger. “You’re the girl from the basketball game, aren’t you?”
My smile drooped. “Um, yeah,” I replied. “Thanks for that, by the way.”
Josh ducked his head in that “aw-‐-shucks” move again, but grinned at me through what, up close, were impossibly long eyelashes. “You’re welcome,” he said. Then he added, “I couldn’t have let a pretty girl like you go around with a black eye because of some jerk from Central throwing the ball at my head.”
I raised an eyebrow. So that’s what had happened.
Interesting. And even more interesting, Josh Larson was flirting with me. No doubt about it. Strange and exhilarating, to be honest.
Stranger and even more exhilarating was the overwhelming desire I had to flirt right back. “And what were you doing to make that jerk from Central want to throw a basketball at your head?” I teased.
“I must have told him he had big feet or something.” Josh shoved his hands into his pockets, and grinned at me.
“Such trash talk.” I smiled. Maybe I could get used to having some attention paid to me from the whole basketball rescue incident.
We lapsed into silence for a few seconds, awkwardness seeping in. Finally, Josh said, “Um, so, I just wanted to tell you that I thought you were really good up there.”
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br /> “Thanks,” I said, surprised. I hadn’t been expecting anyone to think I was good after following Michelle and all. I mean, except for Kaylee and Maggie. “You were too.”
“Oh, thanks,” Josh replied, oddly seeming equally as surprised. “It’s fun.”
“What’s fun?” I asked, dumbly.
Josh gestured around the auditorium. “This sort of stuff.
Theater stuff. Anyway, you were great. Just wanted to tell you.
Good luck.”
“Thanks, you too.” I felt the words thicken in my throat as Josh smiled at me one last time and headed for the exit. I stayed put for another few seconds, my heart hammering, before remembering why I’d stayed in the first place. Quickly, I scanned the auditorium and found Kyle huddled near Ms. Bard, a rather furious look darkening his perfect features.
Suddenly, Kyle slammed down the binder he’d been carrying and turned to storm out of the auditorium. He stalked right past me without so much as a glance. My heart sank a little, and I had to swallow the bitter taste in my mouth. As the auditorium doors clanged shut, I reluctantly gathered my backpack to leave. Kyle wasn’t going to come back to congratulate me, and I didn’t have any questions for Ms. Bard, so I really had no reason to stay.
As I pulled the zipper up on my backpack, I heard my name being called. I glanced up to see Ms. Bard beckoning me to join her at the front of the room.
“Hannah, darling,” she said as I approached. I’m so glad that you stayed. I have something that I want to tell you in person.”
I smiled at her expectantly. She really was the funniest teacher ’d ever had. There was something eccentrically lovable about her.
“I’ve decided to forego tradition this year,” Ms. Bard began.
“As you know, normally I give the lead roles in our Spring Musical to seniors because I feel they’ve earned their place at the forefront of our theater family.”