by Botts, Liz
“Sorry,” I grumbled. “I’ve had a long week.”
“I still think it needs to be rewritten,” Josh said pointedly.
“But, I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to interrupt rehearsal.”
“Apologies accepted,” Ms. Bard smiled. “I’ll consider ordering a rewrite, but first let us finish this read through so I can gauge the best direction to take.”
After that, Josh and I glared at each other every chance we got. Well, I glared at him. He sort of regarded me with bewildered curiosity. Not that I could blame him. One day I was tentatively flirting with him and the next I was challenging him to a duel.
Metaphorically speaking, of course.
I could see what he meant by the end of the read through, even if I was irritated with him. The lines were written by Kyle for Kyle. Coming out of Josh’s mouth, they seemed insincere, and I honestly couldn’t see why Kelly wanted to fall in love with Chad when he seemed so self-‐-possessed.
“I would like everyone to take a five minute break,” Ms.
Bard announced at the end of the read through. “I need to confer with my assistant director and the playwright. We’ll gather for notes promptly at five-‐-fifteen.”
We all headed out to the Commons. I did my best to avoid Josh, Claudia, and anyone who might demand a rationale for my behavior. Maggie followed me to a table on the far side of the cafeteria. As she sat down she said, “What gives? It’s not like you to act that way.”
“I know,” I agreed. “I just…I don’t know. This week has been so…I just don’t know.”
“Can I tell you something?” Maggie whispered conspiratorially.
“Sure, Mags,” I smiled, thankful for Maggie’s gossip to distract me.
“Kyle told Claudia that he’s interested in another girl,”
Maggie said proudly.
I waited for her news to sink in. There should be a feeling of elation, right? I mean, I might be that other girl. No moment of bliss arrived, though.
“Well,” Maggie prompted. “Aren’t you excited? I’m almost seventy-‐-seven percent sure the other girl is you.”
“Seventy-‐-seven percent, huh?” I couldn’t help but giggle.
“Not all of my sources are currently reporting,” Maggie shrugged.
“I’m not sure I want Kyle to like me,” I admitted.
Maggie’s eyes widened cartoonishly. “Are you serious?
You’ve been in love with him since we were freshman.”
“It’s complicated,” I said, shaking my head.
Before I had a chance to elaborate, Kaylee appeared at the auditorium doors. “Break’s over!”
As we were settled back in our circle, Ms. Bard began to pace around us, tapping her clipboard with her long purple nails.
“As you all know, Josh has made an unusual request,” she began.
“Normally we wouldn’t even consider rewrites, but due to the…unique nature of this year’s show, I’m going to allow it.
However, as Kyle has already done a significant amount of work on the show, he has declined to do the rewrites himself. Therefore, Joshua, you are going to have to do the rewrites yourself. You may not change the intention of the lines, but you may make them flow better for your acting style.”
“Thank you, Ms. Bard,” Josh said quietly.
“I’ll expect you to preview your rewrites in drama class on Monday morning. That gives you the entire weekend. I trust that’ll be sufficient,” Ms. Bard nodded. “Have a good weekend, and start memorizing those lines!”
Leaving rehearsal without talking to anyone felt supremely childish to me, but I didn’t care. This past week had turned me upside down. There was too much going on for me to process. So when I got to my car with my phone ringing, I almost didn’t answer it. At the last moment, I glanced at the caller ID. Harlow. I flipped the phone open.
“Hey, sis,” Harlow said in her annoying singsong voice.
“What are you doing tonight?”
“Homework and sleeping,” I replied automatically.
“Bo-‐-oring,” Harlow sing-‐-songed again.
I shrugged, and then said, “Maybe, but I have a long shift at Jimmy’s tomorrow.”
“I have a better idea.” Harlow dropped the phone. She quickly scooped it up. “You’re coming to a party with me.”
“Excuse me?” Harlow had never invited me to come to a party before, so naturally I had to be a little suspicious.
Harlow giggled. “I haven’t seen you in such a long time. Is it a crime that I want to spend time with my baby sister?”
I rolled my eyes. “First of all, you saw me on Sunday when you came home for dinner to beg Mom and Dad for more money.
And second of all, you never want to spend time with me.”
“Well, I do tonight,” Harlow insisted. “Please. Please. Please say you’ll come with me. We’ll have so much fun.”
“I guess so,” I agreed hesitantly. Spending time with Harlow was always risky business. “Where exactly are we going?”
“Oh, you know,” Harlow said dismissively. “This guy I know, knows a girl whose boyfriend is having a party at his best friend’s house.”
“Huh?” I don’t think Harlow could have even followed herself through that maze of linguistic dancing.
“I’ll pick you up in an hour,” Harlow said. “Wear something cute.”
Something cute turned out to be jeans and a sweater. I wasn’t going to be stupid. It was the beginning of February, for goodness sake. Harlow’s hour was also more like two and a half hours. During that time, I got all of my weekend homework done, and convince my parents that it was actually a really good idea for me to spend some quality time with my big sister. Luckily, my parents trusted me completely, even where they didn’t trust Harlow.
“You look old.” Harlow greeted me with a frowning perusal of my outfit.
“Old?” I asked. “What does that mean exactly?”
Harlow groaned. “That sweater looks like something Grandma would wear to play bingo.”
“Aw, thanks, sis, you look great too.” I laughed. “This is what I’m wearing. Get over it. And since when does our grandma play bingo?”
“Fine,” Harlow grumbled. “But don’t blame me if you don’t get any action.”
“I’m not interested in action,” I told her. This was met with eye rolling. After she had promised Mom several dozen times that she would take good care of me, we headed over to the Apartment City part of town.
Apartment City was thus named because it was where most of the college students lived, just row after row of apartment buildings. We pulled up to a building that was clearly party central for the night. Every light was on, and drunk college students were milling around the entry way even though the temperature had to be around ten degrees.
The apartment of Harlow’s friend’s boyfriend’s aunt’s grandma or whoever it was made Harlow’s dorm room look like a palace. It was a cramped studio with far too many people crammed inside. The music was blaring. The air was rank with beer and sweat. I found a place on the couch where I could watch the idiotic action of Harlow and her friends.
Harlow began the evening by doing two shots in a row off some girl’s belly button. This assured her the attention of every male in the room. Then she danced on the coffee table, shedding extraneous pieces of clothing as she made strippers look modest.
Just as I was starting to feel really embarrassed, she leapt off the coffee table into the arms of the first available male. That was the last I saw of her for the evening.
“Hey,” a smarmy guy said sidling up next to me. “Beer?”
“No thanks,” I said curtly, hoping to deter his advances.
Instead, he took it as an invitation to sit down next to me. I didn’t have the patience to deal with him, so I got up and pushed my way outside. Tugging my coat closer around me, I peered around the dark street. Where had Harlow parked the car? A sharp wind whipped down the street, and I pulled my coat tighter, shiver
ing.
“Hannah!”
I turned at the sound of my name. There was Josh with a few other basketball players getting ready to go in to the party. He said something to the other guys and ambled over to me while the others went inside.
“What are you doing here?” We asked at the same time, and then we laughed.
“My older sister dragged me here and then disappeared with some guy,” I said. “What about you?”
Josh shrugged. “Some of us guys from the team were out celebrating, and we weren’t ready to go home yet. Mark knows the guy hosting, so we came over here.”
“What were you guys celebrating?” I asked, feeling slightly stupid for not knowing.
“That I got the lead in the musical,” Josh grinned.
“Oh, right,” I said, feeling even stupider. Why wouldn’t he celebrate that with his friends from the basketball team? They were his friends after all.
We shuffled around in the crusty snow, listening to the laughter and music from the party. I noticed that Josh was wearing hi-‐-top shoes. What was this, 1987? Okay, maybe that was a little mean. I’m sure plenty of girls found him ridiculously hot. Yes, he was ridiculously hot. I was trying not to notice that, though, because he was also still irritating me from the rehearsal that afternoon.
“How’re those rewrites coming?” I asked a bit snarkily.
“Oh, great,” Josh said enthusiastically. “I really think I’ve found my voice.”
We lapsed into silence again. Finally, I said, “Well, I think I’m going to go find my sister’s car.”
“I’ll walk with you,” Josh said.
“No, really that’s okay,” I started to say.
Josh interrupted, “I don’t let girls walk alone at night. It’s just not safe.”
“Well…okay. Thanks,” I agreed.
We started walking down the block where I thought Harlow had parked the car. The only problem was, I didn’t seeing it. I stopped under a streetlight and tried to get my bearings.
“You know, I could take you home,” Josh offered. “That way your sister will still have a way home too.”
I laughed rather bitterly in my opinion. “She won’t be going home tonight.”
“Oh,” Josh said. He paused. “I can still take you home. It’s not a problem. I didn’t really want to go to the party anyway.”
Something in his tone irked me. Was anyone this much of a goody goody? I mean, I was like the queen of purity and wholesomeness, and his flawless, good guy act was too much for me. Not that his image was really that squeaky clean. He had the reputation of being something of a player among the cheerleaders, and I had heard that he had a penchant for skipping school. Not exactly hardcore badass, but still not as good as he was being since I’d encountered him.
“Are you seriously going for the knight in shining armor routine? I’m not some damsel in distress that needs to be rescued.”
I frowned at him as I wrapped my arms tighter around myself.
Irritatingly, Josh laughed. “I really didn’t want to go to the party. And I promise I have no desire to rescue you.”
I made an unintelligible noise that sounded something like
‘blergh’, and turned away trying in vain to find Harlow’s car. It was still nowhere to be seen. Sighing, I turned back to Josh. “I guess a ride home would be nice.”
Josh laughed again. “Great,” he said. “My car is this way.”
I followed him down the street with my hands shoved deep inside my pockets. What was it about this guy that tripped me up so much? I was sure I was blushing furiously, and for some reason that made me even madder at Josh.
We got to his car, and he actually opened the door for me. I didn’t know whether or not he was mocking me with the whole chivalrous knight in shining armor thing or if he had just been raised well. As I settled into the passenger seat, I had to admit that it was really nice to have someone do something like that for me.
Josh climbed into the driver seat and got the heat going right away. “So where do you live?” he asked.
I gave him directions, and he pulled out like he knew exactly where he was going. Apparently, he was even good at navigating a town he had only lived in for six months. I still got lost occasionally. How annoying.
My house was still blazing with light when we pulled up.
“My parents like to wait up for me too,” Josh commented.
“Oh, I doubt that they’re waiting for me,” I said. “They trust me. My dad just likes to read late, and Hayley is probably having another sleepover.” We sat in silence for a few really unbearably long moments before I said, “Well, thanks. See you at school.”
Josh reached out and put a hand on my arm before I could open the door. “Hey, wait a second,” he said.
“What?” I snapped without meaning to.
“What exactly is your problem with me?” Josh asked, pulling his hand away so fast I thought it might be retractable.
“Nothing,” I sighed. “I don’t have a problem with you.”
“Then what was all that crap at rehearsal about?” Josh persisted.
“You aren’t Kyle,” I blurted.
Josh was silent for a long time. “So you aren’t any different than the rest of them. I thought you were special,” he said. There was such disappointment in his voice that it actually hurt and I had no idea why. When he didn’t say anything else, I got out of the car.
He waited until I got safely inside.
“I’m home!” I yelled, and quickly hurried upstairs. I didn’t feel like seeing anyone. The hurt in Josh’s voice made me feel terrible. I wasn’t even really irritated with him anymore. And yet I definitely hadn’t been nice to him.
Pulling off my party clothes, I dumped them in the hamper.
They reeked of cigarette smoke. As I gathered my pajamas so I could head to the bathroom to shower, it occurred to me that Harlow was the one I should be annoyed with since she’d abandoned me at a strange college party.
Noise from Hayley’s room told me I’d been right about the sleepover. As I washed away the stench of my very brief interlude at the party, I found I couldn’t wash away my unsettled feelings about Josh. It took me a long time to fall asleep that night.
Chapter Eight
The next morning, I actually felt relieved to report for my extra long shift at Jimmy’s Red Hots. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Josh had said, and at least work would distract me. But I made sure to bring plenty of extra homework just in case things were slow.
The first hour was ridiculously slow, so I read some of my history homework for the next week, as well as tried to get a handle on my fairy tale assignment. No reason to leave it until the last minute. My concentration was non-‐-existent, though, because all I could think about was Josh saying that he thought I was special.
Okay, he’ d been saying that I was no better than all the other drama kids giving him a hard time, but he’d implied that at some point he thought I was special. What I couldn’t figure out was why I was so bothered with Josh no longer thinking I was special.
Around eleven, the lunch crowd started coming in, and the next two hours passed in a blur. At one o’clock, the bell over the door jangled and a herd of guys entered. I recognized a few of them from school. They were on the basketball team, so naturally I started looking for Josh. Sure enough there he was. Our eyes met and I looked away quickly. Talk about awkward.
“Welcome to Jimmy’s Red Hots,” I said in the most pleasant voice I could manage. I made it through all the guys’ orders fine, but when Josh got to the counter, I found that I still couldn’t look him in the eye. “What can I get you?” I muttered.
When I peeked at Josh, he had a serious, perplexed expression on his face. “Hey,” he said softly.
“Hey,” I replied even softer. “What would you like to eat?”
“Actually I’d really like to talk to you. Can you take a break or something?” He asked.
I nodded. “Just let me tell Jimmy
so he can have Madison cover,” I said. As I rushed into the kitchen, it barely registered that I was hoping to rush off with a guy who inspired massive irritation in me. “Jimmy, I’m taking my break,” I called as I grabbed my coat.
“Be back in half an hour.” Jimmy nodded.
Madison peeked through the window. “Ooo, he’s hot,” she said, impressed. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend?”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I said, rolling my eyes at Madison.
“He’s the male lead in the musical.”
“Well, yum,” Madison said as I pulled on my mittens.
Josh held the door open for me and we stepped out into the dim February light. The day had grown overcast and it was starting to snow as we headed toward the university campus.
“Listen, I’m really sorry about yesterday,” I said shoving my mittened hands deep into my pockets.
Josh chuckled. “That’s actually what I was going to say.”
“Why would you apologize? You didn’t do anything wrong.” We turned down the path that led to the theater building.
“Let’s just say, I don’t think I behaved in a way that would’ve made my mom proud,” he replied. “Anyway, apology accepted.”
We kept walking. The falling snow gave everything a hushed, peaceful quality that put me at ease. I wondered what it would be like to walk in the snow with my boyfriend, should I ever manage to get one. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t wondering about Kyle either.
“I’ve always wanted to go to school here,” I sighed contentedly.
Josh nodded. “I can understand that. It’s a great school. I sort of want to go here.”
“Really?” I asked surprised.
“What’s so shocking about that?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. It just seems that a guy like you would want to go away to school.”
“A guy like me?” There was that tense disappointment again.
“Yeah, a guy with so much talent. I’m sure you’ll be scouted by some pretty big schools.”
Josh smiled a small smile. “This is a pretty big school.”
“I guess I don’t think of it that way since I sort of grew up here,” I laughed.