by Botts, Liz
“What are you thinking about?” Josh asked, nuzzling my neck. “Just how fast things change,” I sighed.
“Good or bad change?” Josh said.
“Oh, good. Definitely good,” I replied. “I just can’t believe that less than a week ago we weren’t…us.”
“Mmm, I like the way that sounds,” Josh murmured.
“Are you always this cheesy?” I giggled.
Josh dropped his head low, his lips just inches away from mine. “I’ve never been in love before, so no. I’ve never been this cheesy before.”
I don’ʹt know how long we sat there kissing and talking, but it was way passed curfew when Josh dropped me off. Luckily, the official cast party was another night of the year that Mom and Dad were willing to look the other way.
Josh kissed me one last time and asked, “ʺAre you going to school tomorrow?”ʺ
“ʺNope,”ʺ I grinned. “ʺMom always lets me take a mental health day after a show wraps. What about you?”ʺ
“ʺNah,”ʺ Josh smiled. “ʺI’ʹll call you when I wake up. We can do something.”ʺ
“ʺOkay,”ʺ I replied.
Before I left the car, Josh pressed my autograph book into my hands. “Open this tomorrow,” he instructed.
The next day I slept in. When I did get up, I made myself pancakes from a weird bottle mix. They didn’ʹt even taste that bad, especially drenched in maple syrup. I decided not to take my pajamas off until Josh called. This was a mental health day after all.
And Heaven knew I needed it after my gutsy move of calling out Kyle in front of a room full of people. Although it occurred to me in the broad light of day that other than the freshman he had been hitting on, no one else had probably even heard me because of the volume at which the DJ was playing his music. Part of me was relieved, but part of me was also disappointed because that was nearly the bravest thing I had ever done.
After breakfast, I pulled out my autograph book, which Josh had signed before we were dating. On a page near the back, I found his message, which read, “To the most beautiful girl I know, will you go to prom with me?”
Josh called during the late morning, and I practically shrieked his ear off saying yes to his prom invitation. He just laughed. Then we talked until Mom surprised me with lunch. Josh was disappointed but said he’ʹd talk to me later. Mom took me out to a bagel place that we both loved. I hadn’ʹt been there in years.
Starting around the time I was in fifth grade, Mom used to pick us up at lunch time and treat us to time out, but that had pretty much ended when she’ʹd become Dean of her department. We talked about the show and about Josh. She was still trying to decipher how much she needed to tell me about the birds and the bees, I think. Still it was sweet that she was so concerned.
After lunch, we headed up to the school where I gave Mom such a confused, and apparently concerned, look that she laughed.
“ʺWe’ʹre picking Hayley up from school right now. We’re going prom dress shopping.”ʺ
“How did you know I was going to prom?” I asked curiously.
Mom smiled. “Josh told me. He asked our permission days ago.”
I waited in the car listening to music while Mom went in to sign Hayley out. Hayley danced to the car she was so excited. We chattered happily all the way to the mall. It was a fifty minute car ride, and I’ʹm pretty sure Mom’ʹs ears were bleeding by the end of the drive, but she weathered it well.
The mall was fun, and we both found dresses relatively quickly. I thought we looked a little too matchy, but Hayley thought it was perfect so we went with it. My dress was a tea-‐-
length, strappy blue number while Hayley’ʹs was a tea-‐-length strappy pink number.
Josh texted me as we were on our way back. The text said,
“ʺGive me a call when you get home. I have a surprise for you.”ʺ I showed it to Hayley who squealed. Who can resist a surprise?
Mom pursed her lips like she wanted to say something, but she kept her mouth shut. I appreciated it because I didn’t want to have that conversation with her.
When we got home, I called Josh. “ʺHey you,”ʺ he murmured, sounding happy just to have me on the phone. It made me smile.
“ʺDid you have fun at the mall?”ʺ The teasing lilt in his voice almost made me giggle.
“ʺI got my prom dress,”ʺ I said. “ʺSo that was good. And my mom was nice enough to avoid the birds and the bees talk with me and Hayley, although I have a feeling that we’ll get a nice lecture right before prom.”ʺ
“ʺAwesome,”ʺ Josh laughed. “ʺMy dad had that talk with me a few years ago, and it was pretty awkward. I’ʹm surprised your mom has waited so long. Seems like my dad wanted to get it over with the minute I hit puberty.”ʺ
“ʺYeah, well I’ʹve never had a reason to have someone sit me down and discuss those kinds of things,”ʺ I admitted. My embarrassment level ratcheted up a notch, but I kept my voice calm and hoped that I wasn’ʹt betraying my nervousness.
“ʺSo I bet you’re curious about my surprise, huh?”ʺ Josh said.
“ʺWell, at least you aren’ʹt beating around the bush about it,”ʺ I laughed.
“ʺCan you come over?”ʺ
I wanted to run out to my car in a heartbeat. But I knew I’d have to ask Mom, and after today, she might not be too keen on me turning around and running back out. I needed to see Josh. It was like an ache in the pit of my stomach.
“ʺI’ʹll have to ask my mom,”ʺ I sighed. “ʺI could come over there,”ʺ Josh said.
“ʺThat might work better,”ʺ I agreed. “ʺThat way Mom can’ʹt really complain that I’ʹm never home.”ʺ
Josh chuckled slightly. “ʺOkay,”ʺ he said. “ʺI’ʹll be there in a few minutes. I have to pick up something on my way over.”ʺ
“ʺSee you soon,”ʺ I said as we hung up. My toes tingled in anticipation. A surprise that he had to pick up. What could it be?
My curiosity nearly overwhelmed me. Luckily for me, I thought it best to let Mom know that Josh was coming over. I was thrilled when Mom suggested that he stay for dinner.
I was hovering near the door when Josh arrived, so I opened it before he had a chance to ring the doorbell. That made him laugh. I loved his laugh. As he leaned in to kiss me hello, I realized that I loved every single thing about him. I marveled at how fast everything had happened.
He handed me a familiar paper bag and grinned at me. “ʺI had to stop for cheesecake,”ʺ he said. “We can’ʹt have a fun evening in without cheesecake, can we?”ʺ
“ʺI guess not,”ʺ I grinned back taking the bag. Then my smile fell, because it occurred to me that this might be the surprise, and honestly as nice as it was, cheesecake hadn’ʹt really been what I was expecting.
“ʺCome on,”ʺ Josh said, excitement lacing his voice. “ʺI want to give you your surprise.”ʺ
We flopped down on the living room sofa. I’d thought it better not to head up to my room right away. I really needed to avoid that talk with my mom. If we eased our way upstairs, maybe she wouldn’ʹt notice. He handed me a long white envelope.
“ʺGo ahead, open it,”ʺ Josh prompted.
I tore open my surprise a little more eagerly than I had anticipated. Inside the envelope was a pamphlet from the Venetian hotel in Las Vegas. It was pretty and shiny and looked like so much fun. I wasn’ʹt sure why he was giving it to me, and I gave him a questioning look.
“ʺThis is your surprise,”ʺ Josh said, waiting for my reaction. I guess my confusion got worse because Josh actually started laughing. “ʺI know how worried you are about balancing prom and your grandma’s wedding. My uncle had some contacts who owed him favors. He pulled some strings and got us all rooms at the Venetian for a few nights. He even got the honeymoon suite for your grandma and Duke. We can give it to them as a present.
Cool?”ʺ I gasped. “ʺSo cool.”ʺ My eyes must have been too wide for my face because I was so shocked. How did I manage to have such a cool boyfriend? “ʺWe have to show Hayl
ey.”ʺ
I practically pulled him up the stairs and into Hayley’ʹs room.
I threw the pamphlet at her and started giggling and babbling excitedly. And eventually the whole story came out, and Hayley was squealing. We were giggling and squealing so much that Mom came upstairs to see what was the matter or maybe if we had finally gone crazy. Josh was standing by the door watching the display. He gave Mom an amused smile, and started to explain the reason for our joyful hysterics. Mom’s jaw dropped.
“Your uncle is far too generous. “My mom will love that.”
I could tell she was touched, and Josh’s standing went up several points in her book. She was right, of course, Grandma would be beyond thrilled with her gift.
When we finally settled down, Hayley went to call Mike, and Josh and I went back downstairs to talk about the details of our trip. I was beginning to look forward to Grandma’ʹs wedding.
“ʺNow, this is only going to work if we can all take Monday off from school,”ʺ Josh pointed out.
I nodded, and reminded him, “ʺWe were already taking next Monday off for the wedding, so it’ʹs not like having a little vacation will hurt us any.”ʺ
“ʺToo true,”ʺ Josh replied.
Mom told Dad about Josh’ʹs gift at dinner, and Dad seemed pretty excited about staying at the Venetian too. I realized that no one in my family had ever been to Las Vegas, minus Grandma, who went every month for a week. I had a feeling that I knew what she liked about Vegas, but I really didn’ʹt want to go there. It scared me too much.
After dinner Josh and I snuck up to my room to eat our cheesecake and enjoy some stolen kisses on the side. He left before it got too late.
****
The next day at school, I was relieved to have him by my side because my stomach was a wreck. Every other second it flipped or turned, sort of like a hurricane was waging a war with a tornado. The aftermath of the cast party hadn’ʹt happened yet, and it would. That much I knew was inevitable. I would have to deal with Claudia. And I would have to deal with Kyle. And everyone else. I would have to deal with the feelings that had been dredged up about what Kyle had done. I would have to deal with the fact that I had felt violated and stupid. And I was discovering that I didn’ʹt like dealing with things that made me uncomfortable. Hadn’ʹt it taken me months to get together with Josh? Or even just to admit that I liked him and that I was okay with him liking me?
I saw Claudia first. She ran up and hugged me. When she pulled back, I saw tears shining in her eyes.
“ʺI’ʹm so sorry I didn’ʹt believe you,”ʺ she whispered.
I hugged her back. Over her shoulder, Josh mouthed that he would see me in class. I wanted to call him a coward, but I knew Claudia and I needed our moment together without him there. I was a big girl, and I needed to act like it.
“ʺIt’ʹs okay,”ʺ I told her. “ʺHe’ʹs your boyfriend.”ʺ
“ʺWas,”ʺ Claudia corrected. “ʺHe was my boyfriend.”ʺ
Surprised, I asked, “ʺWhat happened?”ʺ
Claudia gave a frustrated sigh, and said, “ʺAfter you and Josh left the party, Kyle and I got in a huge fight. He basically admitted everything. He said that he thought the two of us were just bed buddies, and you would make the perfect girlfriend material. Like he could take you places and stuff because you were sweet and chaste and all that crap.”ʺ
Tears welled in her eyes again, and I felt so bad for her. I gave her another hug that was so awkward it hurt. Still, it was nice to hear that Kyle had ‘fessed up’ and admitted what he’d done. I didn’ʹt think she’d want to go into all of that again, so I let her cry a few tears.
Suddenly it seemed to occur to her that we were standing in the middle of our high school lobby and that a full on cry fest was not really feasible at the moment. She took a deep breath.
“Anyway,”ʺ she said, “ʺI just want to say that I’ʹm sorry for not believing you, and that I don’ʹt blame you for breaking me and Kyle up.”ʺ I wanted to contradict her and point out that I hadn’ʹt done anything to break her and Kyle up, but I thought better of it. She pulled a Kleenex out of her purse and dabbed her eyes.
“ʺYou’ʹll always be my best friend,”ʺ she added.
“ʺThanks,”ʺ I said, smiling awkwardly. I still didn’ʹt know how to deal with the best friend thing.
After Claudia promised to see me in homeroom, she disappeared around a corner. I hurried to my locker, grabbed my books, and scuttled to class. Josh was waiting for me. I briefed him on what had happened with Claudia. He seemed to think that she’d finally come to her senses. I shrugged and pointed out that any breakup would be hard to deal with. Josh nodded.
“ʺI hadn’ʹt thought about that,”ʺ he admitted. “ʺThey did have a relationship, no matter what other people think of it.”ʺ
“ʺI’ʹm still worried about seeing Kyle,”ʺ I told him.
“ʺDon’ʹt be,”ʺ Josh said. “ʺI’ʹll be with you in drama class. He’s got nothing on you. Don’t let him intimidate you.”
“I’m stronger than him,” I said.
“Exactly.” Josh grinned, leaning over to kiss me quickly before our homeroom teacher came in. There were a few catcalls and wolf whistles from some of the guys, but the bell rang and the day started. I had to admit that it wasn’t as bad as I’d envisioned.
****
Drama class started just like it always did, but everyone seemed subdued. I could feel eyes on me. Josh squeezed my hand but didn’t say anything to draw attention to us or my nervousness.
Ms. Bard came in late. I snuck a glance around to the back of the room to see if Kyle was looking at me. That’ʹs when I realized that Kyle wasn’ʹt in class. I poked Josh, who did a quick sweep of the room to see what had gotten him poked. His eyebrows went up when he noticed that Kyle was missing.
“ʺOh, class,”ʺ Ms. Bard sighed theatrically, “ʺI have some exciting news. One of our very own has been invited to attend the national theater gathering in Houston, Texas.”ʺ
Kaylee raised her hand, “ʺWhat exactly is the National Theater Gathering?”ʺ
Ms. Bard faltered. “ʺWell, from my understanding, the National Theater Gathering is a meeting of young people to discuss new developments in the world of theater.”ʺ She paused, presumably waiting for someone else to ask a question. When no one did, she continued, “ʺAs you may have ascertained, Kyle is the person chosen to attend this fine gathering. I was thrilled when he called me yesterday to tell me he’d be gone for the remainder of the week. I’ʹm sure he’ʹll have many wonderful things to share when he returns.”ʺ
I relaxed. Now I didn’ʹt have to worry about Kyle. After class, Kaylee caught up with me and Josh. Looping her arm through mine, she said conspiratorially, “ʺI heard Kyle convinced his mom to let him skip the rest of the week because the show was so draining on him. But really it’ʹs because Claudia broke up with him.”ʺ
I glanced up at Josh. It didn’ʹt seem like Kaylee knew about my melt down at the party or what had transpired between me and Kyle. “ʺWhat about the National Theater Gathering?”ʺ
“ʺSeriously?”ʺ Kaylee said rolling her eyes. “ʺThat’ʹs so made up.
Why would you have some big national theater gathering in Houston, Texas? Wouldn’ʹt you have it somewhere like New York or Chicago? And why would Kyle have just found out about it yesterday?”ʺ
I shrugged, “ʺWell, anyway, I can’ʹt say anything about it, because I just don’ʹt know or care what happens with him.”ʺ
And so the day turned out to be horribly anticlimactic. I felt sick by the time I got home. After a quick text to Josh, who had an away game for baseball that afternoon, I took a shower, and curled up in bed. I fell asleep and probably would have slept the rest of the night, but Mom came and got me at dinnertime.
“ʺSweetie, are you okay?”ʺ She asked, real concern filling her voice.
“ʺI’ʹm fine, Mom,”ʺ I said, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.
“ʺThe play just ended.
I’ʹm still tired, that’ʹs all.”ʺ
Mom paused. “ʺDo you think that maybe you are spending too much time with Josh?”ʺ
“ʺMom, no,”ʺ I said, quickly sitting up. “ʺAre you kidding? We just started dating. We’ʹre supposed to want to be together all the time right now.”ʺ
“ʺI know.”ʺ Mom sighed. “ʺI was young once too. It’ʹs just…it’ʹs just the two of you seem so intense, and I know what happens when teenagers feel intensely about one another. I just want you to be careful. Remember you can always talk to me about anything that you might be feeling or have questions about—”
“ʺMom, Mom, Mom,”ʺ I hurried to stop her. “ʺLook, you really don’ʹt need to worry about me and Josh, okay? We aren’ʹt doing any of that stuff.”ʺ
“Okay, sweetie,” Mom said, hugging me before she left the room. As I thought about the future of my relationship with Josh, okay the future of my physical relationship with Josh, my mind wandered to my sisters and their relationships. I knew that Harlow hadn’t been pure and chaste since sometime during her sophomore year in high school. She’d told me all about it. I’d been thirteen years old and in eighth grade. The conversation with her had pretty much turned me off to the idea of having a boyfriend for years.
Hayley had never said anything, so I had no idea of her status with Mike. But they’d been together for a while and seemed pretty serious about each other, so…you never knew. But I really hoped not. Why did we need to rush in to any of that grown up stuff?
“Girls! Dinner!” Dad yelled from downstairs. I blushed, being shaken from my train of thought rather abruptly. I wondered when I should bring all of this up to Josh, even though I sort of already had. We’d never really been able to finish the conversation or talk about any of it in depth.