by A. L. Cook
“I just got off the phone with Rufus. They lost contact with Cam and a few other firefighters several hours ago. They were back burning, and the wind shifted in their direction, and no one’s heard from them.”
“Oh god,” Erin muttered. “Um, are they being looked for? Are there any search parties in that area?”
“They’re sending the helicopter over, but the smoke is making it nearly impossible to see anything.”
Erin felt her breath beginning to hitch, and mentally scolded herself to try and stay calm. “How are you doing?” she asked Miranda. She knew how awful she felt, she could only imagine how much worse it would be if the missing person was her child.
“I’m choosing to stay positive,” Cam’s mother said, managing to laugh a little. “It’s working so far, but I have to admit, I don’t know how long it’ll last.”
“Let the kids distract you,” Erin suggested. “Take lots of photos for Cam to see when he gets back.”
“I will,” Miranda promised. “Are you okay?”
Erin considered lying, but had a feeling Miranda would see right through her. “I’ll be fine when Cam comes home,” she said, which wasn’t really an answer, and they both knew it. “Thank you for calling and letting me know.”
“I’ll call back when I know more,” Miranda promised.
“I’m sure I’ll talk to you soon,” Erin said firmly.
As soon as the call was ended, Erin took several deep, calming breaths. Her hands were shaking and she clasped them tightly in her lap. This was just about the worst thing she could imagine, and she knew from past experience that the best thing to do would be to distract herself. So despite the fact that she had to be up in a few short hours, she got dressed to go running.
The streets were utterly empty, and bitterly cold. The wind that had been consistently blowing for the last week seemed to have doubled in strength, carrying with it the smell of smoke. Erin ignored it, setting as brutal pace as she safely could on the icy road. She ran further and harder than she normally would, and resolutely refused to think about what she was trying to run from.
*
Cam was in hell. He, Mike, Andy and Jesse, a firefighter who had flown in from Anchorage, had been cut off from returning to the base setup by a shift in the wind that had burned right across their path. They had barely managed to get away unscathed, and now they were in real trouble. They had fire on three sides forcing them uphill, and they were on the edge of a steep gully, slippery with icy rocks. They were going to have to climb down and back up the other side to try and get back to safety.
But they were all flagging. This was the fourth day on duty, and none of them had gotten much sleep. For the last eight hours they had been moving fast, with full kit on and breathing apparatus as well. They had had to go a long way out to try and escape the flames, and trying to get back meant a lot of hiking. It was taking its toll and Cam was beginning to grow concerned. He knew they had to keep moving, but he also knew that without rest they were royally screwed.
Calling a halt, the four men dropped to the ground, breathing heavily as they sweated in their turnout gear. Their last drink had been hours ago, so after a brief rest Cam groaningly got to his feet and walked a short distance down the lip of the gully to see if he could find water. There was a small trickle of water at the bottom of it, so he devised a route down that would take them by it before heading back up, hopefully away from the fire and back towards safety. He only had a vague idea where they were, but knew what direction they needed to be heading in to get back to the base the fire was being fought from.
Returning to the others, Cam sat and leaned back against a tree. His head was pounding, and he wanted to get going again, but decided to take the rest while they could afford to. His thoughts returned, as they had several times in the last day, to Erin, and if she’d heard yet that he had been out of contact for too long. He could only imagine the memories this must be dredging up for her, and he cursed his inattention that had allowed them to get cut off.
To be fair, even if he had realised what was about to happen, it had happened that quickly that there would have been little for them to do about it. He checked the time and keyed the radio, calling in in the hope that the signal would get through. As had happened for the last few hours, there wasn’t even so much as static.
Ignoring the aches making themselves known, Cam got to his feet. “Come on, boys,” told the others, reaching down to pull Mikey to his feet, “we need to keep moving.” They headed down the gully, their progress painfully slow. The wind came barrelling through, pushing at them, swirling around them, and making Cam’s concern grow. The stronger the wind became, the faster the fire would travel, and given that they were running on empty and trying to stay ahead of it, that didn’t bode well for them.
Shaking off his concern to focus on their path, Cam stepped carefully, grateful for the thick rubber on the soles of his boots and their ability to grip. He paused, shifting his SCBA tank on his back, and set off again, climbing up the other side of the gully, helping the others up as they scrambled past him to the top.
“Shit, Cam, you need to see this,” Andy called, staring back where they had been on the other side of the gully. Cam joined him and did the same, cursing softly under his breath at the wall of flames they could see approaching.
“All right, we need to step it up,” Cam said brusquely. “Move fast, and look smart.” They set off at a brisk trot, invigorated by the ever-advancing flames, and for the first time, Cam had a brief moment of wondering if they were going to make it out of this alive.
*
It was Erin’s turn to take the delivery van filled with food to the station. She pulled up and began bringing food in, storing as much of it in the fridge as would fit, and leaving the less perishable items on the bench. She unstacked the dishwasher and added another load while she was there, just little chores to help ease the load for the firefighters who returned to the station for a few hours of rest.
“Hey, Erin, thanks for the great food,” Ben said, entering the kitchen for a drink as he prepared to head out again.
“No worries,” she said, managing a tight smile. “Any news?”
“Sorry,” Ben said, shaking his head. “But Cam’s the best. He’s more than qualified to do this, so it’s only a matter of time before he comes strolling back to Command and asks what all the fuss is about.”
“I’m sure you’re right,” she agreed, even though she didn’t feel nearly as positive. But she smiled again as Ben clapped her on the shoulder and left. Erin followed suit, driving back to the bakery as she eyed the thickening smoke that had begin to appear over the top of the mountain.
She knew people were starting to leave town, not wanting to take the risk of the fire rushing over the mountain, but a niggling impulse to leave for a different reason had begun to invade her thoughts. Because what if something happened or had already happened to Cam? If she left right now she’d always wonder, but she’d never have to know for sure that something had happened to him; that he hadn’t made it out alive.
But when those thoughts pervaded, she just remembered the look on his face when she had told him she loved him. The pleased happiness that had fallen over his features became her strength, and she did her best to focus on that. It wasn’t easy, and with every hour that passed her worry increased until she was restless and jittery with it. She worked frantically, making Maggie and Shelley exchange worried glances until Maggie took her aside and asked if she was okay.
“I’m worried, Mags, we all are,” she shrugged. “I’m just trying to distract myself.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure things have never been cleaner or better organised in here, and I don’t think it’s worked. Go up to the apartment, have a glass of wine, watch a movie and then get some sleep,” Maggie told her. “You’re not doing anyone any good here, and you’re making yourself crazy. Go and relax.”
Erin wanted to refuse, but the look on Maggie’s face brooked no argumen
t. She sighed and climbed the stairs back to her place, staring at her empty apartment at a loss. She missed Cam’s presence, the way he filled any room he was in with his ebullience and the way her entire being seemed to come alive in his proximity. She missed him fiercely, and the fact that his safety was so unknown made her ache.
“Dammit, Cameron,” she muttered to her empty apartment. “Where the hell are you?”
*
They were hurting, and there was no relief in sight. They were barely keeping ahead of the fire and the wind was shifting yet again, forcing them over and down the side of a hundred-foot deep ridge he’d wanted to avoid. They needed to get down the ridge and make their way along the ravine as far as they could before climbing up the other side in a less treacherous area. For now, sliding down the rocky scree littered with pine needles while trying to remain upright was requiring the last of their reserves, and Cam didn’t know how much longer they could make it.
They reached an outcropping almost halfway down, following it carefully around a bend in the small canyon wall. From there they saw a series of larger rocks that would hopefully give them a means of descending faster and made their way to them. Suddenly, Cam’s radio crackled, a harsh sound that had them all coming to a standstill, hope flooding through them.
Cam snatched it up. “Base Command, this is Thomas, do you read? Over.” More sharp crackles, and a very distorted voice warbled through for a moment before cutting out. Cam repeated his call, was answered by another hash of static, then nothing once more. “Well, that’s promising,” he told his small crew, mustering a tired grin. “We’re getting close enough for radio contact, and I think I know where we are.”
“You mean this cheery stroll through the forest is almost over?” Jesse laughed exhaustedly, right as the rock shelf he was standing on collapsed from under him and sent him plummeting to another rocky platform about thirty feet below where he had been standing.
Even as Cam lunged for him, shouting at the others to stay exactly where they were, he knew it was too late, and over the sound of shifting rock Cam heard a very distinct snap. “Not the leg, not the leg, not the leg,” Cam muttered desperately, slipping and sliding down the loose gravel after him to where Jesse was crumpled and unmoving. He finally reached the other firefighter and crouched down, checking his pulse and breathing a sigh of relief when it was strong. He called Jesse’s name as he checked him over as best he could with turnout gear in the way, finally getting a groan from the younger man as he ran firm hands over his ankle.
Shit. A broken ankle would definitely slow them down, and Cam didn’t know how long the wind would be blowing the fire right on their heels. He called up to the others, still standing safely where they had been, directing them to come down slowly. Once they had arrived they worked on reviving Jesse and deciding what their course of action was to be.
Once Jesse was conscious again, he confirmed the broken ankle. Cam did a quick run up to the top of the ridge again, searching until he found a pair of thick, solid sticks to use as splints, bringing them back and strapping them to Jesse’s ankle with a thin rope from his kit. He refused to remove the boot, knowing that once it came off, there was no way it would go back on, and the pressure it was applying would help some with the swelling.
Cameron hauled Jesse to his one good foot, Mikey stepping up on his other side and the two of them half-carrying, half-dragging their injured comrade down the ravine as Andy went ahead to test the stability of their route. At the bottom they collapsed down, Jesse slumping with a groan, panting with pain. Cam stared down the ravine, gauging the shallow pools of icy water dotting their rocky path. What had been a potentially difficult but eminently doable feat had turned into an impossible undertaking. There was no way Jesse could possibly hop from rock to rock, and it just wasn’t feasible that he and Mikey could carry him, either supporting his weight or by building some kind of makeshift stretcher.
The same thought had occurred to Mike as he got to his feet and ventured some way down the ravine, returning with a frustrated expression. “We could probably make our way along the edge, rather than right over the rocks,” he reported. “There are boulders, pools and trees we’ll have to go around, but short of climbing up the other side, I don’t see that we have much choice. The sides are soft, though. It’ll be rough especially with the sun almost behind the ridge there.”
Cam nodded. “All right. Go time. Everyone turn your radios on- if we’re close enough to pick up the base, that’s more important than conserving batteries.” They did as instructed, then Cam and Mikey hoisted Jesse to his feet once more, Andy again on point. They struggled down the ravine as quickly as they could, hoping to outrun the fire.
They could hear it coming up the ridge behind them, and Cameron focussed all his attention on keeping Jesse moving, as quickly as they could go. He was pretty sure that this ravine would eventually intersect with Gold Creek, and if they could just reach it, they could follow it straight into Juneau. But he wasn’t entirely sure how far they still had to go, or if they’d reach the creek in time.
Jesse was grunting with every step they took, and Cam knew he was almost at the end of what he could take. Then it happened. The wind seemed to die right off, then gusted up behind them, stronger than ever and carrying far too much smoke. Cam glanced back as a veritable wall of flames roared over the top of the ridge, heading down the ravine.
“GO!” Cam bellowed, pulling all of Jesse’s weight to himself so Mikey was free of it, and twisting to shove him along. “Andy, Mikey, run!” Andy took off as fast as he could, but Cam was furious when Mike hesitated. “Go now, you son of a bitch,” he hollered. “That’s an order!”
Looking tortured, the young firefighter finally ran, leaving Cameron and Jesse alone, helpless before the fury of the flames.
*
Something had to have happened, Erin knew. She and Shelley had been texting obsessively all afternoon, but for the last half hour the younger woman had been impossible to get a hold of. Erin picked up her phone to compulsively check for a message she knew she hadn’t received and nearly leaped out of her skin when her phone rang again, answering it when she saw Miranda’s number appear on the screen. “Miranda?” Erin asked, hoping.
“They found Andy and Mike,” Miranda told her. “They managed to get out and found their way back to base. Erin…” She broke off and a sob filtered down the line.
Erin went numb, from her head to her feet. No. No, no no no, not Cameron. Not the man who had stolen her heart. “Tell me,” she whispered.
“The other man on their team had broken his ankle,” Miranda cried, distraught. “Cam wouldn’t leave him and they got pinned down by the fire. Oh my god, my baby boy!”
Erin knew she should say something, knew she should be feeling something, but there was just nothing there. Her heart had been torn out and she had nothing left. “Miranda, I’m so sorry,” she said, her own voice sounding like it was coming from far away and echoing back to her. “So sorry,” she murmured. She sat there for what seemed a lifetime, Miranda’s cries coming down the line and winding through her brain until she thought she’d go crazy. “Miranda, are Caroline and Angela still there?” she asked. “You need to tell them, and be with your family,” she said gently. Cam’s mother sobbed her agreement and abruptly ended the call, leaving Erin so terribly alone.
She sat on her bed, exhausted and emotionally wrung out. She had broken her own rule and was paying for it, just as she had always known she would. It was cruel that she had fallen in love with Cameron so quickly, and lost him just as fast. Then she suddenly remembered a night she and Daniel had shared before they had been married.
They had been lying in bed, windows thrown open to entice a non-existent breeze as sweat from their lovemaking had cooled on their skin. Erin trailed her hand lazily up and down Daniel’s chest, eyes closed.
“What am I supposed to do if something happens to you at work?” she asked.
“Wow,” he had laughed, capturing her
hand and kissing her fingers. “You sure know how to kill the mood.”
She had laughed and rolled towards him slinging one of her legs over his. “I’m serious! How am I supposed to live my life without you?”
Daniel was silent for a long moment until Erin was about to check if he had fallen asleep. “You leave your heart open,” he said quietly. “You have so much room for love, baby; it would kill me to know you didn’t have that in your life.”
“All that love is for you,” she told him carelessly. “I couldn’t give that to someone else.”
“You wouldn’t,” he replied. “You’d just add more to the reserve.”
“I don’t know if it works like that,” Erin had said, sceptical. “I’d never be able to get over you.”
“Good,” Daniel had smiled, his dark eyes glittering in the dim light of the room. “Because you’re it for me too.”
Erin shook her head, dispelling the memories. She had added more love, but the cracks in her heart now let it all flood out. Her phone rang again, startling her out of her reverie. She was mildly surprised to feel tears pouring down her face, but she ignored them the same way she ignored the unfamiliar number on her phone.