by Hart, Rebel
Dani
I white-knuckled the steering wheel as I headed back to campus. I was irritated. Frustrated. And pissed off at that phone call from Hannah. I wanted to stay with Max. I wanted to make sure he’d be all right. I wanted to get one more night under his belt with someone watching over him before I made my way back for classes tomorrow. Especially since I only had afternoon classes.
But no. My roommate had to call and practically ram her emotions down my throat.
“Fucking Hannah,” I murmured.
I mean, who the hell was she, anyway? She was my roommate that wanted to get me laid. That’s who she was. So I’d gotten laid. By a great guy. Who actually liked me.
She doesn’t know any of that, though.
Yeah, and she won’t if she keeps ruining stuff like this.
“Ugh,” I groaned.
I pulled into campus and snagged a parking spot not too far away from the dorm building. At least I wasn’t hiking across campus this time around. I dreaded going into that building. I dreaded riding the elevator. I could practically hear Hannah seething at the end of the hallway. I heard her pacing, her little heels clicking at an insane speed.
And when I rounded the corner to stand in the doorway, she whipped around.
“What the actual hell, Dani?”
I thumbed over my shoulder. “You know I can walk right back out.”
“Oh, no you don’t.”
“Hey!”
She grabbed my wrist and pulled me over to my bed. She whipped me around, cornering me in my own damn room like a rabid dog. I felt my face fall and my back stiffen. I stared at her as she closed--and locked--our dorm door. I felt like I was at home again, like she had become my parent. Locking me away from the world because she thought she knew what was best for me.
She had another think coming.
“What the hell are you doing, scaring me like that?” she asked.
“Last I checked, you weren’t my mother,” I said.
She snickered. “Drop the tough girl act. It doesn’t suit you.”
“Then stop interrogating me like a parent. You call me up and chew me out over something that isn’t your business--”
“Making sure my roommate and my friend is okay is my business, Dani. You had me worried sick!”
I held my arms out. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“You skipped classes.”
“I’m two weeks ahead in my work.”
“You never skip classes.”
I sighed. “Can we get to the point?”
She took a step toward me. “Fine. We can. You aren’t acting like yourself, Dani. Do you know how uncharacteristic it is of you to spend a night out?”
“No. Why don’t you inform me?”
She snickered. “Like very uncharacteristic.”
I nodded. “Very.”
“Yeah.”
“Got it.”
“You sure? Because you never do shit like this. I thought something terrible had happened to you!”
I sighed. As I leaned against my bed, I couldn't deny the sincerity in Hannah’s eyes. The fear. The relief that I really was all right. She wasn’t trying to control me. She was just scared. Worried for my safety. That was what friends did with one another. And I, for one, would’ve been the same way had the tables been turned.
So I swallowed my frustration.
“Look, I’m sorry, Hannah. Really I am. I never meant to worry you or anything. I was just having some fun because I knew I could spare the time to have it. I never get to do things like this. Ever. And I wanted to experience it for once. That’s all.”
Hannah sighed. “Well, don’t do something like that again. Tell me when you're not coming back for the night. I barely slept. I couldn’t eat. I mean, what you do with your grades is your business. I don’t care about that. But I care about you. And whether or not you’re alive.”
“The next time it happens, I’ll let you know. I promise.”
She nodded. “Great. Thank you. Now, where were you, anyway?”
I thought about lying. I didn’t feel like I could tell Hannah any of this without her chewing me out. Or getting upset. Or berating me for some reason. What I was doing wasn’t wrong. Max wasn’t a bad guy.
At least, I don’t think he is.
“Dani.”
I blinked. “Hannah.”
“Where were you last night? What were you doing?”
Don’t lie to your best friend. “I was with Max.”
She furrowed her brow. “Who’s that?”
I pointed to my leather jacket. “Max. Leather jacket man. The guy with the bike?”
Her face fell. “What?”
“Yeah. I was out with him last night.”
“And you stayed out with him?”
The shrill tone of her voice made me wince. “Yes. I did.”
“What the fuck were you two doing? Where the hell did you sleep?”
I swallowed hard as she took another step closer to me
“You didn’t,” she said.
I shrugged. “You’ll have to be more specific than that.”
She grabbed my arm. “Did you sleep with him?”
“You mean, did I occupy the same bed as him last night? No. I didn't.”
“Don’t you use semantics with me. Are you sleeping with him, Dani?”
“Ouch. You’re hurting me.”
Hannah dropped her hand. “Sorry.”
I rubbed my arm. “And anyway, wasn’t the whole point of this year to get me to give up my virginity anyway?”
She gasped. “You slept with that man?”
“Hannah, would you just listen to yourself? I didn’t sleep with him last night. Max was hurt in a fight last night. And I just couldn’t leave him there. He was hurt!”
“What kind of fight? Where?”
“Right outside the dorm, Hannah. He was jumped. He wasn’t conscious. I wasn’t going to just leave him there.”
“Did you call the cops? Get him in an ambulance? You still would’ve been home had you done that.”
I shook my head. “He didn’t want cops or an ambulance. I drove him back to his place in my car.”
She threw her hands up in the air. “You what!? He’s a criminal, Dani. Only men who have records or a chance at arrest don’t go to hospitals after they’re jumped. Don’t you know any of this?”
I raised my head high. “He was hurt. I wanted to spend the night to make sure he was okay. That’s what I did. If you don’t like it, that sounds like a personal problem.”
Hannah put her hands on her hips. “You want to know what I think?”
“I already know what you think. You‘ve had no issues shoving it down my throat since I got back.”
“Dani, I don’t know what the hell’s gotten into you--”
“Control of my life. That’s what’s gotten into me.”
She sighed. “Dani. This guy? He’s trouble. I know that just from looking at him. You need to walk away now, while you still can.”
“See? That’s the issue with people. Always judging others on the outside. Max is always judged, and so was I. But he didn’t judge me. And I didn’t judge him. That’s why it’s nice to be around him. Maybe you should take a page out of his book.”
“What? Pissing people off so I can get jumped and not go to the hospital?”
I pointed at her. “You take that back.”
She smacked my hand away from her face. “Never.”
I felt my nostrils flaring with anger. “I’m not walking away.”
“You have to.”
“No.”
“Dani, just listen to me.”
“I am listening, Hannah!”
My voice rose so high that it echoed off the corners of our room, causing Hannah to wince.
“You’re just like my mother. I do hear you. Everyone can hear you. The only thing is that I’m not listening. Why? Because I don’t want to. I hear you. I get it. But I’m not taking your advice. And that’s what�
�s pissing you off.”
She snickered. “And why won’t you listen? Why won’t you just trust me on this?”
I shrugged. “Because I don’t want to.”
She nodded. “Well, great. Wonderful. That’s just dandy.”
“You don’t have to like it.”
“Of course I don’t like it, Dani. I want my best friend back.”
“What? The one that wore the baggy clothes you always picked on her about? The girl who was always a pushover who you tried to get out to bars and clubs until two in the morning? The girl you forced into heels because ‘that’s what girls do’? Huh? The girl you dragged to parties that made her uncomfortable? You want that girl back?”
“Dani, that’s not what I--”
“You know what’s amazing about this scenario?”
“Dani, just take a deep breath. Please?”
I snickered. “What’s amazing is that, if I were doing any of this with you, you’d be just fine. In fact, you’d be delighted. But it’s with Max. And you don’t like that.”
“Because he’s dangerous, Dani.”
“No, because it isn’t you. Because since the first time I met you, you’re no longer the driving force in my life.”
“What?”
I nodded. “Yeah. And it makes you fume. You’re no longer the one telling me how to better myself and ‘find myself’ and ‘experience college for all it has to offer.’ And because it’s not you--but Max--that makes you upset.”
“Are you even listening to yourself?”
“I am. For once in my life, I am. And if you don’t like the decisions I’m making with it because I’m following the beat of my own drum now, then you can butt out.”
She gasped. “You don’t mean that.”
I stormed past Hannah and wrenched out of her grip. I scooped up my purse and rushed out the door, sprinting for the stairwell. I jammed myself into the door as Hannah called out after me, trying to get me to stop and talk to her. Trying to get me to come back.
I wouldn't go back, though.
Not after something like that.
My entire body trembled. It felt like fire had consumed me and turned me into a shivering pile of ash. Where in the world did all of that come from? That anger. Those words. It almost didn’t feel like me saying any of it.
But, damn, did it feel good to say.
I burst through the doors and poured out onto the sidewalk. I gazed up the facade of the building, spotting my dorm room. I slipped my purse over my shoulder and started walking. I didn’t know where in the world I was going, but I didn’t want to go back up there. While part of me wanted to tell Hannah everything, I wouldn’t. Because right now, it would only get me yelled at.
I don’t like this at all.
“Dani!”
Hannah’s voice behind me caused me to start sprinting again. I booked it for my car, pulling my keys out of my pocket. I just needed to get away from her. Away from campus. Away from all the expectations and all of the things people wanted me to do just to seem normal to them.
“Dani! Wait up! Please!”
I fumbled with my keys as I approached my car. I pressed the unlock button and tossed my purse inside. I heard Hannah’s heels clicking, gaining on me. And as I slid into the driver’s seat, I locked my car.
Just before Hannah started tugging on the other door.
“Open this damn thing now!”
She slammed her fist against the glass as I cranked the engine up.
“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare leave again. Dani!”
I sped out of the parking space and got myself turned around.
“Dani, just stop, okay? I’m sorry!”
They were always sorry. After the fact. People were always sorry once tensions died down. But I knew the apologies never meant anything. Not really. Because the moment I stepped out of bounds again, they’d yell at me again for it. Like a petulant child.
So I sped away from campus again.
“What about your classes?”
It was the last of Hannah’s voice I heard. I tore out of the parking lot and skidded onto the road, hearing another car honking its horn as I almost crashed into it. I gripped the steering wheel with all my might and sped toward the intersection, hitting the yellow light just as I careened left. I didn’t know where in the world I was going, but I needed to get away. I needed to get as far away from campus and grades and tests and expectations as much as I could.
And the more campus dimmed in my rearview mirror, the freer I felt. I drew in deep breaths as I drove around town, watching the clock tick past midnight.
I didn’t know what I’d do about Hannah. Or classes. Or Max. Or anything else. One thing was for certain, though. One thing I knew for sure.
However much of Max I was allowed to have, I’d take.
6
Max
I sat on the back porch and let the afternoon sun batter against my body. It felt good, actually. Like sitting in a dry sauna. I’d taken three warm showers already just to try and unlock my muscles. They were tense. Aching. Bruised and battered.
But mostly, they missed Dani.
“Want a beer?”
John sat a glass bottle in front of me and I snickered. I picked it up and took a couple long pulls, feeling it wash down the last of the pain medication that had been lodged in my throat for the past few minutes. I licked my lips and set it down, watching the condensation already rolling down its curves.
Dani’s are better.
“How you feeling?”
I sighed. “As fine as I can feel.”
“How’d you sleep last night?”
I shrugged. “Like shit.”
“So normal.”
I snickered. “Yeah, normal.”
John nodded. “Dani seems nice.”
“She’s a good girl.”
“Doesn’t seem so good to me. Skipping out on those classes.”
I grinned. “She’s got some spunk in her if you give her a chance. Just doesn't know how to…”
“Let it out?”
“That’s one way to put it.”
“Oppressive parents?”
I shrugged. “Don’t really know.”
“Bad childhood?”
“Again, don’t know.”
“Do you know anything about this girl?”
I know she’s incredible. “She’s smart. Wanted to be a doctor at one point before switching her major.”
“A doctor. Nice. What made her switch?”
I paused. “I’m sure she’s told me, but I don’t remember.”
“Pussy too good?”
I growled. “Don’t you talk about her that way.”
He held his hands up. “Just making a joke. Damn.”
I took another long pull from my beer before I heard footsteps beside us. I whipped my head over and kept the groan to myself. John stood up. I had my hand already gravitating toward the gun on my hip. When Rupert emerged from around the corner of the house, I sighed.
“You almost got shot, you know,” John said.
Rupert chuckled. “I would’ve dodged.”
I snickered. “He is good at missing those flying pieces of metal.”
Rupert smiled. “I take it you’re feeling better?”
He clapped his hand against my shoulder and I grunted.
“Or maybe not. Sorry.”
I sighed. “You’re good. I’m at that part of the healing stage where everything hurts.”
He pulled up a chair. “That’s good. Means your body’s actually trying.”
John cleared his throat. “Want a beer, Rupert?”
He smiled. “Don’t mind if I do. Thanks.”
I held up my bottle. “And get me another.”
Rupert cocked an eyebrow. “You on pain medication?”
John chuckled. “You think he cares?”
Rupert pointed. “I think that girl of his will care.”
I drained the last of my bottle. “Well, she’s not here, is
she? So fuck it.”
Rupert chuckled. “Spoken like a man who’s truly taken.”
I didn’t hate the idea. But it did make me bristle a bit.
“What brings you here?” I asked.
Rupert leaned back. “Coming to check up on you. See how you’re doing. Generally talk about how fucked-up things are right now.”
I nodded. “They’re pretty rough, yeah.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. I just… got a bad feeling about all of this. Something’s not right. And I feel like it’s closer than we think. You know?”
John set the beers down. “Yeah. I know.”
I reached out and slapped Rupert’s stomach. “Maybe it’s all those deep fried pickles you ate at the bar before the meeting.”
Rupert narrowed his eyes. “Fuck off with that nonsense. And I mean it.”
I nodded. “I know you do.”
“Max, you’re sure your old man couldn’t have had a hand in this? Because you know I don’t trust the bastard.”
I cracked open my beer. “Who said anything about ruling him out?”
John slammed his bottle down. “I did. You know damn good and well Dad didn’t have shit to do with this.”
I thumbed over toward my brother. “He seems to think that if my father was behind it, he would’ve been there.”
Rupert shrugged. “Well, you said there was a fourth person in the car.”
John clicked his tongue. “Dad would’ve had a front row seat to the damn show, and we all know it.”
Rupert took a pull from his beer. “I mean, how close was that car, or whatever? He could’ve had a front row seat from there for all we know.”
“Dad didn’t do this.”
“You got any proof of that?”
I held my hand up. “The two of you can stop now.”
Rupert held up his hands in mock surrender. “Look, all I’m saying is, we don’t rule anything out until we have proof otherwise. Deal?”
I nodded. “Sounds fair enough.”
John shook his head. “I’m telling you, this isn’t Dad. We know Dad. We know his MO. How he works. You know this isn’t him.”
And as much as I hated to admit it, he had a point.
“Max, our father’s a monster. Right? Even I get that. But he has lines he wouldn't cross. A man like him still operates on morals. Even if they’re skewed.”