by Anna Lewis
“Nah, it was okay.” I shrugged and smiled sadly. “How about you?”
She pulled out her hand and flashed me an incredible diamond ring, clearly getting to the main point of why she’d dragged me into a conversation. “My boyfriend, Luke, proposed on Christmas day. It was like a total shock.”
Of course it was, you’re still a teenager!
“Oh well, that’s lovely,” I told her instead. “Congratulations. You must be so happy.”
“Oh we are, we’re planning on a June wedding.”
Urgh, I’d never even been close to planning a June wedding, and I was heading far too quickly towards thirty years old. Okay, so I was twenty-seven, but I had a decade on this girl. Maybe she was a naïve teenager, but still it would be nice to have someone love me enough to want to spend the rest of their life with me.
“How about you? How’s your love life?”
Don’t panic, don’t freak out.
“It’s okay, just dating, you know…” The sympathetic look Sasha shot me did not go amiss. “Anyway I have to get back to work.”
I stood up to leave the room feeling about two feet tall. This sucked, and it only highlighted what Amber kept telling me. I needed some real excitement in my life, and not a cheeky make out session with someone I didn’t know, I meant something real.
“Oh, sorry, Markus.” In my dazed and confused state I actually walked right into him. In the past that would’ve sent me into a horny tailspin, I would’ve turned this moment into something huge in my mind, but now I was too morose to really react. “I didn’t see you there.”
“That’s okay.” He smiled brightly and touched my shoulder. “I don’t mind you bumping into me.”
There was something in his tone, something I hadn’t ever heard before. Was that… flirting? Seriously? I opened and closed my mouth a few times, feeling utterly speechless.
“Anyway, I better go and get these emails sent, if we don’t want to end up working a lot of late nights together.”
Okay, it was definitely there now. How typical was this? I’d needed this for so long, it was a dream come true, but because of my insane Christmas party behavior I didn’t know what to say. I felt helpless, hopeless, like I was drowning in my own despair.
“Anyway, see you in a bit.”
Markus walked off, leaving me dazed and totally befuddled. What was I supposed to think now? What was I supposed to do with that very roundabout flirting?
I shook my head and forced myself back to my desk. I needed to grab my cell phone to text Amber. Maybe she had a bit of a one track mind when it came to my lack of sex life, but she was the only one who could give me any kind of decent advice.
‘What do I do? I think Markus is flirting with me? X’
‘Yay! Kiss him, seduce him, finally make him yours! X’
Her reply that came back in an instant made me smile, but it was impractical. I couldn’t just kiss my boss, even if I did really want that. God, I wanted it so damn badly.
‘But what about the party? X’
‘What about it? What does it matter? It was one kiss! You didn’t do anything crazy, did you? X’
‘Yeah, with his friend. Urgh, I’m an idiot. Why can’t I just behave like a normal person? X’
‘You’re a worrier, stop worrying. Please, for the love of God. Please I have done way worse than you! x’
Stop worrying… if only! I sighed deeply and dropped my cell phone back into my desk drawer. This was a mess of my own doing, and now I needed to try and dig my way out of it somehow.
I stared towards where Markus had just left me behind, wondering what was going through his mind. Why now? What was going on with him? Why did I feel like I was the absolute last person to know?
***
I held my head higher as I walked through the office doors a week later because I was certain that no one now knew about me and Ryan. I was silly to worry, I really was a panicker, and it was good to shake some of that off. Positivity worked a lot better for me.
“The Wilson account is running much smoother now,” Markus grinned happily at me the second he saw me coming in. “I’m glad we made all those changes.”
We… he’d been talking that way a lot more recently, including me in his sentences when he discussed jobs. He’d always been a good person, a wonderful boss, but everything was always his idea, even during the times I was involved.
It was nice, it made me feel really awesome, warm and fuzzy inside, like I was incredibly worthwhile.
“Yeah, I think they’ll stay with us now.” I nodded happily. “So that’s great news.”
His hand brushed my arm, shocking me into stepping away. Even now, even after all that mess with Ryan, he could still make me feel incredible. He warmed my body up in a way that no one else ever could, that no one else ever had.
“I couldn’t have done it without you.”
My face flamed brightly and I felt myself turn coy. “Oh I don’t know, you do an amazing job of this stuff.”
“I probably could’ve taken a step back years ago, allowed someone else to manage the business for me, but I just love it. This sort of problem solving is my passion.”
“It shows.”
We shared a smile, and in that moment my heart began to thunder noisily in my chest. I wanted to be cool and calm around this incredible man, but it was never going to happen. He turned me into a genuine shuddering mess.
“So…” He leaned back in his chair and smiled widely at me. “Would it be totally insane if I asked you out on a date? I know that we work together and it could end badly, but… I don’t know, I really would love to take you to dinner.”
I paused, for just a beat too long, my mind whirred frantically the entire time. This was my dream come true, and I knew that my confidant would tell me to just go for it, but still I felt like there was this massive elephant in the room, a black cloud over my head that I couldn’t quite shake off.
“Erm, really? I… I don’t…”
“Oh don’t worry about it, I don’t want to make things awkward. I know it’s crazy, we’ve worked together for years and I haven’t said anything before this, but…” I could see Markus shutting down, which made me feel absolutely terrible.
“No, no, it isn’t that. I just… I would love to go to dinner with you.”
I could not turn down this opportunity, it was all I ever wanted. I could easily deal with the other stuff later on.
“Great, I’ll pick you up at eight tonight. I’m sorry it took so long, I guess it just feels like the time is right.”
It took all that I had not to scream, I didn’t want to freak and make an idiot of myself, but this… it was overwhelming, it was exciting and terrifying, and wonderful.
Amber was going to love this!
***
“Did you get the picture?” I gasped into the phone, terror tearing through me. “What do you think about my outfit?”
“It looks wonderful!” Amber cried back just as happily. “You look amazing, I can’t wait for this for you. You need this.”
“You’re happier than I am,” I laughed loudly, trying to lose myself in the mirth. “Maybe you should focus on your own love life.”
“Actually my love life is amazing, you know that. Tex is wonderful in bed. He makes me feel like a brand new woman. I’m wondering ‘Seb who?’”
I wasn’t totally sure if Amber was genuine or if this was all a cover up for the hurt she was still feeling, but I let it go. I knew Amber well enough to know that she’d open up to me when she was ready. I had to just be patient with her.
“So are you finally going to write off your debt to me tonight?”
My heart flip flopped in my chest as I considered finally getting underneath that amazing man. I hadn’t even thought about it since he asked me out on a date but now it was the only thing on my mind.
Maybe that was where this night was going to head.
“Oh I don’t know if that’s a good idea…”
“Why? It isn’t like you’re in love with him? It’s just a physical thing, right?”
Oh, of course, she didn’t know the true depth of my feelings. I almost forgot about that. I needed to keep my walls up in case this all fell apart. I couldn’t stand the humiliation.
“Yeah, right.”
“If you wanted him to fall in love with you, I would say different, but that’s not the case here.”
“Yeah, yeah, of course.” I needed to hang up the phone, I couldn’t keep faking my feelings so close to the date, it was messing with my mind. “Okay, I better go, I need to finish getting ready and he’ll be here in a moment.”
“Love you, bye!”
“Love you too.”
I hung up the phone and stared at my reflection, tugging on the ends of my skirt as I did. The black mini, teamed with a slightly oversized orange top looked kind of good. Well I hoped it did, at least Amber had suggested it did and I was inclined to believe her. I didn’t want to go too dressy, in case the date wasn’t that sort of night out, but I also wanted to look classy.
Had I pulled it off? I wasn’t sure.
I sighed deeply and started to shove the rest of my clothes back into my wardrobe while I waited for eight o clock to come around. This was nerve wracking, I wasn’t sure what was about to happen, and that terrified me. I hadn’t ever really gone out on a date before, not like this, and I didn’t know if I was ready or not.
Beep, beep.
Oh my God, he was really here! Early too. I pressed my face up against the glass, to see an actual real life limousine outside waiting for me. This was serious now, this was a really high-class date and I had a mini skirt on.
I wanted to change, but I didn’t have time to now. I needed to get down there and speak to him before my self-doubt ate me up alive.
Okay, come on then, Cassie, I warned myself. Let’s just… see what happens.
I made my way slowly down the stairs of my apartment block, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed about my meagre home compared to the house he lived in. I already knew it was a damn mansion.
Still, he knew where I lived too and he still asked me out, so maybe I needed to stop the worrying.
As the door swung open, my breath was literally stripped from my throat. Markus looked gorgeous in his tuxedo, he looked better now than he did every single day at work. His dark skin looked wonderful in the moonlight, his eyes shone with happiness, and he had a swagger that attracted me like crazy.
God this was scary, but absolutely wonderful too.
“Hi,” I smiled shyly at him. “You okay?”
“I’m great, you look wonderful.” He extended out his hand for me to take. “Come on, let’s get going. The reservation is in half an hour.”
“Where are we going?” I asked quietly, feeling all out of sorts.
“Ah, don’t you worry about that. You’ll soon find out.”
Ooh, a mystery, that just made this even more exciting. Markus was familiar to me, but like a stranger too, and I kind of liked that. It kept me on my toes.
***
“This is… wow,” I just about managed to spit out in my stunned state as I glanced around the scene. “It’s too much. You shouldn’t have.” Okay, so money was no object to Markus, it hardly mattered to him, but to me this was on another level.
We were in a restaurant, one with more Michelin stars than I could have ever dreamed about, selling food that was out of this world and cost the Earth for the pleasure, but he’d also reserved us a special table, out on a veranda that allowed us to look out over the city. There were even fairy lights decorating the area, making it look like our own little night time. A space that was reserved just for us.
“Hey, you’re worth it.” He shot me a smile that turned my insides to jelly. I had no idea what Markus’s love life was like, he kept it well away from the office thankfully, but this didn’t seem like the sort of thing that he did for just anyone. I really felt like I was special.
It meant that after all this time day dreaming and fantasizing, Markus felt the same way too.
“Come on, take a seat.”
I did as I was asked, still feeling a little bewildered by everything. This was perfect, just too wonderful, and it was making me feel like hell. I was a phony, a liar, the worst person alive. I’d kissed Markus’s friend, and he didn’t know. When he found out, he would hate me.
“Would you like a drink? Are you okay? You seem a little quiet, Cassie?” The way my name rolled off his lips sent a shiver up and down my spine. What was I going to do with all this guilt?
“I’m okay, this is all just so crazy. I guess I’ve never been treated this way before.” I shrugged as I told a half truth. Even if the whole mess with Ryan wasn’t hanging over my head, I would probably still be bewildered. Everything about this was crazy.
“Well that’s because you haven’t found the right guy.”
Luckily at that moment before I could say anything else, the waiter came over to take our orders which gave me some much needed time to organize my head.
It was only a kiss.
If Ryan didn’t mention it, it didn’t mean anything anyway.
I’m being ridiculous.
I kept those thoughts rolling over and over in my mind, trying to keep myself going, but it wasn’t easy.
“Look,” Markus grinned and leaned back in his chair, giving me a glimpse up and down his gorgeous muscular chest. God, what I wouldn’t do to get my hands all over his chest. For a second I bit down on my lip as I imagined my soft hands brushing over his hard, sculpted abs. “I know this is a little strange, not what either of us expected, so why don’t we try and forget about work for now? Forget that we spend most of our time under the same roof and just be us.”
I gulped down and nodded, despite the fact that somehow made it worse. Without our jobs connecting us I felt like out differences were highlighted even more. He was rich, suave, thrilling… and I lived in a tiny one bedroomed apartment that I had to struggle to keep.
“Yeah, sure.”
“So why don’t you tell me more about yourself? Your family, where you grew up, that sort of thing.”
“Oh right, well I grew up in a small town about eighty miles away with my mom, dad, and two sisters.” I smiled as I recalled my past. My childhood was sheltered but very happy. “Celeste and Carin. We spent most of our days climbing trees and playing in the mud, that sort of thing. We were all a bit boisterous, very similar, so it’s weird that we’ve all grown up as such different people.”
“Sounds lovely. What do your sisters do now?”
“Celeste actually lives in England now with her husband and two kids, and Carin is a photographer, so she travels a lot too. I guess I’m the only one who’s happy to stay close to where we grew up!”
“And what’s your dream?”
That question totally stumped me, was that really first date conversation? Or was I just riled up about it because I didn’t really have any career dreams and ambitions? I worked to live more than the other way around, and I was happy about that.
“I like what I do,” I smiled simply, hoping that would pass it off a bit. “I’m happy working with you.”
“Oops, there we are, back in that dangerous territory again!” As he teased me I just about managed to laugh loudly. “Why don’t I tell you about my family? Although I probably don’t have as many interesting stories as you since I grew up as an only child. Maybe we should go back to you.”
Wow, usually all my dates only wanted to talk about themselves. This was going to be a revelation.
***
Surprisingly, despite all the weirdness surrounding us, we actually managed to have a really nice time. Markus was his sweet, charming, funny self – even more so than I was used to at work – and once I began to relax I was almost pleasant company too.
“Did you enjoy your desert?”
Was I imagining it, or did he wink at me then? “I did, thank you.”
“So… would you li
ke to come back to mine?”
Holy shit, oh my God, he was actually asking me that? On the one hand, maybe I shouldn’t because I didn’t want to give off the wrong impression of me, but then again on the other we had known one another for years so it wouldn’t really be that bad, would it?
“I kissed Ryan!”
Shit, where the hell did that come from? It fell past my lips while I was racing over my decision, and now… well now the whole world had stopped. Time froze, my eyes widened, my heart freaked out. I said the one thing that I knew would destroy us…
“My friend, Ryan?”
“Yes,” I whispered, my head hanging to the ground in shame. I could feel my cheeks heating up, frustration pricking at my eyes. “At the Christmas party.”
“So?”
Huh? My eyes snapped back up to him as he said the last thing I expected. I thought he was going to yell at me for letting him spend all that money on me when I knew what I had done. But he hadn’t… he was looking at me with a shining twinkle in his eyes, as if it actually amused him.
“What do you mean, so? I mean I kissed him when I shouldn’t have done, when I like you, and now… I feel like an idiot.”
“Why? I mean it’s good to hear that you like me, but I don’t know what you’re so worried about. So you shared one kiss with someone before I asked you out, when I wasn’t brave enough too, so really it’s all my fault.”
“But…” I started talking even though I didn’t really know what to say. This was all just so… adult. I’d never been out with someone who took things in such a mature way.
“Look, let’s just get going. I want you to see my house. I want to take you for a drink.”
“So you really don’t mind?” My voice was shy and small, but when Markus sent me a reassuring smile he sent a warmth through my system.
“Don’t be so silly, my sweet little Cassie. Now come on.”