“How can you say that?” John scoffed. “You were born to be a lawyer. Your record in the courtroom is proof of that. How many lawyers can charge twelve hundred dollars an hour for their time?”
“It’s always about money with you, isn’t it?” Kevin asked, ignoring Bree’s wide-eyed look at the mention of his fee. “Have you ever thought to ask me whether I’m happy? Does that even matter to you? Or is it more important that you can brag to your buddies at the club that your sons are more successful than theirs?”
“I don’t have to listen to this,” John said, getting to his feet. “I know you’re angry now, but you’ll get over it.”
“Don’t count on it.”
John gripped his son’s shoulder as he walked past. “You have a son of your own now. You would do anything to protect him, just like I would’ve done anything to protect you.”
Bree waited until John left the room before she said, “He’s right, you know.”
“Don’t tell me you agree with him?” Kevin asked, feeling the familiar tightness in his chest. “He had no right to—”
“We’re both parents now, Kev. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do to protect our kids. Your father probably thought we’d get married before we finished school. Maybe he was even concerned I’d try to trap you with a baby.” She smirked. “Given all the time we spent in bed, an unplanned pregnancy wouldn’t have been out of the realm of possibility, you have to admit.”
Kevin felt heat wash through him at the mention of the endless hours they’d spent naked, wrapped in each other’s arms. He’d been her first lover, and with every fiber of his being, he’d wanted to be her last.
Sitting on the footstool at the end of the chair his father vacated, he said, “Man, it’s been a rough few months. I feel like my life is spiralling out of control, you know? This time last year I was on this forward trajectory. I knew exactly where I wanted to go, where I intended to end up. Now? I haven’t got a clue.”
“Do you enjoy it?” Bree asked. “Practicing law?”
He’d been asking himself that question a lot since Trena left. “I don’t know anymore. I’ve built a successful practice. I have a lot of junior partners who’re every bit as hungry as I was when I first started out. I look at them and see the guy I used to be and I wonder what happened to him. When did I lose that hunger?”
“People change,” Bree said cautiously. “Could be you’ve changed. Divorce has a way of putting things into perspective.”
“Did it change you? The divorce, I mean?” Kevin knew they were avoiding the real issue, their break-up, because if they addressed the reason behind it, they’d have to acknowledge the path their lives could have taken instead.
She threaded one hand through the other, looking down. “When I married Lyle, I assumed it would be forever. I built all of my plans for the future around him. Now I’ve had to make new plans, figure out who I am without him.”
Kevin never expected it to be so hard to listen to his first love talk about the man she’d married instead of him. They hadn’t been lovers in two decades, yet seeing her now, looking so sweet and vulnerable, made it feel like yesterday. “And? Who are you without him?”
She smiled as she tipped her head to look at him. “I’m happier now. I feel free, like anything is possible. I spent so much time worrying about Lyle and his problems the past few years that I kind of lost myself. I’ve started to find myself again the past few months and it feels really good.”
“I’m happy for you,” he said, wishing he could say the same.
“How about you, Kev? Who are you without your wife?”
He laughed, the sound raspy and laced with the bitterness that was always lurking just beneath the surface whenever he thought about his soon-to-be ex. “I’d never allow my father to openly disparage Trena, especially in front of Danny, but I think deep down I always knew that she married me because she knew I was going to be successful. She wanted the best, yet she resented how hard I had to work to give it her.”
“She had the best,” Bree said. “And not because you earned a good living. She was lucky enough to marry a warm, compassionate, understanding man who was a wonderful father to her son.”
“You’re wrong.” It hurt to admit it, especially to Bree, but he needed her to know how much he’d changed after she left him. “When we broke up…” He sighed heavily. “I wasn’t the same guy anymore. I never treated her the way I treated you. Maybe that’s why she left me. Maybe if I could have loved her like that—”
“Please don’t beat yourself up,” Bree said, reaching over to touch his forearm. “There are all different kinds of love. None quite as powerful and all-consuming as your first love. Is it so terrible that we couldn’t love our spouses the way we loved each other?”
“Then you didn’t…” Kevin knew he was just asking for more pain, probing for details about her marriage.
“No, I didn’t love him the way I loved you.” She slipped a thin narrow band around on her left hand as she spoke. “I felt guilty about that for a long time. I felt I should love him with that same intensity. He was my husband, the father of my child. But he had a lot of faults. Faults that made it difficult to love him.”
“Ironic, isn’t it?” Kevin asked, swiping a hand over his face. “That we both chose people who were so difficult to love. I don’t think that was a coincidence.”
“I don’t think it was either.” She slipped her wedding ring off before sliding it back on her finger. “I understand your wife is planning to remarry. How do you feel about that?”
He raised a shoulder. “Honestly? I don’t really care. I do care how it affects my son, but beyond that, Trena can do whatever she wants.” He told himself it was a mistake to ask, still he heard himself saying, “Where do things stand with your ex?”
“He’s not my ex yet, not officially. He’s still hoping for a reconciliation.”
Kevin blew out a slow breath as he tried to collect himself. He didn’t expect that bit of news to hit him so hard. “Do you think you’ll go back to him?”
“I think my little girl misses her daddy sometimes,” Bree said. “I feel bad about that. But like I said, I’m happier here than I was with him.”
“Then you’re not going back to him?”
“He had a drinking problem,” Bree explained. “He’s getting help for it. He begged me not to file for divorce yet. He wants to prove to me that he can change and I felt I owed it to Ainsley to let him try.”
Kevin thought he’d developed a thick skin over the years. He didn’t think a woman still had the power to hurt him the way Bree once had, but hearing that she was teetering between her old life and new re-opened old wounds. “Then you might take him back?”
“I don’t have a crystal ball,” she said, raising her hands. “A lot has gone down between us. We’ve hurt each other deeply. Honestly, I don’t know if our marriage can be salvaged.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that my father was the reason you were breaking up with me? I deserved to know.” Kevin knew jumping from one painful subject to another was asking for trouble, but he had to know what she’d been thinking.
“I was just a kid back then.” She covered her mouth with her hands before she said, “I’d worked so hard to get into a good college, to get that scholarship. My dad worked two jobs just so they could help. I owed it to them to earn as much as I could on my own. Without the money I made that summer, I couldn’t have bought the books I needed. I felt I had no choice.”
“You could have told me. You knew I had money. I could have loaned you some.”
Looking shocked and appalled he would even suggest such a thing, she said, “I would never have taken your money. I had my pride.”
The differences between Bree and Trena were even more glaring now that he heard her say she’d never have taken a dime from him, given the choice. “Yeah, but your pride cost us everything.” He reached for her hand. “Do you have any idea how much I loved you? I wanted to marry you, Bree. I
t killed me when you left.”
“It killed me to leave.” She brushed her thumb across the back of his hand as her eyes locked on the wedding ring he hadn’t bothered to take off. “I called you the day I left for school, but you didn’t answer and I didn’t have the nerve to leave a message.”
He smirked. “That must have been before call display.” Knowing she’d tried to reach out to him made him feel marginally better, but nothing could erase the past twenty years.
“I knew it was too late for us, that you never would’ve forgiven me, but—”
“You don’t know that.” He brought her hand to his lips. “I still loved you then. It took a hell of a long time for me to stop loving you.” The little voice in his head questioning whether he’d ever stopped loving her was getting louder and more insistent, especially when he looked into those big blue eyes and remembered what it felt like to shut out the rest of the world and get lost in her.
“Mommy,” Ainsley said, from the doorway, “can I sleep over?”
Bree snatched her hand away from Kevin’s before reaching for her daughter. “Not tonight, baby.”
Chapter Five
Bree was nervous walking into Kevin’s posh office building three days later with boxes armed to deck his halls, but she’d promised Rennie she wouldn’t leave until the job was done.
“Um, excuse me, miss,” a silver-haired receptionist at the front desk said, frowning, as she peered down at her over the rim of her wire-framed glasses. “You must have the wrong building. This building belongs to Foster and Associates.”
There was no way she could have missed the discreet silver lettering on the black marble and glass office building. “I know, ma’am,” she said, smiling. “I was hired to do some Christmas decorating.”
As if on cue, two men carrying a twenty-foot spruce tree, hauled it in, asking, “Where would you like this?”
After a quick survey of the modern foyer, Bree pointed to a corner between the elevators and waiting area where a security guard sat behind a pane of glass. “Right over there, please.”
“I don’t understand,” the receptionist said. “Mr. Foster hired you? He’s never done anything like this before and I certainly wouldn’t expect him to be in a festive spirit this year. Maybe I’d better check with him—”
“Actually…?” Bree said, approaching the desk.
“Hazel.”
“Hazel,” she said, with a warm smile. “His sister-in-law, Rennie, hired me.” Since the receptionist had already alluded to his divorce, she didn’t think it was inappropriate to add “She wanted to do something to cheer him up and she thought this might help.”
“I think it’s a lovely idea,” Hazel said, still looking uncertain. “But I’m still not sure Mr. Foster is going to like it. I might get in trouble if—”
“Kevin and I are old friends,” Bree said, touching the older woman’s hand. “I promise, if he’s angry, I’ll take all the blame.”
After their talk was interrupted the other night, Kevin shut down completely. When they were saying good-bye at the door, his eyes seemed vacant, as though he was trying not to feel anything, and since he hadn’t attempted to contact her since, she had no idea whether he wanted to see her again.
The woman looked hesitantly at the magnificent tree as the delivery men cut away the wrapping. “I do love Christmas,” she said, smiling. “It would be so nice to have some decorations around here for a change. When I offered to take care of it last year, Mr. Foster told me this was a place of business, not a department store.”
Bree’s uncertainty morphed into fear. The last thing she needed was to give Kevin another reason to resent her. Their talk the other night had opened doors that had been firmly closed for so long, and now that he knew the real reason she’d left, she couldn’t help but wonder whether he felt differently about her.
“Kevin knows how much Rennie cares about him,” Bree said, trying to put her own mind at ease as much as Hazel’s. “Even if he isn’t thrilled with the decorations, he’ll have to acknowledge her heart was in the right place.”
“I sure hope your right,” Hazel said, biting her lip. “My husband got laid off last month. I really can’t afford to lose this job. And I’ve seen Mr. Foster fire people for a lot less.”
Bree considered packing up and going home, but she knew she’d regret it if she did. No matter what happened, she would not let Hazel lose her job over this. “Come on,” she said, trying to ease the older woman’s apprehension. “I can’t believe Kevin is that much of an ogre.”
“I never said that,” she said, her dull brown eyes widening in surprise. “You won’t tell him I said that, will you?”
“Of course not.” Bree touched her hand again, offering a reassuring smile. The woman’s reaction gave her some insight into the kind of man Kevin had become. At his brother’s house, she’d seen glimpses of the old Kevin, the man she loved, but the softer side of him was apparently well hidden these days.
Bree signed the order form one of the men thrust at her before slipping a bill out of her purse and discreetly handing it to one of them. “Thank you so much for delivering it on such short notice. It looks lovely.”
“It does look lovely,” Hazel said, admiring the majestic tree. “But don’t you think it’s a bit early for a real tree?”
“Rennie told me you close two weeks before Christmas. Is that true?”
“Yes.”
“That should be perfect,” Bree said. “I won’t be able to decorate it until tomorrow, so it will still look lovely in two weeks. Could I trouble you to water it, Hazel?”
“No problem.” She smiled. “You said you and Mr. Foster were old friends?”
“Um, yes.” Bree bit her lip. She knew Hazel was fishing for information about her boss’s personal life but unless she missed her guess, Kevin still guarded his privacy. “I have some more boxes in my van. I should get those so I can get started on the garland. Excuse me.”
When Bree returned, Kevin was glaring up at the tree. After a quick glance at Hazel, who offered a helpless hand gesture, she rushed over to him, hoping to diffuse his anger. “Hey, Kev, I was—”
“What the hell is this?” he demanded, pointing at the tree. “Who told you to bring this thing in here?”
“Um, it was supposed to be a surprise,” she said, wiping her hands down the side of her black cotton leggings. “Rennie wanted to—”
“I want it gone. Now.”
Bree’s mouth fell open. She thought it might take him a while to warm up to the idea, but she didn’t expect him to be so unreasonable about it. “But, I can’t. I promised Rennie that I’d—”
“Yeah, well you made me a lot of promises too,” he said, settling his hands on his hips as his eyes scanned her face. “You had no problem breaking those, did you?”
Bree cast a quick glance around them. There were at least a dozen people milling around the lobby, all pretending not to listen to their conversation. “Do you think we could talk about this in your office?” she whispered.
Without a word, he turned and punched the button for the elevator. He held the door open while she stepped on. When a man in a dark suit nodded at him, Kevin said, “Take the next one, Jim.”
“Of course, sir,” he said, taking a step back as the doors closed.
“That was rude,” Bree said, folding her arms. “What’s your problem?”
“You. I don’t want you here. It’s bad enough I can’t get you out of my goddamn head. You have to show up at my office and—” He sighed as he thrust a hand through his carefully styled hair.
Bree’s heart did a little flip-flop at his admission. At least she wasn’t the only one having trouble concentrating. Since he obviously didn’t intend to offer more, she took the time to discreetly admire him instead. He looked incredible in a black designer suit with a pale blue shirt and tie that enhanced the color of his eyes.
“I think I’ve only seen you in a suit once,” she said. “When you took me to my sen
ior prom.”
“You really want to go there?” he asked, his voice taking on a gravelly tone as he took a step toward her. “You wanna talk about that night?”
Bree backed up against the mirrored wall as he moved closer, gripping the bar running around the enclosed space. “I… What are you doing?”
He punched the stop button before closing in on her, bracketing her with one hand on either side of her head. “You want to talk about old times? Let’s talk.”
“The elevator,” she said, pointing helplessly at the panel. “You can’t do that.”
“I can do whatever the hell I want. I own the building.”
“But… I…” Looking into his eyes was like meeting him for the first time. The laughter was gone. The teasing glint she remembered was a distant memory. The lust was still there, but it was darker and decidedly more dangerous than it had been when they were kids. She’d trusted the old Kevin, but this man scared her.
“What do you want me to say?” she asked, her voice wavering. “I’m sorry for not telling you the real reason I had to end things. I am. But I can’t change what happened, Kev. I did what I felt I had to. Getting an education was important to me. It was important to my parents. I needed that money.”
“So you’ve said.” His eyes appeared cold and flat when he said, “It’s always about money, isn’t it? The almighty dollar, that’s what makes the world go ’round. We’re judged by how much or little we have.”
“I hope not,” she said, trying to make light of the situation. “If that’s the case, I’ll be found seriously lacking.”
“So you got the education and it still didn’t give you the success you were hoping for?” He shook his head, muttering something incomprehensible under his breath before he asked, “So it wasn’t worth it, was it? Walking away from me and what we could have had?”
She’d asked herself that question a thousand times and still didn’t have the answer. If she’d made a different choice, found another way, stood up to his father, would they be happily married now? She had no way of knowing for sure, but it remained one of her biggest regrets.
Fast Break (Texas Titans Holiday) Page 5