by Lena Nicole
Me: Lunch sounds good. Just let me know when and where. And thank you.
FOUR MONTHS HAVE passed since my accident and in that short time so much of my life has changed. New York was great. It was the most fun I ever had going there. Pierce always finds ways to make things exciting. We arrived home late at night and were beat when we got back to my place. We both took a quick shower and passed out.
***
I’m waiting for Lexi to stop by and drop off Ali and I can’t wait to see her. Which reminds me, I have to hide all of Pierce’s shoes that he left out. Moments later the doorbell rings. I open the door and am greeted by Lexi and Ali, who is pawing at my leg. I lean down to give Ali a kiss and unhook her leash. As Ali takes off I notice Lexi has a small box in her arms. I take the box from her and move aside so she can come in.
“What’s in the box?” I ask looking at her in puzzlement.
“Oh, a bunch of toys. I was taking Ali for a walk and we passed a pet shop and I may or may not have spoiled her rotten,” Lexi says as she looks a little guilty.
I eye the items in the box and snicker. Spoiled was not even close to all the crap that was in there. She has a bedazzled food and water bowl with her name on it, some toys, and about ten bags of different kinds of treats. There is even a pink bedazzled collar in it. I shake my head at Lexi and set aside the box.
“Thank you so much for watching her. We didn’t want to board her and leave her alone with people she didn’t know.”
“Oh, it’s fine. She is such a good dog. I don’t know what Pierce is talking about with the shoes though. She didn’t eat any of mine.”
I laugh. “Well, she only eats Pierce’s shoes. Colby and Morgan are coming over for lunch and then we’re going to lay out on the beach. Do you want to join us?”
I notice Lexi start to play with her hands as she answers nervously. “I can’t. I have plans, but next time.”
Picking up on the change in Lexi’s demeanor I ask,” Oh no problem. What do you have planned today?”
“Oh, you know, just some of this and that,” she says avoiding eye contact.
“You’re going to meet a guy, aren’t you?” I say as I cross my arms eyeing her expression.
Lexi starts twisting a strand of her hair and her eyes are darting around the room. She’s clearly nervous or hesitant to tell me and I want to try and help ease her mind, so I relax my stance and say, “Hey, it’s okay, Lex. You can talk to me about it, and maybe it will make you a little less nervous when you see him.”
“I’m not nervous to see him. I’m nervous my overprotective brother will find out,” she rolls her eyes as she talks about Pierce.
“Why? Pierce loves you and he would want you to be happy.” I walk over and sit down on the couch and pat the cushion next to me, gesturing for her to join me. She comes over and slumps down into the seat.
“Okay, here it goes,” she starts with a sigh. “About a month ago I was in the area and decided to visit my brother for lunch. I brought him his favorite and we ate in his office. When I was leaving his office, I hit the button on the elevator and as the doors were about to close I heard someone yell out, ‘Hold the door.’ I did and in walked this gorgeous guy. He was tall and sexy with a deep, glistening tan and the most unique gray eyes I’ve ever seen. I mean a total stud.” She has a dreamy look in her eye and I’m half expecting her to start fanning her face.
“He thanked me and we exchanged names, and shortly after that the elevator stopped. I’m getting a little panicked but Garrick took charge and hit the emergency call button. The man on the other end told us it would be about an hour before the service man could get it fixed. We were talking for a little while and it got a little hot in there. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m slightly claustrophobic. The longer we sat there the more freaked out I became. I was trying really hard not to break down in front of this gorgeous man I just met, but eventually it started getting to me. I was sweating and having a hard time breathing. He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and helped me relax. He was able to talk me down from my panic attack and was very soothing. Next thing I knew, we locked eyes, I looked at his lips, and I crashed my mouth to his. I don’t know what came over me in that moment, but it definitely kept my mind off of the broken elevator and it was fixed by the time we pulled away.” Lexi looks down like she’s a little embarrassed that she admitted to making out with a complete stranger, but then a small smile creeps across her face as she’s remembering the encounter.
I’m still trying to process what she just told me. I can’t imagine kissing a person I had only talked to for thirty minutes, then a thought occurs to me, “Lexi! What if he was married?” I ask incredulously. I’m actually really stunned by her story.
“I checked for a ring as soon as that man stepped on the elevator.” She shrugs nonchalantly.
“And what if he had a girlfriend?”
“Addison! Would you let me finish?! I can finally talk to someone other than Colby about this and you keep cutting me off!”
“Wait, Colby knew?!” I shout. Now I’m even more shocked that my best friend kept this from me and that Lexi would tell her before me.
“Well, she’s not dating my brother, so yeah.” I’m slightly offended that she thinks I wouldn’t keep a secret for her and am about to argue my case when she holds up her hand and continues, “and before you get mad that she didn’t tell you, I swore her to secrecy. Now if I may finish…” she says as she waits for my reply. I nod. “I started kissing him and when it finally registered in my mind that I was attacking this poor guy in the elevator who might have a girlfriend, I started to pull away. Well to my surprise, he pulled me back into him and kissed me again. When I managed to break the kiss I said, ‘I guess it’s safe to assume you don’t have a girlfriend?’ He made a grunting noise and said no and starts kissing me again. Next thing I know the elevator starts moving.”
“Well, I don’t really know what to say. I mean if that happened a month ago things are obviously going good I assume.”
“Yeah, they are.” She smiles brightly at me and I’m glad that she seems so happy.
“So, what’s the problem?” I’m still a little perplexed on why this is a big secret. There’s gotta be more to the story than that since her face drops when I ask this question.
“I thought Garrick was a client of Pierce’s, but it turns out he works for him. Like as in his right hand man kind of works for him. I had no idea since Pierce always refers to his closest work companion as ‘Rick’, so I never put the two together. I told Garrick that I didn’t want my brother knowing. Pierce is so overprotective and I’m not ready for him to know and I don’t want to cost Garrick his job if we don’t work out.”
“I don’t think Pierce would ever do that. He is a respectable business man and you know that.” I’m sure Pierce wouldn’t be too pleased if things didn’t work out between them, but I seriously doubt he is the type that would fire a close colleague over something like that.
“I know, just please don’t tell him. I will when I’m ready,” she pleads.
Before I can answer her my door swings open and in walks Morgan and Colby. We all say our goodbyes to Lexi and I lean into her ear as I hug her and reassure her that I won’t say a word to Pierce. I feel the tension leave her shoulders with my promise. After eating a quick lunch, I grab a pitcher of margaritas and lead the girls to the chairs I had laid out on the beach. It is the perfect day to sunbathe. I fill up our cups and recline back on my towel.
“So, I’m meeting Colin later.” This causes the girls’ attention to turn towards me. Morgan speaks first.
“How did that come about?”
Colby quickly follows. “I thought he was ignoring your texts.”
“Well, I guess he’s not anymore. I stopped texting him and he finally reached out to me. I’m hoping things can go a little better this time around since the last time we talked it turned ugly real fast.”
“Well, what did you expect? In
his mind you’re still his fiancé, and you slept with another guy. So as far as Colin is concerned, you pretty much cheated on him,” Colby says.
I feel like I’ve been sucker punched and am a little pissed off at Colby. That was a low blow, and she of all people knows how bad I felt when I left his place. Before I can speak up, Morgan chimes in, “That’s not fair, Colby. Addy doesn’t remember Colin. What is she supposed to do, move in and marry the guy because everyone tells her she should? Give the girl a break. Yeah, it sucks for Colin but Addison isn’t a bitch and she wasn’t out to hurt him. She fell for Pierce and she is happy. She is lucky to be alive and you should be happy for her too.”
All this bickering is exhausting me and I don’t need the reminder on how I’m ruining Colin’s life. I get it. I rub my temples to ease the building tension and say, “Okay, enough. I didn’t call you guys over here so we could banter about Colin all afternoon. Just drop it.”
There’s a long pause that seems to stretch on forever until Colby says, “No, Morgan’s right. I’m sorry. I told you I would support you and want you to be happy and then go say stuff like that. I’m still friends with Colin and sometimes the lines get a little blurry for me. It’s just weird to not see you guys together. You guys would never come over separately, so when I meet up with him and you’re not there it’s just strange. I apologize.”
Colby’s words really hit home. I didn’t realize that all of us spent so much time together and Colin was a big part of her life as well. I think really hard and try to remember any piece of the four of us hanging out together and come up with nothing. I throw my head back in the chair and close my eyes. I’m going to suppress these thoughts since I’m meeting up with Colin later. We have enough problems to resolve right now and don’t want this looming over me too.
A few hours later I’m on my way to Colin’s and I’m a ball of nerves. I want to mend things and move forward. If after today it isn’t possible, I’m closing the door on that part of my life. This whole thing is mentally and physically draining, and as much as I would like to keep Colin in my life, if he’s not willing to accept a friendship then there’s nothing more I can offer him. I call Pierce on his office phone to help calm my nerves. He’s the only thing in my life that’s not complicated right now.
“Pierce Whitmore,” he answers.
“Hey, babe. How’s your day?”
“Hey. It’s fantastic now. I was just thinking about you and I’m glad you called. Are you on your way over to Colin’s?”
When Pierce was getting ready for work this morning, I told him I was supposed to meet with Colin and try and sort out a friendship.
“Yup. I’m a little nervous. I don’t really know him so I don’t know what to expect. I just hope it’s not like last time.”
“Well, his texts seem like he was being genuine. He had obviously reached his breaking point that day. He still shouldn’t have said the things he did to you though, but if he starts that shit again just leave and call me. I will not have anyone disrespecting my girl and if he does, we will have a problem,” he says in a menacing tone.
“Oh, Charming, always trying to defend my honor. How noble of you,” I say sarcastically trying to lighten the mood.
We both laugh a little and he says, “I’m serious, Addison. Don’t let him walk all over you. You’re a strong person and you can handle this.” He’s right, I can do this. I’m so glad I called because he just gave me the confidence I’m going to need to face this.
“I love you. Thank you for making me calmer about this situation. I just pulled up so I’ll call you as soon as I leave.”
“Okay, good luck. I’m sure everything will be fine. I love you.”
I hang up with Pierce and make my way up Colin’s driveway. I’m not nervous anymore after speaking to Pierce. He is right, the texts did seem genuine and I can always leave if things get out of hand. I ring the doorbell and wait.
Colin opens the door and he looks a lot better than the last time I saw him. He is clean shaven and has his hair styled. He has on jeans and a nice Polo shirt. The anger that was in his eyes the last time I saw him is gone.
“Hey, I’m a little early, I hope that’s okay.”
Colin opens the door wide before saying, “Not a problem. I’m used to you being early so I kind of expected it. Come on in.” I walk in and look around. I notice that Colin’s place is looking a lot better too. It is a lot cleaner and things are picked up off the floor. I also notice there are no empty beer bottles laying around.
Colin goes over to the fridge. “Would you like a water?”
I walk over to his couch and sit. “That would be great, thanks.”
Colin comes over with two waters and sits on the chair opposite of the couch. I am a little thankful for the distance. I don’t want any awkward moments of him trying to kiss me again. We sit in silence as we drink our waters. Clearly, we both have no idea where to start, so I go first.
“Colin, I just wanted to say I’m sorry how things went down the other day.”
“I should be the one apologizing. The things I said to you were uncalled for and untrue,” He scrubs a hand over his face and has a pained expression as he apologizes.
I hold my hand up to cut him off. “Although I agree with that, let me just finish please. I know this has got to be incredibly hard on you and I’m trying to understand, I really am. But I can’t put my life on hold and you shouldn’t either.” I wait for a moment for his response.
TO SAY THAT I am nervous to see Addison is a gross understatement. The first thing I need to do is apologize to her. So, when she apologizes to me, I am almost shocked. What does she have to apologize for? I try to interrupt her but she holds up her hand, so I let her finish. The fact that she says I shouldn’t put my life on hold feels like a punch to the gut. It’s in that sentence that I know for sure she has given up hope on ever remembering what we had and getting back together. I guess, in a sense, this is what I need to move on. She wasn’t a bitch when she said it, but she made her intentions clear: she’s moving on without me.
I realize I’ve just been looking at her and she’s waiting for a response. I shake my head slightly and look down at the ground. “I know.” I look back up at her so she can see the sincerity in what I’m saying. “I am so sorry for the things I said. I really can’t say that enough to you. I’m appalled by my actions and so grateful that you’re willing to even talk to me again.”
“It’s okay,” she says. “I just want to put this behind us and move forward, you know?”
“I understand that you don’t see me the way I see you. Trust me, I get it now, but I don’t think you realize how bad that hurts. It’s hard for me to accept at times because it’s not like we grew apart and one of us stopped loving the other. A drunk driver hit us and forever changed our lives. That’s hard to swallow. I think it would have been easier on me if the former had happened, but it didn’t. That’s why I haven’t been dealing with this very well. I think I was always holding out hope that you’d come back to me.”
I say that last line in almost a whisper and I’m not sure if she even heard me. I chance a glance at her and I can tell she heard every word. Her eyebrows are drawn together and her shoulders are slumped forward as if listening to me is causing her pain. I don’t want her to feel guilty, I’m just trying to get her to understand why I’ve been acting crazy lately. These last four months have literally killed me.
She starts to open her mouth to speak but I stop her. “After these last few months and then our last confrontation, I’m coming to terms with the way things have panned out. I’m not happy about it. I still love you and it hurts like hell to know you’re with someone else, but I’m trying to accept it. I just want you to be happy, and if you’re happier being my friend than my fiancé, then I’ll have to deal with it.”
She gets a sympathetic smile on her face. “Thank you, Colin. It means a lot to me to have your understanding. I was actually pretty nervous about our meeting. I wasn’t s
ure how it was going to go, but I feel good about this. I definitely still want you in my life. I don’t want to make things harder on you, but if you think we can be friends then I’m all for it.”
“Yeah, I think I would like to be friends and work on that. Please be patient with me. I promise I won’t lash out at you like that again, but if for some reason I just drop off the map it’s because I need to distance myself. It’s nothing personal; I just don’t want to make a mess of things again. Okay?”
She nods, “Okay. I can give you space when you need it.”
We chat a little awkwardly before she says she has to go. I walk her to the door and tell her goodbye. I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest at the finality of things, but maybe this will help me move on and be a happier person. As of now, I’ve been wallowing in self-pity and beer. Thinking about it now is about to drive me crazy.
I just lost her. The love of my life will never be mine again. There will be no fighting for her or winning her over. Romantically, we are done.
I need a distraction and one that doesn’t involved getting drunk since I’m back on the whole ‘I’m not going to drink myself to death’ plan again. Against my better judgment, I text the one person I should stay away from.
Me: Hey, what are you doing?
Brooklyn: Sitting around my apartment. Naked. What are you doing?
Me: You. Be over in 10 minutes.
God, I know this is a bad idea. Especially since I haven’t had a drop of booze. This will be the first time I’ve been with Brooklyn sober. I have a feeling I’m going to regret this.
When I get to her apartment, I half expect her to tell me to fuck off again, but, to my surprise, she welcomes me in with a big smile.
“You looking for a distraction?” she says coyly.
“Yep. I figured this was the place to go.” I’m a little shocked that she’s so welcoming given the way things went down the last time I came over. I don’t give it much thought though. I need a distraction, and if she’s willing then I’m not going to question her reasoning.