by Lena Nicole
“No matter how close I am to you, I feel it’s never close enough. I vow to hold you close to me and be there for you forever. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and I know I never could feel this way about anyone other than you. You make my world more beautiful and I will cherish you for the rest of our lives. Things are only going to get better from this day on, I promise you. My heart belongs to you, Addison, and I will always love you. Always, only you. Forever. ”
I can’t stop the tears from welling up in my eyes listening to his beautiful words. In that moment, if I didn’t know it before, this confirmed that I am marrying my soul mate. And he is right. Things can only get better from here. I start to worry and feel like I am in trouble. We decided to write our own vows, and if he is saying this to me before the wedding, I am almost positive I will be full blown crying when he recites his vows. Not to mention he totally blew me away with this speech. I can’t imagine what else he could say in his vows to top this.
“Addison? Are you still there?” he asks, sounding somewhat cautious. Maybe he is afraid of my reaction.
“I’m here.” I choke out through my tight throat as I sniff.
“Don’t cry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just wanted you to know how I felt before I professed my love to you in front of everyone else.” I can’t see his face but his voice conveys so much sincerity, love and passion that I just fell in love with him a little more. And that surprises me because I didn’t think it was possible to love him more than I already do.
“They are happy tears. I promise. I love you so much, Pierce. I can’t wait until I’m your wife and we officially start the rest of our lives as one.”
“Well then, I better get going. But before I go I wanted to give you this.”
He pulls away from my hand and reaches back in holding a box. I grab and open it and nestled inside some tissue paper is a Swarovski crystal butterfly hair comb. I love it, especially the meaning behind it. Pierce was right at my birthday party. I’ve definitely transformed and am so ready for this new beginning.
“Pierce, it’s beautiful. Thank you.”
I turn to my dad.” Dad, would you mind putting this in my hair please?” My dad comes over and places the comb in the top of my hair.
“I’m glad you like it. I’ll be waiting for you at the altar. I love you.”
“See you there. I’ll be the one in white.” I tease him.
I walk back over to my dad who has tears in his eyes. I wrap my arms around him and give him a huge hug. “Dad, I never thought I would see the day you cried.”
“I’m not crying. I just got something in my eyes,” he says gruffly as he rubs them to emphasize the fact that he has something stuck in them. Laughing at his tough guy exterior, I hand him a tissue. “Thanks, pumpkin. I can’t believe I’m giving away my little girl today. I know you will be in good hands, though. Pierce is an extraordinary man. I can see how much he loves you and I know that man will devote his life to making you happy. I am so proud of how far you’ve come this past year.”
“Thank you dad, that means a lot.”
The planner opens the door and says excitedly, “Its time! Let’s go get you to your groom, Mrs. Whitmore.”
I smile and put my arm through my dad’s as we walk out the door and stand behind the doors that lead to the sanctuary of the church.
I’VE ALREADY PICKED up Charlotte and am on my way to the church to watch Addison marry someone else. I have a large knot sitting in the pit of my stomach and I’ve noticed I’ve started to sweat. You would think I was the one getting married by the way I’m perspiring and being so anxious. But I know this isn’t how it would be for me at all. If I were marrying Addison today, I would be cool as a cucumber with no nerves at all knowing I was making the right decision. There was never a doubt in my mind I wanted to be with her forever. Too bad life didn’t pan out that way.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Charlotte says, breaking the silence.
“Yeah, I guess so. I think I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for what’s about to happen. I still can’t believe it sometimes.” I keep my eyes on the road as I’m talking to her. Charlotte is good at making me feel better, but right now I kind of want to be lost in my own thoughts to try and work this out before I see Addison coming down the aisle.
“I understand,” she says quietly. She grabs hold of my hand and squeezes it. I glance over at her and she gives me a small, reassuring smile. This is why I’m glad I asked her to go with me. Just that one gesture has me feeling somewhat better and has me thinking I can get through this.
We pull up to the church and park the car. The church façade is beautiful. It’s grand, elegant, yet has a historical feel to it too. I sigh readying myself to go in. I hold my arm out for Charlotte to take as I lead us in. Once we walk through the doors and enter the sanctuary, I’m actually taken back momentarily. It is a stunning wedding. There’s stained glass window on both sides of the church. The light is shining through the right side casting a beautiful array of colors on to the pews and aisle. There are white rose petals lining both sides of the aisle and beautiful flower arrangements on the side of each row of pews. At the front of the church is the altar which has huge, intricate candelabras standing tall. There are also huge flower arrangements on each side bringing life to the otherwise plain area.
Charlotte and I walk down the aisle and take a seat about five rows from the front. Jeremy and the rest of the gang, minus those who are in the wedding party, are sitting up there so I don’t feel out of place. Part of me really wanted to sit in the back but thought better of it and came up here anyway.
I’m sitting here mentally counting down the minutes. It’s like a clock telling me that our time together is about to expire, never to be renewed. I know that’s ridiculous since she hasn’t been mine for over a year, but it’s hard to give up hope on something like that. I take a deep breath and try to calm down. As much as I tried to be ready for this, whatever I told myself obviously wasn’t enough. I almost feel as if I’m on the verge of tears. I take another calming breath trying to reign in my emotions and keep it together. Charlotte must be able to tell I’m having a hard time because she rubs my back in a soothing manner. I look over at her with my eyebrows furrowed and a grim expression on my face and she offers me another smile. She grabs my hand and holds it tight. I take one last deep breath, close my eyes to clear my mind, and open them again to face this.
Right as I open my eyes, I see Pierce and his groomsmen enter from a side door at the front of the church. Pierce stands at the front of the altar looking like the happiest man that ever walked. He is so damn lucky right now. I would give anything to be standing where he is standing. He doesn’t look the least bit nervous either. He must know it too; Addison is perfect and spending the rest of his life with her would never be a mistake. I know since they’re standing there that the ceremony should begin shortly. I squeeze Charlotte’s hand for strength and hold my breath.
As I’m exhaling, the organist starts playing music signaling that the bridesmaids are about to walk down the aisle.
Oh, God. This is it.
My chest feels tight as I struggle to take in oxygen.
It’s official.
I’ve lost her forever.
I’M STANDING BEHIND the closed doors waiting for them to open. I take a final glance down at my dress to make sure everything looks okay. My hair is curled and half up half down with the butterfly comb Pierce gave me pushed in where the top half of my hair is gathered. My fingertip length veil is pushed back behind my head and away from my face. I wanted a clear view of Pierce as I walked down the aisle and didn’t want the veil to hinder that in any way. My dad hands me the most beautiful bouquet of white peonies. I’m about to walk down the aisle and marry a man who loves me. All my bridesmaids have made it toward the altar and I know that it’s almost my time to walk. I wrap my arm through my dad’s and take a big breath.
The doors open and everyone in the church stand
s. There are probably 300 guests in attendance and all their eyes are on me. I wasn’t nervous until that moment when all the attention was directed at me. My dad and I start to make our way down the aisle lined in white rose petals. I’m looking straight ahead at Pierce who has the biggest smile on his face. His smile gives me butterflies and I return the gesture. His tuxedo is perfectly tailored to his body giving me a hint at what lies beneath. He mouths “I love you” as I get closer and I mouth the words back to him. That small sentiment instantly calms my nerves.
I start to look at everyone who has made it out to watch me marry the love of my life. I glance to my left and blue eyes catch mine. I look at the person who has gone from being a stranger to being my friend. Colin gives me a sad smile and I try to return it. His blue tie catches my eye and I do a double take.
“I wanted to get you something for your new job but I wasn’t sure what. Then I saw this tie and it reminded me of your eyes. Needless to say, it’s my new favorite tie of yours,” I said to Colin.
“Well then, I will be sure to wear it on every special occasion that occurs in our lives,” he said back with an appreciative grin on his face.
Suddenly, everything hits me in a rush. I feel slightly light headed as all these memories come rushing back as I stare into his sad eyes. I can see us meeting for the first time at the bar. Our first date. Our first kiss. The first time we made love. Helping him study for the bar exam. Late night cuddle sessions. The instant love we shared.
His proposal.
My answer.
It’s then that I realize I have stopped walking and my dad is whispering in my ear asking me if everything is all right. I don’t know what to say to him as anguish starts to set in. I’m now familiar with the feelings I had for Colin and it kills me to think of what I’ve put him through.
I look ahead at my awaiting groom and can see the panic in his eyes. I can hear the murmuring from all around the church but I could care less right now. It is in this moment that I remember everything. My dad asks me again if I’m okay. Hot tears prickle my eyes and all I can say is, “Oh, my God” as I bring a shaky hand up to my mouth and look back at Colin, “I remember.”
I WOKE UP this morning without a care in the world. I was marrying the woman who had stolen my heart, but now as I am standing at the end of the altar waiting for Addison, I see her suddenly stop. I can hear her tell her dad that she remembers everything and I see the panic and pain on her face. For the first time today, fear rushes through me. I’ve never felt pain like this before. I can feel the weight of the situation crushing me and my heart has a deep ache that makes it hard to breathe. When I first met Addison, in the back of my mind I always knew this was a possibility. As time went on, it became less of a worry for me. I didn’t think her memories would come back, especially on the day of our wedding. I leave the altar and walk down the aisle to meet Addison. Once I reach her, I take her hand in mine.
“Addison, are you okay?” I know she isn’t. “Whatever it is, it will be okay. We will get through it together.” I assure her, pleading with my eyes for her to follow me to the front. I can hear the rising panic in my voice as I see the confusion written all over her face.
Addison looks up at me with unshed tears in her eyes as she says, “I can’t do this. I need to go. I’m sorry.” The tears start streaming down her face as she turns around and runs out of the church.
I see Colby and Morgan running after her and I am frozen in place still in shock. I look to my right and lock eyes with Colin. I can see he is just as shocked as I am. His face has drained of all color as he stares back at me. I can tell he doesn't know what to make of this situation either. My mother walks up to me and places her hand on my shoulder.
“Pierce?” she says.
“I have to go after her.”
I take off through the church not sure where I am going or what I am going to do.
All I know is that I can’t lose Addison.
I need to find her.
I need to fight for her.
To our husbands, Scott and Steven, for all your support and encouragement and giving us the push to pursue our journey. A special thanks to Scott for watching our kids for endless amount of hours while we were editing. You really helped us out given that Steven was deployed and unable to lend a hand leaving you with double the diaper duty. We know the kids gave you a run for your money and we wanted you to know it didn’t go unnoticed.
We want to give a thank you to Heidi McLaughlin for pointing us in the right direction. We had endless questions for you and you always answered them quickly even with a hectic schedule of your own. You are always so nice and never make us feel like an inconvenience. For that we are forever grateful.
To HB Heinzer for the beautiful book cover you designed for us.
The biggest thank you to Fallon McCullough for all your time and hard work. Through all the beta reading, editing, and endless questions about formatting you have the patience of a saint. We can’t tell you how much we appreciate the time you gave into helping us put out the best work we could. You are a rock star. Thanks again, Sugar Plum.
To all the bloggers who were willing to take a chance on an unknown author by reading and reviewing our book. Without your support we wouldn’t be able to reach the amounts of readers that you are able to expose us to. We appreciate it more than you will know.
Last but not least, to all the readers. Without you none of this would have been possible. Your love for reading is what encourages people like us to want to make stories for you. We hope you enjoy this book as much as we enjoyed writing it.
Book two coming early 2014
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