by Kallysten
“Listen,” he said intently. “I’m sure you have tons of questions, but can they wait? We only have days to get you ready for the duel, and understanding vampires isn’t going to do you much good when you face Rhuinn. There’ll be time for that later, all right?”
She knew he was right, but it was still a challenge to nod. It wasn’t vampires she wanted to understand; it was him, and how much becoming one had changed him. One thing, at least, was still the same: the same love as ever was shining in his eyes, whether they were blue or silver.
“All right,” she said, pushing the words past her tight throat and holding her hand out to him. “Teach me.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Moving Forward
Before Bradan allowed himself to reach for Vivien’s proffered hand, he looked at Aedan, seeking his approval. It felt odd; earlier, he’d been upset with his brother, jealous in a way he’d never experienced before, and now he needed his approval about something that concerned Vivien, which was also a first.
After a pause just long enough for Bradan to notice it, Aedan offered him the barest of nods.
As Bradan took Vivien’s hand, he could tell that she, too, had noticed the byplay, but whatever she thought of it, she didn’t say. He tried to put the matter out of his mind and not let himself dwell on how warm her hand felt inside his, how fast her heartbeat seemed, echoing in his ears as well as pulsing against his fingertips on her wrist. He had to focus on the matter at hand, which was to keep her safe.
The first duel would not threaten her well-being, but losing it would mean risking her life in the long run. They’d never talked about her challenging Rhuinn to a duel, and if they had, Bradan would have argued against the idea, but now that she’d made that choice, all he could do was help her make it a good one.
“Do you have any questions about the duel?” he asked first. “Or do you understand how it’s all going to work?”
Her fingers tightened briefly over his hand.
“I understand how it’s supposed to work,” she said, “but what I don’t quite get is how the winner is chosen if we can’t hurt each other.”
Through the bond, a grim sense of foreboding drifted toward Bradan. He glanced at Aedan, who stood to the side, his arms crossed and his eyes focused on Bradan’s and Vivien’s linked hands. He lifted his gaze to meet Bradan’s, although no recognizable emotion pierced through them.
“That’s the thing,” Bradan said, looking back at Vivien. “You two can hurt each other. And there’s no doubt that he will hurt you. But you can’t shed blood, can’t leave a mark on each other’s body, and can’t inflict any damage that might cause death. If either of you died after the duel from injuries sustained during your fight, the survivor would lose the duel.”
Vivien nodded, her lips twisting into a wry grin.
“Yeah, I remember reading that. I don’t think I want to try that road to win. But then how do I win?”
“By being smart. By trapping him, and making him forget that anything you channel with the Quickening, he can unravel with enough strength of will. And by remembering that you can unravel anything he weaves.”
Bradan kept his voice smooth and confident, but the tiny hint of worry he felt didn’t solely come from the bond. He wouldn’t dream of mentioning it aloud, and it was unneeded anyway because Vivien was well aware of it, but the fact remained that Rhuinn had used the Quickening all of his life while she was new to channeling. She’d made great progress in very little time, but there was no denying that Rhuinn had the advantage. And maybe they could use that against him.
“He’ll think he’s already won,” he said, wrapping his other hand over hers. “He’ll think you’re a novice, and don’t know what you’re doing. He’ll be overconfident. And you’ll use that to beat him.”
The moment he saw the gleam of relief in her eyes, he realized how much she’d needed to hear those very words. But whether needed or not, they were only words, and what Vivien needed most was practice. He started to say so but trailed off when he realized, yet again, the truth of his new condition: he couldn’t channel. He couldn’t train Vivien, at least not by practicing dueling with her.
“Something wrong?” Vivien asked when he’d been silent too long.
Her expression conveyed her worry and matched the concern filtering through the bond. Very careful not to glance at Aedan, Bradan forced a smile to his lips and stood, squeezing Vivien’s hand once before he released it.
“Nothing,” he said. “Everything’s fine. I’m trying to think of what would be the best way for you to train. I think…” He licked his lips. “Maybe we could start by having you practice channeling even when you’re being distracted.”
A tiny smile brightened her face as she looked up at him.
“And how do you suggest distracting me?” she asked in a low, teasing voice.
Bradan would have given anything at that moment for them to be alone—for Aedan’s presence not to be necessary. But even moments after feeding, he could recognize the already-familiar stirrings of hunger inside him.
They weren’t so strong that he couldn’t ignore them, and with any luck Aedan wouldn’t even pick up on them through the bond. But the truth was there, whether Bradan liked it or not: he craved blood. And not just any blood, either, but the hot blood he could hear pumping through Vivien’s veins. He wasn’t even sure if it was her blood he wanted or simply her; in his mind, the distinction seemed to have become tenuous.
He didn’t intend to do anything about it, of course, but Aedan’s warning hovered in his mind, coloring everything. Better that he was there and kept a close eye on Bradan. Better that neither of them trusted Bradan completely, especially since Vivien did.
In the end, he couldn’t think of a better distraction than talking to her while she channeled, asking her questions about the classes they’d followed back in the Otherworld and demanding that she answer without ever stopping what she was doing. It was training; at this point, anything that forced her to channel and keep her focus despite distractions was good training. Still, Bradan couldn’t help but regret that he couldn’t channel alongside her anymore.
Since bringing her back to Foh’Ran, it seemed as though he’d done little else, teaching her to use the Quickening by showing her how he did it. Teaching her now, when he could neither channel himself nor see what she was doing unless she specifically channeled so that he could see it, was different. The loss was an ache in his chest that he was sure echoed through the bond, though Aedan never asked about it as he watched them train.
They practiced all morning, stopping when Doril came to tell Vivien her lunch was served. After lunch, Aedan suggested some reading and pulled books from the shelves in the library that recounted past duels, to give Vivien some idea about the kinds of strategies Rhuinn might employ—or that she might adopt herself.
She read, and they discussed tactics until mid-afternoon, at which point she stood and stretched her arms over her head.
“I need a break,” she said then with a quiet groan. “And to clear my head. I think I’ll go for a run.”
Bradan started to say he’d go with her, and then it struck him yet again. He couldn’t, not now, in the middle of the day, when the sun shone brightly over the castle. He was still struggling with that realization when Aedan cleared his throat and said, “You would be safe on the grounds by yourself as long as you remain within the shields, but as your guard I would ask you to please wait until one of us can accompany you.”
Vivien’s fleeting expression of confusion, quickly replaced by understanding, showed that, she, like Bradan, had forgotten. She took Aedan’s words in stride and nodded.
“All right. After the sun sets, then.”
It was rare that she agreed so easily with Aedan’s suggestions, and Bradan could see it for what it was: she wasn’t so much agreeing with him as choosing the solution that meant Bradan would be able to go with her. He felt a surge of affection for her and wished, more than ever, that he
could have taken her in his arms. He had to settle for a smile.
* * * *
Aedan still didn’t understand this running thing.
He could do it, of course, and was doing exactly that at the moment, running at what felt like a terribly slow pace a couple of feet behind Dame Vivien and Bradan. What was the point if one didn’t run to their full potential, as Dame Vivien’s regular but unstrained heartbeat told him was the case? For that matter, what was the point of running in circles around the castle?
Aedan enjoyed running when it was part of the hunt or even part of an attack necessary for his duty as a bodyguard. But this… No, this was not enjoyable, or at least not to him. He supposed Bradan had taken up this kind of running—jogging, he called it—as a way to remain close to their dame, but what was Dame Vivien’s reasoning behind it? Could she possibly enjoy this? How very odd.
Regardless of what he felt about this strange pastime or his lack of interest in it, he kept pace with them, remaining two strides behind them.
Part of him refused to believe Bradan would do anything to hurt their dame, but that was the brother in him talking, the boy who had grown up with Bradan and sworn his first blood oath alongside him. Another part of him, the vampire part, knew how strong the need for blood could be and remembered how hard it had been, right after being turned, not to yield to his instincts every time the hunger twisted his insides, clamoring for a bite, for hot, strong, human blood.
On their second pass by the woods, Bradan and Dame Vivien slowed down then started walking together toward the lake, their hands reaching for and finding each other in a gesture that seemed almost instinctual. Now walking behind them, Aedan clenched his teeth and refrained from saying anything; he knew his opinion on this particular subject was unwanted.
He continued to observe his brother closely, however, ready to intervene, and couldn’t fail to notice Bradan’s gaze darting toward the woods a few times. Those looks matched the quiet but growing hunger that filtered through the bond.
“Go, brother,” he told Bradan. “I’ll see our dame back to the castle.”
Dame Vivien startled at the sound of his voice and whirled back toward him, as though she had forgotten he was there. The realization was bittersweet. Bodyguards were supposed to remain unobtrusive as they kept watch over their charges, but it wasn’t his stealth that had kept him out of his dame’s mind, he was well aware of it.
Bradan, on the other hand, froze and did not look back. The bond vibrated with irritation.
“I’m fine,” he said, still not looking at Aedan.
“Of course you’re fine,” Aedan said dryly. “If you weren’t—”
He stopped himself before pointing out what, he hoped, was obvious: if Bradan hadn’t been in control of his hunger, Aedan would have long since taken their dame away from him.
“The point is for you to remain fine. Go. Hunt. Feed. And that’s not a suggestion.”
Now Bradan looked at him. His eyes flashed silver in the near darkness. Aedan held his gaze, pushing his determination—and his increasing annoyance—through the bond like a warning. At Bradan’s side, Dame Vivien looked back and forth between them a few times before saying in a quiet voice, “You can go if you need to. I don’t mind. I’ll wait.”
Bradan’s gaze turned to her, and a visible shudder shook her body when their eyes met. How long would it take her to grow used to the new color of Bradan’s eyes? To Aedan, those flashes of silver were like knives flying to his heart every single time.
“I won’t be long,” Bradan said in a low, deep voice.
When he leaned toward her, it was all Aedan could do not to leap forward and push Bradan away. Controlling himself, he did nothing more than watch as his brother pressed a chaste kiss to their dame’s cheek before pulling away and running toward the woods, looking back at them twice. For a few seconds after he’d disappeared she continued to watch the woods, only tearing her eyes away when Aedan spoke.
“Dame Vivien? Do you wish to return to the castle?”
She shivered as though a jolt had passed through her and glanced at him before striding resolutely toward the lake.
“No. I’ll wait for him, like I said.”
She advanced to the very edge of the lake, sitting down on a flat rock from which, as children, they used to jump into the water. The sight of her proud, stiff back sent a pang of longing through Aedan. Things had been easier back then. And she’d smiled a lot more.
Keeping an eye on her, he approached the edge of the woods. Bushes inside the woods yielded bigger, sweeter roseberries, but he didn’t dare step out of sight so he contented himself with picking a handful of the smaller berries, gathering them inside a large tree leaf. When, moments later, he went to sit near Dame Vivien and offered her the berries, he received what he’d hoped for: a smile.
* * * *
As Vivien sat on the edge of the lake, with the cool rock under her and the familiar burbling noises of the water in the background, she wished this could have been just another outing to the lake with Brad, another chance to practice channeling in the place where she’d first learned.
While they’d been running, she’d all but forgotten that Aedan had accompanied them. Now, she couldn’t ignore his presence at her side, a silent, unmoving form guarding her from less than a yard away. Every time she turned her head to guide the flowing ribbons of Quickening over the water and caught sight of him from the corner of her eye, she had to remind herself that it wasn’t Brad. And every time, her focus wavered, and she had to push herself to concentrate again on her channeling.
The taste of the berries lingering on her tongue, at least, sweetened Brad’s absence.
Aedan was the one who had suggested this unplanned practice while she waited for Brad to return. The idea had not thrilled her, far from it, but at least it kept her mind occupied—and maybe, if she was lucky, following Aedan’s advice would garner her some good will from him once she worked up the courage to ask—no, not ask. She had no desire or need to ask for Aedan’s permission, let alone his blessing. She would tell him, and that was all there was to it.
Why she needed courage to tell him what she intended to do, however, was harder to explain.
A small part of her would have liked to accompany Brad into the woods, if only not to be left alone with Aedan. However, she still couldn’t look at the woods without a faint sense of alarm ringing through her, the vague awareness that the woods were dangerous and someone—her mother?—would be upset if she went in.
Or maybe it was that familiar dream coloring her thoughts; in that dream, she fled from whatever was pursuing her through woods just like those. She’d started to wonder if they might be more than similar woods: if they might actually be those exact woods, and if the dream might be a memory. If it was, she still had no idea who the man was that she always ran to for safety.
She ended her channeling with bursts of miniature fireworks that shimmered over the water. She took a deep breath, steeling herself, but before she could say a word, Aedan spoke first.
“Dame Vivien? May I talk to you about something?”
She turned a curious look to him, and he continued.
“With your permission, I want to find more guards for you. You were always going to need more bodyguards, but now that both Bradan and I are vampires, we need to find someone who can protect you in the sun.”
That was not anything she’d expected to hear, nor was it anything she wanted, not after what had happened with the last person who had come to work in the castle. She’d agreed to keep Loree as her handmaid despite her better judgment, and in the end Loree had almost killed Brad. Or had she really killed him? He was still there, but he wasn’t the same anymore, was he?
Something of her thoughts must have shown on her face because she didn’t have to say a word before Aedan said, “I know you are reluctant, and I understand why. So am I, if I must tell the truth. But it’s not about what I want. It’s about keeping you safe. And if you can
channel to make sure the new guard is loyal and truthful, the way you did earlier, we can both be reassured.”
“My little lie-detector trick didn’t end well this morning,” she reminded him. “What if I burn myself out?”
“Now that you know it can happen, you can learn to control the flow better,” he said. “And it’ll be good practice, too.”
She mulled it over for a few seconds, but the idea still held no appeal.
“I don’t know.” She sighed. “And anyway, it’ll only be a few days before the first duel. Who would want to join my cause before that? Not even the High Families want to be associated with me right now.”
He’d picked up a small rock as she talked, and now he threw it into the water. A loud plop was followed by wave after wave of ripples.
“The High Families are one thing,” Aedan said quietly. “Heads of families need to think of their people, and Rhuinn keeps a close eye on them. Guards, cooks, gardeners… Rhuinn cares little for those. Fear of him won’t keep potential guards away, I think. May I have your permission to look for one?”
She still didn’t like the idea, but by now she’d learned something about Aedan. In the end, he’d do what he thought was best, regardless of what she wanted. He’d asked for her permission, but he didn’t need it to act. Maybe if she granted it, she’d set a good precedent so that he’d keep asking for her opinion. And maybe it’d make her own request go down that much easier.
“Very well,” she said, trying to inject confidence and strength into her voice, the way she had whenever she had talked to the people she’d hoped to make her allies. “You can try to find someone, but I want the right to reject them if I don’t like them. Also, I want to spend some time alone with Brad. And that’s not up for—”
“No. My apologies, Dame Vivien. You may reject whatever guard I ask you to consider. But I cannot allow Bradan to be alone with you. It’s too much of a risk.”