by Kallysten
When Bradan returned, his hair still wet from a dip into the lake, his hunger satiated, and his sense of anticipation almost overwhelming, Aedan was ready for what he expected his brother would say, and while the words weren’t those he’d imagined, the intent was all too clear.
“I’ll keep watch tonight,” Bradan said. “You’ve barely gotten any sleep since her birthday. You should get some rest.”
He did worry, Aedan knew that, but he also knew there was more to this offer of taking tonight’s watch.
“You don’t understand,” he said with a sigh, pushing away from the wall and resting a hand on Bradan’s arm. “I wish you’d believe me. The instinct to bite while making love... It’s strong. Stronger than you can imagine. When the hunger for a lover’s body and the hunger for blood are rising at the same time, it’s like a wave. It swallows you and drags you under. The younger the vampire, the deeper the instinct. It took me years to get rid of it, years before I could sleep with a human without wanting to tear their throat out. I thought I was ready long before that, and I almost killed a woman. Don’t make the same mistake I did.”
He hoped Bradan could tell he wasn’t lying or exaggerating. For once, he wasn’t trying to restrain what he was sending through the bond, and he supposed his worry and guilt might come through just as strongly. He wasn’t sure what it was that came back in response, however. Bradan’s emotions felt… muddled.
“You never said anything about that before,” Bradan said, frowning and taking a step to the side that forced Aedan’s hand off him. “In all the years we met here to talk about what was happening, you never mentioned this.”
Aedan grimaced. He could hear the unvoiced question. Why was he telling Bradan now? Because it was true, or because it was about Dame Vivien and he’d seize any excuse to force Bradan away from her?
“I never told you before because I felt guilty about it,” he admitted. “Not only did I almost kill the girl, I also came close to ruining all our plans. If I had killed her, I’d have been executed, and me becoming a vampire, finding my way into Rhuinn’s guards, it would all have been for nothing. You’d never even have known what had happened to me. But just because I didn’t mention it before doesn’t make it a lie.”
Bradan considered him for a moment before asking abruptly, “What was her name?”
Surprised at the non-sequitur, Aedan blinked and stuttered.
“I… What? I don’t… That’s not the point.”
“Okay. Tell me this, then. Did you love her?”
Aedan didn’t reply. He didn’t need to. Hadn’t he told Bradan he’d only ever loved one woman?
“You talk about making love,” Bradan said with a small shake of his head, “but was that what you were doing? You didn't love whoever it was you slept with, did you? Not like I love Vivien.”
Aedan’s jaw clenched and unclenched repeatedly. Bradan just refused to understand. He refused to see that he was a vampire, governed by vampire instincts, and nothing changed that, not even love. If anything, love made the situation more dangerous, because it made him want Dame Vivien even more.
And if Bradan refused to listen to reason, Aedan would have to resort to those same vampire instincts he was trying so hard to warn Bradan about.
“Enough,” he said in that almost-growl that he remembered all too well his Maker using on him when he’d been a young vampire. “Go to your own bed. Sleep. You’re not seeing our dame tonight.”
Just as he said the last words, the door to Dame Vivien’s chambers opened and she appeared there, wrapped in a nightgown, barefoot, her expression thunderous.
“Last I checked,” she said in a frosty tone of voice, “you have no say about who I see or not. And you certainly have no say in my love life, or Brad’s. Get used to the idea and leave us alone.”
She held Aedan’s gaze even as she extended her hand palm out toward Bradan. He took her hand and let her draw him after her into her suite. He didn’t look back at Aedan before closing the door on him, but his feelings rang through the bond, clearer than ever.
Joy. Excitement. Need. Smugness. And yes, of course, love.
Nowhere could Aedan detect the smallest hint of fear or caution. If anything, Bradan seemed determined to prove him wrong.
Aedan wished his brother could do it, that he could get close to the woman he loved and wanted so much and never even think about her blood or biting her. He wished that, in a few hours, Bradan would come out full of pride and contentment and tell him, “See? I told you I wouldn’t hurt her.”
He wished it to be true, but he didn’t believe it, not for one second.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Danger Night
Vivien hadn’t been listening at the door—not exactly. She’d been pacing through the sitting room, nervously, impatiently, excitedly waiting for Brad to come to her as he’d said he would. If she hadn’t heard raised voices in the hallway, she never would have peeked out. But once she did, once she saw and heard what was happening, she had to intervene.
She was sick and tired of Aedan trying to impose his will on both his brother and Vivien herself. She understood his reasons for thinking the way he did, but there were two very important facts he seemed to continually ignore.
For one, she and Brad were adults, and didn’t need anyone’s permission to have a relationship. For the other, Brad would never hurt her. If there was one thing Vivien was certain of, it was that. And she couldn’t imagine why Aedan thought being a vampire would make Brad any more likely to hurt her. Aedan was a vampire himself, and he had proven he was ready to put his life on the line for her. Why couldn’t he accept that Brad was the same?
She felt a thrill at telling off Aedan, but it was nothing compared to the excitement that coursed through her when she closed the door on Brad and her, shutting Aedan out.
“He’s not going to come in, is he?” she asked quietly, wishing the door had a lock.
Brad shook his head. “You ordered him to stay out. He won’t disobey, not unless…”
“Not unless what?” she asked when he trailed off, but Brad shook his head again and drew her to him. Rather than an answer, he gave her a kiss, and Vivien dropped the question.
Wrapping her arms around him and pushing herself to her tiptoes, she pressed herself against him, enjoying the feel of his entire body. He’d always been ever so gentle when he held her in his arms, despite the coiled strength she could feel in every one of his muscles, and now as always, he held her both as though she were something fragile and delicate and as though he never wanted to let her go.
Panting, she ended the kiss and pushed her face into his neck, breathing him in. She carded the fingers of one hand into his damp hair and slipped the other hand under his shirt to caress his back. She couldn’t get enough of him, of the feel of him. It had only been two days, but at times it had felt like two centuries. Judging by how closely he still held her, he must have felt the same way.
“I missed you,” she murmured, peppering his neck with kisses. “I missed you so much.”
He turned his head toward her to press his lips to her temple.
“How could you miss me when I was right there the whole time?” he teased. “Unless you mean you missed having me in your bed?”
She pulled back, her hands sliding down his shoulders until they found his and their fingers linked together. She looked at him straight on and said very seriously, “Yes, I missed having you in my bed. And I missed having you around, just you, without a chaperone watching us the entire time. And I missed channeling with you, and training with you, and just… being with you.”
Of their own accord, her eyes turned to the floor, and she could almost see his blood there again, though it had long since been washed away. She didn’t even know who had cleaned it up. Doril, probably; there wasn’t anyone else.
“It hurt so much when I thought I’d lost you forever,” she murmured. “And you’re here, in front of me, but sometimes it still feels like you’re gone.”
He freed one of his hand and caressed her cheek with the back of a finger.
“I know,” he murmured. “I…”
He trailed off as though not quite knowing what to say. Without another word, he pulled her to the circle of armchairs by the cold fireplace and sat down, drawing her to sit on his lap. She curled up there, her face against the crook of his neck again as he cradled her close.
“Part of me is gone,” he said quietly, rubbing a slow hand up and down her back. “Maybe that’s why you feel that way. I’m here, and I’m still me, but at the same time I’m different.”
With her hand resting against his completely still chest, Vivien was all too aware of that fact. She’d never feel his heartbeat again, and how it quickened when she touched him or kissed him. They wouldn’t share meals anymore. They wouldn’t go swimming in the lake on warm days and lie on the sun-warmed grass afterward. They wouldn’t channel together and lose themselves in the loop of their shared feelings. They wouldn’t…
“Do vampires…” The words caught in her throat, and she had to start again, no louder than a whisper. “Can vampires have children?”
His hand stilled on her back. She wondered if he had thought of this before, like she had. She wasn’t ready to have kids, far from it, but once or twice she had caught herself thinking that, when she was, if Bradan wanted it too, he would make a good partner and father.
“No,” he said quietly. “We cannot.”
She didn’t reply. She had feared as much. She still knew very little about vampires, and most of what she did know—or thought she knew—came from lore she had picked up on Earth despite not being all that interested in vampire stories. Half of it had turned out to be wrong so far, but not this one bit.
“What is it like?” she asked when he started stroking her back again.
“Being a vampire?” He shrugged against her. “Not as different as I would have thought, to tell the truth. I mean, yes, there are obvious differences. The hunger for blood. Sharper senses. No sunlight. No Quickening.”
That last word came out raspy, and he cleared his throat before continuing.
“But like I said, I’m still me. I still feel like myself. And I’m still here with you, so it’s more than worth it.”
He nudged her head back at that and gave her a chaste kiss, barely pressing his lips against hers, a far cry from the fierce kiss they’d shared earlier. It might be worth it to him, she realized, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t miss the Quickening, or the feel of the sun on his skin, or the taste of fresh berries on his tongue. She couldn’t do anything about most of it, but maybe…
She focused on her love for him, letting the feeling expand in her chest until it could have burst out of her. Taking hold of the emotion to channel it had become easier and easier since the first time she’d used the Quickening, and the world turning to shades of gray around her didn’t seem so strange anymore.
The lake was first to appear, maybe because it was so clear in her mind, from the soft waves at its surface glittering under the sun to the path of stones advancing into the water. She added to the illusion the gentle slope of the grass toward the edge of the water, the woods on the other side, the sparse trees and bushes.
She ended with the sky, as blue and luminous as Brad’s eyes when they weren’t silver, a few fluffy clouds lazily drifting through. She didn’t know if fake sunlight would burn him the same way real sunlight did, so she deliberately didn’t picture the sun, though the scene around them felt as though it were high noon.
“We always seem to end up back at the lake, don’t we?” Brad said softly, and even without looking she could hear the smile in his voice.
She raised her head anyway, and found that he was looking at her rather than the illusion she had created for him.
“If you prefer somewhere else, just say the word. We could go back to Earth like this. Or to places we imagine together. Anywhere at all. Anytime you want to be in the sun again—”
He covered her mouth with his rather than letting her finish and stole her breath away with a kiss that had nothing to do with ‘chaste’ anymore.
“This is lovely,” he said, pulling back just enough to be able to speak, “but frankly, I don’t care where I am as long as you are there with me.”
She closed the half-inch between their lips again, shifting in his lap so that she was no longer sitting sideways but facing him fully instead, her knees wedged on either side of his thighs against the arms of the chair. Her nightgown and robe felt stretched and uncomfortable over her spread legs but she didn’t care, not when Brad’s mouth was on hers again, devouring her.
She cradled his head with both her hands, her fingers weaving through his hair and tugging him a little tighter against her. His own hands had slid from her back to her waist, and one of them now slipped inside her robe, moving up over her side until it was cradling her breast. She gasped when his thumb brushed across her hardened nipple, sending sparks of need through her entire body.
As her mouth lifted off his, Brad lost no time and trailed his lips along her jaw then down her neck. He didn’t linger there, and instead traveled lower still, ducking his head until his mouth had found Vivien’s other nipple. It was just as needy and eager for touch as the one Brad kept teasing with his thumb, pushing almost obscenely against the fabric of her nightgown. His mouth caressed it, and he sucked, soaking the fabric with his saliva before taking the nub between his lips.
Vivien arched her back to press harder into his touch, holding back a moan and tightening her fingers in his hair. She wanted more of that clever mouth of his, more of his hands, more of him—and the cramped confines of an armchair weren’t helping.
“Brad…” His name passed her lips, half moan, half prayer. “Take me to bed, please.”
He raised his head and blinked at her twice, his eyes like silver and yet still full of fire. The look on his face was one of pure hunger. In a second, he lifted her off his lap and swept her off her feet and into his arms, his mouth back on hers as he carried her into her bedroom.
* * * *
Bradan put Vivien down beside her bed on the plush carpet that would protect her toes from the cold stone floor. Without a word, he helped her out of her dressing gown. While he turned to lay it on the chair in the corner of the room, she pulled off her nightgown, so that when he faced her again, he found her kneeling in the center of the bed, nude, her hair falling free on her shoulders and her skin glowing from the fire burning in the fireplace.
For a second, he could have sworn his heart had started beating again as something stirred in his chest, but no, it was her heartbeat he could hear, suddenly a little faster. She was gorgeous, even more so than in his memories, and he could have spent the rest of eternity watching her, happy to be allowed in her presence. When she raised her hand out to invite him to join her, he was all too happy to comply.
Unable to wait, he only removed his boots before climbing onto the wide bed, but even then, he didn’t dare reach for her. Until this moment, he had tried not to think of Aedan’s warning, trusting that his love for Vivien would keep her safe. However, she seemed much more vulnerable in her state of undress, and he was all too aware of how fragile she was, how easily hurt.
“What’s wrong?” she murmured, a light frown marring her face as she cupped his cheek with her hand. “You look… almost scared.”
He covered her hand with his, enjoying its warmth as well as the comfort it offered.
“I am scared,” he admitted. “What if Aedan is right? What if I hurt you—”
She shut him off by surging forward and covering his mouth with hers. It wasn’t so much a kiss as it was her claiming him, as if he hadn’t always been hers.
“You wouldn’t,” she said forcefully when she broke away, her eyes piercing him to his very heart. “I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again as many times as needed: I trust you.”
There was no hesitation in her words, no trace of a doubt on her face,
and it helped him push back his own doubts. Aedan was a worrier, and as Vivien had said, he’d tried to keep them apart from the start. This was just more of the same. It had to be.
He leaned in to kiss her again, but she allowed nothing more than a quick peck.
“You seem to be overdressed,” she teased. “And I didn’t realize weapons were a good thing to have in bed.”
It took him the time of a blink to realize that, yes, he still wore his knives at his belt and on his thigh. He’d already grown so used to having them with him that he hadn’t even noticed until now.
“A guard must always be ready,” he joked.
His mouth turned dry at the sight of her breasts bouncing when she chuckled.
“I thought that was only for boy scouts,” she shot back, tugging on his shirt to draw it out of his pants.
He let her pull it over his head before climbing off the bed again and removing the rest of his clothes as fast as his nerveless fingers would allow. The entire time, he was aware that she was watching him, and the hunger in her eyes matched the sweet scent of lust rising from her, accentuating his own desire. When he joined her again, he wore nothing more than the silver pendant around his neck and an erection, and couldn’t stop himself from pouncing on Vivien.
He pushed her down onto the pillows, his body half covering hers. She sought his mouth at once, but he had other plans for it, and only lingered against her lips for a short moment before sliding down her throat. A flare of hunger took him by surprise, and he hurried away from the blood he could feel pulsing so close beneath her soft skin.
He peppered her breasts with small, wet kisses, but while she cupped the back of his head and arched into him, a clear indication that she wanted him to stay there longer, he continued his way down, across her stomach and straight to the source of the heady scent that was flooding his mind. His hands caressed her sides as he went, unable to get enough of the softness of her skin.