CHAPTER 4:
A Father Returns
When Vanessa saw her father earlier that afternoon, she hadn’t been able to believe her eyes. It was definitely her father. His dark hair had gained some grey strands and he had a few more lines on his face. He still had sideburns and a goatee. It had been four years since she had last seen him and figured she would never see him again. He and Vanessa’s mother had split rather suddenly and he had left in humiliation and anger, refusing to have anything more to do with them. Vanessa had hoped for nearly two years he would return, but he never did. And she had even begun to harbour bitterness towards him for having left them like he had.
She had sometimes wondered what had become of him, but had come to the point where she didn’t care about seeing him again. And as she looked at the slim 40-year old as he rose to greet her with a smile on his face, the angry thoughts she had kept suppressed for so long returned.
‘What do you want?’ Vanessa stepped back as he tried to embrace her. She pushed his arms away.
The smile disappeared and his face dropped. Mr Harris stirred, perhaps not expecting Vanessa’s unwelcoming response to her father. His face became stern, but he remained where he was, peering at Vanessa’s father.
‘I guess I can understand you wouldn’t be all that thrilled to see me,’ her father said.
‘You think?’ Vanessa replied. ‘You just left me and mum. You didn’t care.’
His eyes looked pained. ‘I did care. I just couldn’t handle the situation. I couldn’t be there anymore.’ He turned sideways to Mr Harris with an appealing look. ‘Can I talk to her alone for a few minutes? Please?’
Mr Harris hesitated, but began to speak, ‘I...’
‘Nuh uh,’ Vanessa said. ‘I don’t want to talk to him. Just go.’
‘Please...’ Her father appealed to her, the lines of his face deepening. ‘I need to talk to you about something, it’s...’
‘Forget it! You blew it when you walked out on Mum. I’ve got nothing to say to you and I don’t give a shit about anything you’ve got to say.’
She made for the door. She took no notice of his pleas for her to stay, closed the door swiftly behind her and hurried away down the corridor. She held back her emotions, put on a straight face and continued to walk. She continued towards the main gates of the school and kept on walking.
Once she was several hundred meters down the road, out of sight of the school, she came to a halt. She didn’t know what to do now. She couldn’t turn around and go back, not if she wanted to risk running into her father again, but then she didn’t want to go home either. Chances are he had found out where she lived. She needed some time alone to think and her mother would be at work anyway, so she could not tell her what had happened.
She chose to head for the local domain, into the bushes where it was private. The town domain was a large area only a ten-minute walk from the school. It was necessary to cross a large swing bridge which stretched out over the Rocky River. It was wide enough and sturdy enough that even bicycles could ride across it. The domain had a swimming pool, club rooms, sports fields, squash courts and even a gym, which Vanessa went to on a regular basis. In between the domain and the river was a decent area of native bush, which made for romantic walks and Vanessa knew it would most likely be deserted at this time of the day, so she headed in there. She found a comfortable spot and planted herself down and closed her eyes.
Why did he have to turn up for? Why couldn’t he have just left us alone?
The anger kept coming back and the questions.
He didn’t have to leave. He could have stayed in town, living in another place, but no, he had to let his pride get the better of him and he left completely.
She’d asked herself “why” many times and even wanted to question him on it. But she knew the reasons and in some ways, she didn’t blame him. A man who’d been married to a woman for over ten years and found out that his wife would rather be with other women than with him, would surely have had his ego shattered completely.
But he never even bothered to keep in contact with us. He never wrote me any letters, never called, nothing!
No, Vanessa could see no excuse for that. She was right to be bitter. She was right to be angry. He had abandoned them, so now it was his turn to be abandoned.
The angry and hurt thoughts buzzed through her head for quite some time, before she finally rose to her feet. Her thoughts returned to her friends and how they would be wondering what had become of her. Rex would be worried. She wouldn’t want him to worry.
She would have grabbed her cell phone and called him, but realised she had left it in her bag, which was still at school, but she definitely didn’t want to return to school. Not now.
She wandered out of the bushes and arrived at the Domain swimming pool. It was quiet. A few mothers with toddlers were at the pool, but no one she knew. She was happy about that. She chose to sit down on the grass under the trees, figuring there was no hurry to go anywhere, but alas her peace and quiet did not last long and she was mortified to see her father enter the pool grounds. He spotted her immediately and marched quickly towards her.
She wanted to get up and run, just to avoid having to face him, but she realised that it would be fruitless. He obviously wanted to talk to her and it seemed he was not going to give up.
Vanessa climbed up. ‘Will you just leave me alone?’
‘Please, Vanessa, just let me talk to you for five minutes. Just five. Then I’ll go. I’ll leave you in peace, if that’s what you want. Please.’
Vanessa considered telling him once again to go, but he could see the pain and sadness in his eyes and she couldn’t help but feel a little compassion for him.
‘Please,’ he said. ‘Sit down with me here and let me explain.’
‘Five minutes!’ she said, giving him her most assertive expression. ‘And please, I don’t want to hear a whole lot of crappy excuses and a lot of BS about how sorry you are you left us and never bothered to contact me!’
‘I won’t. I promise.’
Vanessa reluctantly sat back down on the grass and her father breathed a sigh of relief and did the same.
‘Look,’ he said. ‘I know nothing I can say will excuse the way I walked out on you and your mum. It was irrational of me to do that, I realise that now, but there comes a time when you realise that you made a mistake and that there are things that are more important than what you first thought. And well... it’s now that certain revelations have been made that has made me realise just how stupid I was and just how important family is.’
The word “revelations” stuck out like a sore thumb to Vanessa and immediately she became intrigued. ‘What revelations?’
Her father sighed and peered up into the blue sky. The birds twittered in the trees and the air was alive with the chirps of cicadas. It seemed hard to believe that there could be so much in the way of anguish on such a beautiful day, but her father’s eyes seemed tired as if the weight of the world was upon him. He turned his eyes back to her and spoke with a heavy tone in his voice. ‘I’m dying of cancer, Nessa. I have Stage 4, Colon Cancer.’
Vanessa stared at her father for a few seconds and struggled to find the words to speak. ‘You... you’re going to die?’
He nodded, his face racked with despair. ‘I may have a year, maybe two at most.’
‘And nothing can be done?’
‘No. It’s inoperable. It’s bowel cancer and there’s nothing they can do.’
‘Oh my God...’ Vanessa’s heart became heavy. Even though she harboured bitterness toward her father, she never wished any trouble on him, especially not like this. She didn’t know what to say. All she could do was stare at the sadness in her father’s eyes.
‘So, you see...’ he continued, ‘it’s situations like this that make you realise just what is important. And it makes you realise what an idiot you were and how you need to make things right with the people you hurt. And that’s what I’m trying to do now, with y
ou.’
‘What about Mum? Are you going to tell her too?’
He paused before speaking again. ‘She’s gonna have to know too. But I know I’ve burnt all bridges with her. And even if I hadn’t, there’s nothing left there for me to go back too. That ship has sailed long ago and I’m not gonna try and catch up with it. But you, you’re my daughter and nothing is ever going to change that. You can’t get yourself a new father and I can’t replace you. And I don’t want to replace you. I’m hoping that maybe, just maybe, you might be willing to consider me your father again and that maybe we can be in each other’s lives again. Is that possible?’
Vanessa didn’t know what to say. The revelation of his cancer had completely thrown her. It didn’t seem right to be angry at him now, particularly when he was going to die, but could she forgive him? What would her mother think? The last thing she wanted to do was upset her by agreeing to see her father.
Her father placed his hand on her arm. ‘Think about it. Go away, talk to Mum about it and tell her what I told you. I’m staying at the Waitana Lodge in town and will be here for a few days. I don’t want to put any undue pressure on you, but I realise now, I need my daughter in my life, because you’re all I’ve got right now. I’ve got nobody else. Will you promise me you’ll give it some thought?’
Vanessa sighed and she nodded.
‘That’s all I ask.’ Her father smiled warmly.
After her talk with her father, she decided to head home and once there lounged around the house until school finished, then she picked up the phone and rang the person she wanted to speak to most of all.
‘Rex speaking.’
‘Hi Dollbaby, it’s me, Nessa.’
‘Hey Nessie, where did you disappear to? I tried calling you.’
‘Sorry, I left in a rush and left my phone in my school bag there. That’s the problem with our girl’s school uniform, there’s no pocket to put our cell phones into. Rex, you’ll never believe this, my dad turned up at school.’
‘No way!’
‘Yeah huh! It kind of freaked me out, so I left the school grounds. But he came after me.’
Rex’s voice sounded concerned. ‘Are you OK?’
‘Yeah, I’m fine. I’m at home. Are you still at school?
‘Yeah, leaving soon. I’ll come over.’
‘Cool, can you pick up my bag from the locker block?’
‘Sure, no worries. You’re definitely ok?’
‘Yeah, I’m fine. It’s all good.’
Twenty minutes later he arrived and she cuddled into him, glad he was there. They sat down on the couch in the lounge and she told him about the encounter she had with her father.
Rex sighed. ‘Damn, cancer, huh? That sucks.’
‘I’m umming and ahhing about what to do. I don’t want him to die, Rex, but at the same time, he walked out on us and I don’t think Mum would want me seeing him.’
‘You don’t think she would understand, though? Him dying and all that?’
‘Maybe. But I don’t know if I want to talk to her about it tonight.’
‘Then don’t. Leave it for another night.’
‘But Dad will want to know my decision.’
‘He can wait, right? I mean it’s not like you owe him an instant response.’
‘No, I suppose you’re right.’ She delivered him a big smile. He was always so together and seemed to know what to do in every situation. It was one of the things she loved about him. She wanted to get lost in his deep blue eyes, it was just so easy, but the dilemma was playing on her mind and she had to talk it out some more. ‘So, do you think I should let him back into my life?’
Rex’s expression didn’t change. It was amazing how he could hide what he was feeling on a particular issue. He would have made the perfect poker player. ‘I guess it’s up to you. He’s ok, right? I mean he always treated you well.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Well then whatever you decide is the right option. No one can blame you for refusing to see him and no one can blame you if you want to see him. Your mother will have to understand if you do.’
‘Yeah, true.’
His face moved towards hers and he began to kiss her. Time for talk had definitely ended. She’d think more about her father later.
She didn’t speak to her mother that night, but before she had a chance to leave for school the next morning, a courier arrived with a package for her. Intrigued, she began to unwrap it on the doorstep and inside she found a beautiful necklace that appeared to have small diamonds and a ruby in it.
‘Wow.’ She couldn’t help but gaze at it. A small card was with it and it read...
Consider this a peace offering. I hope you like it.
Dad.
For a split second, she saw it as a bribe, but the necklace was so beautiful, that she didn’t even want to entertain that thought. She chose to accept it for what it was, a peace offering from her father, trying to get back into her good books.
‘What’s that?’ her mother arrived at the door.
Vanessa had to think fast. She didn’t want her to know it was from her father, but she didn’t like lying to her mother either. They had a relationship based on trust. She was the sort of mother Vanessa could talk to about anything, including her relationships. And of course, Rex was her favourite subject.
‘Oh, don’t tell me Rex is buying you more expensive gifts.’ Her sapphire-blue eyes sparkled.
‘Uh... well, you know Rex. He has to splash his money about. What else is he going to do with it?’ With a bit of luck, she could bluff her way out of this one without having to tell a lie.
‘I hope he’s not going to be one of those guys who buys you things just to get you on his good side, like your dad always used to.’
Vanessa had to hide her mortification at the mention of her father and put on a smile. ‘Come on, Mum, you know Rex isn’t like that. Besides, he doesn’t need to buy me things to get on my good side.’
‘Oh, come on, he can’t be that perfect. Men always do things to upset you. It’s in their nature.’
‘Google it, Mum. Next to the phrase “perfect male”, you’ll see a picture of Rex.’
‘Nuh ah.’
‘Yeah huh.’
Her mother sighed. ‘Oh Vanessa. I would have thought you would have learnt your lesson by now. Must you look on things with rose-coloured glasses all the time? Some day he will disappoint you and when that day comes, I pray it won’t destroy your rose-coloured world.’
TAC Boot Camp Page 4