by Matt Cain
Once the girl had fallen asleep, Jake had sneaked out of her apartment to get back to his hotel bed for a few hours. But she lived in Lewisham and he hadn’t been able to find a cab anywhere and eventually had to catch a night bus into the centre of town. It had been a major pain in the ass but he smirked at the memory; he’d been here for less than two weeks and already he’d slept with girls in practically every neighbourhood in London. Well, it sure is a novel way to get to know a city.
This morning he’d had to be awake at five o’clock to be picked up for this shoot and knew he couldn’t risk being late after the way everyone had overreacted last time. He’d slept in the back of the car during the journey but hadn’t had time to take a shower and worried that he smelled of sex. He’d had to nip into the shared bathroom to stand over the sink and quickly clean his dick and balls – what he always called a gentleman’s wash. A little flirt with Lola’s hairdresser and make-up artist had been enough to ensure his appearance benefitted from some professional attention before he’d made it onto the set looking so good Lola hadn’t been able to take her eyes off him for the whole of the first take. He had to hand it to himself – he really was good at being him. In fact, nobody did it better.
All right, he might be a tramp. But right now the girls couldn’t get enough of him. And he was going to make damn sure Lola was next. However much she protested in her stupid song.
*
‘You know I really love your new song,’ Freddy told Lola in his delightfully soft Welsh accent. They were sitting in a corner of the studio facing each other on a pair of canvas chairs that had been arranged with a view of the set behind them. A cameraman everyone called Big Phil tweaked the lighting, a young producer Lola assumed to be Harvey’s new man Spike held up a sheet of paper to set the white balance, and her publicist Barbara assessed the shot through the viewfinder.
As Belle, Scarlett and Trixie stepped in to make the final checks on her appearance, Lola reasoned that seeing Freddy now could be just what she needed. It was a reminder of the kind of man she’d vowed to date from now on, the kind of man who could save her from Jake – and herself. She kept her eyes firmly fixed on him like the beam of a lighthouse in a storm. ‘Thanks,’ she smiled, ‘it’s one of my favourites too.’
‘And you really don’t hold back in some of the lyrics.’
‘No, well, I was pretty pissed off when I wrote them. And I guess that comes through. But you know what, I couldn’t actually give a shit – some blokes need to hear it.’
Freddy held up his hand and smiled. ‘I tell you what, this is all cracking stuff but don’t say anything else – save it for the interview or else we’ll be repeating ourselves and it won’t be as fresh.’
‘All right, but I have to watch myself this time. Last time you interviewed me I couldn’t keep my gob shut and said way more than I should. You know my manager’s from up north and he calls me the Mouth from the South?’
Freddy laughed and she could feel his sparkle radiate onto her, prompting a smile to spread its way across her face. Her eyes drifted onto his wrists poking out of his shirtsleeves and she wondered if they could actually be thicker than her neck. He wouldn’t struggle to carry me home after a night out, she thought, imagining how comforting it must feel to be swept up in his sturdy embrace. And maybe it was because she’d been singing about tramps all morning, but today she was enjoying being in his company more than ever – and that made her feel good about herself. It was a new feeling and one she wasn’t sure what to make of. But one she wanted to get to know better.
What am I doing fantasizing about Jake? This is the kind of man who could make me happy. The only reason she’d ever doubted this in the first place was because she wasn’t sure she could trust herself around a nice guy. She’d always thought that if she started seeing someone like Freddy, she’d go and destroy the relationship by having a fling with some tramp. But maybe I’m over that now. Maybe writing the song has helped me through it.
‘How we doing, fellas?’ interrupted Barbara. ‘Nearly ready?’
Big Phil stepped out from behind his camera and gave her a nod. ‘Yep, all set. If you could just give us some levels for sound, please.’
‘OK,’ began Freddy, ‘I’m Freddy Jones and I’m going to be speaking to Lola Grant about her new video.’
Big Phil nodded. ‘That’s great. And Lola, would you mind telling us what you had for breakfast?’
She let out a plaintive sigh. ‘My God, I was so knackered this morning all I managed was a coffee. To be honest, I’ve been shit-scared about eating anything with this thing on – I’m too worried about looking fat.’
Freddy jumped straight in. ‘But you’re not fat at all! Honestly, you look well fit.’ He stopped himself and frowned. ‘Sorry, you look really pretty, like.’
She smiled and could feel a twinkle gleaming in her eye. I could get used to this. ‘Well, thanks, Freddy. You don’t look too bad yourself. But I’ve already told you you’re handsome. And you’re not getting any more compliments today.’
‘OK guys,’ broke in Barbara, looking at her watch. ‘We really need to get going or else the crew will be back from their lunch.’
‘No problem,’ breathed Freddy, totally unruffled.
Lola couldn’t help thinking he seemed so much calmer and in control than the last few times they’d met. And she was completely enchanted.
‘Turn over, Phil,’ Freddy commanded. ‘And if we just give it five seconds . . .’
‘OK,’ said the cameraman, having one last check in the viewfinder, ‘ready when you are.’
*
‘Lola, it’s great to see you and thanks for letting us on set today,’ Freddy began, switching to a slightly more formal tone. ‘Could you start by talking us through what you’ve been filming?’
‘Yep, course. Today I’m filming the video for my next single, Tramp, which is on my new album. And it’s about getting my revenge on all the trampy men out there on behalf of all the women they’ve messed around.’
Freddy allowed himself a smile. ‘And how exactly do you do this?’
‘Oh, I shoot them. I basically go around shooting them all with this really cool laser gun.’
As she held the gun up to the camera, alarm bells sounded in Freddy’s head. Just last month a man had walked into a school in Texas and opened fire on hundreds of children. Ever since, the American media had been gripped by a furious debate about gun control and this was just the kind of thing Hugh would like him to ask Lola about – with the express intention of getting her to put her foot in it, a practice known in the business as ‘delivering a newsline’. ‘Lola Grant condones the use of guns,’ he could hear presenter Amanda Adams saying now as images of injured children flashed up on the screen. Well, he didn’t care what Hugh said – he wasn’t going to do that to her. Especially not now the attraction was sizzling between them. No, some things were more important.
‘So you aren’t worried about glamorizing violence?’ he asked diplomatically.
‘No, I’d never do that, darlin’. The video isn’t set in the real world and this is only a stun gun – it’s just a bit of fun, really. And anyway, we’ve all wanted to shoot someone with a little laser from time to time. Don’t tell me you haven’t?’
Freddy smiled knowingly. Too right I have – one person in particular.
‘And it’s, urm, it’s set in the future, isn’t it?’ he asked.
‘It is, yeah. Which is why I’m dressed up in this catsuit – blatantly looking like the fat bird no one wants to get off with at Halloween.’
Freddy rolled his eyes. ‘You can’t seriously think that? You must be one of the most fancied women in the country right now.’
She smiled. ‘Oh, I don’t know. I’m not really sure that kind of thing’s what I’m about, to be honest. I mean, it’s girls who listen to my music – girls and gay men. I think a lot of straight men find me a bit threatening. But that’s fine by me, I suppose – I’m not really doing this to make
men fancy me. Although obviously it’s nice if they do.’
She looked deep into his eyes and gave her long lashes a bit of a flutter. Not only was she flirting with him but she was flirting with him on camera – and not for the first time. It made him feel so strong. It made him feel indestructible.
But before he went any further, he reminded himself there was one question he really needed to ask.
*
Freddy cleared his throat. ‘And is there a man in your life at the moment?’
‘There isn’t, no.’ Lola was sure she spotted a look of relief flash across his face. ‘To tell you the truth, darlin’, there hasn’t been anyone since I split up with the sleazebag I wrote this song about.’
‘That’s Fox Marshall, your last guitarist?’
‘Yep. Although I haven’t told anyone else this but there was another sleazebag before him – my keyboardist Nicky Finn, who was even more of a wanker than Fox. The whole time he was seeing me he had a girlfriend.’
From behind the camera Barbara shot her a glare and mouthed the word ‘No’. But Lola didn’t care: Nicky had treated her like shit and so far he’d got away scot-free. Why shouldn’t he pay with a little public humiliation? And anyway, I feel safe opening up to Freddy. And I want to give him a good interview.
‘Really?’ he asked. ‘So what happened?’
‘Well, it was a disaster, obviously. By the time I found out about his bird, it was too late and I ended up getting hurt. And I suppose she must have done too, which I’m not very proud about.’ She paused and shook her head. ‘But to tell you the truth, darlin’, for some reason I’ve always been attracted to trampy men who treat me like shit. It’s like I can’t help myself. And I can tell you’re not one of them but unfortunately there’s a lot of tramps around.’
‘But according to the song you’ve moved on from all that now?’
‘Blatantly. Enough is enough – I’m done with trampy men! What I’m looking for now is someone who respects me and treats me well. Oh, and he’s got to be fit too, obviously. But from now on I’m absolutely not putting up with any more crap from anyone. However fit they are!’
As she chatted away she remembered that just a few hours ago when she’d been miming the words to Tramp she’d found herself magnetically tugged towards Jake. When she thought about it now she felt embarrassed and slightly ashamed of herself.
‘So if you know anyone who fits that description,’ she fizzed at Freddy, ‘let me know. Because I’d love to meet him. That is if I haven’t already.’
Freddy grinned at her and put down his pad.
‘I’ll make sure I do. Lola Grant, thank you very much.’
*
Spike watched as Lola withdrew into the distance, led by her publicist and trailed by her assistant, hairdresser, make-up artist and stylist. Just before she left the studio she stopped at the door and turned around to wave them all goodbye. Spike’s spirit slumped to see her go. Lola could change the energy of a room just by walking into it – and when she left it was almost as if you could feel the atmosphere deflate.
He turned to Freddy. ‘Well done, blud – that was off the hook.’
‘Really?’ asked Freddy. ‘Do you think it’ll be enough to keep Hugh happy?’
‘Well, she was proper open and told you that whole story about the ex-boyfriend. And you did ask her about the gun thing – it’s not your fault if she didn’t bite.’
The two of them stepped to one side to make room for Big Phil and his assistant, who were de-rigging the cameras and dismantling the lights.
‘No,’ frowned Freddy, ‘but I expect Hugh’s going to tell me I should have pushed her till she shot her mouth off and gave us a newsline.’
Spike shrugged his shoulders. ‘Yeah but that’s not your style, man. And anyway,’ he smiled, flashing his gold tooth, ‘never mind the interview – she was proper flirting with you.’
‘Do you think so?’
‘For sure! She practically asked you out on camera, man!’ He raised his eyes with a look of impatience. He never understood why Freddy couldn’t see how good-looking he was and had so little confidence when it came to women. ‘Blud, you’re the only geezer I know who can sit there while a girl flirts with you and just not see it.’
Freddy looked down bashfully. ‘No, I saw it, Spike. And you know, I really fancy her too – I haven’t fancied anybody as much in years.’
‘Well, that’s cool, man. That’s proper cool.’
‘Yeah, but how am I supposed to see her again? In case you haven’t noticed, she’s a massive star so I can hardly ask for her number. And every time I see her we’re either filming or she’s surrounded by her team. I just need to get her on her own.’
‘I know!’ said Spike, as if suddenly struck by a brilliant idea, ‘why don’t I have a chat about it with Harvey?’ Over the past week he and Harvey had been on a few more dates and even though they were very different, Spike was starting to imagine they might have a future together. And after nearly two weeks of trying to hold back his feelings, he was finally allowing himself to give in to unrestrained excitement. ‘Look, Harvey’s going to be on set a bit later. Why don’t I see if he’ll have a quiet word with her? And ask if she fancies going out on a date?’
‘All right, just so long as it is a quiet word.’
‘For sure. I know Harvey – and he’ll be as quiet as a mouse.’
*
‘Lola, I think you should go out with Freddy Jones!’ Harvey blurted out at full volume.
Lola looked around to check no one had heard him. They were standing in the middle of the studio while Hettie checked back a shot on the monitor. ‘Harvey! You’ve only been here five minutes. Where did that come from?’
‘Oh, nowhere. I was just thinking how gorgeous he is – and how he seems like a really nice guy.’
‘Oh yeah? And presumably you’ve been talking to your new boyfriend about it too?’
‘I keep telling you he’s not my boyfriend! But since you ask, we might have had a little chat, yeah. And apparently you got on brilliantly in your interview. So I just thought it might be a good idea if you went out on a date.’
‘Well, for your information, I do fancy Freddy so maybe I will go on a date with him, yeah. But in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve already got a lot to think about today.’ She aimed her gun at him and fired. All afternoon she’d been romping around in her catsuit filming endless shots of her walking in on men who were cheating on their wives, leering at lap dancers or having sex with their secretaries. In each scenario she’d had to mime outrage and shoot them before looking to camera naughtily and strutting off in search of her next tramp. It was all great fun, but with no training as an actress, she was starting to exhaust her repertoire of appropriate expressions – and there were still three hours to go.
To make matters worse, she’d been so starving at lunchtime that she’d stuffed her face on bangers and mash in the catering van – and was now worried that she had a gunt as well as a bum back. It didn’t help that Jake had been hanging around the set for hours unleashing his lazy grin from the sidelines, despite the fact that he’d finished shooting his scenes halfway through the morning. Or that Freddy and his crew were following her every move, shooting footage of the video being made but often standing directly in her line of view so she couldn’t help catching Freddy’s eye. She’d felt pulled in both directions and wasn’t sure what she felt about either of them anymore. That morning she’d told herself today could be the day to work out which of the two she fancied more. But now she felt more confused than ever.
Harvey obviously wasn’t confused in the slightest. ‘And what’s going on with Jake?’ he asked. ‘Don’t think I haven’t seen the way you’ve been gawping at him all afternoon.’
She tried to stop herself from grinning. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, darlin’.’
‘No, of course you don’t. But don’t you think it’s ironic that he’s standing around giving you the eye while
you’re singing about being through with tramps?’
‘I am through with tramps! I’m just not sure Jake’s one of them, that’s all.’
Harvey frowned at her affectionately. ‘Well I’m sure. Trust me, Lola – I’ve forgotten more than you’ll ever know about men. And I can tell you without any doubt that Jake Hunter’s the biggest tramp of the lot.’
She folded her arms with a sulk. ‘But Harvey, I’ve learnt my lesson the hard way too. And I just don’t see how you can be so sure.’
‘Look, Lola, you’re talented, you’re successful, you’re beautiful—’
She snorted. ‘Yeah, right.’
‘Well, I think you’re beautiful. And I think it’s about time you realized how much you’ve got to offer. Because until you start loving yourself, you’re still going to be attracted to men who treat you like shit. It’s like an exercise in self-harm.’
‘Hmpf! Now you’re sounding like Jeremy Kyle – either that or you’ve had too much therapy.’
‘I have had a lot of therapy, yeah. But I’m only telling you all this because I’ve been in exactly the same position. You don’t think you’re worthy of a loving relationship so you’re attracted to men who won’t give you one.’