Nothing But Trouble

by Matt Cain

  She was suddenly desperate for a drink but all she had to do was look down and a fresh cocktail was immediately thrust into her hand. She downed it in one and threw herself into the routine for the climax of the song.

  I’m heading for a blip,

  Mess it up!

  Let’s sip till we slip,

  Mess it up!

  Wake up in a skip,

  Mess it up, mess it up, mess it up!

  There was still no sign of Jake but she did spot Harvey’s boyfriend Spike standing at the bar chatting to a bleary-eyed Barbara, who was demonstrating her golf swing with one of the barmen’s canes but was so unsteady she kept toppling over and hitting him in the face. Now what’s he doing here? Didn’t I say no press? Just because this guy was shagging her manager, she didn’t see why that should give him special privileges. And she didn’t see why he should think he could swan into her private party and get pissed with her publicist. Well, she wasn’t going to stand for it.

  She jumped down from the table and onto the dance floor but lost her footing and careered towards Gloria, a head-on collision only averted at the last minute by a quick-thinking Sharonne, who stepped in to break her fall.

  ‘Oh thanks, darlin’,’ she slurred, standing up and straightening out her top. ‘I must have had one too many cocktails.’

  She was sure Gloria was smirking at her.

  ‘And what are you looking at?’ she barked. ‘Or are you trying to pick up some tips on how to be a star?’

  Gloria’s mouth fell open.

  ‘Well, I wouldn’t bother if I were you,’ Lola went on. ‘You’ve already had a crack at that – and we all know how it ended.’

  Was that too harsh? Oh what the hell! It serves her right for stealing my man. She turned on her heel and stomped away.

  Now where’s Harvey gone? She stood on her tiptoes to look around but had to lean on the wall as the room started to spin. There he is . . .

  ‘Harvey!’ she hissed. ‘Can I have a word?’

  ‘Yeah, what’s the matter? Are you all right?’

  ‘Yeah, course I’m all right. I’m blatantly amazing, actually. But what’s the foetus doing here?’

  ‘You what? What foetus?’

  ‘That baby you’re going out with.’

  ‘Lola, he’s exactly the same age as you, remember? And I didn’t think you’d mind so I invited him.’

  ‘Well I do mind, Harvey. I made it quite clear I don’t want any journos in tonight then I can relax and mess it up a bit.’ Not that I’m not doing a good enough job of that already.

  ‘Oh come on, Lola. He might be a journo but he’s not working or anything. And he’s also my boyfriend.’

  All right, all right, rub it in why don’t you? It was perfectly obvious just by his presence that he and Harvey had patched up their problems – and she didn’t need their happiness ramming down her throat.

  ‘I don’t care what he is, Harvey. Journos never stop working, everyone knows that. And everyone knows you can’t trust them.’

  Oh why don’t I just shut the fuck up? She wasn’t even sure what she was saying anymore – or why she was saying it. But it just didn’t seem fair that Harvey’s boyfriend was here when hers had dumped her and now seemed intent on shagging one of her dancers. And of course she knew journos weren’t all untrustworthy. She was sure she could trust Freddy. And she’d realized this afternoon when they’d been talking about him that she actually wanted to see him again. She imagined him walking into the club now, picking her up and holding her in his big manly arms. She imagined how lovely it would feel to nestle into his thickly muscled chest and how safe and happy he could make her. Although she was sure he wouldn’t want to have anything to do with her since she’d fucked him around so badly. How have I managed to develop such a knack for doing the wrong thing? Even when she was in the middle of doing it she couldn’t stop herself. Like right now for example . . .

  She tensed her lips and glowered at Harvey. ‘I’m serious, I want him out.’

  ‘But Lola—’

  ‘But nothing. Just get rid of him, Harvey. I can’t believe you were so unprofessional as to invite him in the first place.’

  He held up his hands in surrender. ‘OK, boss, whatever you say.’

  She gave a satisfied nod and flounced away, sweeping up a spare cocktail from the bar and knocking it back in one swig. Oh why can’t I stop being so horrible?

  Just then she spotted Jake drooling all over Kitty as a blatant erection strained at his trousers. She suddenly felt like everyone in the club was staring at her and sniggering. I bet they can’t believe how stupid I was to be taken in by him. She breathed in sharply and tried to shake off a searing sense of shame.

  ‘Are you all right, Lola?’ asked a voice behind her. It was Belle, flanked by Scarlett and Trixie. ‘Come on,’ she said, holding out her arm and putting it around her shoulders, ‘don’t do this to yourself. Don’t let it get to you.’

  They huddled around her and straight away she felt bolstered by their support.

  ‘That Kitty’s a complete slapper.’

  ‘She’s totes a dirty slut.’

  ‘I’ve never seen such a slag in all my life.’

  ‘No,’ Lola corrected them, ‘Kitty’s done nothing wrong. Jake’s the slag. He’s the one who can’t keep his dick in his pants. And it makes me feel sick to think I actually went there.’

  Trixie squeezed her shoulder in sympathy. ‘Well, if you need something to pick you up, we’re just nipping to the shithouse for a toot of the old Charlie.’

  Lola looked at them and bit her lip. She felt so exhausted and so tired of forcing herself to be strong, she wasn’t sure she had it in her to resist anymore.

  ‘You know you’re very welcome to join us.’

  Well, she had said she wanted to mess it up tonight. And even though she’d knocked back countless cocktails, she still wasn’t feeling quite messy enough. Not yet, anyway.

  ‘Come on,’ coaxed Trixie, ‘come with us and give it a whirl.’

  Oh maybe it’s time to try out a new way of messing it up. Maybe my old way’s just not working anymore.

  No! countered another voice in her head. Be strong and don’t do it. However low you’re feeling, this will only make you feel worse.

  ‘You know, you could always start with a little bump and see if you like it,’ cooed Trixie.

  Oh come on, one little bump’s hardly going to turn you into a full-on cokehead. And coke’s completely different to crack, remember?

  ‘All right, all right,’ she said eventually, ‘let’s do it. But just one bump and that’s it!’

  The three of them sparkled back at her. ‘Of course, just one bump, we promise.’

  Oh God, what am I letting myself in for?

  *

  Gloria watched Lola striding out of the toilets flanked by Belle, Scarlett and Trixie and could almost taste the hatred at the back of her throat. She still couldn’t believe Lola had humiliated her as she’d staggered around on the dance floor, making fun of her failed solo career in front of Sharonne and in earshot of all the dancers. She wouldn’t care but all she’d been doing was having a little fun. It wasn’t her fault if she was a much better dancer than Lola – or if knowing that made Lola feel insecure. And the worst thing was, she’d been feeling particularly fragile as she’d just bumped into that horrendous buck-toothed exec who’d dumped her from her record deal. As they’d made awkward small talk, his words had returned to ring in her ears. ‘You’re not a star,’ he’d said, ‘not like Lola Grant.’

  Well, Lola Grant wasn’t acting like much of a star tonight. She’d been shit-faced within minutes, and now that she didn’t have her manager to look after her, had spent most of the night crashing around her own party. That was until she’d started disappearing into the bogs with the girls. Gloria wasn’t stupid; she’d guessed straight away what was going on. And this little development was the best thing that had happened to her for years. The best thing that had happe
ned to her since she’d lost her record deal. Since Lola had stolen it off her.

  She’d stood at the mirror touching up her make-up, propping up her phone next to the sinks so she could film what was happening. But the first few times the girls had gone in there they’d shut the cubicle door after them so she’d only been able to record the telltale sniffing sound. She’d told herself that it didn’t matter – she knew she’d get more chances. And sure enough, once Lola had snorted one line of coke she hadn’t known when to stop, popping back into the toilets every half an hour for more. Gloria couldn’t help scoffing to herself. Like mother, like daughter . . .

  Before long she’d been pleased to see that the girls were getting sloppy and letting the cubicle door fall open as they snorted a heap of coke off the toilet cistern. They were all so out of it none of them seemed to notice Gloria was always standing there in front of the mirror, endlessly reapplying her lip gloss with her phone at waist height angled towards them. Well, it wasn’t her fault if they didn’t know how to be discreet. Unfortunately, though, every time she’d wanted to film the action some stupid bitch had appeared and plonked herself in between the camera phone and the cubicle. And now she was starting to get frustrated that she was going to miss out on her chance of revenge.

  She followed Lola and the girls across the club and was relieved to see them settle down around a table that was in a quiet corner and under a bright light. Perfect conditions for filming . . . She sidled over and nudged herself into a prime position behind a pillar just a few feet away. She pretended to be texting while she zoned out from the music and listened to their conversation.

  She cringed as she heard Trixie telling them all a story about the time a condom had fallen out of her snatch three days after she’d slept with some guy. ‘Do you think that makes me a slut?’ she heard her ask the others.

  Oh I can answer that one for you. And the answer’s an almighty yes.

  ‘No!’ they all chimed. ‘Not at all!’

  Oh come on, shut up and get the coke out!

  She listened for what felt like ages as Belle and Scarlett shared similar stories about discovering days-old condoms inside them. And then their laughter trailed off. ‘Well, what do you think, girls?’ she heard Trixie ask. ‘Shall we have another cheeky line?’

  Finally!

  She watched as Trixie took a bag of coke out of her handbag, shook a pile out onto the table and then swiftly chopped it up into four lines – in full view of anyone who happened to be watching.

  Now they’re getting seriously sloppy.

  She switched her phone onto camera mode and held it up at the side of the pillar so she could stay hidden behind it. But she kept a close eye on their every move through the viewfinder. She felt a quiver of excitement as she hit Record.

  And action!

  One after the other she watched the girls lean forward and sniff up the coke through a rolled-up banknote. When it came to Lola, she casually took the note and gave a sharp snort as if she’d been doing it all her life. She reeled back, sniffed and gave a little whoop of satisfaction. As Trixie swept together the remaining grains of coke with the palm of her hand and hoovered the table clean, Gloria hit Stop and held the phone to her chest as she leant back on the pillar.

  That’s it! I’ve got it!

  She couldn’t believe it. This was better than anything she’d ever dreamed of. Her heart began to race as she realized just how big a news story she was holding in her hand. Lola Grant, Britain’s biggest pop star and poster girl for the anti-drugs movement, caught on camera on a coke binge.

  Gloria clutched her phone and had to stop herself from laughing out loud. Trouble? Lola didn’t understand the meaning of the word.

  *

  Across the room, Harvey was starting to think about how soon he could slip away. The party had been even more of a nightmare than he’d expected. He looked around and was pretty sure he was the only one in the club not off his face and having fun. And he couldn’t stop feeling stiff and awkward, knowing he must stand out like a pair of crotchless panties in a convent.

  If he were being completely honest, the whole thing had been an ordeal from the beginning. First he’d bumped into a drunk Carlson, who he’d spent the last few weeks avoiding but who now confronted him to accuse him of being a prick-tease. At least he’d now disappeared into the detention den with the photographers Mark and Mark – and Harvey had a pretty good idea from all the time he’d spent in there what they must be up to.

  Then Lola had started ranting at him about Spike being at the party and said he had to leave. Harvey had been so angry he’d wanted to leave too but Spike had insisted he stay – although what for he wasn’t sure. By now everyone was so out of it they couldn’t tell who they were speaking to, never mind who else was in the room. Harvey stepped over Barbara slumped in a corner twirling a cane, muttering something he wasn’t even sure was English. He could just about make out the words Ich will dich ficken, which he seemed to remember meant something rude in German.

  To make matters worse, Harvey had then spotted Jake drooling all over Kitty just a few feet away from Lola. He’d been so angry he’d marched over and accused him of being insensitive to his artist, at which point Kitty must have realized he’d had a thing with Lola, disentangled herself from him and promptly disappeared onto the dance floor – which had only made Jake furious and hurl a horde of insults at him. ‘Interfering fag’ was the one that stuck in his mind.

  He took a sip of his sparkling water. He’d pretty much had enough and was ready to go home. He’d just check to see Lola was all right first. The last time he’d seen Amina it hadn’t looked like she was in a fit state to see her home – or even call for her driver.

  He manoeuvred his way across the dance floor and through the crowd until he spotted Lola sitting at a table with her Style Council. As he drew closer he stopped in his tracks. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Lola and the girls were snorting lines of coke in full view of everyone at the party. He blinked several times as he tried to take it in. Can this really be happening?

  He looked around to see if anyone else was watching but thankfully they all seemed to be too shit-faced to notice. At least they were this time. He had to make her stop soon.

  ‘Lola?’ he called, stepping towards them as Trixie dabbed at the last few bits of coke and rubbed them into her teeth.

  ‘Yeah? What do you want?’ Lola looked up and glared at him with pupils that filled most of her eyes. He dreaded to think how much coke must be coursing through her.

  ‘Urm, can I have a quick word?’ he managed.

  Lola turned to the girls and rolled her eyes. She stood up with a huff and the two of them moved to one side.

  ‘Come on then,’ she barked, ‘spit it out.’

  He spoke in as calm a voice as he could muster. ‘What’s going on, Lola?’

  ‘What does it look like? I’m just having a little line of Charlie, that’s all.’

  ‘But Lola, if this gets out it’ll cause a massive shit storm.’

  ‘Oh stop overreacting – everybody does coke. Apparently Ruby Marlow does it all the time.’

  ‘Yeah, but she hasn’t been so publicly anti-drugs. And she hasn’t just signed a huge record deal in America – not to mention the whole sponsorship set-up with Twinkle, which will be gone in a shot if they get wind of this.’

  ‘Yeah, well, they won’t, will they? There’s only us here – and I said no press, remember?’

  ‘But that’s not going to stop people talking, Lola. And you know as well as I do how easily gossip gets out.’

  She folded her arms and ground her teeth. ‘Oh cut the crap, Harvey. I can tell what’s going on here – you’re just trying to keep me under control like you always do.’

  ‘That’s not true, Lola.’

  ‘It is, and I can tell you now it’s not going to work. A bit of coke’s not that big a deal – it’s in a completely different league to crack.’

  ‘Is it? Is it rea
lly?’

  ‘Yes, Harvey, it is. And to be honest I need a bit of something to get me over the last few weeks. For your information I caught Jake on the job with Gloria and that’s why it all ended. And I’m sure you’re really happy about that but I’ve blatantly found it quite hard.’

  She broke off and her chin gave a little tremble. Even though she was stoked by all the cocaine, Harvey told himself to remember she was still the same person underneath her anger.

  ‘Lola,’ he ventured. ‘I’m not happy about that at all. In fact, I’m really sorry to hear it.’

  ‘Bollocks!’ she snarled, beads of sweat breaking out on her forehead. ‘I can hear you saying “I told you so” without you even opening your mouth.’

  Harvey gave a sigh and massaged his temples. Nothing he could say would make any difference. ‘Lola,’ he tried, ‘you’ve got to understand that just because I tell you the odd harsh truth that doesn’t mean I’m not on your side anymore. It’s my job. I’m your manager. And I was your mate. But if you don’t allow people who are close to you to give you honest criticism then you’re going to turn into a monster. I’ve seen it happen before when an artist’s career takes off – it’s the oldest cliché in the book.’

  She gave a loud sniff and the left side of her face began twitching wildly. ‘You know what, Harvey, I can’t believe you’re actually calling me a cliché.’

  ‘I wasn’t calling you a cliché, Lola. I was talking about some of the things you’ve been doing. Like taking coke, for a start. Now that’s a cliché.’

  ‘Yeah, well, if it is I don’t want to hear it. You’re right, Harvey, you were my mate – in the past tense. And you were my manager. As of this moment you’re not anymore.’

  Did I just hear her right? Harvey felt like he’d been winded. Did she actually just say what I think she said?

  ‘But Lola—’

  ‘Oh give it a rest, Harvey. I can’t do this anymore. You can hand everything over to Amina first thing in the morning. She’ll deal with all the day-to-day stuff. As for everything else, I can look after myself.’