His face softened at the mention of their unborn child. She wasn’t sure why he’d married her but she was sure why he stayed. He wanted to be a father. His love for their child made her love him even more.
“You only refer to the baby as a boy. How can you be so sure he will not be a she?”
She blinked at him. “I don’t know.” She rested her hand on her unborn baby. “I just know that I’m going to have a little boy that looks like you.”
“Aw, lass.” He finally crossed the room to get to her, but he didn’t hug her like she wanted. He placed his hand on her small belly. “If it’s a girl you owe me twenty dollars.”
She smiled at him but it was merely a curling of her lips. “Done.”
She placed both of her hands on top of his to keep him close to her even if his touch was just on her belly.
“I think you should call him.”
“Who?”
“Your father. It would be—”
“No.” He shook his head and walked away from her. “I’m done with him. He’s a selfish wanker and I don’t want him in my life.”
“It’s not just your life, Colin. It’s our life. We are going to have a baby—”
“Our life? Now you’re thinking about us? About the baby? I thought that was my job. You’ve been so busy trying to find yourself that sometimes I wonder how much you really want him.”
She recoiled. His words were a slap in the face. “You really think that about me? You think I don’t want him?” she asked quietly, her voice sounding foreign to her own ears. “Maybe it’s this marriage I don’t want.”
“Cherri…” He came toward her, hands extended, bewilderment on his face. “Don’t go saying things like that. You know how much I…”
“You what?” she asked calmly. “You love me? Don’t even say it. You married me because you pitied me and because I was pregnant. We both know that. Let’s not even pretend.”
“Cherri.” He reached for her again but she stepped away.
“I don’t know what to do. I came down here to talk to you. I came down here because I know you’re unhappy and I wanted to figure out why. I wanted to fix things between us. But there is no fixing this, is there? So—”
“So what?” he exploded. “Why does it always get to be about you? Your gran died. Your life isn’t what you wanted it to be. Whose life fucking is? You think Baba’s dying was just hard on you? You think you’re the only one who loved her? You think it wasn’t hard for me, too? You think it wasn’t hard for me to watch you in that much pain? At least you had her. At least you had somebody who loved you that much. You should be grateful. I’m trying to be understanding, Charlotte. I’m trying to give you the best life I can. I’m trying to make you happy but I don’t know if I’m coming or going with you.”
“You don’t ever talk to me! How would you know?”
“I never talk to you because I never see you. You’re in the shop painting all night. You took that job an hour away. You work all day. You stay late at school planning your lessons—”
“I have to. I’m new. I have to show them I’m capable.”
“We’re new! We’re married. We’re going to have a baby. Damn it, Cherri. Me and you. This was supposed to be our time. Everything else gets in the way of us. I’m sick of feeling guilty. I’m sick of feeling like I ruined your life.”
“I never said you did.”
“You did. You did say it. Right after we were married, and you tell me every time you put space between us. I didn’t expect this from you. I didn’t expect my own wife to not want to be around me.”
“Colin, that’s not true.”
“Whatever. I’ll save you the trouble of leaving. I’m out of here.”
She watched him go. She was frozen to her spot, too bewildered to move. The worst part about it was that he was right. Not about all of it, but he was right. She was so busy focusing on how her life had changed, she hadn’t given much thought to how it all affected him. She had been selfish and in the process she had pushed him away.
* * *
Colin didn’t know where he was going. He just left, so pissed at Cherri, and at himself, that he barely noticed it was raining. He barely noticed that Rufus was at his side until he opened the door to his truck and the dog jumped in the car.
“Get out, Rufus.” The dog just sat there staring at him. It was as if he was telling Colin not to walk out on his wife. Not to walk out on his marriage. But he couldn’t go back, not right now. “Move!”
Rufus sighed and climbed into the passenger seat. Colin got in, resigned to the fact that he was going to have company. He drove off, tires squealing as he did. He just needed to clear his head. There seemed to be only one thing on his mind these past months. And it wasn’t fair. He’d never thought this would happen to him. He’d never thought one woman would sneak into his mind and take over his every thought.
It was foreign to him, to feel this much.
His phone rang. He hit the Bluetooth button on his dashboard, not caring who it was. He just didn’t want to think about Cherri.
“Hello.”
“It’s good to hear your voice, Colin.”
Fuck.
His body cramped upon hearing her voice.
His ex. Serena.
This was the woman he’d thought he was going to marry. The one he thought was going to be the mother of his children. Instead he had married someone else. Somebody else was going to be the mother of his child. And she was sitting in his shop alone while a ghost from his past made a reappearance.
“Colin, are you there?”
Rufus barked.
“Is that a dog? Do you have one now?”
“What do you want, Serena?” She was last thing he needed right now.
They had met when he restored a piece for the art gallery she worked for. She was a buyer. Dark-haired, hazel-eyed with a body that was tight due to hours of Pilates. They hit it off immediately. She was intelligent and well traveled. She was great in bed. She wasn’t clingy. With her living in the city they had only seen each other on weekends and holidays. And so for a year he thought their relationship was perfect. Little did he know that while he was being faithful she was screwing every guy who walked past her in a business suit. He even caught her in bed. Apparently he had arrived for the weekend an hour earlier than she’d expected.
When he’d walked in on her he didn’t remember feeling hurt, but disgusted. He was about to sleep with a woman who was sharing her body with everyone else. He also felt stupid. He should have seen the signs. He should have known he wasn’t the only man.
“To talk to you. To see how you were. To beg you to forgive me.”
Why now? Why after all this time?
“Listen, Serena, I don’t have time for this today.”
“Will you have time for it tomorrow? I need to know when, Colin. I want to talk to you about it. I know I treated you horribly but you have to know that I did love you. I was just freaked out because I had never felt that way about a man before.”
“So you fucked half of Manhattan to make yourself feel better?”
“I don’t know why I did it. But I’ve been thinking about you. There was a write-up about you on a blog I follow. It talked about how much care you take with your work and it made me remember how well you treated me. It made me miss you.” She was silent for a moment. “I still love you. I think you should know that.”
She loved him? It was ironic when his own wife didn’t.
“Please don’t call me again. It’s over.”
“Just meet me for coffee,” she said, sounding more composed than she had a few minutes earlier. “It’s okay if you don’t want to get back together. I wasn’t really expecting that. I just want to see you so that I can give you a proper apology. Let me come up there. I promise I won’t take much of your time.”
“I’m married, Serena. Please … Just leave it be.”
He disconnected, gripping the wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white.
Too many things were crashing down on him. His wife wanted out of their marriage. His ex suddenly wanted him back. It was like a bad joke.
He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn’t see the cat dart out into the street until it was too late. He turned sharply to avoid it, and he missed it, but the ground was slick. His truck kept going and it didn’t stop until he slammed into a tree.
* * *
Cherri was in the shop staring at another one of her unfinished pieces when she heard the door open. She turned around, expecting to see her husband. She had called him twice, asking him to come home, but he never picked up. He never returned her call. He was furious at her and he had every right to be.
But it wasn’t him at the shop door. It was Mike and Ellis accompanied by a Durant police officer. “What happened?” They didn’t have to speak for her to know that her world was about to come crashing down again.
Their faces were grim. Mike looked as if he was in pain. The police officer came in with his hat in his hands. It couldn’t be good news. They wouldn’t be here if it was.
Ellis was the first to reach her. She wrapped her arm around Cherri’s waist and held her tightly. She held her up. Cherri’s knees had started to go slack as soon as they walked in. “Don’t tell me he’s dead. Don’t tell me.” She shook her head. It was as if she were suffocating. She had fought with him. She had said some nasty things. He left her. He left her without knowing how much she loved him. “I don’t want to know. Don’t tell me.”
“He’s alive,” Mike answered. “He’s … okay. But he was in a car accident with Rufus and they’ve taken him to the hospital. We’ve come to take you to him.”
“He’s alive?”
“Yes. Officer Timms and I used to work together on the force. He was the first to respond to the accident. He knew Colin and I were friends so he called me immediately.”
The officer stepped forward. “He’s all right, ma’am. He’s pretty banged up but he’s going to live. The truck is totaled, though. It was by the grace of God he got out alive.”
“Where’s Rufus? He went with Colin. He loves Colin.”
“Yes. He’s at the station. He kept trying to get in the ambulance with your husband.”
“But he’s okay?”
“Not a scratch on him.”
Ten minutes later she was at the hospital. Colin was sitting up in bed. His head was bandaged, the side of his face scratched and bruised, and his foot elevated in a soft cast, but he was alive. He was okay.
She took a step toward him, so relieved to see him again that her knees gave out on her. Colin bolted from the bed and hissed in pain as his feet touched the floor. Mike caught her before she slumped.
“I’ve got her, Colin. Get back in bed.”
Ellis walked forward, trying to assist him, but he refused her help. “I’m fine. For fuck’s sake get a damn doctor in here for my wife.”
CHAPTER 23
Nobody does it better …
Cherri hadn’t left his side once since she arrived at the hospital. Even after she collapsed. She had refused to be treated by a doctor. She refused to leave the room. Her blood pressure had risen due to the excitement of the day. Nothing to worry about, the nurse assured him, but he was worried. It was a constant state of being for him these past few weeks.
He felt horrible and it wasn’t because of the considerable amount of pain he was in. He could barely stand to look at his wife. She sat at his side, her chair as close to his bed as she could get it. Her cheek resting on his palm. Every so often she would stare up at him with her big sad eyes, and he would feel like a bigger piece of shit every time. She felt guilty about the accident, as if their fight had caused it, but it wasn’t true. Not totally. He’d walked out on her. He’d chosen to leave. If he had died today, the last person he would have spoken to was Serena. It was not how he wanted his life to end.
“You feeling all right, love?”
“No. I’m feeling miserable and sorry and sick to my stomach and guilty as hell. But I’m happy, too. I’m happy you’re not dead. When I saw the police officer at the door I thought they were going to tell me that I’d lost you. I couldn’t have taken it, Colin. I wouldn’t recover from that. Especially after our fight. I—I…”
Her voice cracked and her eyes started to go blurry and he’d had enough. Enough pain and emotion for the day. He squeezed her hand and hushed her. They didn’t need words right now. When his car was spinning toward that tree only one thought went through his mind, and it was of her. She was his family. He couldn’t leave her.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered as she kissed the back of his hand.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I do. I—”
“My ex called me,” he blurted out to stop her unnecessary apology. “I had just hung up with Serena when I crashed. You don’t need to be sorry, Cherri. If anybody is to blame for this it’s her. Please stop feeling so sorry.”
She looked up at him, hurt flashing in her eyes. “Serena called you? Why?”
“She wanted to talk. I hadn’t heard from her since we broke up. I—I was surprised.”
She was silent for a long time, her face unreadable. “You didn’t have to tell me that, you know. You could have kept that from me and had me feeling like a horrible unworthy wife for a very long time.”
“What would be the point of that? You’re the last person I want to be unhappy.”
* * *
“You cannot get in the shower!”
“The hell I can’t.”
Colin only had to stay in the hospital overnight. There was a gash on his head. He was badly bruised. His ankle was sprained and swollen and he had broken a finger in the accident but he was going to be fine. Cranky as a bear but fine. Cherri thanked God for that. She had seen the truck, which was no more than a huge chunk of twisted metal. She was amazed that anybody could have walked away from the accident alive.
They had been given another chance. She refused to waste it. If the car accident had taught her one thing it was that life was precious. It was too short to spend unhappy. And she was unhappy. They both were. They didn’t have to be.
“You can’t.” She gave her husband a gentle push back onto the bed. “You can’t get your bandages wet. And how exactly are you going to stand to shower? You’d better not put any pressure on your foot. It won’t heal if you keep trying to stand on it.”
“It’s fine. It’s just a bit sore. Get out of my way and let me bathe.”
She stared at him for a long moment.
“You look like your baba when you look at me like that.”
“Thank you.” She smiled at him, pleased with the comparison. “She used to scare the hell out of me when she gave me her death glare. I’m glad I inherited it. I plan to use it on our children. Now lie down! You’re not getting out of that bed.”
He threw himself back toward the pillows, wincing as he did. “You’re a bossy lass.”
She smiled again, and then studied his face, realizing how much she missed him, and their friendship and their easiness. She could fix that, and after yesterday, after almost losing him, she knew she had to fix that. She could make it so she wasn’t missing her best friend. It was simple—they needed more time together, and it had just dawned on her how she could make that happen. “I know I’m bossy. I take lessons from Ellis and Belinda on the weekends.” She walked toward the bed and bent over him, pressing her lips to his. “I need to leave the house for a little while.”
He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her on top of him. She tensed, knowing how bruised he was, but he didn’t let up so she let herself relax a little and kissed him once more.
“Stay with me,” he said softly.
“I need to go to the grocery store,” she said into his lips. “I need to buy food so I can take care of you.”
“You can take care of me in another way.” He slipped his hand under her T-shirt and stroked his long fingers up her spine. “All you h
ave to do is take off your clothes. I promise you, I’ll feel a hell of a lot better.”
She looked down into his too-handsome face, seeing that look in his eyes. It gave her tingles. “How can you be horny when you’re in pain?”
“How can you not know how crazy you drive me? I always want you. Always. There could be a knife in my gut and I would still get randy looking at you. I miss you, love.”
“You should hate me,” she whispered, the guilt latching on to her. “You should have married someone better than me. Like a model or something.” She shook her head. “No, not a model, they’re too skinny for you. You like boobies and ass way too much for that. You should have married somebody more altruistic, like a curvy dark-haired nurse who spends her vacations in war-torn third-world countries tending to the needy and looks like Angelina Jolie, but with twenty percent body fat. Or maybe a veterinarian, who does animal rescues on the weekends and likes to hike in the woods and only eats organic things.”
“Or an art teacher, who talks way too damn much, with big boobies and a nice round arse and a sweet smile that makes my damn heart flutter.”
She frowned at him. “Where the hell are you going to find one of those?”
He laughed at her. A big full chuckle that made his entire face light up. It had been so long since she had seen him laugh, and she knew in that moment that she wanted a life filled with his smiles and laughter. She wanted him to be happy more than she wanted happiness for herself.
Her job would be so easy to give up, but he wouldn’t be. She had thought the decision would be hard to make, but it wasn’t, and for the first time in a long time, some of the stress floated away from her.
We’re new!
We’re married.
We’re going to have a baby.
This was supposed to be our time.
Everything else gets in the way of us.
Those words had played over and over in her mind since he had said them. How selfish she was. How stubborn. She was so busy trying to prove to herself that she could do that job and take care of herself, she’d forgotten about him. That a marriage was made up of two people. Baba was gone, but he was here and their baby was coming and they were the most important things in her life. She couldn’t forget about him, because without him … She didn’t want to think about a life without him.
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