by Dee Carney
“Ballistic? What kind of name could have been so bad?”
“Teddy.”
“Aww, that’s cute!”
“Tell that to a ten-year-old boy out to prove he’s a man.”
“Good point.” Jason dipped his head for another one of those kisses on her belly, mouthing suspiciously close to her mons. This kiss had the word wicked spelled over it.
“I want to hear the rest of the story,” Sabrina admonished.
Appropriately chastised, he lifted his head. “There’s not much more to tell.
Whenever I started in on the teasing, especially during a good fistfight, I’d be sure to scream ‘teddy bear!’ over and over again. Didn’t matter if he was pummeling the snot out of me. It was all about making him madder.” He laughed for the first time. “He used to get so mad. I mean, red in the face, on the verge of tears, angry. All the while he’d say over and over again ‘I’m not your teddy bear’.” A flimsy association, but still. Softly she said, “But what aren’t you telling me about his death, Jason? Why are you so desperate to get in touch with him?” He didn’t look up. “What things aren’t you telling me?” he asked with a slightly bitter tone.
Touché.
In other words then, their relationship had lots of room to grow. One of them had to take the first step, though. It couldn’t be her. Somehow she’d just keep the worlds of Jason and Him separated.
Wrong? Yes. Deceitful? Yes.
But what choice did she have?
“That was a cheap shot, Sabrina. I’m sorry.”
Did she call those kisses on her mons wicked before? He started them again, only this time burning a trail farther down—his way of apologizing, she guessed—and they were downright sinful.
Accepting the way he spread her thighs, she closed her eyes and let the first blossom of pleasure spread outward like ripples on a lake.
“We’ll get there soon enough, Jason. Don’t worry.” Until then, he’d keep his secrets. She’d keep hers. Never the twain shall meet.
Oh yes, she thought to herself, the sounds of his mouth’s movement muffled by her flesh, a vibrant orgasm already swiftly rising, never the twain shall meet.
* * * * *
“You can’t keep calling out from work for me. I appreciate it, Jay, I really do, but stop it, okay?”
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His eyes lifted to meet hers. Once again busted for staring at her ass and not paying attention. She tried to give him a disapproving look, but who was she kidding? She loved it when he got all googly-eyed from studying that part of her anatomy. “What?”
“Stop. Calling. Out.”
His ears reddened. “I have more leave than a little bit. I can afford to call out.”
“That’s not the point,” she insisted. The wounds had healed over, leaving nasty scabs behind, but soon they too would fall away. None of the voices reappeared as yet, so for a little while longer, she felt safe. At least well enough to pursue finding out more about Thad. To do that, though, Jason had to go back to work and give her some privacy. When they weren’t at his place, they were at hers. Always together. Her own ears heated to think about how much of that time was spent in bed. And not sleeping.
He reached forward to capture her arms. Pulling her into his lap was child’s play.
Now clean-shaven, his jaw brushed against the sensitive skin of her neck when he spoke, dotting blazing kisses in between his words. “That’s what leave is for.
Vacations.”
“Vacation?” she snorted. “What kind of vacation is this for you?” Waggling his eyebrows made her laugh. “Let’s be clear. I have no problem with the way I’m spending my vacation. People are paying good money for all-inclusive hotels and running the risk of a severe case of the runs on cruise ships, but not me.”
“No?”
“Nuh unh,” he replied after a brief nuzzling. “I’ve got my own private resort right here.”
That sent a shiver down her spine. It shouldn’t have, but there it was. His growing erection trapped beneath the seat of her ass didn’t discourage her ardor either.
She peeked at the doorway leading to the bedroom, chewed on her lip and contemplated. One more day together couldn’t hurt anything. One more day of screaming orgasms and hot, sweaty sex. The kind that left him drippy and panting. Left her limp and sated.
Already her nipples tightened in anticipation. One more day, they encouraged her.
One more very, very good day.
“That may be,” she forced through her tight throat because His next visit weighed down on her. Any day now. “But you also have a job I don’t want you to lose.
Especially because of me.” Turning, she made him stop nibbling along her skin to face the seriousness of the situation. “I’m fine and you can’t stay at my side forever.” Jason blew out a breath. He looked more worried than ever, but nodded. “Fine.” She patted his hand before rising. “Finish your muffin. Go to work. I’ll be here when you get back.”
Watching him down the rest of his breakfast was sensual in itself. Jason ate everything as if he’d never see food again, relishing every bite. “What are you going to do today?”
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It would do neither of them any good to get his hopes up. Let him think about almost anything than her attempts to reach Thad without him. The few times she got him to speak about his brother, the conversation had been strained.
“Business has been slow lately. I’ll scope some potential work out and maybe hit pay dirt.”
“It would drive me crazy to do freelance work. I like a nice, steady paycheck coming in every week.”
“That’s because you’re anal.” Understatement of the year. Who folded the ends of the toilet paper into triangles every single time they used it? Hotel housekeepers had nothing on him.
He straightened. “I’m fastidious. There’s a difference.” Sabrina found herself snorting again. “If you say so.” Puckering her lips, she blew him a kiss. “I’m serious. Go on. Go to work. I’ll be here. I don’t plan on doing much, really. When you get home, you’ll be bored to tears by my recap.” True to his nature, he stood and headed toward the sink with his empty plate and glass. Washing and drying them took no time at all. “There’s one way we can solve that.”
“That?”
“Your recap.”
“Ah,” she said in between sipping the remains of her coffee. “And what would that be?”
“Well, I wouldn’t object at all if you were in the nude while you told me about your day.”
Her laughter echoed around the dining room. “You’re incorrigible. And insatiable.” She waited until he headed toward his bedroom before wondering aloud. “How did I get so lucky?”
Jason turned, flashed her another of his mysterious smiles and exited the room.
By the time he actually left for work an hour later, she was a ball of nerves. Dead certain he knew what she was up to and would have her ass on a stick the second he busted her.
Shaking hands barely had enough control to put out the implements she needed.
Candle, pen, paper, anointed oil. A picture of Thad she borrowed from Jason’s place with every intention of returning it once successful.
He would kill her when he found out, but she was taking her chances. Other than some phenomenal sex where he took more pleasure out of making her shudder beneath him, she’d yet to show her gratitude for taking care of her.
“C’mon Teddy,” she muttered. “If you really want to talk to your brother, I need your help.”
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In one, maybe two days more, the voices would start. That had to mean she was receptive to speaking with the dead. Or actually, they were receptive to speaking with her.
Lights dimmed, she sat down at the table where they’d eaten earlier, pen in hand.
She studied the picture of the two men, noting every resemblance between the two. The picture suppressed t
heir eye color, but the shape of their eyes, the shape of their faces couldn’t be hidden. No one who saw the two together could mistake they were family.
Same height and build, Jason slung an arm over Thad’s shoulder. Reid, the third brother Jason spoke less of, had two fingers behind Jason’s head.
They looked happy together until she looked closer at Thad’s face. He seemed sad, despite the obvious joking happening in the picture. Something about the way his mouth turned down, even while smiling, made it seem that more disingenuous. Thad might as well have been interacting with two strangers instead of his brothers. His stance suggested he’d bolt at the very first opportunity.
Things hadn’t gone very well the last time she tried automatic writing, but Sabrina felt a little more prepared. The small gold cross her mother bestowed on her at her twelfth birthday hung from a thin gold chain around her neck. Almost forgetting, she put down the pen and picked up the glass bottle. She poured a little of the anointed oil into her palm and dipped her fingers into it. The same fingers drew a crude cross on her forehead, another at the juncture beneath her clavicles.
“Heavenly Father, look down on me. Guide and protect me. Bring only to me the spirits who are here to help. Here to love. Protect me from those who would do me harm. So mote it be.”
The words were some jumble of Christianity, Wicca and good old-fashioned make-it-up-as-you-go. Before meeting Jason, she hadn’t tried to actually conjure someone’s spirit from the dead in at least fifteen years. The outcome was too unpredictable. At least when she’d tried this the last time, the only thing the spirit that temporarily possessed her had tried to do was make out with Jason. Spirit had good taste at least.
Blowing out a breath, she picked up the pen and went for broke.
“Thad Raines. Teddy Raines. Come to me. Let my hand be your tool. Speak to your brother, Jason, who waits for your words.”
Eyes closed, pen poised over paper, she let out another cleansing breath and waited.
* * * * *
The cell phone lying next to the office phone vibrated with sufficient tension to make it walk across the desk. Jason snatched it up. “Hello?”
“Yo, bro. Where you been?”
Reid. Calling his cell phone was out of character. “Hey. Why didn’t you try my office number? Everything okay with Mom and Dad?” 61
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“Yeah, they’re cool. I had been trying your office number, but it kept going to voicemail.”
Jason frowned at the red flashing button on the phone. “Today?”
“No, but for the past few days. Didn’t you get my messages?”
“Still going through emails first. I’ve been out for a week.”
“Business trip?”
“No.”
“Sick?”
A pause. “No.”
“You gonna keep skirting around where you been or just get straight to the point?” Was it any wonder he was the oldest? He’d been a bully when they were kids and he was a bully now. Only he called it “authoritative”.
Jason paused again, not certain how he should answer the question. What was going on with Sabrina was so new, he didn’t think he was at the introducing-her-to-the-family stage.
As a matter of fact, he knew he wasn’t there.
“I was just hanging with a friend of mine. So what did you want?” Reid chuckled. “Female, I assume.”
He sat upright in his chair. “How the fu—”
“I can hear it in your voice, man,” Reid answered, laughing harder. “Who is she? Is it serious?”
So much for keeping it quiet.
“Her name’s Sabrina. I like her.” A lot. But some barrier he didn’t know how to break down kept them separated. He felt it in odd moments when they lapsed into a companionable silence. He sensed it at times when they made love. He didn’t think it was just a matter of voices or schizophrenia or whatever it was that troubled her.
Something else stood in the way of them and he just didn’t know how to identify it. She refused to acknowledge the rift whenever he mentioned it. Although, maybe she didn’t feel it the way he did.
“Listen, don’t say anything to anyone,” Jason said after another pause. “Things are still new.”
“You took a week off to be with her, right? What’s the problem?” Despite the fact Reid couldn’t see it, Jason shook his head. “It’s not that there’s a problem, exactly—”
“Which means there is a problem,” Reid interrupted.
“There isn’t… I mean…it’s no big deal. Well, there are a couple of things…that aren’t problems, exactly.”
“You said that already.”
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He was rambling. He knew it. “Let me ask you this, then.” He paused again, not certain how to phrase it.
“For Christ’s sake Jason, spit it out!”
“What do you think… Well, have you ever dated someone who isn’t white?” This time Reid paused before he spoke. He sounded bored. “Is that all?” Not by a long shot, but for the moment, it was the only thing on the list he planned on sharing. “Have you?”
“No, baby brother. But not because I wouldn’t. Simply because it hasn’t happened.” Jason let the “baby brother”, a throwback to when they were in high school, slide.
“Yeah.”
“Listen, you said you like her. I won’t press for details because obviously you’re not ready to give them, but get with the times. Don’t let something so trivial stop you from being happy, okay?”
“What do you think Mom and Dad would say?”
“Mom and I only want you to be happy. That’s all that matters.”
“Yeah,” he repeated with a sigh, almost managing to ignore the way Reid forgot to mention their father.
They talked a few minutes longer, two brothers keeping in touch, before disconnecting. Since Teddy’s passing, they made a habit of it. Kind of like an unspoken rule. A full week didn’t go by without one contacting the other. That it almost had was a clue as to how much Sabrina’s presence in his life had affected him.
He just wished she would talk to him. Not the things they laughed about, or even the hushed whispers during sex, but whatever kept him from reaching her.
The prescription for her medication sat folded in his wallet, another reminder of another barrier. The voices hadn’t come back yet that he could tell, but they would. And what then?
* * * * *
Sabrina balled up the stupid piece of paper and hurled it across the room.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing happened.
The chair fell backward, hitting the carpeted floor with a soft thump when she stood. The candle flame flickered, but didn’t wink out. Thad stared out from the photograph, his false smile mocking her attempts at doing something nice for Jason.
Once again she wondered if Thad really was dead. She knew enough about automatic writing to understand the mechanics. God knew she could communicate with the dead. So why not when she wanted to? Why was it always on their terms?
Maybe Jason needed to be there. With no true link to Thad to speak of, she reached blindly into the dark, hoping to grasp his hand. When other spirits tried to speak to her, usually they had some message or some business on the earth they needed to handle. If 63
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Thad recognized he needed to move on, if nothing tethered him to the world of the living, she could spend the next twenty years of her life trying to reach him to no avail.
That’s what she feared most. Having to tell Jason that his brother was lost to him forever when she’d already given him some hope there might be a way to contact him.
Okay. She could do this.
If automatic writing wasn’t the medium Thad would respond to, perhaps she needed to focus on what would work. Focus on speaking with Thad like she would any of the other dead. Of course, that brought with it some risks. The risk of others finding her and crushing her beneath the weight of their voices.
Chewing on a thumbnail, Sabrina paced and thought hard. He would be here any day now for His carnal payment. If she tried to summon Thad to her, He would drive him—and any others who might happen along—away sooner or later. Of course, waiting until later might prove to be a problem.
Though, for Jason, it was a risk she was willing to take.
“Thad Raines,” she called softly. “If you can hear me, please speak to me.” She slowed to a stop, waiting, straining to hear anything out of the ordinary. “C’mon Teddy,” she muttered. “Give me something, anything, to work with.” The scent of sulfur wafted around her. Not the enticing, warm vanilla breeze the candle was supposed to expel. This was rank. Sharp to her senses.
“Thad Raines.”
Although the central air-conditioning ran at a low hum, kicking in periodically to keep the room at a steady temperature, goose bumps erupted over her skin. Hair rose on the back of her neck, white puffs of cold air blowing out of her nose and mouth. It must have dropped a good ten degrees in the past fifteen seconds. She hoped to hell that meant it was working.
“Thad Raines.” This time she spoke with a firmer voice. With a sense of conviction.
Almost sending him an order. “Speak to me.”
It took everything within her not to wrap her arms around herself and run screaming from the room. Not just the chill, but the heavy weight of something ominous sank into her skin. The way a sponge soaked up water. It smothered her, making it difficult to breathe. And the pungent odor the candle gave off almost choked off her airway.
She smiled at the first sound of a voice.
Sabrina.
The smile eroded. This was not the sound of Thad’s voice; the sound of a young man gone before his time. The sound of Jason’s brother who came back with a message for his family.
It was the voice of Him. Him, who haunted her life. Him who she’d come to loathe.
He said her name again, and her world collapsed, the emptiness filled with nothing less than dread.
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Chapter Five
Balancing the trays of Chinese cartons housing fragrant food in one hand while waiting for Sabrina to open the door to her apartment took skill. Jason knocked again, wondering if maybe she’d crossed the hall and waited for him at his place instead.