by Dee Carney
I’ve avoided it for just this reason.”
He picked up the food and put some of it in his mouth. They studied each other as he chewed. No telling what rifled through his mind while he regarded her. She sat there, trying to gauge how much to let him know.
“I tried the automatic writing again. For me, it’s the safest way I know.” Jason sat straight up, the container next to him toppling over and spilling some of the contents onto the bed. “Safest? The last time, you were temporarily possessed.”
“That was nothing.” Sabrina waved an errant hand, before righting the white paper box and wiping up the mess. “Just a spirit looking for some mischief. If it really meant to stay, I wouldn’t have been able to break the bond so easily.” He kept chewing.
“And I took better precautions this time. The first time was an impromptu cobbling of what I remembered. Today I protected myself better.” Another lie. She was getting a little too comfortable with this. Then again, all the more reason to maybe ease into an introduction of Him.
71
Dee Carney
“Still,” he grumbled. “I wish you wouldn’t do things like that without me around. If something had gone wrong, you would have been by yourself. And what if you had gotten in contact with Teddy, what then?”
Well, damn. That possibility never crossed her mind. “You’re right. I promise, no more attempts without you around. And Jay?”
“Yeah?” He busied himself with wrapping a napkin around his used chopsticks after he closed the food container he’d eaten out of. A quick scan of the bed, presumably looking for dropped pieces or crumbs, occupied his attention as she considered how best to broach the topic that would forever change her relationship with him. For good, or more likely, for bad. She swallowed that down, rough, pointy edges and all.
“I’m ready for bed,” she improvised. “How about you?” A short while later, she snuggled behind him on the bed, knowing they would eventually separate in the night. They both agreed while it was well and good to start the night touching, neither got a good night’s rest without elbow space.
She smiled.
Elbow space. What an odd man she spent her time with. Laughed with. Made love with.
Love. An even odder thing. She couldn’t quite claim to understand the emotion, but if anyone she knew deserved that rare treasure, it might one day be Jason. Closing her eyes, she exhaled and settled into the bed. Yes. She could easily find herself in love with one Mr. Jason Raines.
Not more than four beats passed, when she found herself wide awake, her eyes snapping open to the change in the atmosphere.
Jason?
Her mouth formed his name, but no sound issued forth. The hair rose on the back of her arms, a contagion of goose bumps following in its wake. Suddenly she realized that although she’d opened her eyes, felt the lids move under her command, she saw nothing. Neither blackness nor light. Just a nothingness that spiked her pulse to racing.
A face hovered into view and she tried to scream. The apparition flew toward her and in any other circumstance, she would flee. Not only voiceless, though, her body appeared as ethereal.
Dream. Had to be a dream.
She floated in that place in between awake and sleeping, struggling to tilt toward one or the other. All of her struggles were for naught, though. Trying to twist, trying to back up, none of it worked. Forced to remain still, she waited with her breath held for the apparition to get close enough for a clear view.
She’d get through this. It was a dream. Only a dream.
Stay calm and she’d get through it.
72
Intimate Whispers
As the bodiless face moved closer, her eyes narrowed, squinting to see through the murk and gloom for a better look because she was sure something about it was familiar.
One forced slow breath after another sawed in and out of lungs that didn’t exist, but she made herself calm down. No reason to panic when nothing signaled danger of any sort so far.
It spoke. Rather, its mouth moved, forming words she didn’t recognize as yet. If only it would move closer.
She almost snorted at that thought. Closer? Only seconds ago, she tried to get away.
But now, after a moment to listen to her gut instincts, the certainty it meant her no harm filled her being, such as it was.
At last it moved close enough for her to identify the strong jaw, the cleft chin. Very familiar brown eyes. They looked so much alike she almost mistook his for Jason’s, but there was something off about his face. As strong as the family resemblance hung between the two men, anyone who knew either of the men wouldn’t mistake Thad for Jason.
She watched his mouth again. Focused on the two words he repeated over and again.
Help me, Thad. What are you saying?
His jaw dropped with the first word but the second, on the other hand, made his gaze soften. Apparently sensing she didn’t understand what he wanted, he slowed down, applying a great amount of exaggeration to the way he pronounced the words.
At once it came to her.
Find Felice.
* * * * *
Jason’s alarm clock clicked on, playing some soft jazz on the radio station. He groaned in response. Why the hell was it that morning came rushing forward after a damned too brief night, but the work day dragged on and on, seemingly unending?
He rolled to his side and opened his eyes. Sabrina lay facing him, her face a vision of calm that made him smile. He loved to watch her sleep, often stealing these few minutes to himself to allow himself the luxury. Why was it that she made him so content? Separating from her for the work day had become one of the hardest tasks.
He glanced at a naked breast peeking out from the sheets and his groin tightened, his morning wood already awake and ready to face the start of a new day.
Being inside her was like a new experience every single time. The lock-and-key fit, the way their bodies molded together, had to be destiny. Her face didn’t awkwardly find the pit of his arm when they lay together. He didn’t have to bend to an uncomfortable angle to kiss her. They just fit.
Reaching forward, he slid his hand down her belly, his intent to wake her, but at the same time, if he didn’t, not caring.
73
Dee Carney
Between her legs, the soft down of her mound tickled his fingertips, but he explored on, undaunted. She released one of her breathy sighs and parted her legs slightly. A quick glance into her face couldn’t verify if she still slept on, if her response was a subconscious one. No matter.
Two fingers parted her lips and he stroked over the hood of her clit. He kept his gaze on her face and chest, watchful of her increasing breaths, of the slight twisting of pleasure blossoming on her face. His dick grew harder by the second, but he waited patiently. Getting her aroused and ready to accept him into her body took only a few minutes on a slow day. His finger’s quick dip into her pussy found some of her slick moisture waiting for him, but her clit hadn’t reached the engorged arousal he wanted in her. Cream-slickened fingers pushed back the hood of her clit and circled the hard nub with more enthusiasm. Sabrina moaned this time and her eyelids fluttered open. Before she awakened fully, he rolled in between her legs, the scent of her pussy and her arousal floating up to greet him and make him groan his own need.
Jason pushed forward slowly, splitting her lips and sheathing himself in her heat.
Silently, he made love to her, watching her reactions, encouraged by her moans. She came beneath him, almost immediately, shuddering. Her eyes stayed on him, her pussy tightening around his cock as sensual as the hazy way she gazed on him. He pushed into her again and again, patient and unwilling—unable—to stop until she came twice more. He wanted her undone. Broken apart and put together again by him, his attention. This woman, in such a short time, had come to mean so much to him. He recognized that, unafraid to face it head-on.
Making her come like this, making her shatter beneath his touch, sent a rush of possessiveness through
Jason that startled him into awareness. The world outside his apartment waited and there would be time for more of this later. Tonight when he got home, he would love her and love her well.
“No,” she moaned when he pulled out, his cock saturated with her cream and still as solid as granite.
He kissed her lightly. “I’ll be late if I don’t get a move on.” Something in his words made her eyes widen. “Oh my God, Jason. You have to stay home today. I can’t believe it’s just now coming back to me…”
“What?” His heart hammered from the fear in her voice. “What happened?”
“Thad. I dreamt of Thad last night and he gave me a message.”
“Are you sure?” It sounded dumb the second it left his mouth.
If she noticed, she ignored him. “He told me to find Felice. I know it was him and for whatever reason, we need to find her. I think you and I have a mission to undertake, my dear. Call out and let’s talk.”
He gave a curt nod and although excited, somewhat reluctantly rolled away. They both hurriedly took showers and got dressed after Jason spoke to his administrator. As one of their top salesmen who almost never took a vacation, she’d been surprised he needed another day off, but accepted his request without reservation.
74
Intimate Whispers
Sabrina had two mugs of steaming coffee waiting on the bar by the time he finished. “Any problems?”
He took a sip of the bitter brew and grimaced at the taste. One thing he’d learned about his woman, cooking was not her forte. “Nah. It’s mostly catching up on paperwork time for me, anyway. I can do half of it from here. Anyway, tell me more.”
“It was a simple, straightforward dream.” She took a sip out of her mug, and frowned too. “I remembered what he looked like from the picture you showed me, as well as the fact you two looked so much alike. You should have warned me about that.” He smiled. “I’d forgotten, truthfully. People always commented, but I never saw it.”
“I couldn’t hear him, but he kept saying the same two words over and over again.
He was patient until I got it. Find Felice, he said. Do you have any idea who she might be?”
“Not at all. Until I saw her name on the automatic writing page, I didn’t think much about it. I thought maybe you’d channeled her by accident or something.” She nibbled on toast topped with melted cheese and slices of tomato. “If I had to guess, she shouldn’t be too hard to locate. If she’s so important for you to find, he would have maybe given me more to work with, right?”
“You tell me,” he replied, shrugging. Jason reached for her hand, pulling it toward him until he could take a bite from the toast as well. She held it out for him, watching with amusement.
“I made some for you too, you know.” She looked pointedly at the untouched plate next to his mug.
“Yours tastes better.”
“Ah.”
A sudden dull pain ripped through his chest. Jason grimaced, forgetting about food for the moment.
Thad.
“Jason? What’s wrong?”
Teddy. His older brother whom he’d adored. Worshipped.
The pain blossomed, spreading until it stole his breath. Gulping did little to appease it, instead making the lump forming in his throat impossible to swallow.
“Hey…talk to me.” Sabrina’s concern touched some deep part of him, but he couldn’t form a sound yet.
Instead, he choked on something. A sob.
His brother was dead.
They didn’t know for certain before, but now—with everything he and Sabrina had been through—he had to face facts. Teddy would never be coming home.
75
Dee Carney
There was a noise, movement next to him while Jason tried to understand his grief.
Warm arms embraced him. Soft breasts offered a place to rest his heavy head. His woman’s sensuous body offered solace while he faced his biggest fear head-on.
Teddy wasn’t coming home. Ever.
Minutes passed. Maybe hours. Sabrina held him and he clung to her. When at last he thought he could speak without racking, heaving sobs overtaking him, he loosened his hold. More minutes passed before he allowed himself to slowly let Teddy’s memory stop being a jackhammer to his heart. He wiped dry eyes against her shirt, not ready to lift his face quite yet. But then he took a deep breath. Then another.
His brother needed him now and he would not fail him. That meant finding Felice.
When Teddy was alive, they didn’t spend much time talking about their friends or the women in their lives. Now that he thought about it, the realization was strange, but true. Maybe it had something to do with not jinxing a relationship before it had a chance to take root.
While Teddy might have been quick to accept someone as a friend, his journey into accepting a lover took a lot more time. He never thought he’d find happiness in another person and didn’t want to drag anyone into his misery.
“Do you have a list of Thad’s friends, or maybe an address book or something?” Sabrina asked softly. Not one word about his breakdown. No hint of embarrassment for his sudden drowning grief. He was grateful.
Refocusing, pleased they were thinking along the same lines, he shook his head nonetheless. “I don’t. I’ll have to check with Mom or Reid to see if they have any. But really, I don’t think she might have been a friend. We called everyone who knew him when we held the memorial service.” His throat tightened. Determination pushed through it. “Although I might not have been thinking completely rationally around that time, I don’t recall a Felice as among those people.”
“It’s someplace to start. Give her a call and let’s look.” He’d already decided he’d start with Reid first. His mom called him when she wanted to talk. He avoided ringing their home like the plague. The last thing he needed was to call there and have his father pick up.
“Let’s head out instead,” he said after swallowing down the remains of cold coffee.
Perhaps the hole burning through his stomach from the paint-thinner he’d just downed, along with roiling emotions, might settle after a few minutes. “I want to do the search myself and everyone will be heading out for work. I have a key to Reid’s place. It’s as good a place to start as any.”
They held hands on the cab ride over. He gave Reid a heads-up about their trip during the car ride on his cell phone, avoiding telling him exactly why.
“I have a small box of his stuff in the spare bedroom closet,” Reid said.
“Do you recall a woman by the name of Felice being at his memorial? Or maybe a friend of his he told you about?”
76
Intimate Whispers
Reid paused for a minute before answering. “That doesn’t ring a bell, but that doesn’t mean anything. What’s this about?”
“It’s nothing. I’m just trying to find her.”
“Let yourself in, then. I know I had his cell phone at one point, but I don’t think I have it anymore. Might have given it to charity or something.”
“What about an address book?”
“You’ll have to call Mom. She used it to locate his friends.” They talked for a few minutes more before disconnecting. By then, the cab pulled to a stop in front of Reid’s place. Jason gave the driver his fare, along with a hefty tip and led Sabrina up the short flight of stairs to the inside.
Reid’s place made his look like a Picasso nightmare. As he looked upon the fringed rug, the trails of yarn extending from it in perfect vertical rows, he wondered for the hundredth time if maybe this brother suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Every framed picture hung ramrod straight on the wall, each frame in line with the others. No clutter, not even a pile of unread mail, indicated that anyone lived in the spacious studio. All doors were closed, all cabinets shut. Damn that each one of the brothers had some trait that made him a psychiatrist’s dream.
“Where is it?” Sabrina asked when he hesitated for what have been a minute too long for her
tastes.
“This way.” He led them into the back room, what his brother called the spare bedroom, but really wasn’t big enough to hold a bed. There, he opened the closet.
Even in here, boxes were stacked upon each other in perfect columns, starting from largest and working their way up to smallest in size. A label identified the contents for each box, the typed font and perfection making Jason shake his head in amazement.
One in the middle had Thad’s name on it.
“There,” Sabrina said, pointing.
Together, they worked on removing the boxes on top of it. He pulled the green container out himself, surprised by the weight. “Jesus, what’s in here?” he muttered.
Jason set it on the floor and Sabrina pried open the lid. Inside, more boxes stared out. She reached in and took out the first. She tilted it so he could see inside. “Pictures.” Sabrina flipped through some of them, but gave up after a minute. “You probably need to do this part. I wouldn’t know who these people are.”
“Okay. You open the rest of these boxes and let’s see what’s there.” He sorted through the pictures and as she guessed, was able to pick out most of the people within them. Some were of the boys growing up. A surprising number of their parents. Even more surprising were the pictures of relatives none of them really stayed in touch with. None of the pictures though contained a snapshot of the mysterious Felice.
77
Dee Carney
Sabrina sat back on her haunches, wiping her hands on her thighs. “I don’t think there’s anything else useful in here. Some clothes. Some knickknacks. No address book or anything with her name on it.”
Crap. That meant he’d have to call his mom to see what she might have. “And you’re certain he said to find Felice? It couldn’t have been anything else?”
“Of course it could have. And it could have just been my subconscious trying to voice itself through an image of your brother. But I’m pretty certain it was him and I’m very certain he said to find her.” Her eyes clouded with concern. “Do you want to give up the search?”