“Nandan…I know how much you loved each other…” Shiva leaned back against the couch. “Why? Why are you here? Why are you insulting her memory like this?”
No reply. Some tears leaked out of his eyes. He brushed them away quickly. “We had a fight…On the day we ran into you and Jacob in the restaurant. She…” His voice broke a little. “She was convinced that I was in love with you…”
“I see…” She said, matter-of-factly. “I suppose you two argued over that many times…”
“She went crazy.” Nandan said, sadly. “Grabbed my collar and spat at me. Shouted the most disgusting things in the most disgusting language. And I…I lost my temper.” “What did you say?” “I told her…I told her that she was becoming clingy and whiny and…She was petty and catty…That I regretting falling in love with her…I said that everything my Dad said about her was true and… WHY IN THE WORLD DID I SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT…Why?”
For a the tiniest second, it looked like he would break down. Guilt oozed out of him, thick, black, smelling like tar. His body was shaking, though not in a very noticeable manner. Tears glinted in his eyes, but they refused to roll down his cheeks. But he pulled himself together quickly. “Guess I never thought she cared enough to…”
“You have known her since high school…” Shiva met his eyes. “And yet…You did not know that much about her? Even I, who hated her, cannot doubt that she cared for you.”
“She was mad…” Nandan almost wailed. “Why did she have to make a mountain out of a…She kept calling me and…”
“What did she ask you? What was her point?”
“She asked if If I didn’t care about you…Why did it bother me that you were with another man?” “Why did you care?” Shiva flung the question at him like a pebble from a slingshot. Nandan looked disoriented. He mumbled incoherently for a while before looking at her accusing eyes.
“I…I don’t know, Shivani. I…I honestly don’t know. I wondered for quite a while if she was right… And maybe some part of me couldn’t let you go…” Shiva stood up before he finished. “So you have struggled so much looking for the answer? Let me help you…You have never been in love with me…Never. Seeing me with Jacob hurt your ego. And if you don’t already know this…Your stupid ego might very well have killed a girl who was crazy about you.”
“She was…”
“Don’t just sit there and say she was mad as if that excuses the things you did. Just because she was crazy doesn’t mean she deserved what she got.” Nandan stood up too. “What should I have done, Shivani? I have never seen her like that, ever. I was scared, frustrated and angry. How could I spend the rest of my life with a girl like that?”
“How long have you loved her, Nandan? For a long time, right?”
“That…”
“She was crazy…That was all it took to kill your love for a girl you loved since high school. Why should I let you into my life again knowing that? Would it have killed you to be a bit more kinder, Nandan? At least…”
“I tried to tell her to let go and move on…I apologized for my insults…” “And you thought a girl who was mentally disturbed would just calm down, nod her head and move on? Didn’t it occur to you that you should try to get her help?” “That is her family’s problem. Not mine.” “Get up…” Shivani said, firmly. “You know what? I am disgusted at you. You say you are guilty and upset over her death yet you come here, all ready to follow your father’s instruction. You claim to have loved her, yet you were quick to leave her because she was, as you say, crazy. I am not saying you should have married an emotionally unstable woman but it was your responsibility to get her the help she needed…”
“You are biased against me…I did not…”
“Give me one reason I shouldn’t be biased.”
“I am sorry, ok?” Nandan blurted out. “I was angry and I never thought she’d do something like that…I…I lost control. But the things she told me were just as hurtful too.”
“If she was crazy…you can hardly hold her responsible for her words and actions.” “That…”
“There is also one thing you should know.” Shivani continued. “You do remember how I barged into your engagement ceremony, don’t you? I am crazier than Anasuya ever was. Do you want me for a wife?”
“We have been on bad terms for so many years…We have hurt each other very much. But I don’t think it’s too late. We can start again…”
“Hurt each other?” Shiva asked, slowly. “When did I hurt you, Nandan? I didn’t taunt you with the memories of a man I loved…I didn’t hit you, strike you and…I didn’t…” Shiva paused. “You know the things you did, Nandan. I would list every single thing for you if it weren’t for the simple fact that my mother and father are here.” I saw Devi’s eyes widen. “There are some things a woman can neither forgive nor forget.”
“Nandan…” Devi took several scared steps forward. “I have listened to everything you and my daughter said. Enough…I want you out of here.”
“Devi…” Mr. Raghunath stood up. “Let them speak and…”
“Are you deaf?” Devi spat. Mr. Raghunath flinched as though he had been slapped. He tried to say something but no sound came out.
“You heard my Mom.” Shiva said. “Leave…”
Nandan stood up. “The things you speak of are in the past. I assure you I will not hurt you again.”
“I have moved on, Nandan. I do not need your assurances and promises. So…” She pointed towards the door.
“Shiva…Don’t be foolish!” Mr. Raghunath stepped between her daughter and Nandan. “Think about what you are doing…”
Shiva scoffed. Casting a disgusted look at her father and Nandan, she rushed to her room and slammed the door. “Nandan, I apologize for her behaviour.” Mr. Raghunath told his ex-son-in law politely. “Allow me to accompany you and explain the situation to your father in person.”
“Can I punch his nose?” Goldy asked, cracking her knuckles. “He’s just asking for it, you know.”
“No, Goldy.” I said firmly. “If you do that…we won’t get a chance to find out what he plans to do.”
For a moment, Goldy looked confused. Then a wide smile spread across her face. “I see…” She said. Although I knew where Nandan’s car would eventually stop, a sense of dread overtook me at the sight of the familiar apartment building. The sky was a stormy grey. As Nandan and Mr. Raghunath stepped out of the vehicle, I turned to Gold. “Go back. Bring Shiva here.” What good it would do I had no idea but I wanted her to be here. Goldy nodded grimly and was gone. The first drops of rain trickled down the windows. A low thunder rumbled ominously.
Dan made a face when he opened the door. He scowled especially darkly at Nandan before announcing their names for Jacob’s benefit.
“Mr. Raghunath…” Jacob said in a lifeless voice. “What do you want this time?” Mr. Raghunath snorted. He walked right up to Jacob and nearly yelled in his ears. “You know what I want you…” He knelt down in front of Jacob and leaned towards him, his face almost touching Jacob’s nose. “And I thought you promised me that you’d stay away.”
Strong arms caught him from the back. Dan pulled the old man to his feet with ease. “Just because my friend is too decent to slap you doesn’t mean you can walk in here anytime of the day and threaten him.” He turned Mr. Raghunath around to face him. “The last time…I didn’t hit you because he told me not to. This time, I won’t listen to him.”
I was pretty sure that Mr. Raghunath meant to say something cutting but only stopped because he was pretty sure that Dan meant what he said. He took a deep breath and spoke in a calmer tone of voice. “I apologize. I crossed a line.” He paused and turned towards Jacob. “I hope you can understand my position, Jacob. I have only one daughter. I want to see her happy.”
“I understand…” Jacob said slowly. “I tried to…”
“Hell you did! If you had truly pushed her out, she wouldn’t have torn up Nandan’s offer like she did today.”
“I
can’t do that Mr. Raghunath.” Jacob said, slowly. “I can tell her to stay away but….”
“Can you be any more selfish?” Mr. Raghunath spat. “You want her so much that you don’t care about her happiness?”
“Hey, Mister!” Dan said threateningly but Jacob stopped. “Please listen to me, Dan…” He pleaded. “Please do not interrupt.” “And why do you want her?” Mr. Raghunath continued mockingly. “Are you tired of just having your friend for company? Or is he so tired that he wants to leave and you are looking for a replacement?”
“Watch your mouth, old man!” Dan exclaimed. His friend was urging him not to get angry but he didn’t listen. “You know nothing about me…”
“I know everything about you, Daniel.” I gasped at Mr. Raghunath’s malicious tone. “But I don’t suppose your friend does, does he?”
Dread…cold dread overpowered me. I badly wanted to punch the daylights out of Mr. Raghunath. Wipe that smug smile off his face. I read the fear in Dan’s eyes. He Mr. Raghunath. Wipe that smug smile off his face. I read the fear in Dan’s eyes. HeVIBGYOR glanced at his friend and then back at Mr. Raghunath. “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
“It wouldn’t be, if you mind that tongue of yours.” Jacob was staring at the floor, still as a statue. His hands trembled as he gripped the sides of his wheel chair. Dan rushed towards him, after shooting a look full of hatred at Mr. Raghunath.
“Are you alright, Jacob?” He asked fearfully.
“Of course he’s alright, you dumb idiot!” Mr. Raghunath yelled. “It’s just a trick to make sure that he doesn’t have to answer any questions.”
“Jacob…Jacob…” Dan held his friend’s shoulder and shook him. “Please…Please… say something.”
After what seemed like an eternity, Jacob looked up. His face was pale as death. “I’m ok, Dan.” He said, mechanically. “Awake again, are you?” Mr. Raghunath sneered. “Maybe you finally realized how cruel you are being to your so called best friend. He should not be here, chained to you. He should be living his own life…Because of your own selfishness you are making him waste his life…”
“I made my own choice.” Dan said, gritting his teeth.
“If you were decent, you would free him and my daughter. You are a damn burden on this world. You might as well not drag others down with you.”
“Dan, don’t…” Jacob said, slowly. It was lucky for Mr. Raghunath that he did, for Dan was on the verge of hitting him.
“Please Dan…” Jacob said again. Nandan, who had been a silent spectator till then spoke up. “Mr. Jacob…Believe me when I say that I bear you no ill will. You have suffered a lot and I sympathize with your pain. But…” He paused. “By making Shiva a part of your life, you are making her a part of that horrible pain and hurt you carry day and night. Is that what you want?”
“I don’t want that…” Jacob’s voice was barely audible. “I don’t want Shiva hurt…” Just then, the front door flung open. For the first time, Shiva barged into Jacob’s apartment without a smile or greeting. Goldy came in with her in a much more measured pace. She sensed the bad atmosphere and nodded grimly at me.
“What are you doing here?” She asked her father. “I thought I told you not to interfere in my life.”
Mr. Raghunath did not even look shocked. He merely turned away from her and faced Jacob again. “You called her?” He scoffed. “So…This was your grand plan, huh? Bring her here to witness this drama, make her despise her own father, get her to agree to a marriage as soon as possible…Quite cunning for a blind fellow, huh?”
“ENOUGH DAD!” Shiva exploded. She went and stood between Jacob and her Dad. “I don’t need help to despise you…”
“Shiva…no…” Jacob said feebly.
“I hate you. I don’t have an iota of respect for you. I can’t wait to get out of your house.” Mr. Raghunath stood as if he had been slapped. He met, his daughter’s eyes for a second. “You have truly gone mad. You choose this cripple over your father. You choose the life of a maid and nurse…Open your eyes, you foolish girl!”
Shiva’s mouth twisted into an ugly smile. “Yes Dad…I was foolish. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have resigned a decent job just because you forced me to. I wouldn’t have agreed to marry a man I disliked. I wouldn’t have allowed you to sell me like a damn property you owned.”
There was a stony silence. Goldy shook her head. “Can we stop them from speaking?” She asked wearily. “Don’t let your hatred and anger get the best of you, Shivani…” Her father finally said. “No matter how bad you think my actions were…I had only your well being in mind.”
Shiva appeared deaf to his explanations. She turned furiously towards Nandan and said. “And you…Wasn’t I clear enough at my house? I don’t want you in my life. How shameless can you be?”
Without a word, Nandan went out of the apartment. Shivani turned her attention back to her father. “HOW MUCH CLEARER SHOULD I BE? I DO NOT WANT YOUR EX SON-IN-LAW IN MY LIFE…IF THE MESSAGE HAS PENETRATED YOUR THICK SKULL, LEAVE!” Her voice broke into sobs. “Leave…Leave…”
She sank down on the floor, tears streaming down her eyes. Mr. Raghunath made as if to move towards her but Jacob’s soft voice stopped him. “Please leave…You’ve already upset her too much.”
“Selfish parasite!” Mr. Raghunath snapped. “Look what you did to my daughter…I hope you die you…I hope you break that stone cold heart of yours and die! You ruined my daughter’s future. You don’t care that your friend doesn’t have a life of his own…I hope, one day, you see yourself for what you are and hate every inch of your broken, useless body!” With one last spiteful look at Jacob, he was out of the door broken, useless body!” With one last spiteful look at Jacob, he was out of the doorVIBGYOR
too.
Dan made a noise like an angry bull. “I should have broken his nose for the things he said. Why do you stop me Jacob? Why do you sit and let yourself be insulted?” “Everything he said was true…” He said, slowly. “Shiva? Are you still here?” Shivani looked up and ruefully wiped her eyes. “I’m here.”
She stood up and walked right up to him. She opened her mouth, closed it again and appeared to swallow something big down her throat.
“I’m sorry…” She clenched her fists as hot tears streamed down her cheeks. “Jacob, I’m so sorry…”
Without any warning, she flung her hands around his neck and hugged him tight. Tears still leaked out of the corners of her closed eyelids. “Shiva…please don’t…”
“You shouldn’t have to hear…”
“It’s fine…” He hugged her too and drew her close. “Please don’t torture yourself over me…”
“Calm down Shiva…” Shivani sobbed even harder on hearing his calm words. “You know what I feel? That I was the one who brought you bad luck…If you hadn’t met me…My Dad, Nandan and Vaishnav Sachidanand would never have been in your life…”
“That’s irrational…”
“Don’t lie Jacob…Please don’t lie and tell me you aren’t hurt.”
“Hey! That’s not…”
“Please…Please don’t even think about the things he said…”
“I won’t…” He said, gently.
“Er…” A slightly red faced Dan interrupted. “Do you two mind if I go out today…I have some things to look into….” Jacob and Shivani broke apart quickly, and looked at Dan. Shiva’s cheeks were tear stained. Her red eyes looked confused, as if she just became aware of Dan’s presence. Jacob was thoroughly shaken and defeated. He held Shiva’s hand tightly, as if she was a dream that could suddenly slip away from him.
“You will be back quickly, won’t you?” It was Jacob who asked that. It was barely audible but I heard him sigh. A stray tear slid down from Shivani’s eyelashes and slid down her cheeks. She glanced at him but did not speak.
“I won’t be gone for long…” Dan said. “Shiva…er…Do you mind helping me search for…er…a book? I’m sure its in my room but I can’t find it
.”
“He can’t lie to say his life.” Goldy said with a feeble smile. A sigh escaped her tired lips as she sank to the floor. “I feel terrible Shakti…” I sat down beside her. “What is happening Goldy?” After everything that happened that day…my frustrated words turned into a wail. I screamed and cried…For Shiva, for Jacob, for Dan… I must have alarmed Goldy quite a bit. When I came to my senses, she was holding my shoulders and shaking me. I noticed how pale her face had become. How long would she be there, by my side? I averted my thoughts from that particularly painful area.
“Is that Red around?” She asked fearfully.
“No…” I sighed. “I was just thinking…”
“You two are impossible!” All of a sudden the Red was right in front of us. It smiled, ear to ear and spun its head. “Why don’t you see what must be done?” “What have you done, you stupid, monstrous thing!” Goldy exclaimed. “Can’t you see what you have done? You are making them sadder and sadder everyday…Do you even see how broken that poor man is already? And Shiva…Why? Why are you making her go through this hell?”
“Now…Now…” Red said, an amused smile on her face. “Hell…I don’t make their lives hell…The people around them do. If you want them to get their happily ever after, you have to get rid of the undesirable elements…People who are really and truly a waste of perfectly good oxygen…”
“I haven’t met anyone who fits that category.” I said, furiously. The Red laughed. Then…She moved towards us one step at a time. With each step her body blazed brighter and brighter, hotter and hotter. I wanted to move away but it was as if an invisible force was holding me captive. I couldn’t even twitch the tip of my fingers. My throat had frozen shut. My terrified eyes could only focus on her face
- The mean eyes…The tiny mouth set in a horrible grin.
“Really?” She was too close to me. I could feel myself burning from the heat. Each one of her high girlish laughter wafted extra hot air on my face. I yelled in pain but couldn’t move away. Some horrible power held me still. Goldy’s cries mixed with my own. She was struggling to get away.
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