She raised her eyes to his and they shimmered in their elusive, cool blue depths. He had no idea what that meant. Was she mad? Sad? Pissed? Embarrassed? Did she hate him? He really didn't know. “I’ll be there, don’t worry.”
He let out a long breath. “Good. Then maybe we could forget this ever happened.”
She shook her head. “No. Let’s not. I haven’t had a good shouting match… in, well, years. And I think, I won. Turns out I can be a lot nastier than you.”
“Are you for real? You’re not mad?”
She smiled finally. “No, I—well, you can’t really understand. But thank you. I do, however, need to leave.”
Asking her why was on his tongue. Why must she leave? Why was she almost panicking to get through his front door? He followed her to the entry where she stopped, her gaze intense as she looked into his face. He shifted his weight, feeling uncomfortable with her scrutiny. What was it she wanted anyway?
“I am who I am now. There is no changing it. So accept it, me, as I am now, at work. Or I’ll simply be done. You can’t keep questioning my motives for staying with Elliot. I am with Elliot. Nothing will ever change that. Understand that, please. And if you can, and will quit commenting on whoever I used to be, and accept the person I am now, then we can be friends. If not, then I think it’s best if I just stay at Jessie’s.”
“I can handle it. I’ll back off. I promise.”
She smiled and turned on her heel as he slammed the door after her. That was the strangest conversation he’d ever had. And though he shouldn’t have goaded her on, look what happened when he did! There was still a real woman in there: a live, breathing woman who still got mad and pissed at being treated like a mannequin. Now, if he could only manage to prove to her that what happened today wasn’t any accident, but the real Lindsey emerging.
Chapter Ten
Lindsey slammed her car door and sat in the driver’s seat, leaning her head into the steering wheel. Her hands shook and her throat felt closed off. Her head pounded as she had not been in such a confrontation for at least four years. She had not blurted out her thoughts in as many years either. She certainly hadn’t been rude, careless, or mean in a very long time; and the weirdest part, the part that caused her hands to grip the steering wheel tighter, was that it felt awesome. It was like breathing for the first time after being held under water. It was a release. An emotional high and level of satisfaction that she never knew. Ever. She was mad, and she acted on it. For obvious reasons, she could never tell Elliot what she truly thought about anything. She didn’t tell him what she thought… period. She simply listened to him. She regurgitated whatever he wanted to hear. Or what she guessed he wanted, at least. And she never got mad. She never even huffed a sigh at him. Now, suddenly, she stood up and yelled at Noah, being downright nasty to him! It was awful that she did so. But holy Christ, it sure felt good. If she’d kept on, and Elliot’s call hadn’t interrupted her, as he did everything, maybe she’d have even sworn at Noah.
She shook her head and felt like she was swimming in shark-infested waters for the past few weeks. First the job, and lying to Elliot every day about what she did, to this: having a private dinner at Noah’s house! Elliot would surely do something awful to her if he ever found out. She had actually gotten into a fight. A fight! She didn’t know she still had it in her. She truly believed Elliot had beaten all her rage out of her, every ounce of rebellion, resentment, and anger. Sometimes, she felt like Elliot had even beaten every emotion out of her. To survive Elliot, she had to become a numb, uncaring robot. There was no other choice or any other way to be. But suddenly, with Noah, she wasn’t. Strangely, it felt more intimate to her than sex.
Sex. Who the hell cared if they ever had sex? She hated it. Every single time. It was another awful byproduct of being married to Elliot. It hurt and was dirty and disgusting. It was his ugly, cruel penis ramming inside her, or choking her. She would always rush off as soon as she could to wipe his semen out of her and frequently washed her mouth out with three helpings of mouthwash. God, she hated it. She detested it and always wished she never had to do it again.
And fighting with Noah just now? It was the most exhilarating sensation she’d had in years!
She put the car in gear and started home. She loved being alone, out at night, and driving a car. She breathed in a deep breath. She was happy. For the first time in so long, she actually felt happy. She was right there, in the present, driving, relaxed, and not dreading having someone waiting to attack her. No one was going to hit her. No one was going to lie down on top of her and have rough sex with her. No more gross grinding when she least wanted it. No! She was free. For this wonderful moment. Here. Now. She was free.
She wished Noah could see her smiling and free. But she could never act so stupidly giddy and silly in front of him.
****
She walked into the clinic at promptly eight the following morning. It had become her permanent start time for the final weeks that were left for her to sneak away from her real life and prison.
Noah was speaking to the part-time vet tech when he caught her eye. Then… he burst into a huge grin that looked so familiar. She held his gaze and grinned back just as widely. Her heart beat like a jackhammer in her chest. When was the last time she shared a secret joke with someone? Or a grin? She never smiled. She usually just pressed her lips into a frozen, plastic version of a smile. Rarely was she ever happy enough to smile. Why was she now? Because they were awful to each other? It made no sense. But there was no denying the exchange of genuine grins between them as the clueless tech stood there, oblivious to their silly greetings.
When the tech left, Noah approached her. “So you came back. I thought you might not.”
“Are you kidding? I have to prove what I can do now.”
He flashed a smile. “Yeah? Well, I also have to get back to going nowhere, in my lowly, country vet clinic, doling out useless vaccines to cats and dogs.”
A hearty laugh escaped from her. The kind that started in the gut and erupted unexpectedly. She gasped as she clasped a hand to her mouth. What the heck? She never made such foreign noises. Noah simply grinned in appreciation as he chuckled back.
Suddenly, they were… friends. It was the oddest damn thing. They continued to rib and joke, sometimes becoming downright mean and rude. With nasty comments… that were funny. Lindsey forgot how to be funny, or flirt, or just have fun. But with Noah, it came so easy. He had a quick, dry wit that easily saw the humor in all the things she said. He was cutting and sarcastic, and very deliberate. He seemed to enjoy pushing her buttons, just to hear her animated response. When was the last time anyone sought her response to anything? And the grins… there were plenty of smiles and laughs.
The best part of all was that she could do the job. Noah’s easy going manner with her made all the difference. He no longer felt obligated to rescue whichever customer she fumbled at dealing with. She was managing to do everything. She could even manage it when it became stressful or she had to multi-task. Her success made her nearly dizzy with glee.
****
Then, one afternoon, she encountered a hunched over Tessa who raised her face to reveal a pulpy, swollen, misshapen lower lip. Tears spilled down her cheeks when Lindsey and she made eye contact. Lindsey slammed the phone down on the client before rising to pull her into an empty exam room.
“He was going to hurt my oldest son. He’s only thirteen. He forgot to feed the chickens this morning. I always promised myself if he ever touched any of them, I’d kill him.”
Lindsey swallowed and nearly choked on her next words. “Did you?”
****
“Noah, can you come here please?”
He turned when Lindsey came up behind him. He had just finished a surgery and was washing his hands. His tech was starting to clean up. He frowned in surprise as Lindsey never came back into the surgical area.
“Now?”
“Exam room two. Please, it’s quite important.”
He paused to glance at her and saw she was twisting her hands together. Unsure Lindsey was back. He sighed and nodded. “Be right there.”
He opened the door to the exam room to find a crying Tessa. Shutting the door quietly, he approached the two of them, ready to see what Lindsey considered so urgent. With a sigh, he realized whatever happened next, he was now inextricably involved.
****
“I don’t know what to say to you.”
He glanced at Lindsey who stayed quiet for ten full minutes in the front seat of his truck as he drove her back to Jessie’s.
“Nothing. What’s to say? Thank you? Jesus, I did nothing but try to help that poor woman.”
“Oh my God, Noah, you saved that poor woman!”
“How do you figure that? I just dropped her at a shelter and made sure the cops were dispatched to arrest her husband. That was all. What is she going to do now? Where can she and six kids go? And will she actually follow through on pressing charges? Is that enough to keep her husband away from her kids and her?”
Lindsey’s finger turned white as she clutched the door’s armrest. His words made her draw in a sharp breath and she nodded slowly.
“That is all true. And there is also a fifty percent chance she’ll end up right back where she was, along with those kids. Or worse. There is always that reality. But maybe, just maybe, she’ll be strong and stay away. And the police will do their jobs. And Dean will follow the court-ordered restraints. Maybe, she’ll even save her children from growing up to become abusers or marry abusers. You might have changed seven lives today! The thing is: Tessa would have never followed my advice. She would have fled if you hadn’t been so perfect with her. The way you soothed her by validating her complaints and promising her you’d get her the help she deserved. I’m sure no one like you has ever intervened before, or even cared. It’s heady stuff to a woman like that. Just… follow through. You have to follow through.”
He nodded. “There is no doubt I will. I almost asked her and her kids to stay with me. Should I do that?”
Lindsey turned her face to him as her entire expression softened. “That’s beautiful, Noah, that you’d even think of that. Or consider it. But no. No, she can’t move six kids in with you! The state can provide people who are qualified to help her. There is only so much we can do.”
Noah’s hands still shook. It was the most exhausting and awful few hours he’d ever spent. He had to sit down next to Tessa, whose lip and cheek were a bloody, swollen mess, while he heard her story. Dean had their oldest son, Allan, pinned on the ground as he was about to hit him. She ran screaming in there after hearing her son’s frantic screams. Dean knocked his fist right into her face when she tried to grab his arms to stop him. After he threw her off him, she grabbed a pitchfork and swung it at Dean’s head in a panicked attempt to save her son. She connected with his head and he was rendered unconscious.
Dragging her son to their truck, she called the other kids and piled them in before peeling out of there with nowhere to go. So she came straight to Lindsey. And now Noah. Noah quickly called the police before driving Tessa and the kids to the hospital. A cop was already there to take her statement along with some pictures of how bad she looked. Tessa shook so hard, her hands spilled the cup of coffee the nurse tried to give her. Twice, she got up to leave, and twice, Noah gently persuaded her to stay. He actually begged her to stay. Standing beside her throughout it all, Noah made sure she got the care and respect she deserved. Lindsey also stayed closeby, but let Noah take the lead.
And now, they could just wait and see. Dean was in the hospital. There was a lot to be determined, but they did not arrest Tessa. If they had, Noah feared he might have had to storm the precinct at the sheer injustice of it and rescue her himself.
He pulled his truck into Jessie and Will’s driveway and they both stared straight ahead for far too long. It was, hands down, the most traumatic evening he’d ever experienced. He heard stories on the news or read magazine articles sometimes, but never saw the actual results of domestic violence. He had never been so touched by anything in his life. No wonder Lindsey did that kind of work.
She put her hand on his sleeve and he glanced down, nearly jumping at the contact. It was unlike Lindsey to show any kind of affection, or touching in even casual, easy ways. There were no high fives or handshakes with her.
“What you did today makes you the best kind of man. Thank you.”
He lifted his eyes from where her white hand lay on his arm. “Thank you? What else would I have done? What would anyone do? That woman was a victim of a heinous crime, no matter if her husband perpetrated it, or a stranger. Nothing changes the severity of what was done to her and her child.”
“It’s rare though when people get that.”
“I see now why you do this kind of volunteer work. It’s humbling. To realize how vulnerable, how weak, and how at the mercy one can be to another. I had no idea. I mean, she didn’t have access to anything. Not a credit card, cash, or a car even. He had her nearly incapacitated there. It’s a wonder she had enough gumption left in her to hit him with the pitchfork and flee in his truck. I’m surprised she wasn’t completely broken already. Can you imagine what that must have been like? How scared she must’ve been? No, wonder she couldn’t begin to leave.”
Lindsey turned her head so she was staring straight ahead. “I can imagine.” Her voice was soft, almost tragic. She was as affected by Tessa’s plight as he was.
“I have to tell you, until I met Jessie, and heard her story, I never really knew all the violence directed at women. It’s not something I’ve ever experienced. My family is nothing like that, and neither are any of my friends or acquaintances in my daily living. It’s unfathomable to me that this kind of situation goes on, so openly, so easily, without anyone seeing it. How could people miss it? Not a teacher at school or a neighbor in the grocery store?”
“Because like you were, they aren’t sure. They don’t want to believe it really could be that way. And mostly they wonder if it really is so bad, why doesn’t the woman just leave? Or tell someone?”
“I can’t imagine how I’ll react if she decides to go back.”
“She might. If we keep visiting her and helping her though, maybe she’ll see she is worth it. Worth helping. It’s all we can do. But she really reacted positively to you. Your support meant everything to her.”
Noah nodded his head. “Of course, I’ll go see her. How could you or she believe I’d bail now?”
He put his hand over hers and squeezed it. Her head jerked to his, as her eyes sought his. They were wide with surprise. She tried to pull her hand back, but he pressed it, holding it tighter. He waited until she again lifted her eyes and met his. “I promise you, even after you leave, I’ll do my damnedest to help Tessa and her kids.”
Her blue eyes captivated his. They were wide with what he almost thought was fright. But what could she possibly be afraid of him for? She slowly tilted her head down and back up. “I know. I know I can trust you.”
He smiled. “I didn’t think you ever would. But I’m glad to know you do now.”
“I do,” she whispered as she tugged her hand from his. He let her go, feeling his heart thumping strangely. Erratically. He wanted to touch her and comfort her tonight. It was a horrible day. He shook his head. Where did that come from? They were finally friends. Why did he have the urge to go beyond that?
****
Jessie and Will pounced on her when she entered their house. Lindsey fell into their hugs and warm, familial concern. It felt so nice. They always cared. She called them from the hospital to explain why she was missing dinner. Now, they were all ears about what happened. and thoroughly outraged and horrified by Tessa’s tale. They wanted to help too. Jessie immediately set about finding spare clothes and towels to give Tessa. Both of them wanted to go and meet her and offer their help whenever Noah wasn’t available. Lindsey fell onto the couch, fresh tears on her face. Of course, they wanted to hel
p. That’s the kind of people they were. As Noah said, he had never even heard of any women being treated like that.
Now, she imagined what if she simply opened her mouth and explained what Elliot did to her? What if she lifted her shirt and showed them the scars on her back? She would never have to go back to Elliot. They would end everything for her. They would let her live with them. Will would, no doubt, protect her to his very last breath, just as he did Jessie.
But… what would happen when Elliot came for her? For Elliot would surely come. He would come for her, if not at first, then later. He would always find a way to get to her. He would blame anyone who helped her and become a threat to them too.
She glanced up at Jessie’s round, swollen belly and pictured what Elliot might do to her. She shuddered in repulsion. She could not risk it. No, she could not risk having them hurt. Or Jessie’s baby. Elliot would leave everyone except her alone, so long as he had her under his control.
Jessie was extremely close to her due date. There were only days, not weeks, left for Lindsey’s stay. Her vacation. Her escape from Elliot. She got a little soft, living here. She had a lovely room all to herself, which she kept tidy, of course, but never had to double check any of the chores she’d already done. She didn’t have to do ridiculous things like sorting her clothes and towels by color. She went to bed whenever she wanted. She used their computer or tablet anytime she wanted to browse the internet. No one ever even looked up when she did so because, well, they were normal and didn’t care. They didn’t object to how much TV she watched, or what shows she picked. If she wanted to run into town, she could. And she did. Will and Jessie didn’t care. She and Jessie talked for hours each day. They laughed and kidded. Sometimes, they goaded Will into cleaning up.
Lindsey’s days were filled. She not only worked for Noah, but also tried to help Jessie with as much of the housework as she could, especially the hard stuff like reaching around to clean the toilets or showers. Jessie found it awkward, not to mention uncomfortable, and Lindsey was glad to do it. Lindsey liked to contribute something real to another person. It was a luxury to feel needed and have something important to do each day. She was no longer a living, breathing ventriloquist’s dummy controlled by Elliot.
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