He waited at the front of the truck’s hood and sweat filled her palms. Why was she so nervous? Shy? It was Noah, for God’s sake. They had been working together for weeks, and she spent more time with him than she had with anyone besides Elliot in years. And suddenly, she felt weird with him?
He fell into step with her, and walked with her around the front of her dark car. She dug around in her purse for her keys and he waited patiently by her until she found them. She flashed a smile when she held them up.
Then, strangely, they made eye contact, and neither of them moved. They stared at each other and she slowly lowered her arm. The air between them seemed to heat up as if steam had suddenly replaced all the oxygen. The shadows left them cut off from the world. She tried to swallow down the anxious lump of nerves.
He lifted his hand from his pocket and touched a finger to her cheek. His voice was quiet and solemn when he spoke. “Sometimes, I think you’re the saddest person I’ve ever met.”
She should have twisted away. She should have looked away. She should have done something. Instead, she stood there, completely transfixed. Captivated. Enthralled. A deep pulsation of feelings churned her gut in reaction to his deep, hot voice. His words. The fact that he noticed her. Not just kind of looked at her, or talked to her, but seemed to notice her in ways no one could. She didn’t allow anyone to get to know her or notice her. But somehow, Noah did. And suddenly, her entire body was tightening into something new and deep in a physical response to him. My God, it was like his hand touched me, not just his voice.
“I’m not sad,” she finally whispered.
His hand slid to her jaw and cupped her face. She moved her head a millimeter closer toward the warmth and gentleness of his touch. No one touched her. Not like this. Her entire body tensed. But it wasn’t the tension she felt with Elliot, bracing herself to accept whatever came next, no matter how hard or hurtful. No, this was a gentle, sensuous, soft touch. It had her gut quivering in delighted response. In want. She wanted his hand to stay on her.
“You deny whatever you are. I can’t figure out why. But I know you do.”
“I just accept what I am.”
“No, you accept what Elliot says you are.”
His eyes stayed on her and he stepped forward, half a step. Slowly. Her back was leaning into her car door.
“I accept what is my life.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way.”
She gasped. Did he actually say that? No, no way. She heard him wrong. His blue eyes stared into hers. His body heat singed her. A dizzy, crazy, spiral of images filled her head. Why did he say that? What could it mean? He moved his hand down until he was cupping her jaw, and held her still. His eyes were on her mouth and her heart started pounding. It was going to burst from her chest. Her breaths came in weak, shallow spurts. Her legs trembled. No. No. Noah could not mean to kiss her. If Elliot ever knew, he’d rip her guts out. He’d beat her into a pulpy, untouchable mess. He’d fucking kill her. He would. She knew he would. He promised her so. She had to breathe. She was dizzy and felt like she was going to pass out. Breathe deeper. In and out. But… that didn’t work. Her lips parted and she raised onto her toes just slightly towards him. Just enough.
Noah pushed back from her and she fell into the car. He stepped away from her, turning ever so slightly so they weren’t facing each other.
She closed her eyes as her heart sunk. Was it disappointment? Longing? Relief? Sorrow? Gladness? What?
“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
His voice returned to the clipped tone of before when he didn’t like her all that much. He turned on his heel and walked away.
She pushed a hand into her sternum. Her heart was painfully pounding. Was she having a heart attack? Dying? Was it about to burst right here and now? Or… or was this true attraction? Sexual attraction? She didn’t know. She’d never felt it before and she shook herself. This could never, ever come close to happening again. And she could never, ever want such a thing to happen.
It doesn’t have to be he said to her. Why? Why did he say that? What did it mean? And why did her heart bump and thump each time his words threaded through her brain?
The thing was, her life did have to be that way. Her life and Noah’s depended on it. For Elliot would not let her go. And certainly, he’d never let her go to be with anyone else. He’d kill her first. On that, she was crystal clear.
Chapter Twelve
There was no avoiding it. He had to face her. Noah watched Lindsey from his office window as she parked her car in her usual spot and dug around the back seat for the black bag she carried her lunch and purse in.
Her dark jeans stretched over her tight, graceful ass. It was lovely. Flat and smooth, her entire body was long and lean. He shook his head in disgust. What was he thinking? How could he do such a stupid thing as almost kiss her? So what if he liked having her sit next to him at the dinner? So what if he liked seeing her loosen up, eat, laugh, joke, and interact with others? So what if he enjoyed the feeling of being around his family with her there too? It was illogical. They weren’t even remotely a couple, yet he could not deny that he liked how she felt next to him. The talk in the truck while driving was intimate, personal, and important. Lindsey never talked about herself before, and suddenly, there they were, in the dark. It seemed so right, and so natural for him to want to touch her.
And once he did, it was like his heart just arrived home. He couldn’t understand it. His heart even lifted, as his insides involuntarily quivered. He wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in his arms and feel her body against him. It was sexual, it was friendship, it was caring. It was… different. Something he’d never felt before. In all the kisses and foreplay he shared with dates, nothing could shake him up as much as barely touching Lindsey’s face. Technically, Lindsey and he had not done anything, but it felt to him like everything. It seemed to him like they crossed the friendship line last night. From friendship to what?
Shit. Was this what Penny was talking about? The feelings that were so “different?” The feelings he could never really understand when Penny described them before. Was this… love? Was he falling in love with Lindsey Johanson?
He jerked away from the window and shot to his feet, throwing down his pen. No. There was no way he could fall in love with a married woman. He did not do things like that. He was a decent person. A moral person. A Christian. He was not the type of person to fall in love with a married woman. He did not even kiss married women, and preferred not to start the practice.
His heart started beating erratically, and beads of sweat suddenly streaked his brow. No. He was simply… attracted to Lindsey. Of course he was; she was beautiful. Like one of those women men can only fantasize about. It wasn’t his fault, and he wasn’t weird to want her. He was normal to wish he had her.
Yes, that was it. He simply desired a beautiful woman who was around him so often. It was just an animal attraction. Easily dealt with. Easily characterized. He scoffed at himself. In love? Yeah, right! With a married woman who was very clear about her devotion to her husband. He was a jackass to nearly have kissed her last night, but that was all. It was a moment, one in which he easily got carried away because of how she looked up at him with liquid-filled, blue eyes that nearly drowned his soul. So, of course, the moment was a little bit intense. His reaction was not so unusual for a man with an attractive woman. Wasn’t that the problem with men and women? They couldn’t help their biological nature and chemistry, even when it was mutually unwanted.
Yes, that was it. After all, he was once attracted to Jessie too. He kissed her. He more than kissed her on a few occasions, although Will need not ever know. But look at them now! Brother and sister. Best friends. No sexual attraction left. It was a small town and few women had the kind of look that Jessie and Lindsey had. He was simply reacting to that. Yes, that had to be it. And oops, the moment went a little too far, but it meant nothing. It had to mean nothing.
He stepped ar
ound his desk, intent on making sure Lindsey realized that too.
She was putting her things in the break room. It had a small fridge, microwave, and a table and sink unit. When he came in, she was hanging her coat up and rifling around her bag. She stiffened when she heard him and turned toward him slowly.
“Lindsey,” he nodded, keeping his tone cool and even, and how he would normally greet any employee.
A blush crept over her cheeks and she lowered her gaze. “Hello, Noah.”
He cleared his throat. Okay, this was way too awkward. This was like a fart in a crowded, quiet room kind of awkward. This was like being naked at your high school reunion awkward. “So, ah, I have cat coming in with an abscess. I think it’ll end up needing to be irrigated. So don’t schedule anything right after lunch.”
She nodded. “Oh, yes. Right. Okay.”
Hurrying around him, she headed toward her desk. He stared after her until the door shut, obstructing his view. Shit. That didn’t solve it.
He shuffled out to the waiting area where more than half their relationship took place. She was busy shuffling papers and tapping at the computer. At least, now she seemed to know what she was doing.
“Look, last night was just an accidental thing. It meant nothing. Nothing happened. I hope we can both forget it.”
She froze, then slowly pushed her shoulders back as she self-consciously tucked a hunk of hair behind her ear. “Forget it?”
He hated this. He felt nervous. What was making him so nervous? Nothing. He never felt intimidated, like a little schoolgirl, and yet, now he was. He could hardly look at her. “Yes, forget it.”
She hissed in air. “Fine. It’s forgotten.”
She returned to her chores, stomping over to the coffee maker. What the hell? Was she mad? He was simply pointing out the truth and trying to make things less awkward. And that made her mad?
“Unless… it was something.”
She stiffened and swung around. “What?”
“Well, you stomped over there and seemed like you wanted to deck me, so I just suggested, unless you wanted it to be something.”
She glared at him and turned back to measuring coffee grounds. “I did nothing of the sort. I don’t stomp.”
“Yes, you did. You totally stomped.”
“I totally didn’t.”
“The floor almost shook with the weight of your footfalls.”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh my God! This is the stupidest argument. I refuse to have it.”
She started past him, and he grabbed her arm without thinking. “Oh, we so are having it. I refuse to go back to how freaking weird you acted when you first came here.”
She stared down at his hand, which was closed over her bicep. Her eyes flashed up to his. “I was not weird. I was just nervous. Maybe it was because you’re such a horse’s ass to work for.”
“A horse’s ass? Are you kidding me?”
“No, you can just as well kiss mine while you’re at it.”
His breathing increased with his anger, making his nostrils flare. He felt like growling at her. She was so fond of animal analogies.
“I would if I could find it. But the stick is so far up, it makes it difficult to locate.”
Her eyes threw daggers at him. “Jessie can’t have that baby soon enough, can she?”
“No, she can’t. At least, she doesn’t become totally unreasonable about every little thing that happens.”
“Do you know how twisted it is to hear that you prefer her to me?”
“Less twisted than answering your cell phone fifteen times a day. ‘Oh, baby, I can’t take a piss without letting you know.’ I mean, why else would Elliot call so often? No one could possibly have that much to say to his wife every hour.”
Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped in angry disbelief. “No, wonder you’re practically middle-aged without ever finding a woman. Who the hell would bother with you? You’re too tall anyway. You wear your clothes like a thirteen-year-old boy who doesn’t want to get dressed for church. And for God’s sake, stand up straight. You slouch so much, you’ll be a hunchback before you’re forty. Which is not too far off, right?”
“Wow, that’s really letting me have it, insulting my age. What next, Lindsey? Do you plan to tell my mommy that I upset you? Oh, wait, no, you’d have to get Elliot’s permission first, wouldn’t you? That’s how it works, right? You ask. No, you beg and then you let him decide what you should or should not do. At least, I act my age and not like some frightened adolescent too scared to enter a dark room.”
She sucked in a breath. “You have no right!”
“Oh, yes; I have every right. You’ve been a timid, incompetent disaster for most of your time here. I only tolerated it out of respect for Jessie, not for you.”
“Jessie? You were the one who almost—”
His eyebrows shot up. “Who almost what? What did I almost do?”
She backed up a step. “Nothing. I have to get back to work.”
She started to spin around and he grabbed her arm. She flinched and tried to throw him off. “Why don’t we both act our ages and discuss it?”
“No. There is nothing, do you hear me? Nothing to discuss. And nothing almost happened.”
The panic in his voice had him pausing. Holy. Shit. Tears were brimming in her eyelids. He released her. “Please, nothing happened. It’s important you understand that.”
He stared at her, his mouth dropping in utter astonishment. It wasn’t just her guilt of being married and sharing a weird moment between them that had Lindsey acting so strange. What was wrong with her? What was making her quiver and panic so?
He nodded finally. “I understand. Nothing happened.”
A breath escaped her lungs. “Okay, good. Now—”
Her eyes grew large and her thoughts stopped. Noah turned to see what could possibly have her acting like a deer caught in the headlights of a semi. Penny. Penny was standing there, her head alternating between them and her large eyes filled with surprise and, no doubt, curiosity. A deafening silence hung between the three of them. Noah finally raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat to spur his sister on. No doubt what she’d take from the argument she’d witnessed.
“Oh, uh, hey guys. I was just stopping by to say what a great time everyone had; and we all hope you’ll join us again soon, Lindsey.”
Lindsey refused to meet Noah’s gaze. She mumbled, “Sure,” before disappearing into the back of the clinic. Hiding, no doubt.
Penny’s gaze swung around to Noah and her bright eyes burned with fierce, almost unhealthy curiosity.
“What was that?”
“That was nothing. A misunderstanding we just cleared up.” He brushed past his way-too-interested sister and grabbed a chart off the shelf, hoping his sister would drop the subject, or maybe even leave if he ignored her. He didn’t need the chart, but it served as an excuse.
“Noah? That was more than just a simple argument. There were extreme undertones there. What really happened?”
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know, okay? It was weird. Even for me, and I don’t know how it started. I never know when Lindsey gets that intense, or why she’s going that way. Just leave it, okay? There isn’t anything more to say.”
“What started it?”
Intense feelings that startled him, as well as nearly set his heart on fire. “An awkward moment last night, nothing more. Nothing happened. Nothing will.”
Penny, surprisingly, didn’t jump all over him, but nodded quietly. She set her hand on his and he glanced up at the soft touch. “She’s not happily married. Whatever you think she is, happily married is not one of them. Last night, however, she was genuinely happy. With us. Talking. Eating. Laughing. She was happy. So, maybe, Noah, there is more to the story, and more should be happening.”
He was shocked that Penny could pick up on all that. And she wasn’t kidding around or gossiping. Her eyes were full of warmth and understanding. “There won
’t be more, Pen. You have to leave it now.”
She nodded. “I wish we didn’t. I think she needs us.”
“She might. But that’s for her to decide. And I can guarantee you one thing, she is not deciding that. Ever.”
****
Lindsey stuck a hand over her heart while hoping it wouldn’t explode out of her chest. She hung her head against the cabinet until her involuntary shaking started to slow down. Why did she have to go and argue with Noah? He offered her an easy, quick, comfortable “out” about what almost happened last night. It could have just been ignored and swept under the rug. It could have not been so weird and awful between them… but, she couldn’t accept that. Oh no. She stomped away from him like a sixth grader who got dumped in lieu of her best friend. She taunted Noah to bring it up with her. She wanted to yell at him. And stranger still, she did yell at him. It surprised her to know she still had so many nasty words left to say in her. She often thought they were forgotten in her obedient subservience to Elliot.
She sighed and didn’t like him excusing what happened as if it were nothing. To her, it was everything. It was a huge moment and one she couldn’t remember having with any other man, surely never with Elliot. It was true passion. It was temporarily forgetting where she was, and who she was, but feeling so glad she was the person, right then, sharing that moment.
It was such an awful thing to almost do. Noah didn’t deserve having games played on him. And she couldn’t imagine what Elliot would do to her if he found out. So why would she risk such a thing? And, why would Noah get as caught up with her as she was with him? He couldn’t like her. There was no way. He knew she was practically incapable of typing her own name, and suddenly, he wanted to kiss her? It didn’t seem possible.
She straightened her shoulders and shifted her weight. She could not continue to sit in there, hiding. She had to go out and do her job. With only limited, rapidly waning days left, she refused to waste a minute, or quit working. She would perform as any professional and forget all of this.
The Good Sister (Sister Series, #2) Page 15