She tapped the ketchup bottle up and down as she stared through the window at the pretty, suburban street. She closed her eyes. Home. Was there such a place on earth for her? Home implied a place where you felt you belonged, and were loved and safe. She never felt safe before. She never was safe.
But together. They could deal with this together.
Was she ready? She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the window. Was she ready to be part of together? Had enough time elapsed? Had she figured enough stuff out? Was she in a better place? Was she able to—
“Please, Lindsey. Please come home to me.”
His voice was quiet, sincere and calm. He was always so calm. And he wanted to be there for her.
Was it too soon? Shouldn’t she decide what she needed, and when she needed it? Wasn’t that the point of the last ten months? She got to decide what happened in her own life and her own heart. Mistakes or not. She got to make the final call. “I think I love you.”
The line went dead. Did he hang up? No, no, she heard him shuffling. He laughed softly in her ear. “I didn’t expect you to say that.”
“Me neither. It just came out.”
“Do you think,” he hesitated, “do you think you meant it?”
“I meant it. I’m not a child. I know what I feel. I know what I want. And I love you.” She drew in a deep breath and expelled it. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” He was the first man to say it to her without wanting anything in return. He didn’t want her to behave a certain way or look a certain way. He didn’t want anything from her, but her unconditional love.
“Now, will you come home to me?”
She closed her eyes as the tears rolled freely down her cheeks. Happy tears? Sad tears? Exhausted tears? Relieved tears? She really couldn’t say. Just tears to express the tumultuous knot forming in her gut. Finally, she whispered, “I’ll come home.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Noah watched Lindsey walk off the plane. She carried the same bag she left Elliot’s with. Her hair wasn’t much longer than the first time she cut it. She had pink ends, however, now. He blinked. She still seemed shocking. Not so much to anyone first meeting her, but certainly to anyone who knew Lindsey Bains, and then Lindsey Johanson.
She wore the skinny jeans she was so fond of. She practically lived in them. She had on a jacket with a team logo on it. Her eyes scanned the crowd at the small airport. It wasn’t anything like the big international ones. Noah stepped forward and raised a hand.
She stopped dead as their eyes met and a poignant moment ticked by. Her eyes filled with tears that slipped down her cheeks in silence. They were different than the tears she shed a year ago. These were tears of relief at seeing him. Then a slow smile brightened her face. She dropped her bag, kicking it aside before flinging herself at him. He caught her and lifted her off the ground as he squeezed her tightly next to him. People had to go around them, and a few stared with annoyance. He didn’t care. He held her to him. She cried, and her body shook as her arms grasped his shoulders and held him close. After a long pause, she finally stood back from his arms and their eyes locked. She smiled shyly and a flush filled her cheeks. His heart twisted with joy.
“I guess I was happier to see you than I anticipated.”
“I think I could grow used to getting that reaction on seeing me.”
She dipped her head and turned to grab her bag. “I don’t have anything else.”
“You know, you used to bring more than that to work every day.”
She shrugged. “I don’t own much. And for now, I like it that way.”
He took her bag from her. “Where do you want to stay? With me? Or with Will and Jessie? Where?”
She tipped her head up to him. “Where would you prefer I stay?”
He stopped dead and dropped her bag so he could grab her shoulders and physically turn her to him. “With me. Forever.”
She smiled. “Okay. With you. Forever.”
He stared into her eyes, frowning. “I was being dramatic, and making a point. I don’t expect you to feel that way now. It’s a lot, and much too soon. I just want you here with me, where I can see you and date you. I’d really like it if I could call you my girlfriend.”
She shook her head. “It’s not too much. It’s not too soon. It’s what I want and what I decided. And I’d really like it if you would call me your girlfriend.”
He frowned as he shook his head. “You don’t mean that.”
“Oh, I do mean it. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to get married, Noah, or have kids. I really might not ever want either of those. But I do want you and I want to be with you. So yeah, I want to go to your house and simply be your girlfriend.”
He held her gaze. “I don’t need to get married; and I don’t need to have kids. Not if you don’t want to. I just need and want you, however I can have you. Any way I can have you for myself. And I would love for you to be my girlfriend and live in my house.”
“Then take me there.”
He grabbed her bag again, then sighed, “Oh, crap.”
“What?”
“I forgot. My family is there. They really want to see you. Especially Penny. She missed you a lot.”
Lindsey touched his hand, sliding hers into his as they started walking. “I’d be glad to see them. Especially Penny.”
****
He didn’t tell Lindsey he sent a message to the PO box in Canada, which he got from her father. He had no idea if anyone checked it, or if the general was still alive, or had moved somewhere else. Noah didn’t know why, but he just did it. He wasn’t even really sure what he expected. But it felt like it was time to do something, although he didn’t know what. It chilled him to the marrow when he learned that Elliot found Lindsey. And the confrontation with Cal that left her shaking also concerned him. He was relieved she was there now with him. At least, he could hold her, touch her, and try to help her.
His family came through for him and Lindsey, in ways that had him beaming with pride at their collective good intentions. There were kids and extended family members waiting at his house. They made a special dinner and even put up balloons and a “Welcome Home, Lindsey!” sign. They hugged and kissed her, not once pausing at the sight of her extreme make-over, nor her dire circumstances. And God bless Penny, who took her under her wing, keeping her busy and talking for days on end. She also helped her settle into the house. Penny was her friend and so much fun, letting her temporarily forget that her husband discovered where she was.
But the reunion that meant more than anything else, was that between Lindsey and Jessie. It had been almost a full year since the two had set eyes on one another. When they walked into the festive, buoyant atmosphere of the reunion party, everyone sensed it. Will held Jessie’s hand, and she had the baby cradled in her arms. They stopped in the entryway. Lindsey paused, holding a chip full of dip on her fingers. The sisters shared a long, heartfelt gaze.
“You look… different,” Jessie finally whispered.
Lindsey swallowed, slowly setting down the chip on the coffee table. She wiped her hand on her leg and stood up to her full height. “I feel different.”
Jessie slowly smiled, as more tears filled her eyes. “You look awesome.”
Lindsey started to cry too. “I feel awesome once in a while too.”
Jessie handed Christina to Will as tears slid freely down her face and she studied her sister. Stepping into Noah’s living room, she excitedly rushed at Lindsey. Noah and Will turned away to talk, taking Christina and the others into another room, where they stared at each other awkwardly, unsure of what to do or say. Some long minutes later, the sisters emerged. Tears glistened in their eyes and mottled their skin.
Will stood up to embrace Lindsey. “We’ve missed you.”
She nodded her head. “I missed you too.”
“Now, would you like to meet your niece?”
Lindsey’s lips trembled. She nodded her head again as a huge smile
broke across her face. She felt fully and finally home.
****
“I think he’ll come after me.”
Noah stopped in the process of flipping a steak on the stovetop. It was two weeks now since Lindsey moved in with him. It was so good. Really, really good. She lived with him! She was there when he got home from work. She helped him take care of all his pets, as well as mowing the lawn or doing laundry. They were totally clumsy with one another and awkwardly tried to figure out who did what and when. They had so much to learn about each other, and being together. They had to learn how to fight, and make up. But the best part was: they had all the time and freedom to do so now.
He cooked, since Lindsey was worse than awful at it. He set the spatula down, and came around to sit next to where she sat, watching him, on a stool. They often discussed Cal’s ominous warning. It never failed to leave them feeling helpless. They had no idea what they should have been doing to prepare for or prevent it. There was a sense of urgency, like they should have been doing something. But what? When? They took some precautions, and Lindsey was rarely ever alone. She often hung out with someone in Noah’s family, or her sister to avoid being alone. But Noah feared Lindsey’s hunch was right.
He took her hands in his. “Why do you say that?”
“He can’t leave it like this. He won’t accept that I managed to get away. And simply left. He cannot stand that. He can’t let me win. He has to win. And he’ll see this, me being here with you, as winning my freedom.”
They interlaced fingers and he stared down at his knee. “Just let him try.”
“I haven’t told you a lot about what he… did to me.” Her gaze was pinned to their interlocked hands and he gently cupped her face.
No, she did not tell him a lot. He knew some things. He knew the basics. He knew what she looked like after he found her all those months ago. But she did not often give him any specifics.
“I owe you that. I owe you all the answers you seek.”
He shook his head, parting his legs so she could rest between them. He pulled her closer and said, “You owe me nothing.”
Her gaze lifted. “I owe you everything.”
He shook his head and ran his hand through her short, spiked hair. “Nah. We’re partners. We don’t owe each other anything. No, that’s not true, we do owe each other trust, respect, and love. But not any answers.”
She licked her lips. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell you everything. I can’t tell anyone everything. Not all at once. Not in the ‘big picture’ kind of way. But I’d like to start telling you about it in snippets. Small things. Things I can force past my lips. I can’t even tell my therapist everything.”
“Then tell me what you need to say. It’s about you, Lindsey. What you want to say or not. It’s about what you choose to express. And as long as you’re not hating yourself over it anymore, I don’t need to know unless you prefer that I know.”
“I think I want you to know. Eventually. It just might take a while.”
He held her gaze in a long, deep look of love and promise. “I plan to share our lives together for eternity. There is no hurry.”
She covered the hand that cupped her face. “My first insecurity is fearing I don’t deserve you. But I’m working on believing that I do deserve good things in life. And I didn’t deserve what Elliot did to me. No matter how long I stayed and tolerated it. And the thing is: even though it’s not easy for me, I love you.”
“You know I’ll be here, no matter what.”
She shut her eyes. “No matter what?”
“Yeah.”
She nodded as more tears slipped down her cheeks. She didn’t open her eyes again. He leaned her against him and held her.
There were still times when she became very dark. She had terrible moods, that exploded with anger and shot nasty words out of her mouth before she could control it. It was not always understood so easily, as it was often hard and based on moodiness and frustration.
But there was no one on earth that Noah would rather accept the bad as long as he also got her good. He did. He got it all, every bit of her, and that was the greatest gift he could ask for. It was all he’d ever wanted, even before he knew he was looking.
She finally lifted her head from his shoulder. “I’ve thought a lot about this, about what to do. And the thing is, I want to do something.”
“Something? Like what?”
“I want to confront Elliot.”
Noah’s heart blipped with surprise in his chest. No! No, she could not mean that she wanted to confront Elliot. He raped her, beat her, locked her up, and hospitalized her. He still threatened her, and now she dared to confront him?
“Lindsey—”
“No,” she said, putting two fingers to his lips. “Let me finish. He has a town-style meeting coming up. It’s his magnanimous way of convincing the public that he is one of them, and wants to hear everyone’s problems and complaints. Total and complete bullshit. But I want to go. I want to be there.”
He didn’t understand and tilted his head. “What for?”
“To confront him. Right there in front of everyone! He can’t hurt me in front of everyone. I’ve been through this, Noah. You forget. My sister and I outed my father. I’ve lain in bed countless nights, obsessing what I could do to Elliot. I cannot allow him to hurt me again. Not ever again. And then I think of all the women I’ve met and listened to. Some of them were so much braver than I. And suddenly, I want to be brave too. I want to take my power back. I want to announce to him publicly what he did to me, so he can never do it again. I want to do to him what Jessie did to my father.”
Noah drew in a sharp breath. “Okay.”
She frowned. “Okay? What does that mean?”
“It means okay. Do it.”
She tilted her head. “Just like that?”
“Just like that. Just please tell me I can come with you. I don’t think I could stand to let you go to that state, let alone, getting within any proximity of him. I must go too.”
She smiled and rested her head on his chest. “Okay,” she whispered.
He patted her back as he glanced over, sighing because the steaks were completely black. “You want to go get a pizza?”
She leaned backwards and laughed. “That’s probably what I love most about you.”
“What?”
“You react like no one else in the world. Yes, I want to go get a pizza.” She kissed him deeply and thoroughly. He wasn’t sure what he’d done to please her so, but he was glad he did.
****
The town meeting was crowded. The chairs were set in a large half-circle around the center stage, and elevated to provide a clear view of the speaker to every single person in the room. The room soon filled up the seats and the large audience grew close to five hundred people. Noah and Lindsey took a seat ten rows back, on one end.
Her stomach clenched when Elliot approached the platform. Noah gripped her hand tighter, and his thumb rubbed her palm.
Elliot wore a classic black suit. Lindsey knew the exact designer, brand and sizing. For hadn’t she obsessively taken care of them for five years? His shirt was ironed and starched. Didn’t she know exactly how perfect each one had to be? Today was simple: white shirt with a red tie. He wore a discreet American flag pinned to his lapel. His hair was carefully combed, and barely sprayed so it looked natural. She fisted her hands together in her lap and finally got an inkling of why Jessie used to cut her own skin in response to her father’s abuse. Seeing Elliot now, made her want to scrub her skin right off. Now that she was out, she couldn’t fathom how she withstood it all.
He was introduced by Cal Hopkins. Hearing his voice made her stomach heave and the bile started to rise in her throat. Then she had to listen to Elliot Johanson speak with a witty, humorous, and eloquent repartee. He was seeking likeability. He was such a con man. An ordinary, run-of-the-mill con artist. He was just better dressed than the average scammer. He was as bad as the pimp on
the corner, or the drug dealer behind your kids’ school. He was a small time, low rank criminal through and through.
His biggest crime was beating the shit out of her once too often.
She sat quietly while he finished his smooth, polished speech before opening up the floor to take questions from his state’s citizens, or “the people he served” as he referred to them. He laughed and talked with one person after another. He possessed the perfect, well-modulated tone of voice and benign answer to everything. But he said nothing. Just as he never really had anything to say to her.
She rose onto her feet with no plan in mind. She didn’t come there with any preconceived notion of what to do or how to do it. She just… decided to do it. Noah’s gaze shot up as he stood with her. She shook her head at him. No. No, she had to do this… alone. He slowly sat back down.
She walked to the nearest microphone and waited for her turn. She patiently waited through the monotonous questions about taxes, unemployment, and spending until it was her turn.
Elliot turned from his microphone to look across the room at her. He smiled and nodded. She knew he was ready to dismiss her as soon as he saw how she was dressed now between the hair and the makeup. He’d, no doubt, reject her question politely as he did not really care what she had to say.
“Hello, Elliot.”
Her voice echoed through the room and she got a few funny looks for using his first name. Every other speaker addressed him with the utmost respect, either using “Governor,” or “Mr. Johanson,” or “your Excellency.” Wasn’t that half the reason Elliot chose Virginia to run for governor? It was one of only a few states in the entire country that formally addressed the governor not as the normal, “your Honor,” but rather, “your Excellency.” It perfectly fitted who and what Elliot thought he was.
His smile slowly faded as his gaze narrowed in on her. He suddenly jerked off the stool he so casually leaned his smarmy ass on. He seemed like he was trying to evoke a “good ol’ boy, we’re friends” kind of vibe.
The Good Sister (Sister Series, #2) Page 30