‘Well that’s the plan,’ Godfrey said, ‘but let’s not get too excited.’
We were standing looking at the empty room as Godfrey tried to decide where the new shelves would go and where he would find some replacement chairs. Suddenly my mobile rang. Oooh, was it Helena again with some spicy details? No.
‘Hello?’
‘Billie? Is this Billie Summers?’
A young woman’s voice. Slightly breathless and clipped.
‘Yes, can I help you?’
‘It’s Pippa, Pippa de Witt, Oliver Forest’s PA.’
I widened my eyes at Godfrey and Uncle Peter and walked backwards out of the shop into the street where I was nearly run over by a boy on a skateboard.
‘Can you hear me?’ Pippa said sounding more shrill and worried than ever.
‘Yes, yes of course. Hello, I was a bit confused there.’
‘I don’t see why – you do remember me don’t you?’
‘Yes, of course, sorry. How’s your wrist?’
‘Oh OK, I suppose. Look, Mr Forest has asked me to ring you.’
Crumbs, what was all this about then? Had Oliver left something behind after all? Or did he want my recipe for Beef Casserole au beaucoup de Merlot?
‘Yes?’
‘You know of course that Oliver, Mr Forest, is due to launch the paperback version of Glory 17. In Ludlow. It’s been on his mind a lot. I’m sure he must have discussed it in some detail?’
Well no, not really, but I wasn’t going to admit it to her.
‘Yes, of course. We had a long chat about it, sounds like quite a do,’ I said.
Pippa paused for a moment. ‘Does it? I didn’t think he wanted … right. Well Mr Forest needs someone to do the cooking in the house where we will be staying during the event. It’s four days in all. Not the catering for the actual launch of course. We will be having proper caterers there.’
I swallowed this insult and didn’t blow a raspberry down the phone, as I felt very inclined to do. ‘Fine,’ I said.
Actually I was thinking Just as well, he knows what I’m like. And I do tend to make things up as I go along.
And I gave Oliver too much chocolate and cake.
Apparently there is such a thing. Who knew?
But I didn’t say that because this sounded like a job offer and I was desperate for money. The electricity bill was due as well and – much like the water bill – that’s never a pleasant surprise. This could be a godsend. I couldn’t afford to be sarky.
Pippa was silent for a moment and I wondered if she had rung off.
‘Yes, well … um … look, Mr Forest has told me to ring you to see if you are available. He might need you to do some other stuff if my wrist is still weak. Four days from March 16th. All travel expenses of course. Five people including Gideon and Jake and you of course, we fully expect you to eat.’ She gave a tight little laugh.
Yes, fine, I like my food, no need to be rude – Twig Woman.
But Oliver had told Pippa to ring me? Really? Even after the things I’d said about him?
‘March 16th,’ I repeated rather stunned. ‘This year?’
‘Yes of course this year! Honestly!’
‘But that’s’ – I checked on my fingers – ‘only ten days away.’
Was that enough time to lose a stone if I really put my mind to it?
Perhaps this was the push I’d needed? Maybe I should go running too? But it really was very short notice. I usually like to work up to these things, have at least a couple of months to prepare myself. We’ve already established I’m not what you call madly spontaneous, and anyway doing that takes money.
‘Yes. Look if you can’t do it I’ll tell him. I have a friend – I mean a contact who could step in. Someone with more experience than you by the sound of things.’
Flipping nerve of the woman.
I decided to try and sound more professional and sensible, wondering where this was going. Yes, it wasn’t a lot of notice but I could be impulsive for a change. Couldn’t I? That was what I was supposed to be doing wasn’t it?
I’d been carrying a notebook with owls on the front when she phoned and now I noisily flicked over the pages next to my mobile.
‘No, no it’s fine, Pippa; give me just a second. Ah yes, I think I can make it! I’ve … um just checked my diary and if I shuffle a few meetings around I can create a window of opportunity. So yes of course I could help you out. Are there any vegans or people allergic to anything? I know all about Oliver’s particular likes and dislikes of course.’
I added that last bit in rather a suggestive voice to wind her up.
‘I’ll let you know. Obviously it’s not something I’ve ever had to think about, apart from the allergy to shellfish of course. I mean, God forbid I should have an M&S prawn sandwich in the office,’ Pippa said waspishly. ‘We have your correct email and your address? When I find a moment – which won’t be any time soon – I’ll send some details through. A car will pick you up before six a.m. on the 16th. Security is of course very tight on this one, so you must bring proper identification. I’m sure you understand? Your passport and perhaps a driving licence?’
‘Right, um …’ I said. This was beginning to sound like something out of Mission Impossible.
I’ll admit I was a bit distracted here because I’d just seen a picture of a Kardashian in the newsagent’s and I couldn’t quite believe my eyes. That must be Photoshopped? Surely?
Pippa was still talking and I zoned in again, hoping I hadn’t missed anything important.
‘… I’ll be in touch with the details of fees and the menus. It will all be worked out for you.’
‘How marvellous,’ I said.
‘Right, well I can’t waste any more time. I have a heap of things to do. We’re not all ladies of leisure after all!’
‘Cheek!’ I muttered.
‘Sorry?’
‘I said I’ll look forward to hearing from you.’
‘Hmm.’
Pippa rang off and I stood on the pavement for a few minutes, rather dazed and getting in the way of the kids who were coming out of school in tightly knit gangs, barging each other with their backpacks and shouting insults across the road.
In ten days a car would collect me! And they were going to pay me! I wondered how much. I should have asked before I agreed really. And a book launch!
OMG! This was a sign! This was the light bulb moment when I stopped messing about and got on a firm career path. In future I would credit Oliver Forest for giving me access to his address book and a long line of celebrity parties and events to sort out.
I could run writing retreats for bestselling writers all the time. Maybe instead of renting properties I would buy a house overlooking the sea in Cornwall. No, in France! I could just imagine myself, putting bowls of luscious, oil-drizzled salad onto a stone table with Monaco glowing in the distant heat haze. Jilly Cooper and J. K. Rowling would be drinking champagne together and laughing and Joan Collins would be sitting under a shady hat running a pink pen through some final edits. Marvellous.
I’d get on Twitter.
@fabulousfooddarling or
@cheftothestars.
I’d need a website and a new apron.
And against all the odds, even after everything I’d said about him, I was going to see Oliver again.
Cool.
Chapter Fourteen
The following day I messed about doing some more housework, threw out some plastic cutlery I’d been hoarding for no good reason, and baked a Swiss roll for Godfrey and Peter. Then I rang Helena to tell her about my exciting news, but her phone was turned off. Hmm, I wonder what she was up to. Her phone was never turned off. I sent her a text.
‘What are you doing? Why is your phone turned off?’
I went down to deliver the cake and took some more boxes of wet paper and cardboard to the tip. Then as it was getting cold I went home.
I had checked my emails approximately every two minutes all through the day, but nothing
came through from Pippa about the job until five o’clock. The subliminal message being I wasn’t important or anywhere near the top of her to-do list.
All she said was I would be expected to do all the catering somewhere called The Lodge, which including myself would accommodate five people. All menus would be worked out, all ingredients would be available at the house.
Piece of cake – literally.
I would be expected to do as I was told, keep quiet and keep out of the way of the important people. Well it didn’t actually use those precise words, but I think that’s what it meant. All my travel would be provided and I would be paid …! How much? Really? It was almost like getting a month’s wages in less than a week. What’s not to like? Perhaps she’d made a mistake? Well who cared, maybe she hadn’t? I wasn’t going to query it.
All I needed to bring was one suitcase, ID, and to be absolutely ready and on the doorstep when the car came to collect me. The implication being if I wasn’t they would go without me.
I spent the next hour finding out more about Ludlow. Not exactly exciting but it looked like a nice little town on the Welsh border filled with bookshops and cafés and with a castle to explore if I got any time off. Catherine of Aragon lived there and the Tudors have always been a particular passion of mine. Maybe I could do some research and be inspired towards a new plot line? Marvellous! I couldn’t wait. Now this was certainly something that qualified as an adventure.
Helena rang me as I was researching the castle and wondering how far away The Lodge was. Maybe it would be in walking distance?
‘It’s me!’ she said.
‘How did it go? Your phone’s been turned off all day.’
Helena giggled. ‘We had a nice time. The food was scrummy. And we had some wonderful wine too. Red and white. And then we had liqueurs with our coffee. I had Cointreau and he had—’
‘Yes, but what happened!’ I said. ‘Tell me what happened!’
‘Well we went back to his house afterwards.’
‘Yes?’
‘And he put some music on. Simon and Garfunkel, I think.’
‘Helena!’
‘And then we had some more wine and well, he asked if I’d like to stay over. So I did.’
I gasped. ‘Helena!’
She giggled again. ‘I know!’
‘And?’
‘And we, you know.’
Helena snorted with laughter down the phone.
‘You lucky mare!’ I said.
‘I know!’
‘And? And?’
‘I’m still at his house. It’s really lovely, not like a bloke’s house at all. It’s a little terrace overlooking a green. He bought it three years ago and he’s been doing it up ever since. He’s really tidy, just like me.’
‘I bet you it’s just a front. I predict the cupboard under the stairs is filled with dirty washing and black bin liners full of takeaway cartons.’
‘Ha! You’re so wrong, Miss Clever Clogs, because there isn’t a cupboard under the stairs. He took it out when he moved in and put up a coat rack. He’s gone out to get some wine because we finished it all last night. And he never has takeaways. He’s made a lamb tagine for later and he didn’t have to use a recipe or anything. He’s so lovely.’
‘Aw bless. You do sound happy.’
‘I am, I really am. I just thought I’d check in so you know I’m OK. Well more than OK.’
‘You’ll have to go home for some clean clothes!’
‘We did that earlier on.’ She giggled.
‘Where is my friend Helena Fairchild and what have you done with her?’
‘I know! I can’t believe this is me!’
‘Well enjoy yourself, you deserve a bit of fun.’
‘What are you doing?’
‘You’ll never guess. I had a phone call from Oliver’s PA, Pippa. She wanted to know if I was available to do the catering for five people for four days in March, when he has his paperback launch. Glory 17, do you remember?’
‘Wow! In Ludlow?’
‘That’s right. They are offering me a shedload of money so I’m not going to refuse am I? I need to get the car through its MOT in September, the gas bill is due, so is the water bill and the electricity bill, and I really don’t want to ask Mum to sub me again. I still owe her for when the washing machine broke down.’
We talked about the bookshop and how things were going, and she started to tell me how Nick organized his kitchen cupboards.
Suddenly she broke off. ‘Ooops better go; I can see his car pulling into the drive. He has a drive! And his car’s nice and clean too. Not filled with old takeaway coffee cups and apple cores like yours is.’
‘He sounds a paragon of virtue,’ I said.
Helena gave a giggle and rang off.
Maybe not then?
*
I spent a few minutes thinking sentimental thoughts about Helena and Nick and then the thought crossed my mind that at that very minute they could be up to all sorts of filthy things in the privacy of his nice tidy house. So I thought about something else and went to put some washing on.
Oooh, phone.
‘It’s me,’ Mum said. ‘Has Josie spoken to you about us going to stay? They’re now expecting us on March 18th because Finn and Hector are in the school play and they have tickets for us all to go. Isn’t that super?’
‘Hmm, school and play. Those are two words I try hard to avoid having anything to do with after last time,’ I said. ‘#Soblessed.’
‘Now don’t be mean. It wasn’t Hector’s fault. Anyone can have a nosebleed. And most of the stain came out didn’t it?’
‘Well I’ve just been offered a last-minute job to do that means I won’t be home until the 20th.’
‘What? You’re not coming? You can’t be serious?’ she said, her voice rather panicky.
‘Sorry,’ I said rather gleefully, ‘I’m off to Ludlow for four days, doing private catering for a book launch.’
Mum gave a heavy sigh. ‘Oh bloody hell. That means I have to go on my own to watch Finn and Hector dressed as Easter rabbits, roaring out “Bright Eyes”. Well Josie will be there of course although apparently she’s going to be making teas in the far distant land of out the back, and Mark can’t go because, of course, he has a works event. Doesn’t he always?’
I giggled. ‘Sorry.’
‘Liar.’
‘Anyway, I’m going to think about packing.’
‘Are you?’ Mum said wistfully. ‘That’s nice.’
What to pack? It was March after all, so I dug out some warm sweaters and three pairs of jeans. But March can be quite mild, can’t it? And after checking the weather forecast I pulled out one pair of jeans and put in some T-shirts and a couple of dresses. But we might be out in the country, and there probably would be rain. I went to find my wellingtons, realized they were Matt’s and far too big, so I ditched them and put in some rather nice silver lace-up brogues I had bought in the January sales this year and never worn. I would look edgy and fashion savvy in those. Or would I look as though I was on castors?
Then I put in some Birkenstocks and took out a pair of trainers. Then I put the trainers back and took out a sweatshirt. Then I realized I might be advised to find a dressing gown. And I wouldn’t want Pippa to see me in my washed-out Snoopy pj’s, so perhaps I’d better get some new ones. I sat back on my heels and wondered briefly what she wore in bed and then with a cold blast of horror I wondered if she and Oliver … if they were, like, going to be an item on this trip? Surely not!
I thought about the way he had talked to her and her obvious nervousness round him. Nope, there was no way Pippa would put up with him. Not unless she was a complete doormat.
Helena called again. ‘You’ll never guess what?’ she said without preamble.
‘What?’
‘I mentioned the idea of Scotland and the castle and the aged kilted retainer to Nick and he’s up for it!’
‘Fantastic!’
‘Yes! Isn’t it exc
iting? He’s downstairs now on his computer looking for places for us to stay.’
‘So he’s downstairs. And you’re upstairs? And I bet you’re not cleaning the bathroom?’
‘No of course not! His bathroom is spotless. I’m in bed.’
‘Bloody hell, still? He’s got stamina, I’ll give him that! Listen I’m going to be away for a bit doing this catering job. I’ll be back before Easter, but I guess you’ll be away in the Wee Glen o’the Kirk by then eating haggis and shortbread.’
‘With any luck, yes. Oooh I’d better go, I think he’s coming.’
‘You might like to rephrase that,’ I said before she hung up.
Bloody hell, who would have thought it? Helena and Tweedy Nick having a shag-fest! What larks!
If she could do exciting things, then so could I.
I had a list to stick to now after all.
*
I sent Pippa an email asking about the facilities at The Lodge. Was it fully equipped with all the stuff a chef of my calibre would need?
She didn’t reply.
Should I take anything? My knives for example? I have a special and highly prized collection of kitchen knives stored safely in a canvas roll to take with me to retreats. Should I take them?
No answer.
Honestly, people can be so rude sometimes.
I spent the next few days cleaning the flat and changing the sheets so it would be nice when I got home.
I was about to empty the fridge when I had a brainwave, one of incredible brilliance and magnitude. So I put my coat on and immediately walked round to the bookshop.
Godfrey and Uncle Peter weren’t in their flat when I arrived but there were some builders sitting outside the shop on a couple of upturned buckets, smoking roll-ups and drinking tea out of stained mugs. They directed me to the pub and I found my bosses there eating a couple of enormous steak and kidney pies and drinking beer out of the tankards they kept behind the bar.
I accepted a drink and explained my plan.
‘So you can use my place while I’m away. It’s not fancy but it’s warm and you’d be doing me a favour looking after it while I’m away.’
They looked at each other.
Peter was first to speak. ‘Are you sure? I mean we’d love to. Our flat is so cold and miserable at the moment. Our heating won’t be working again until Monday. The builders have to put a new boiler in to replace the other one; it was flood damaged. I’m sure it will be fine but well, it is a bit cheerless at the moment.’
A Year of New Adventures Page 12