"I didn't think I did anything special. Just what anyone would do when someone's life is in danger..." Trent's voice contained some of the hurt that flowed from his heart. He looked back at Sasha, who had released his arm and held a hand over her mouth, eyes showing her shock.
"Are you telling me that you find it normal to put your own life in danger to save someone you barely know?" Sasha said with a twinge of anger. Trent had never really thought about it...but he guessed he did.
"Yes...I would gladly put my life on the line to save another, no matter who it is." Trent's voice had become hard, while another emotion, one that his reliance on alcohol had kept dormant, started flowing close to the surface.
"Why? Why would you sacrifice yourself for someone you don't even know?" As the question left Sasha's lips, Trent felt his heart harden. He knew the answer, but if he voiced it, he knew what she would do...what everyone always did...she would leave him. He took a deep breath, feeling the sorrow that for so long had been dormant, reemerge.
"I've always figured that since my own life meant nothing...if I could sacrifice it to save another, someone more worthy then me, then I would do so happily..." His confession came free in trembling words as he released Sasha's hand to take a few steps back. Memories flooded him, memories of him running...running away from the pain...running away from the truth he knew, but didn't want to accept. How quickly things had changed, he realized, the content happiness he had been feeling in Sasha's presence moments before, turning to utter sadness, the hope, turning to despair.
Trent spun, preparing to run, to run from the hate he knew would be in her eyes, and knew would break his soul.
*********
His words hit her like a shockwave, knocking her into a daze as she wondered how someone could say that their life was useless...someone that she'd suddenly realized she felt so strongly about. She'd known that he was hurt in the past, having viewed the record of his trial. But the depth of the hurt was well beyond anything she could have possibly imagined.
Trent started backing away from her, eyes wild with fear. Sasha realized this was a time of choice...she could leave him and her feeling's here, or she could accept Trent and try to fill the gap in his heart...try to heal his wounds. She looked into his eyes once more and knew the decision had already been made.
As Trent turned, she rushed forward and embraced him from behind. He squirmed, trying to break free, but Sasha locked her hands, vowing to never let go.
"Calm down, Trent, I understand." she said in a tender, calming tone, causing Trent's resistance to slowly fade. His knees suddenly buckled and they collapsed to the floor, Sasha unwilling to let go...even for a moment.
"Please, Sasha...I don't want to be hurt anymore, I'm not the man you think I am...I'm trash, just like Sir Simwa said..." Trent's voice was void of all emotions, just a hollow, pleading shell. Sasha felt her anger rise, letting it overwhelm her concern.
"I thought you said you'd trust me? Or is my word no longer good enough for you!" She didn't mean for it to come out as harsh as it did, but she knew sometimes it was kinder to be harsh.
"I do...but this is different." He showed signs of fighting some internal turmoil as he spoke, and Sasha wanted to join in and wrestle him free.
"How is it different, Trent? If you don't tell me, I can't help!" she calmly shouted, hoping to clutch his thoughts and bring him out of his shell.
"It's...its feelings...my feelings...every time I let them out, I end up hurt...I can't, not again, I can't...." Emotion returned to his voice...it was fear and hopelessness...but emotion nonetheless. She was starting to get through to him, she just needed to push him a little harder, go a little further, get him to open up, then...she would do the same.
"Trent, tell me the feelings! Tell me what it is that you can't do!" Sasha's heart beat wildly in her chest as she understood what she was trying to force Trent to say, and exactly what it would do to her. Trent started shaking uncontrollably and Sasha held him tighter, squeezing her emotion into him...then, as if his inner battle came to end, he stiffened.
"Let me turn around." he whispered, voice faltering as if every word was painful. Sasha loosened her grip allowing him to slowly turn, but keeping her hands clasped to head off any attempt at escape. But as he faced her, she knew she'd won the first battle, Trent no longer attempted to flee. Instead, he stared deep into her eyes, his own dark green and slightly bloodshot, showing signs of tears unshed. A hand brushed her flushing cheek, a light caress, a gentle touch.
"Sasha, my feelings for you are..." he stuttered, continuing to fight his inner turmoil, the remnants of an unseen enemy...the urge to keep his feelings hidden, locked away, showing on his cringing face. She knew he needed to win, needed to express his heart...so she held his gaze, not allowing him to look away.
"...they are something that if I accept...if I express, may cause me such grief, that I may break...lose all hope...it's..." Sasha saw it, she knew it would hurt him, but she also knew that to begin his recovery, he needed to make this first step, to admit the feelings.
"You must express them, no matter if it causes pain now or in the future..." She needed to push harder, deeper, no matter the cost. "...forget my titles, they mean nothing! Tell me, Trent, tell me your feelings!" she pleaded, begging him to say it, to say what she already knew. He scrunched his face, holding back a shout and then stopped, his head drooped, then slowly rose. He opened his eyes, and she knew who had won.
"I love you....I've loved you from the moment I saw you in my dreams...the moment you emerged from the shuttle...the moment I first held you in my arms...no matter how much my mind screamed, told me to stop, she is above you, too good for you...but it doesn't matter, my heart loves you...I love you..." his voice was full of raw emotion, of love and grief, of happiness and sadness, and she froze...terrified. She knew this moment was coming from the first time she saw him displayed on the PDU on that faithful day, then in her dreams, and finally emerging from the wall to save her, covered in dirt with a look of utter fascination. It had all been leading to this point and she knew when she started pushing him, pushing him to release the feeling's she'd seen in his eyes...in his words. But now that it happened, she had to face her own fears, her own past, her own demons, and accept Trent for what he was, as he would her.
The words caught in her throat, and fear crept into his eyes, fear of rejection, fear of betrayal. She had all but begged him to express his feelings, and now, she was unable to express her own. Sasha knew what it meant to be hurt, she knew the pain of being betrayed by the one you love, and she knew the fear of loving again. She closed her eyes and took a depth breath, telling her mind to listen to her heart...she had made a decision and it was now time to act.
"I love you, Trent, with all my being and all my heart. I feel like I have always loved you, that as soon as I saw you, I knew I would end up with you. It scared me......and still does. I am scared that you will hurt me, that you will betray me..." She looked him deep in the eyes and saw understanding, the understanding of someone who'd known loss, known betrayal. "...but I will trust in you...for I believe you would never knowingly hurt me. I don't know how I know...but I know....I love you." She spilled her heart and another weight lifted as a cleansing wave rolled through her...she was refreshed, born anew.
"I promise that I will never hurt you, I will never betray you!" Trent's voice was gruff as he tried to control the swirling soup of emotions that must have now filled him. She reached up and placed her hand on his cheek and said exactly what she knew he needed to hear.
"Trent, for as long as I live, I promise I will never betray you....I love you." She meant her words, she would never betray this man. She might hurt him, but she would never betray him.
*********
Sasha's words echoed in his mind and he knew, for the last time, he'd opened his heart. No matter what happened in the future...he would never love anyone but Sasha for the rest of his life. It was strange, giving oneself completely to these feel
ings scared him beyond all comprehension, but he knew it had to be done ...and he felt refreshed.
He was staring into her twinkling eyes, all talk ceased. He leaned in, kissing her softly. When he tried to pull back, she pushed forward, causing the kiss to linger. Trent thought about many things, about his past and his future, about his lost hopes and dreams...but in all those thoughts, Sasha was now there, telling him that it didn't matter anymore, that this was now their story, their journey. Then the kiss came to an end and they released each other. Trent's gaze lingered, unable to pull away from the emerald green eyes that he knew would forever haunt his dreams...and his life.
"Courtship completed. Approved and logged. Date of formal elevation ceremony to be determined once current situation is resolved." the monotone voice of Vin broke Trent out of his thoughts of Sasha. He looked down at the sphere, then back at Sasha, who shared his baffled look.
"Vin......what do you mean courtship approved?" Sasha spoke with wonder as the emotional turmoil of the previous few minutes started to fade.
"This Program deemed the words and actions presented to be sufficient for completion of courtship. The information that Sir Trent is now the official consort of Grand Duchess Sasha Alutia has been approved and submitted." Trent stared at the Sphere, then at Sasha, attempting to close his gaping mouth.
"Did I hear that right?" Trent looked at Sasha who seemed to be in a sudden daze, but a small smile did appear on her lips.
"I believe you did...but if we look at the bright side, we will not have to go through the more uncomfortable steps of courtship..." Sasha's tired words echoed his own exhaustion, drained from the emotional rollercoaster of the past few hours.
"I did want to call you my girlfriend for a while at least, but I'm actually not bothered that I can call you my wife....it's a strange feeling..." Sasha perked up at his words, and Trent noticed Terra for the first time, dancing and squawking in delight on her partially exposed bosom.
"I'd prefer it if you called me your girlfriend until we actually have the official elevation ceremony. People may raise some eyebrows if they heard of a Grand Duchess eloping." Sasha said, forcing some cheer into her exhausted voice.
With a tender expression, she sat herself up against the wall and placed her legs out straight, waving for him to join her. He crawled the short distance to her side and slid his hand around her waist as he leaned in to steal a quick kiss. She blushed in return, reaching across his body to grab his right hand.
"Now...I want to know everything! I need to know why you think your life is worthless...which it is not, mind you...and you better not ever think or say anything of the like again!" she yelled the last part, getting slightly sidetracked from her original statement.
"I promise..." he whispered, unable to hide his embarrassment.
"Good...now......start from the beginning and don't leave anything out, even if you think I'll hate you for it. I want to know everything...every feeling...every thought...everything!" Trent gazed at Sasha, knowing that he didn't have a choice in the matter, but finding it no longer bothered him. It was an odd feeling to have someone really care about him...for the first time he could ever remember. He took a deep breath and started from the beginning.
"It all started back when I hit puberty, before that I was a kind...." As Trent talked, Sasha put her head on his shoulder and listened, along with the catillian named Terra, and a Program named Vin.
*********
Sir Seb'Losh lounged in the sitting room of the apartment he'd been provided by Countess Liana, Lady Tiana's mother, having little else to do. When he first arrived on Planet Tidelia, a week earlier, the desperate search for Sasha's mysterious hat had begun, and to his chagrin, no one actually remembered ever seeing the Grand Duchess wear a hat.
After interviewing every servant in the castle, he finally turned to Countess Liana, who knowing Sasha well, having firsthand experience with her overall dislike of her personnel guards, provided one of her own hats. He accepted the kind gesture and rushed back to the shuttle, which at his request, had begun preflight checks before his arrival. But of course, there was still a delay. For over an hour he waited in the shuttle, idling on the landing pad, before finally receiving an explanation from a maintenance engineer. They'd stumbled across irregularities in many of the shuttle systems and it was too risky for them to attempt a launch until a full maintenance check could be preformed. He'd been furious, knowing there was only one explanation...it had to be the work of Grand Duchess Sasha and that devil of a woman...Knight Admiral Bhool.
He sighed, shaking his head at the memory while sipping Etique, a sourishly sweet beverage he'd come to enjoy during his stay. As he placed the cup down on the small table, he released another sigh at the futility of it all and accessed his BC node to dictate yet another message to all Alutia Guards onboard the ABF Princess One.
Guard Lieutenant Lia'Sil had been quite consistent with her status reports, sending the first minutes after he left, providing the reason for his dismissal, then continued with others, including the latest informing about the fleet diverting to Earth to head off some sort of disaster. But the reports had mysteriously vanished a few days earlier and he was unable to garner a response from anyone onboard the ABF Princess One. The entire situation irritated him to no end, but since there was nothing else he could do, he kept sending more...vowing that he would run each and every guard member onboard through the basic competency course when he returned.
He accessed the first status update he'd received, which provided a thorough explanation of what had befallen his patron in her youth...and the main reason for his exile. This afforded him an opportunity to seek revenge on behalf of Her Grace, redeeming some of the respect loss by his expulsion, while keeping him busy while stuck on Planet Tidelia. That was, of course, before he realized how difficult it was to locate an unknown noble on a planet that contained twenty-five million.
Paradise worlds were strange creatures. Officially, only nobles were allowed to live on these rare planets, but common citizens could bypass this rule by becoming servants. Petty folk were never allowed to step foot on these planets, unless of course, they were attached to a fleet.
Most residents of planets such as Tidelia were descendants of unlanded nobles who were not in line to gain an inheritance or be married off for political reasons. These nobles, being of the lowest noble rank, had a choice...they could join the NHA Fleet or Guard forces and become immediate Knight Officers, such as what Sir Seb'Losh had done, they could move to a paradise planet, or any other of their choosing, to live in luxury while never having to lift a finger, the most prominent choice, or they could request money from the crown to start a business or trading venture, which would only be paid back if said venture was successful. The final, and most illustrious of the options, was to become a colony administrator, those who are responsible for the day to day operation of every planet in the NHA...its lifeblood. This was one of the more difficult positions in the universe and usually reserved for the most intelligent of unlanded nobles. But all the choices, except living off the noble stipend, were difficult and required tremendous effort and work ethic. Of course, since most nobles were accustomed to being pampered, the vast majority chose the life of luxury, which led to an excessive amount of over privileged youths with very little to do, on most high quality planets.
Sir Seb'Losh had inquired at what passed for the local constable and was surprised when he did, in fact, find some clues. Grand Duchess Sasha wasn't the only noble to have her unclad likeness stolen in such away. Starting nine years earlier, and ending suddenly four years later, noble women, all in the vicinity of Tidelia Castle, had started reporting that they'd been forcibly tied up, stripped, and image scanned. Each victim had provided a name of the noble responsible, which to Sir Seb'Losh's chagrin, had been removed from the records. When he inquired about why the name had been removed, the old noble, who'd been sleeping behind his desk, said he had no idea...but did mention it was common for the names to
be removed from the record if claims were found to be unsubstantiated. Sir Seb'Losh sensed a cover-up, so he turned to someone who'd helped him before, and knew would be more than happy to help him again.
The conversation with Countess Liana was extremely delicate. He knew she didn't fully understand what had befallen her adopted daughter, but as soon as he started asking questions, she knew exactly when he was talking about.
"I remember that time...Sasha had snuck out of the castle, yet again, and when she returned, she locked herself in her room for a month. After she emerged, she would not speak a word of what happened. So I decided to inquire with the local service..." Sir Seb'Losh remembered smiling when he heard this...the local spy core would have been more accurate term. "...and they informed me that Sasha had been seen at a known rendezvous location. That is when I figured she had been involved in a bad breakup with her boyfriend. Mind you, I have seen many young girls in my time rife with grief, but never as bad as her. I knew there must have been more, but as time passed and she started to return to normal, I decided to let it go." Sir Seb'Losh had thanked Countess Liana at the time and promised that once his investigation was over, he would let her know the whole story.
He shivered as he recalled his trip to the local spy core at the NHA Fleet Recruitment office. It wasn't highly known among the people, but your friendly local recruiter, was also your friendly local spymaster, making sure any words of insurrection against the ruling nobility was dealt with before it could spread. After he provided his credentials, the local spymaster was more than happy to help.
Alutia Rising Page 30