“Yes.” He bit his lower lip and then released it. “It was a dick move. I was hoping to keep you at arm’s length. I still am.” He stood also and started pacing. “Maybe this was a bad idea. I’m botching it. I sound and feel like a twelve-year-old boy.”
“I’ll give you that much.”
“I’m not good at relationships. I’m not good with women. I was born kind of dorky, and I still am. I’ve always been book smart. I’ve never been good with conversation or dating or anything related to women.”
She had never once thought of him as nearly the dork he seemed to think he was. Sure, he was intelligent and well-read, but that didn’t make him a nerd. Or maybe it did and she had no radar to detect that since she too was nerdy. “You were married,” she pointed out.
“Yeah, and I chose badly and did a poor job of that too.”
“You must have spoken to her at some point. At the very least to ask her to marry you.”
He shook his head. “It was a train wreck from the start. I didn’t see the signs. I was working on my PhD when I met her. She pursued me relentlessly until I agreed to go out with her. She made all our plans and directed every aspect of our relationship. I was enamored that a woman like her was interested in me, so I let her walk all over me.”
Michelle cringed. She felt sorry for him for the first time since she’d met him. Somehow his surly attitude took on new meaning. “What do you mean by ‘a woman like her’?”
He shrugged, still pacing. “Cute. Funny. Outgoing. Sexy. That kind of thing. Attractive.”
“Why wouldn’t someone like that fall for you?” Has he not looked in the mirror? If he wasn’t frowning all the time, he would turn heads.
He rolled his eyes. “Come on. I just told you. I’m not good with people.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that much. But what about high school and college? Surely you dated.”
His scrunched up his face. “Not really. I went to a private all-boys school and spent most of my time studying so I could get into the Naval Academy. It was all I ever wanted to do from the time I was a small boy. When I was chosen to follow this path, working for the government, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I doubled my efforts. I wanted to prove to the government I was worthy. I got the highest grades, even at Harvard.”
She decided to lighten the mood and maybe ease his stress a little. “Well, it was just Harvard. It’s not like your PhD is from Emory or anything.”
He flinched, his gaze meeting hers before slowly seeming to catch on that she was kidding. “Says the woman who went to West Point. Did the Naval Academy turn you down?”
She laughed. She had no idea he was capable of making a joke, let alone one so well-executed.
For several long seconds, they stared at each other, sobering. Finally, she spoke again, softer. “So you never dated at all?” Even she had dated in high school and college, and she’d been voted most likely to cure cancer by her high school classmates.
“Nope. Just Meredith. She slammed into my life like a whirlwind. It seemed so amazing. I thought I’d struck gold. I should have seen the writing on the wall. But I was so enamored by the idea that someone might love me, I ignored the signs.”
“What happened?” Michelle had heard stories from the others, but she wanted him to tell her.
“In hindsight, she was only after me because she wanted to marry a doctor. She didn’t realize I wasn’t what she would call a ‘real’ doctor. She thought I would be rich since I was so smart. She pictured a glamourous life.
“When I told her we were moving to Falling Rock, she hesitated, but she pretended it would all be good. At least in front of my face. Behind my back, she was cheating on me every chance she got.”
Michelle winced. What a bitch.
“When I was studying late at night, she went out with friends. I didn’t realize she was out with other men. I was so naïve. Blinded.”
“Were you living together?”
He shook his head. “Not until we got married. She moved into my apartment at the university with great reluctance. Every day she complained about it. She had no understanding that even though my education was paid for, I didn’t have extra spending money. Lucky for me, I also didn’t have a very high limit on my credit cards because she maxed them out quickly, and then shit really went downhill.”
Jesus. The woman was a piece of work. “Why did she even come to Falling Rock with you?”
“I think she still had hope I was about to make a ton of money and provide her with a life of luxury. She was spoiled rotten and did nothing but bitch and complain from the moment we got to town. You should have seen her face when we walked into the apartment I’d already rented.” He smirked. Almost a smile, but not quite.
“I would love to see video of that day,” Michelle teased.
He shuddered. “Not me. It’s burned into my mind. She lasted about two months before she finally left me one day. She didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me to my face. She left divorce papers on the kitchen table and disappeared.”
Shit.
Zeke was still pacing, but slower. He kept running a hand through his hair, not meeting her gaze.
“Not all women are so cruel and insensitive, Zeke.”
He stopped walking to face her. “I didn’t tell you all that so you’d feel sorry for me. I’m a grown man. I’m well aware I made mistakes. There are a lot of things I should have done differently. I take full responsibility.”
“Why did you tell me, then?”
He tucked his fingertips into the pockets of his jeans and rocked forward uncomfortably. “I thought it might help you understand why I’m so awkward.”
“I’ve never thought of you as awkward, Zeke. Rude, maybe. Frustrating. Aggravating. Angry. But not awkward.” Maybe she was being too blunt, but as long as they were airing their feelings…
He nodded. “Yeah. I can see that, but I think I just outwardly portray all those characteristics in order to keep people at arm’s length. In order to keep you at arm’s length.”
She took a step back, grabbing the edge of the couch where she’d been sitting earlier. “Why?”
“You’re intimidating.”
“Me?” She pointed at herself. “How the hell am I intimidating? After all, I went to the lowly schools of West Point and Emory. A man with such a superior education as yourself wouldn’t be intimidated by a skinny plain woman who wears very little makeup and tucks her hair into a half-hearted braid every day.” She tried to push the sarcasm, but it dwindled at the end.
He might have smiled when she made the joke about the schools, but he sobered entirely, his brows knit together when she moved on to describe herself. “Now who’s got low self-esteem?”
She rolled her eyes. “I don’t have low self-esteem. I’m just realistic and dedicated to things that are far more important than flirting with men.”
He glanced up and down her body a few times until she shivered under the scrutiny. “Is that why you spent the evening getting your hair done, putting on makeup, and selecting an outfit that would make any man drool?”
She was too stunned to respond. Is that how he saw her tonight?
Isn’t that what you wanted?
“Don’t get me wrong. You look amazing every day, even in scrubs and a ponytail. But tonight, you’re knockout gorgeous. So, yes. You intimidate me. I’m not good with women. I don’t even want to be good with women. I’ve been burned badly. I never want to set myself up for that kind of rejection again.
“So, I mostly ignore women. But you… You’ve got a grip on me that makes me glance twice every time I see you. It’s frustrating and infuriating. It’s not like me. I’m possessed or something.” He took a step backward. And then another.
For a moment, she thought he might actually leave her suite, and she wasn’t sure her legs would be able to respond to commands from her mind to stop him.
But he didn’t turn around and open the door. Not yet anyway. He leaned against it as if
he needed it to remain standing. “I went to sleep one day never expecting to wake up again, and when I did, I found this amazing strong woman always in my space, captivating me with her looks, her brain, her smile, and her wit.”
“You’re unbelievably articulate for a man who says he’s tongue-tied around women.” A flush rushed up Michelle’s face at his description of her.
“I’m forcing myself to spill everything because I’ve treated you poorly, and I don’t want you of all people to think so badly of me for another minute. It keeps me up at night.”
“Thank you. For coming here. For telling me all that.”
He nodded. “I don’t mean for it to change anything. I’m not that presumptuous. I just…wanted you to know. It’s not like I would ever act on my feelings. I’m not sure I’m ready for something like that, and I just woke up after ten years. Plus, we’re coworkers. We live in tight quarters. We have to see each other every day. I would never risk our precarious professional relationship by attempting to turn it into something else.”
What the hell? Now he was just making shit up.
“I just want you to know I’ll try not to be a jerk anymore. I’ll do my best to treat you with more respect. You might have gone to Emory of all places, but you do have ten years of research on me that I’m going to be scrambling to catch up with. I need you. I need to be able to pick your brain to learn everything I’ve missed. I want to climb back to the top of my profession. I can taste it. And I won’t jeopardize it by getting all mixed up in feelings I have little experience handling.
“I just…I just wanted you to know.” He wrapped his fingers around the door handle.
In a split second, Michelle made a decision she hoped she would not regret. He may have come to her suite to bare his soul, but he wasn’t the only one with an agenda. “If you open that door, I swear to God, Zeke, I will never forgive you.”
He froze. “What?”
“Get your hand off the knob before I lose my shit.”
He released the handle, but his face was tipped to one side, confusion evident in his eyes and the way his mouth hung open. “Why?”
“I’m going to count slowly to ten, and if you’re not standing in front of me with your mouth on mine, I will flatten you to that door and set a tone for this relationship that will give new meaning to your vision of how I can dominate a room.”
Several seconds ticked by.
Michelle pleaded with him in her mind to make the next move. She wasn’t kidding. She would leap over the coffee table and claim him herself if he didn’t act fast, but she really wanted this to go differently. She wanted him to find a way to bury the insecurity he didn’t deserve and have the guts to take control. She wanted him to believe in himself. All that bullshit about them being coworkers was just that. Bullshit. Excuses he used to avoid the fact that he liked her. She was counting on it.
“Michelle…”
“Five seconds.”
He swallowed, shuffling from one foot to the other. And then he shoved off the door and rushed forward.
She turned sideways, gripping the arm of the couch at her side with both hands to keep from swaying or falling over.
When he reached her, he stopped inches away, cupping her face and scanning her eyes. “Jesus, woman. You’re killing me.”
She lifted her brows. She was killing him?
And then his lips were on hers. Soft. Gentle. He held her gaze while he slowly explored her mouth.
She melted, her body feeling so heavy she thought she might collapse. Thank goodness for the arm of the couch. She didn’t dare let go and reach out to touch him yet. She wasn’t sure she could control herself if she did.
She was convinced she needed to let him set the pace. If she pushed him, she might make him feel less of the man she knew was hiding under the nervous exterior. Given the opportunity with the right woman, he would be amazing in bed. But she could easily blow that by tackling him too soon.
It wasn’t as if she were so experienced herself. She’d dated few men and none in the last several years since coming to the bunker. She had never considered herself to be a great prize, but she didn’t lack self-esteem either. She was average with the potential to be more if she put forth the effort. Maybe she was too slender, but no man had ever insinuated he found her narrow frame unattractive.
She might have dabbled in a few relationships in her younger years, but she’d never felt the sense of urgency she felt right now with Zeke. She wanted him with a power she’d never experienced before. Perhaps it was a bad idea, but she had no control over it. It took over her common sense.
He slid one hand into her hair and tipped her head to the side, deepening the kiss. When his tongue teased the seam of her lips, she parted for him, stifling a moan. Her eyes fluttered shut. She wanted to savor this moment for the rest of her life.
There were no guarantees for the future, but she would never forget this first kiss with a man she’d been lusting after for weeks, day in and day out.
His other hand smoothed down her back, pulling her closer until their bodies lined up and their chests touched.
Her breasts swelled, her nipples pressing against her bra, tingling with the need to be touched. When she couldn’t resist another second, she wrenched her hands from the arm of the couch and slid them around his waist.
He was solid beneath her fingers. He’d worked out every day since he’d been reanimated, and she could tell.
Just when she thought she might not live without breathing soon, he dragged his mouth from her lips to her neck, devouring her, hauling her closer. He kissed a path to the V of her tight tank top, teasing her skin with every stroke of his lips until goose bumps rose across her chest, and she had to bite her tongue to keep from moaning.
“Where the hell did you get this shirt?” he asked as his hands slid around to her waist, resting just beneath her breasts.
“Emily,” she whispered, as if the question required an answer.
His thumbs grazed the undersides of her breasts, his grip on her unrelenting. She was trapped. And not the least bit sorry. She had guessed correctly. Unleashed, Zeke would be a man on a mission.
Perhaps it was slutty of her, but she wanted nothing more than for him to strip her naked and fuck her right here in the living room. Consequences be damned.
He licked the edge of the shirt, his tongue trailing along the top swell of her breasts. “Don’t wear this again unless you want people to see you getting mauled in the lab.” One hand slid down to cup her ass and then lower to toy with the hem of her denim skirt. His fingertips grazed the back of her thigh, stealing her last brain cell and forcing a deep moan from her lips.
Frustrating her to no end, he slid that hand back up to her lower back, kissing a line toward her ear and then nibbling on the lobe. His warm breath combined with words she had to struggle to listen to. “You’re safer in scrubs. You’re safer without so much makeup. You’re safer in a braid.” He threaded a hand in the back of her hair and tugged.
She tipped her head back, her mouth falling open.
He trailed kisses around her neck and then found her mouth again. This time, his kiss was more urgent, insistent, deep. He groaned several times while he devoured her.
And then he broke free, gasping for air. His eyes were glazed over when he met her gaze. “You think you can keep from leaping over the coffee table to tackle me if I leave now?”
Her eyes went wide. “What? Why would you do that?”
He smiled. The first full smile she’d ever seen from him. And it was directed at her. His lazy bedroom eyes were a darker green than usual, and his damn fingers were caressing her back maddeningly. “I’m going to leave,” he repeated.
She shook her head, gripping his waist. “No. Bad idea. Why?” Her sex was pulsing with need. Her breasts were heavy and demanding attention. She might actually die if he left her like this.
He grinned wider. “We said a lot of stuff. I didn’t come here to maul you. I came to apologize
. I’m not taking advantage of you tonight.”
She shook her head again, growing dizzy from the action. “You’re not taking advantage of me. If anything, I’m taking advantage of you. I didn’t give you much of a choice.”
This new infectious smile of his took her breath away. “I hate to point this out, but I outweigh you significantly. If I’d wanted to leave, you couldn’t have stopped me.”
“True, but I’m not sure I ever would have forgiven you.”
“And this is why I’m standing here right now. I’m not stupid.”
Chapter 7
Zeke didn’t sleep long that night, and he went to the gym in the lower section of the bunker early, hoping not to encounter anyone else. A workout would clear his mind and help him focus. He hoped.
Two hours later, he was caffeinated and shaking. The tremors had nothing to do with the caffeine and everything to do with his nerves. He had absolutely no idea how to face Michelle this morning.
Flashes of holding her in his arms raced through his mind every few seconds, driving him to distraction. Their parting had been slightly awkward, so he wasn’t sure how she might feel in the daylight.
When he entered the lab, wiping his hands on his thighs, he was shocked to find far more people there than usual and a lot of commotion.
“’Bout time you showed up,” Ryan joked as he passed Zeke in the doorway.
“What’s going on?” Zeke followed Ryan, his gaze searching for Michelle. He found her across the room in the far corner, her back to the door. When Ryan stopped walking, Zeke slammed into him.
Ryan turned sideways, his brows drawn together. “You okay?”
“Yeah, sorry. I wasn’t looking. Catch me up.” Something was going on.
“Computer glitch.” He waved a hand through the air encompassing the entire room. “It’s like the damn things wake up alone at night and plot our demise.” His words were slightly humorous, but there was no humor in his voice.
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