by Rodney Hall
and i can see that only the hair can get through, but the comb does just a few at a time,
‘are these little bud things the eggs?’ Di asks Mike while shes doing me,
and he only nods because hes reading, but they dont look like what i call eggs,
and i make a cradle with my hands so i can hold one of the big floppy red flowers growing outside Grans new house in Lansdowne Crescent,
‘whats this called, Gran?’
‘thats a peony bush’ she says,
‘is the flower a peony too?’
‘yes of course’ Mum says,
and i like it,
‘but why have you moved, Granny?’ Di asks,
‘and what happened to New Mills Court?’ i ask,
but Gran looks bothered ‘i sold it, darlin’
Di asks ‘did you get a lot of money?’
‘youll understand when you grow up’ Gran says,
and thats what i hate being told but shes got rheumatism so bad because she has to rock from side to side when she walks,
‘this house is too poky’ i tell her,
and Mum frowns and says ‘Joan will be here in a minute’ and she shakes her head at me ‘bringing a thermos and some biscuits’
‘i think i shall take another look upstairs’ Gran says and she sets off gasping and slow,
the stairs creak and Gran stops halfway ‘i suppose it is a bit poky’ she says to me ‘and thats why i had to put most of my furniture in store’
so we tramp up after her,
‘such a how dyou do!’ Gran explains ‘the wardrobes were too big to get through the front door!’
‘but youll feel better, dear’ Mum says ‘when the carpets are down’
‘everythings dusty’ i say,
‘well this house’ says Gran ‘is what i can afford now’
and i unlatch a bedroom window so i can lean out over the little front garden and spit on the peonies,
‘who bought your nice old house, Gran?’ Di asks,
‘Olive Freestones mother’
‘but theyve got their own!’ Di says,
‘and with a bead curtain too’ i say,
but i cant even hang around with Di today because shes the flower girl and im nothing, so she has to stand beside Joan and Joans in her white wedding dress and Kens in his Artillery uniform and theyre up on top of the church steps being photographed and the organs still going inside, and im sick of weddings so i go and kick an old can around among the graves in the churchyard and theres some kids from school watching the photographer move his camera on legs but i dont know their names, and Great-Uncle Mont sits on a bench smoking in a quiet corner while his pipe jumps up and down on his bottom lip and his tobacco smells better than anyones,
‘come over here and talk to me’ he says in his deep
shaky voice ‘so what do you think of your little aunty getting married?’
‘she looks like a ghost’ i say,
he takes out the wet stem to have a chuckle and his big old teeth are yellow and crooked,
‘im bored’ i tell him,
‘thats because youre full of too much life’
and even his knees shake so much he has to hold on to them with his big hands,
‘you look nice’ i tell him because hes wearing a grey hat,
and he raises it when some ladies pass by along the footpath,
‘whats new?’ Great-Uncle Mont says to me,
and i dont know how to tell him what they said on the BBC news because we arent allowed to talk about any old war on account of his memories and how he got hurt a long time ago,
‘so are we beating Hitler?’ he rumbles,
‘no’ i say ‘Hitlers going to win’
‘ahhh!’ he says and shakes his head ‘well that would be a tragic day’
‘would it?’ i say,
‘the Naziss are more terrible than anyone’ he says ‘so you can take it from me that if we ever give in we are goners’
and i look at the hairs sprouting from his ears and from his nose and its as if his whole heads full of hairs trying to get out,
‘then we wont’ i say,
and he turns to look at me and his eyes are sad with pink saggy skin around them, and suddenly i know i am going to tell him my secret that ive never told anyone before,
‘when we win the war’ i say ‘im going to run away’ i say ‘to Kangaroo Valley’
and Great-Uncle Mont pats my shoulder,
‘take a look at the happy couple’ he says and he tilts his shaky head,
at the top of the church steps the photographer photographs Ken standing at attention with three captains pips on his shoulders and Joan holding on to his arm,
‘thank you’ the photographer says though they didnt do anything,
and now they can move they smile and come down into a whole snowstorm of confetti flying about in the air,
‘when you have the chance to be happy’ Great-Uncle Mont tells me ‘take hold of it’
but here comes Pam walking along the street with her big sister so i run across to surprise them,
‘its my auntys wedding’ i say,
‘is she having a baby?’ Pams sister asks,
‘i dont think so’
and they keep walking because theyre in a hurry,
Pam says ‘so long’ just like me,
‘so long’ i say because shes my pal,
and Mr Marks gets straight to business about the war because he knows everything and the great thing is that new battles keep happening so hes always got something more to tell,
‘the only good thing about this disastrous conflict’ he says ‘is that if you little Philistines pay attention it may teach you geography’
and Philistines is how he starts just about every lesson,
‘Germany is here to our east’ he teaches us ‘so which way do their bombers have to fly if they wish to drop their bombs on us?’
‘west’ says Pam,
‘west indeed’ he says and he goes on ‘there are U-boats in the Skagerrak, right? they are on their way to the River Severn, right? you, boy, come up here to the map of Europe and show the class where the Skagerrak is and where the Severn is and which direction the U-boat must take’
and Mr Marks lets me sharpen Pams pencil as well as my own and i do it because i like working the machine thats fixed to the teachers table, and when you stick the pencil in at one end and turn the handle you can smell the wood being cut, but im careful not to keep the pencil in there too long because then the lead breaks off and its a waste and you have to begin all over again,
but Mum says Pam has a hard face, though it looks soft to me and it is soft when i touch it with my finger, so i write Pam a letter signed SWALK anyway,
and there are lots of old holes in my desk that other kids have dug with penknives for me to fill with ink,
i want you to speak to me but then i dont want you to speak to me and im never going to ask ever again because i dont care!
and the library book Mum brings home is called The White Feather so i remember something and i tell her about that lady giving Uncle Ralph the white feather the day he took us out in the car, and she bursts into tears,
and Mike twists my arm behind my back,
‘they only give white feathers to cowards’ he hisses in my ear,
well he didnt see and i did and i saw that tart and her nail polish and her high heels, but even so i think she maybe meant to give it to me instead of Uncle Ralph, though im not going to tell anyone, and the only person in the world i still love is Olive,
and Joan,
and the hole in my pocket is big enough to get my hand through so i fiddle with myself and theres no one to smack my hand away because im out and Mums back at home,
we all run out across the playground and the girls whisper to their friends while we play tag and im good at this because im a fast runner and every time its my turn i keep tagging this one boy thats supposed to be a bully and hes never eve
n said hullo before but im happy and i like him because hes famous, and here in the yard you can skim around and get dizzy because its all kids and no grown-ups, and im faster than him so he cant get away from me and i tag him again,
‘you!’ he shouts too close up to my face,
and he pushes me in the chest,
‘hullo’ i say,
and i give him my cheeky smile but what he does is to spit at me and i dont know why, so theres spit on my coat and maybe the best place to wipe it off is the school wall,
‘you!’ he yells ‘ya look at me when i spit at ya!’
so i spit back,
and i see his fist coming but i cant move,
and my face gets punched and his fist is such a shock and so hard,
‘smashing!’ says somebody that i cant see,
and im hurt worse than ever before, except sometimes when i fall down, so i swing at him now hes my enemy, only i miss and my fist just goes through the air, and somehow he bobs back up and hits me again, and i take another swing but i still cant hit him,
‘didnt your dad never teach ya nothin?’ he yells,
and he hits me so many times i cant think, but i know im crying and when i touch my face i get blood on my fingers and so i keep trying to hit him back but he dodges away too fast every time,
and he punches my face again,
so i scream and suddenly i know this is what i must do,
i stand in the playground and scream and scream,
and Mikes telling us about what he remembers and i ask ‘how did he die, Mike?’
‘well’ Mike says ‘he waved goodbye from the hospital window’
and i think back to when i was little and i think about everything, but even when i squeeze my memory i dont see any man waving from a window, and i dont remember a face at all and the only things i can think of are useless,
‘but how did he die?’ i ask,
‘i dont know’ Michael says ‘im not a doctor’
and just around the bend we come to the stone wall and the stile that we climb over, out of the sunshine and into the woods, and all around us the woods are lovely and dark and quiet and the air smells mouldy and soft and leaves brush against my chest,
‘come on, you kids’ Mike says with a grin because we love the woods ‘lets head straight down to the stream this time’
and so we do and theres water gurgling against the bank but still no way to get to the other side,
‘i reckon im big enough to jump across’ Mike says,
‘then what about us?’ says Di,
and i know Mike would rather hang around with other big boys doing things like jumping,
‘go on’ i dare him ‘try’
and i want him to fall in,
but instead he finds some stepping stones and begins hopping down the stream from one stone to another, and i want to be just like him, but the stones wobble and the rushing water is brown like tea, and now Dis stuck on one thats big as a football so Mike jumps down beside her to help her balance but he misses and splashes in,
‘nice try!’ i say because thats what Ken says, so i know itll get him,
but he doesnt seem to care because hes up again and dancing around while Di follows,
and now im giddy from staring into the water,
‘why dont we head over that way?’ Di says now shes safe on the bank,
‘good idea’ Mike agrees ‘up the slope and when we get to the top we shall be able to see where we are’
and i go up like a giant because of my handholds and footholds, all the time thinking about the woods and the animals and especially Ratty and Mole in The Wind in the Willows and we are surprised to discover some caves that go quite deep where i spy a dead beetle on a stone and its got a brown shell that glows green so i pick it up for our collection, and after we poke around in the caves enough we get to the top where we can charge down the other side while the ground crumbles under our shoes and its all muddy and skiddy with loose stones and stuff so i have to run or else i shall topple head over heels,
‘do you think Uncle Ralph will ever come again?’ i say,
but Mike doesnt bother answering, he just breaks off a branch and swings it to cut a path through the weeds, so i give him my beetle to keep and he takes it and cups it in his hand and tilts his head on one side to get a better look and then he puts it in his shirt pocket and he ruffles my hair,
but ive noticed something new and its an awful thing because theres this hornet hovering right in front of my face,
‘watch out, dreamy!’ Di shrieks ‘watch out!’
i dont know what to do,
‘keep calm, Rod’ Mike says,
‘kill it!’ i beg, because the hornet is going to sting me,
but they just stand back and watch,
‘its too fast to hit’ Mike says and swings his stick at something else,
‘if you stay still’ Di tells me ‘maybe it wont notice you’
but it has noticed me and thats why it swivels on the spot,
‘kill it!’ i say,
and my knees are bare and my arms as well!
but they both back off,
‘you beasts!’ i yell at them,
but Mike keeps walking on through a patch of ferns and Di follows him lifting her arms like shes wading in a pool of water up to her chest, so i growl at the hornet and show it my teeth ‘grrr!’ i growl, and suddenly i dont see it anymore so that worked and it must have flown off, and now i suppose i shall have to follow the others but first i break off a stick of my own and whip a whole patch of thistles till the stems are broken and the heads flop,
‘when it comes back’ i say, running to catch up ‘i hope it chases you’
but Mike just keeps on making a track for us,
‘there was nothing we could do’ he tells me,
‘so where are we going?’ Di whines,
‘this way’ he says and puts his hand on her back to push her along in front of him,
‘this is an awful walk’ Di says,
‘it could be worse’ Mike says,
‘it could be raining’ i say,
‘i reckon youve got us lost’ she says,
Mike groans like he does,
‘oh, you two!’
and Di digs her heels in because she wont move a single step further, not even when he gives her another good shove,
‘come on, Rod’ he says to me,
and he grabs hold of my shirt and we leave her behind while im thinking about how to get revenge on them both, thats what the woods are like with no one able to hear or see us and me busy thinking while i walk,
Mike says ‘i like the name Boris’
but im worried about Diana so i turn round to see how shes going and shes plodding along behind with her head down and her plaits bobbing, and her ears are pink but i cant see her face so i dont know if shes okay or not, and the truth is that we are probably lost,
‘ssh!’ Mike says suddenly,
and he stops and hes listening, but theres nothing to listen to, so i just swish my stick,
‘ssh!’ he says,
and Diana hurries to catch us up,
‘where are we?’ she says,
‘i think i can hear something’ says Mike,
‘im cold’ i complain,
‘good thing we brought our jumpers’ Mike says,
but mine is really a girls cardigan because it was once Dianas and im too embarrassed to put it on at school where the kids would kill me, though now we are lost theres no one to see so i dig it out and stick my arms into the arm holes,
‘you look stupid’ Mike says and grins at me,
‘i dont care’ i tell him because i shall take it off once we are out of the woods,
‘this is just the place for snakes’ he says,
and i dont care about snakes either so i hang back just to annoy him and Di hangs back too and shes dawdling with me so we start dawdling together and our legs are all scratched and bloody,
‘i hate Mik
e’ she says,
and she tramps along beside me,
‘i hate him too’ i tell her,
and we start kicking the grass flat,
‘look up there!’ Mike shouts,
‘what is it?’ Di asks,
‘a fence!’ he says, pointing,
and sure enough hes right, so this must mean we are trespassing,
‘barbed wire’ Mike warns us ‘watch out for the rust because one scratch and youll catch Lock Jaw off it’
‘how?’ says Di,
‘Lock Jaw means you cant eat or drink’ Mike tell us ‘so a nurse has to feed you through a tube’
‘can you talk?’ i ask,
‘i dont think so’ Mike says ‘anyway you die if you catch it’
but the thing about this wire is the dead animals strung up on it,
‘ugh!’ says Diana and spits and pinches her nose,
so i spit too,
‘this ones a fox’ Mike says,
and i think of Grans fox fur that she wears round her neck because that fox is dead too, but this one is all mangy and dry and flat like a lump of rubber, and we see a dead bat there and a squirrel stretched out on the wire and tied up by its little paws with its tail hanging down,
‘crucified’ Mike whispers and takes out his notepad because hes going to be a policeman when he grows up or a vet and he begins drawing but im scared now so i look around in case the kids who did this are watching us,
im being careful not to let the fence scratch me
‘who could kill a squirrel!’ Di wails ‘thats so sad’ and she starts to cry,
‘these animals must have been caught and strung up as a warning to others’ Mike says,
and hes all eyes and ears like me, but suddenly he drops down among the ferns so his head is the only thing sticking up,
‘ssh!’
we duck down too and he puts a finger on his lips then points among the stems,
‘have a look over that way but be quick about it’ he says ‘in case youre seen’
and i pop up but theres nothing and i get scared so i duck back down again,
Di takes a turn,
‘grown-ups!’ she whispers ‘all in a circle’
then i have a second go and shes right, there are people sitting in among the tree trunks,
‘gypsies’ Mike says,
‘lets clear out before they catch us’ Di whispers,
and Mike begins creeping away among the ferns and i take extra care to lift my feet when i copy him but the ferns rustle and twigs snap,