But Kirk had made up his mind. He was not going to let the only guy he’d ever loved slip away from him. Not now. Not like this. He reached down and gripped Bradon’s chin in his hands. “I love you, Bradon. I didn’t think I wanted to, after learning that you’re a vampire, but I can’t help it. I can’t choose who I love. But I do love you more strongly than anything I’ve ever known. And I will not lose you. Please, sit up if you can, and bite my neck.”
“No,” Bradon said, and pushed Kirk’s face away from his own.
“Bradon, stop being stubborn. If you die, I will die, too. I cannot live without you. I swear, I will kill myself if you die right now. Please don’t do this. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to lose you. Bite my neck.”
“Give me your arm,” Bradon whispered.
“What?” Kirk asked, not sure he’d heard correctly. He noticed Bradon’s eyes were clearer, and he slowly moved his arm closer to Bradon’s face.
Bradon took Kirk’s arm and pulled it closer. He kissed Kirk’s fingers and the palm of his hand. He noticed that Kirk was crying softly. And he saw that Kirk truly did want him to live. He drew Kirk’s body closer to his own and maneuvered Kirk so that he was lying directly on top of him.
“Bradon, please . . .”
Bradon pulled Kirk’s arm to his mouth again, and this time he kissed the tender area on the underside of the wrist. He felt Kirk writhe on top of him and noticed his arousal pressing against his leg. He opened his mouth wide enough to allow his protruding canines to be released. Then he bit down softly into the soft flesh on the underside of Kirk’s wrist. His teeth sank effortlessly into the twin river of veins that ran the length of Kirk’s arm. A couple of seconds later he tasted the first drop of warm, thick blood on the tip of his tongue. A loud moan escaped his throat, and he sucked eagerly on the warm arm.
“That’s it, baby. Drink. Stop in time. I know you can. But drink enough to bring you back to me.”
As he sucked hungrily on the wrist of his lover, Bradon felt his skin tingle and begin to warm up. He felt life snaking its way back into his body like a spiderweb taking form in fast motion. The numbing sensation that had overpowered his mind and body faded quickly, and in just over a minute, he felt his own cock spring to life. He ground it against Kirk’s and relished the heat and throbbing excitement he felt from his own body and from Kirk’s as well.
He sucked on Kirk’s wrist for nearly five minutes. When his body was fully alive and wracked with electric shivers, he thrust Kirk’s hand from his face and pushed Kirk’s body from his own.
Kirk landed on the floor at the foot of the sofa. “Bradon, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
“Get away from me,” Bradon yelled.
“Bradon?”
“Go into the kitchen and wait for me,” Bradon said, as he turned away from his boyfriend.
“What’s going . . .”
“Just go,” Bradon yelled, and ran into a corner of the room, hiding his face from Kirk.
Kirk walked quickly into the kitchen and sat at the table, waiting for Bradon to join him.
Inside the living room, Bradon turned around so that his back was pressed against the corner of the room. He allowed the strength to ebb from his body and he slumped to the floor. A sharp pain throbbed through his head as he felt the sharp canine teeth retract back into his gums. His heart pounded thick in his chest, so that he felt, rather than heard, its beat behind his temples. He lowered his head into his hands and cried as the last few stabs of pain passed through his body. He licked the last remaining drops of blood from his lips, then wiped them clean with the back of his hands. Then he stood up and walked into the kitchen.
“Are you okay?” Kirk asked, as he jumped up from the chair and rushed toward Bradon.
“Yes, I’m fine. I just didn’t want you to see me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Changing.”
“Bradon . . .”
“Why did you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Offer your blood to me.”
“Because I love you, Bradon.”
“But I could have killed you.”
“No, you couldn’t have.”
“I could have killed you, Kirk. You had no way of knowing that I wouldn’t kill you.”
“Yes, I did. I knew in my heart that you would never kill me. The eyes never lie and the heart never betrays you. It’s my cardinal rule.”
“Your heart wouldn’t betray you, Kirk. But how could you be so sure about mine? Especially after the way I lied to you?”
“You didn’t lie to me, Bradon. You were right when you said I wouldn’t believe you if you tried to tell me any other way than you did.”
“But how could you trust me after all I did to you? How could you know one-hundred percent that I wouldn’t drain every ounce of life from you? It’s what we do, you know. Vampires kill people, Kirk. We kill them and steal their souls. That’s how we live forever.”
“Yeah, so they tell me. But you’re more than that, Bradon. You’re more than a vampire. That’s only part of who you are.”
“I’ve killed people, Kirk.”
Kirk stared deep into Bradon’s eyes, then lowered his own to stare at his shuffling feet. He swallowed hard, then looked back into Bradon’s eyes. “I don’t want to know about that, Bradon. Please don’t talk about that part of your life with me.”
“But it’s true, Kirk. You have to know that I could have killed you. How can you ever trust me? How can you ever know for sure that I won’t kill you in the future?”
“Because I know you, Bradon. I know who you are.”
“I’m a vampire.”
“You’re half vampire, Bradon. But you are also half human.”
“How do you know that?” Bradon asked, staring wide-eyed into Kirk’s eyes.
“On my way out of here last week, I noticed the book on your bookshelf. I’d seen you reading it early in the mornings, after we’d made love and you thought I was asleep. You always cried when you read the book. I knew it was something special. When I ran out of here the other night, I grabbed it on my way. I knew it held some of the answers to my questions that you might not be able or willing to share with me. So I took it and read it from cover to cover.”
“But why would you—”
“Because I needed to know who you are at the core. And I found out. Yes, you are part vampire, Bradon. As hard as it is for me to understand and believe that, I know that I have to. If I love you, and I do, then I have to believe that. But you are also half human. And that’s the part I’m interested in, baby. That’s the part I love.”
“You can’t love part of me, and not the rest.”
“I love all of you. But I believe you can change the part of you that you yourself despise the most. I believe you can stop being a vampire.”
“What are you talking about, Kirk?”
“I read your father’s journal very carefully. He killed your mother because he was afraid she would steal you away from him. There were several entries that alluded to the fact that he was concerned she would turn you against him and forever condemn you to a life of mortal hell. Why would he say those things if it weren’t possible for you to deny your vampirism and become mortal?”
“But . . . I can’t change who I am . . . I’ve been a vampire all my life . . .”
“No, I don’t believe that’s true,” Kirk said. He reached for the journal and began flipping through it. It had been ripped and torn in several pieces. “I could tell from the way it was taped carefully back together that it meant something to you. I could tell it was important.” He flipped through much of the beginning, where the pages were more intact, and slowed down when the pages were more tattered and taped together. “From about the middle, since the first entry about your birth, your father made references to a choice. Because you are half human, you had a choice. Your mother knew that, and was ready to help you make that choice. But your father didn’t want that to happen, and h
e killed her before she had a chance to give you one.”
Bradon’s head was beginning to ache again, and he felt a little dizzy. “That just doesn’t make sense,” he said, as he shook his head to clear his thoughts. “I’ve always had a hunger for blood. I have to have it to survive.”
“I don’t think so. Look here,” Kirk said, as he pointed to an early entry from Bradon’s father. “I have heard that this could happen. It is a possible consequence from a mixed marriage. But I have faith that it can be changed.”
“I don’t get it.”
“He’s talking about your distaste for blood, Bradon. If you read the journal carefully, he’d been preoccupied with it since before you were born. He knew it was possible you might choose not to be a vampire. He eliminated your mother when he considered her a threat, and he forced your feeding on you long before you ever knew you might have a choice about it. When you were a young child, your father told you that you had to have warm blood to survive, and because you didn’t know anything other than his words, you believed him. But think about it, Bradon. Why didn’t your father ever remarry or get you a nanny? Why did he raise you himself?”
“He loved my mother,” Bradon said mechanically.
“You know that is not true, Bradon. He killed your mother when he thought she might interfere with your decision to live as a human or as a vampire. He raised you the way he wanted you to be raised. He forced his beliefs and his way of life on you. You might not remember it now, but you hated the taste of blood when you were young.”
“I still don’t like it. But I have to have it. I’ll die without it.”
“I don’t think so, Bradon. You have a choice, and it’s not too late to make that choice. Your father wrote many times of your mother’s heart. He said that, though it was the thing he loved most about her, it was also the one thing that could be the end of him. I don’t think he was talking figuratively. I don’t think he was being romantic. I think he was being literal. He meant that Rachel’s human heart was stronger than his vampire heart, and could, if he allowed her too much freedom with that heart, literally kill him. And if her heart were given too many liberties, it could steal you away from him. How do you think that is possible, Bradon?”
“I don’t know.”
“You have your mother’s heart, Bradon. You have the choice of being a vampire or being human. You can’t be both. Not forever.”
“How do you know it’s not already too late to make that choice?”
“Because you’ve never been given the opportunity to make it. Your mother was killed before she was able to tell you that you had the choice. Your father went to great measures to make sure you never knew you had a choice.”
“But how do you know for sure that I really do have a choice? What if all of this is just a theory? The journal never mentions any choice.”
“I just feel it in here,” Kirk said, and placed Bradon’s hand on his heart. “I read between the lines. And I think you did, too. That’s why you killed your father.”
“How did you know I killed my father?”
“I didn’t really, until now. But I had a hunch. I know how much your mother means to you, and I know that reading about how she really died would be more than you could deal with. Victor killed your mother. He forced his beliefs and his life on you. He hated that you’re gay and tried to convince you otherwise. He rejected you. I just know that there came a point where you made a conscious decision not to accept all the crap that he was forcing on you. And knowing that he’d killed your mother made it easier for you to kill him.”
“I thought you didn’t want to know or talk about the people I’ve killed.”
“I don’t. Whatever you did before now, before you knew that you have a choice about your actions and your life, are all in the past. I can’t hold you responsible for any of that. I don’t know how we’re ever going to put that behind us and not think about it, but we will. Somehow we will. But your father was not human, Bradon, and as much as it might hurt for you to hear, he deserved to die. He deserved to be killed.”
“It doesn’t hurt at all.”
“Good. He hurt you, Bradon. He lied to you and made you think and believe that your being a vampire was predestined and the only option. He forced you into feeding on and killing innocent human beings.”
Bradon stood up from the table quickly and rushed to the kitchen sink. He leaned over it and vomited. When he was finished, he returned to the table and sat down beside Kirk.
“So what do I do now?” he asked, as he reached for Kirk’s hand.
“You make the conscious decision that you have always been rightfully entitled to. But according to everything I’ve learned, you can only make it once. Think about it very carefully, because once you make it, you can never go back and change it.”
“There’s nothing to think about. I don’t want to be a vampire. I never have.”
“I know, baby.”
“There’s got to be more to it than just saying I don’t want to be a vampire. More than just saying I choose to be human.”
“Well, I’ve done a little research over the last week. Some really underground stuff. Articles from several people who have gone through the process and made the decision themselves. According to the articles, the choice is actually a test of faith.”
“A test of faith? But I’ve never been to church in my life. How am I supposed to have faith in something I’ve never been exposed to?”
“Faith isn’t about something you’re familiar with, Bradon. It’s about believing in yourself, and also in something more than yourself that has no reasonable explanation. Do you believe that you are human? Do you believe that you are much more than just a vampire with a need for human blood?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure? Because if you’re not, then this little test could kill you. Kill you more definitely and quickly than a stake through the heart.”
“I’m sure.”
“You’re putting a lot of stock into a theory that I’ve thrown at you pretty unexpectedly.”
“I know. But I believe it. I believe I am more than what my father said I am, and more than what he wanted me to be. I am my mother’s son. I have her heart.”
“And you’re willing to put it all on the line?”
“Yes. If you’re right, and I make the right decision, then I will be free of all of the pain and suffering I’ve been living with my entire life.”
“And if I’m wrong?”
“Then still I will be free. Free from a life of eternal hell and misery. Free of the shackles of living inside a skin that is not my own. I want to do this, Kirk. I do.”
“All right.”
“So, what is this test of faith?”
“Let’s go to bed. I want to make love to you.”
“That’s the test of faith? Making love to you?”
“No. Letting me make love to you. In the three months we’ve been seeing each other, you’ve never once given yourself completely to me.”
“Oh man, I’ve heard of desperate pleas before, but this one has to take the cake.”
“I’m serious, Bradon. You have to let go of all of your inhibitions and put your trust and faith in someone other than yourself. What better way of showing you’re willing to let go of that control and put yourself in someone else’s hands?”
Bradon allowed Kirk to take his hand and lead him upstairs to the spare bedroom that he pretended was his whenever Kirk came over. “Okay, baby, but I still think it sounds like just a line to get me to give up my virginity to you.”
Kirk squeezed Bradon’s hand and led him to the bed. He undressed Bradon first, and then himself. “This is really just the first step of your decision and your leap of faith.”
“Ah, now the truth comes out. And so, what is the second step?”
Kirk walked over to the large bay window on the other side of the room and drew the curtains open wide. Then he opened the windows.
“Oh, shit,” Bradon said
, as he looked down at the clock on the nightstand. It was five-thirty in the morning, and already the dark black of night was turning to an indigo blue. Bradon could already make out the lining of a few scattered morning clouds.
“If you’re having doubts, now would be the time to express them,” Kirk said, as he lay down next to Bradon on the bed.
Bradon looked at the open window and took a deep breath. “Come here,” he said to Kirk, and pulled him closer. He leaned up and pulled Kirk down to meet his kiss. He was still flushed from the feeding a little over an hour ago. But he was sure the heat emanating from his body had nothing to do with the nourishment he’d received. He was hot with desire for the one man he loved more than life itself.
He slipped his tongue inside Kirk’s mouth and kissed him long and tenderly. He hoped Kirk could not still taste his own blood inside Bradon’s mouth. He broke the kiss, and licked and kissed his way down Kirk’s neck. He grew a little short of breath as his lips tickled the throbbing jugular vein that so prominently mapped Kirk’s thick, soft neck. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and continued kissing a trail down past Kirk’s collarbone and between his smooth muscular pecs.
Kirk moaned and thrust his hips upward as Bradon licked his way down Kirk’s stomach and past his navel.
Bradon opened his mouth and licked the head of his lover’s cock. When Kirk moaned even louder, and lightly pressed Bradon’s head even lower, Bradon opened his throat and swallowed the entire length of Kirk’s swollen member deep inside him. His own dick was throbbing painfully, and when he reached down to stroke it, he found himself on the verge of collapsing. His legs quivered violently and his torso shook with the force of the shock that rocked through his entire body.
“Come here,” Kirk whispered. He pulled Bradon from his cock and back up to his mouth. He kissed Bradon passionately for several minutes and eased first one finger and then a second into Bradon’s smooth, tight ass.
Bradon returned the kiss and began rocking his body back and forth against the lightning-hot fingers inside him. His breathing became labored and his body began shaking again. He knew he couldn’t hold out much longer.
Masters of Midnight Page 26