I threw myself into the fusty dark, Jamie in my arms. Just in time for I heard a commotion in the yard – hooves, and jingling harness, and men’s voices.
‘Oy, stable lad. What’s your name?’
Oh Lord. My stepfather’s voice. Just the sound of it made my knees turn to water.
‘Cutch, sir.’
‘Ah yes, Cutch. Get someone to help you get the carriage away. Let’s look at the stables, see if they’re fit for my horses.’
‘They’re fit, sir. Just swept.’ Through a crack in the planks I saw Cutch clamp the bar to my door.
I shrank back against the back of the store, in the dim cobwebbed shadows as I heard my stepfather push his way past Cutch, and into the stalls. I was still as a stone. Jamie made a small mewling sound and I hugged him tighter to my chest. Sir Simon’s bulky figure was only a few feet from us as he examined the stables.
‘Seem clean enough,’ he said. ‘Get the matching pairs inside. My men’s horses can go out into the upper pasture. Give them a long rope, there’s not much fodder this time of year.’
Another small whimper. Tears sprang to my eyes. I clutched Jamie tighter.
‘We’ve got birds in the rafters,’ Cutch said.
‘Well, make sure you get them into the pot. Don’t want pigeon shit on my harness.’ The sound of men’s boots going into the yard. ‘Any sign of my nephew, yet?’
‘No, sir,’ Cutch said.
17: Abigail’s Lie
A few moments later the wooden bar scraped, and the door opened. ‘He’s gone,’ Cutch said, ‘but he’ll be looking for you.’
‘What will I do? I can’t take Jamie inside. I’ll have to leave him here.’
Cutch backed away, shaking his head.
‘Please,’ I begged. ‘He’ll sleep now he’s been fed.’
Cutch sighed. ‘Go on then. His pa would have wanted us to get acquainted. I’ll find a box or something to make a cradle. But come back soon. Before he cries again to be fed. That’s something I can’t do.’
‘I don’t want to leave him.’ I kissed the top of his head. ‘It’s just for today. I’ll have to get him away from here, find a wet nurse… anything.’
‘Won’t be easy. Folk will want to know where he comes from.’
‘You won’t tell them?’
‘No. But you’ll want to see him and—’
‘Katherine?’ My stepfather’s voice bellowing in the yard.
My heart thumped in my chest. We glanced to each other, and I hurried to peer from the window. I was just in time to see Sir Simon stride round the corner to the front of the house.
‘Go! Now,’ Cutch hissed. ‘Quick, before he comes back.’
I kissed Jamie one last time and bundled him over to Cutch. I hitched my skirts and scurried into the yard. A few moments later I crossed around the corner of the house only to almost cannon into Sir Simon.
‘There you are,’ he said. ‘I’ve been looking for you all over.’
I tried to calm my breath, forcing myself to listen to his words.
‘Have you heard anything of Thomas?’ he said.
‘No. You?’
‘It’s strange. Nobody’s seen him. Not on the London road, or the St Albans road. It’s as if he just vanished.’
‘Let’s go into the house to talk,’ I urged him. ‘It’s chilly out here.’ I feared that Jamie might cry, and I needed to drag my stepfather out of earshot.
It took me aback that Sir Simon seemed genuinely upset about Thomas’s disappearance. I hadn’t realised he even had a heart beating in that barrel-like chest. I supposed Thomas had been like a son to him in the late civil wars.
In the house, he interrogated me as to where Thomas might have gone, but I kept silent. I dare not tell him of the moment Thomas had realised he was not the man of my affections; that Ralph and I were lovers. It was this that had driven Thomas away, more than fear of Downall’s Roundhead rabble. The wounded look in Thomas’s eyes had shocked me, despite myself. The naked expression of pain.
*
That afternoon the rain lashed down, and all I could think of was Jamie. I pretended to have some embroidery to do, but after a few hours I knew he must need feeding. Downall kept staring at me, as if he could sense something different, but Sir Simon was oblivious to my restlessness and distress.
‘I’ll just fetch more silk,’ I said to my stepfather, who had spread out his papers over the dining table in the main chamber.
Once in the hall, I threw my cloak over my shoulders and pulled up the hood. Breathless, I ran over to the stables.
‘Cutch?’ I could not see him.
No sign of him, though the horses had all been fed and watered.
A cry from the store. Jamie.
I took off the bar and followed the sound to behind a large stook. Jamie had been tucked into a crate filled with straw. I picked up my babe and fed him as quickly as I dare, but knew I should not be gone too long or my stepfather would wonder where I was. I must behave as normally as possible, despite my shaking hands and dry mouth.
As I slipped into the hall again, Abi stopped me, eyes wide with concern. ‘I saw your cloak was gone. Where is he?’
‘The stables, in the fodder store,’ I whispered. ‘Cutch is taking care of him.’
‘Thank God.’
‘I’ll have to move him though, it’s too close to the house.’
‘Perhaps Sir Simon will leave.’
‘He has no reason to. Unless…’ I had an idea. ‘That’s it. I’ll encourage him to go. Tell him Thomas said he was going to Winchester, or Coventry, or York. Anywhere but here. The further away the better. York – it’s further north. If he asks, you must say the same.’
Abi was troubled. ‘Do you think it will work?’
‘I don’t know, but I’ve got to try something.’
*
My night was restless. I had yearnings in the pit of my stomach, and tears came unbidden to my eyes. My baby needed me, I could feel it. In the end I crawled from bed in the dark and crept past Sir Simon’s door, down the moon-pooled stairs, and hurried out to the stables. When I got there Cutch was pacing under the light of a candle lantern, cradling a crying Jamie in his arms.
‘He’s a fine set of lungs, this one, and no mistake,’ he said. ‘Thank heaven you’re here. I don’t know what to do to get him to stop.’
I unlaced my bodice and put Jamie to the breast. He quietened immediately, and my body relaxed. For a moment all was quiet as the babe sucked.
Once he was sleeping, I turned my attention to Cutch. ‘I told Sir Simon that Thomas had always wanted to make a pilgrimage to York. He was sceptical at first, and said he’d never heard Thomas speak of it, but in the end I persuaded him. He’s desperate to find him and will set off for York in the morning.’
‘Good,’ Cutch said. ‘I’ve a feeling the little chap knows I’m not much use as a wet nurse.’
I stayed as long as I dared, until the sun paled the sky. Then I had to leave Jamie again and appear at breakfast as usual. To my frustration Sir Simon’s departure was delayed. Downall appeared in the dining room without announcement, and worse, he had Constable Mallinson and Jacob with him. They needed my stepfather to sign some papers of loyalty to Parliament before he could leave. I too was required to sign for my husband in his absence.
I ground my teeth in frustration. Our business in the study took longer than I thought, and the waiting was torture.
I rang for Abi to fetch more ale, then took her into the hallway. ‘Jamie,’ I gestured to make sure she understood. ‘It’s hours since he’s been fed.’
She nodded. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll go. I’ll take some cow’s milk and a dropper.’
The paper was signed, though I made my sign as illegible as possible. A half hour and a quart of ale later, and the men were finally ready to leave.
‘Stable boy!’ Sir Simon shouted, calling for Cutch to bring the horses. How strange he should call him a boy when he was a grown man. Cutch appeared leadi
ng out Sir Simon’s big-boned hunter, and the Mallinson’s horses. Cutch’s face was neutral, but his eyes sought mine. He was trying to tell me something.
My stepfather was about to mount, when a wailing from the stable cut through the air. ‘What’s that?’ He took his foot out of the stirrup.
My heart shrank in my chest. Cutch gave me a sideways look, like a warning. We all listened. But there was only the birds singing. Thank God, Abi must have quietened him.
‘I thought I heard a baby crying,’ Sir Simon cocked his head.
‘I didn’t hear anything,’ I said.
‘Nor I,’ Mallinson said.
With an anxious expression, Cutch thrust out his cupped hands to encourage Sir Simon to mount. He winced as Sir Simon’s bulk went down through his muddy boot and into his waiting palms.
No sooner was Sir Simon in the saddle than the cry began again. The piercing sound of a baby wanting to be fed. I willed it to stop.
‘You’re right, sir,’ Jacob said, pausing with his reins in hand. ‘There’s a babe crying somewhere.’
‘Whose infant is it?’ Sir Simon turned to me.
‘I know not, sir.’ My voice was too loud and bright. ‘Perhaps it’s just the chickens roosting or…’ I tailed off. Sir Simon was already dismounting.
Jamie’s yells made my stomach clench into a small tight fist.
‘I’m sure it’s nothing,’ I said, desperately, following my stepfather inside, clutching at his sleeve.
‘Stay here,’ he said, shaking me off. He put his ear to the fodder store door, then swung it open. ‘Come out. Out. Now.’ The noise of rustling straw. ‘And bring the child.’
Abi slowly emerged. She was clutching Jamie to her shoulder. I held out my arms to take him, but Abi shook her head, her eyes boring into mine.
‘What is this child doing here, in my stable?’ Sir Simon asked.
Abi said nothing. Behind me, Constable Mallinson craned over my shoulder to see what was happening.
‘Why are you not at your duties?’ my stepfather pressed. ‘Whose child is this?’
‘Mine,’ Abi said. Her voice coming out with a hint of defiance.
I felt myself grow faint, my legs buckle. I grabbed the top of the stall next to me and yet somehow I remained standing.
‘And who is the father?’
Abi stayed dumb.
‘Speak girl.’ He stepped towards her, raising a hand threatening to strike.
‘No. Don’t hurt them!’ I cried, grabbing his arm.
‘Stay out of this,’ my stepfather said, batting me away as if I were a fly. ‘You are too lax with your servants.’ He turned back to Abi. ‘Did you think to conceal this child from me? Do you think I am a halfwit? Well you can take your bastard brat and find some other dupe to take you in. Your work here is finished.’
I leapt to defend her. ‘But it isn’t her fault—’
‘Not her fault?’ My stepfather spat out the words. ‘Whose fault is it then? I’ve said it before; you should be stricter with your serving maids. How can she do her duties with a babe strung round her neck? She can’t. Such goings on under my roof – she can’t even tell me who the father is.’
The stable door behind me opened. Jacob stood there, white faced. ‘I heard it all. How could you…?’ he did not know how to speak.
Abi dropped her gaze. Her face was brick red.
Horrified, I leapt in, ‘Jacob, it’s not what you think—’
‘Then what is it, Kate?’ Jacob’s words cut through me. ‘You knew. And yet you kept it from me all this time.’ He strode towards Abi, his face set and white. ‘You took me for a fool. I had my sights set on you and all this time you were… you were… whoring with someone else. You disgust me. I hope you rot in hell.’
Abi’s eyes followed his lips. She had understood every single word.
Jacob was out of the door in an instant. When I chased after him I was in time to see him swing himself into the saddle and kick his horse on. He galloped away amid flying divots of mud.
What had I done? I approached Abi to try to comfort her, but Constable Mallinson held me back, his face full of scorn. ‘Don’t waste your sympathy on her,’ he said.
Sir Simon shoved Abi hard on the shoulder. ‘Go,’ he said. ‘You’re dismissed. Take your bastard brat and get out of my sight.’
18: Blame and Bitterness
Abi stumbled away, still mute, clutching Jamie to her chest. I wanted to scream, but my throat was stopped. I stood very still, my heart straining at my chest. I must not go after her, must not make a sound. If I owned up to Jamie, what would my stepfather do to him if he knew the truth?
‘That girl was a bad lot from day one.’ Sir Simon’s voice was like a rasp behind me. ‘I don’t know why you took her on. Stupid girl’s held me up. I’ll tell Downall she’s banned from the Fanshawe estate.’ He strode off, slapping his cane against his thigh.
I ran down the road. Abi was already out of sight. ‘Abi!’ I shouted.
Silence.
Questions burst into through my head. What would she do? Where could she go? How would she feed him?
Cutch appeared at my side, panting. He grabbed my arm. ‘I’ll go after her. It wasn’t fair. You shouldn’t have asked her do that.’
‘Don’t blame me! I didn’t ask her. I had no idea she would do that, I—’
‘A girl’s reputation is important. Word will spread, in the village. They’ll spit on her.’
‘Do you really think I want this? That another girl takes my baby? But if I’d stopped her, said he was mine…’
The break in my voice made Cutch step away, rub his hand back through his dark hair. ‘Jacob called her a whore. How could he do that? Bastard.’
‘He was angry. He thinks she—’
‘Then he’s a fool. Abi would never do anything like that. Why didn’t you own up? Sir Simon would only think the babe was Thomas’s.’
‘If I’d confessed Jamie to be mine, my stepfather would smell something amiss. He’d wonder why I told him nothing of my condition before. Besides, no son of Ralph’s will grow up as a Fanshawe.’
‘Aye, suppose you’re right. I’d not want one of mine brought up his way, where cruelty and bullying rule the roost. But it’s not right, this.’
‘D’you think she’ll go to the vicarage?’ I said. ‘They took Martha in.’
‘Can’t see them taking her on there,’ Cutch said. ‘An orphan’s one thing, but a babe out of wedlock…’ He glared at me. ‘You could have stopped her. Why the hell didn’t you stop her?’
‘Don’t look at me like that. It all happened so quickly, once she’d said it, it couldn’t be unsaid. And I was afraid for Jamie – he’s so little. I can’t let my stepfather anywhere near him—’
‘Ssh. Here he comes.’
Sir Simon’s footsteps closed my mouth. Cutch busied himself tightening the horse’s girth again. The men mounted. I prayed they would hurry.
‘When I return from York,’ Sir Simon said, ‘I shall expect the house to be in order and rooms prepared for our party. You will need another maidservant. As you cannot be trusted to choose, Downall will choose for you.’
‘No, I want Abi—’ But my words were blown away by the wind. My stepfather and his servant were already trotting away. We watched their figures grow smaller as they turned onto the road headed north.
I dragged Blaze out of his stall. ‘I’m going after Abi,’ I said.
‘Wait for me. I need to come with you,’ Cutch shouted as I leapt up onto the mounting block. I did not bother with a saddle, just grasped a handful of mane to steady myself, hauled myself astride, and kicked Blaze on.
A man leading a pack mule was just ahead of me. I pulled Blaze to a halt. ‘Have you seen a maid pass this way?’ I called. ‘Short and dark, with a baby in her arms?’
The man looked me up and down, then hit the mule with a switch to move it on.
I kicked Blaze into his path. I was desperate now to know where Abi had taken Jamie.
‘I asked you a question. Did you see her or not? It’s important.’
‘Aye, I heard you. But I’ve no mind to answer. I know who you are. Now get out of my way.’
Cutch by this time had drawn up and was watching. ‘She means no harm,’ he said. ‘She’s upset. The maidservant’s her friend, and we’re worried about her and the baby. Please, if you saw her, tell us which way she went.’
He gave Cutch an appraising look. ‘Aye. I saw her. She was crying too.’ He cast me a venomous look. ‘No doubt she got laid off by her ladyship, like all those others from the manor. I called after her, but she’d no mind to stop. She went on towards Wheathamstead.’
‘Elizabeth’s,’ I said, kicking Blaze on.
‘Thank you friend,’ Cutch called.
19: Sisterly Love
At the sound of our horses the door of the apothecary’s opened. Elizabeth stuck her head out, and quickly withdrew, banging the door shut again.
Cutch hammered on the door like he’d break it down.
‘All right!’ It opened a crack. ‘She’s not here.’ Elizabeth kept the door between us.
‘Where is she?’ I leapt down from Blaze, prepared to squeeze the answer from her by force if necessary.
‘How should I know?’ Elizabeth took a deep breath. ‘All I know is, she came here with her bastard brat, expecting me to take her in. It’s not my fault if she’s ruined her whole life is it? She could have been wed to Jacob Mallinson. She’s fouled that up, and no mistake. She’s addled, as well as deaf, if you ask me, and I don’t want to be dragged down with her.’
‘Where did they go? Tell me!’ My voice wobbled dangerously.
Elizabeth backed away, clutching her arms tightly around her chest. ‘I don’t have to answer to you. Anyway, I told you. I don’t know.’
‘You turned her out, a deaf girl and a newborn baby? Left them with nowhere to go?’ I grabbed her by the shoulder, shouting into her face.
‘Leave off! It’s not my fault. Don’t you come round here, shouting blame.’
Lady of the Highway Page 12