by Katie Powner
The weight of her voice was new. The girl who’d left his house earlier that evening was gone.
She tenderly touched her bandage. “This certainly wasn’t part of the plan.”
Gerrit sighed. What did a fifteen-year-old know about what she wanted out of life? He sat quietly for a minute, then lifted his eyes to meet hers. “You know, I used to have a plan, too, when I was your age.”
She blinked in surprise. “You did?”
“Yeah.” His voice took on the color of memories. “I’d lived on the farm my whole life, and I was going to grow up and take it over with my brothers. We’d run it together, and our children after us.”
A long moment of silence. The bed squeaked as she shifted.
“It didn’t turn out like I planned,” he continued. “I’m not sure anything ever does.”
“But it’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”
He hung his head. “I don’t know. It wasn’t about what I wanted. That’s just what everyone expected.”
“Everyone expects me to be a lawyer like my dad.”
“Is that what you want?”
When she didn’t answer, he looked up. Her face was pensive.
“If you could be anything in the whole world, what would you be?” he prodded.
The corners of her mouth lifted slightly. “Professional cat sitter.”
He snorted. Maybe the old Rae was still in there after all.
Her halfhearted smile faded. “I’m not sure. I like to help people. Mark says I’m good with the kids at Community Hope.”
“Lawyers help people. The good ones, anyway.”
“My parents act like getting into law school will be easy for me. I’ve always done well in school, but what if I go to Columbia and fail?”
Her words struck a chord in his heart. Hadn’t he secretly feared the same thing when Luke pushed him to go to college? Farming made sense to him. He’d done it his whole life. But college? He was afraid he’d fail and waste what he thought was his father’s money. Worse, let everyone down. Instead, he’d done fine in college—excelled even—but had failed to . . . oh. He could see it, finally. The reason Luke had been so insistent, going against their father’s wishes the only time in his life. The reason he’d sacrificed his own college fund.
Gerrit swallowed hard.
Luke hadn’t cared about managing the farm better or implementing modern practices so they could make more money. He’d hoped Gerrit would learn one simple thing: there was more to life than the farm.
He looked at Rae. “What would happen if you didn’t go to Columbia at all?”
“I don’t know. My parents would be mad. Especially my dad.”
“I’ve wasted a lot of years on the wrong path.” Muffled voices came from under the door. No doubt Rae’s family was anxious to get back to her. Gerrit struggled to his feet. “Don’t make the same mistake.”
“How do I know which path is the right one?”
“I’m not sure,” he said and put one hand on the doorknob, “but I know you still have plenty of time to figure that out.” Gerrit looked back at her battered but youthful face and knew it was true. She had her whole life ahead of her, full of opportunities.
But what about him?
CHAPTER
FORTY-TWO
Rae stared at the ceiling, a pounding headache keeping her awake. At least that was part of it. Her conversation with Gerrit earlier was another part. How was she going to figure out what to do with her life? What had happened to Morgan? And another thing. During the accident, when her mind had flashed back to her driving nightmare, she’d finally seen with clarity who the two people were at the bottom of the hill.
Mom and Dad.
What if she made the wrong choice, and it hurt her parents?
For some reason, something Mark had said a few days ago returned to her mind. “More importantly, pray about it.” She’d never prayed by herself before. She’d looked up that one verse Mark mentioned, but praying felt like a whole different ball game. She’d never had any reason to do it, really. But here in the hospital, in the dark . . .
God, are you there? Please help me with all this stuff.
She shifted in her bed, trying to get comfortable and wishing the doctor hadn’t decided to keep her overnight for observation. She missed Mr. Whiskers. The doctor had also issued a strict no-electronics policy due to her concussion. Regardless of that, she turned on her phone and hid it under the blanket so the light wouldn’t disturb her mother. The clock said one-thirty. She wished Mom would’ve gone home for the night. How could she sleep in a chair like that? It looked painful.
A long string of texts from David stared back at her from her cell.
How r u feeling?
Is ur head ok?
I’m so sorry this happened.
Please text me back.
She scrolled through them for at least the tenth time. Maybe it wasn’t fair not to respond, but she couldn’t bring herself to write a message back. Every time she thought about David, she replayed the accident in her mind. Saw the white car hurtling toward them from the other side of the freeway. Saw the woman singing. Heard the crunch of metal, the blare of sirens.
If only he hadn’t tried to pass the other car. If only he hadn’t looked over at her. If only they hadn’t tried to find Morgan . . .
If only.
But what would’ve happened to that woman if they hadn’t been in between her and the other car? She shuddered. If she thought driving was scary before, how would she ever do it now?
Her phone buzzed, and she jumped. David must be having trouble sleeping, too.
Hey, it’s Morgan.
She gasped. Mom stirred, and Rae turned her back to her so she would think Rae was sleeping if she woke up.
Another buzz.
Heard about the accident. R u okay? Got ur number from Mark.
Stunned, she hurried to reply.
Yeah, I’m fine. Head injury. He gave out my number?
Only after I promised to wait until morning to use it.
So much for that promise. But Morgan was alive! He texted again.
I’m at the hospital. Up for a visitor?
Pretty sure visiting hours are over.
Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve snuck into a hospital room. Be there in 5.
She hesitated, glancing over her shoulder at her poor mom, sleeping fitfully. That neck angle didn’t look good. It would probably be doing her a favor to wake her up at this point.
Ok.
She tucked the phone out of sight. “Mom?”
Mom’s head jerked up. “What? Yes? What’s the matter? What do you need?”
Her hair was smushed flat on one side. Rae couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her looking so disheveled.
“I’m hungry.”
Mom rubbed her eyes. “The cafeteria’s closed, sweetie. There are some crackers and candy bars in the vending machine.”
Rae had to think fast. “What about the gas station?”
She’d seen the red Conoco sign across the street through her window before Mom shut the curtains for the night.
Mom ran her fingers through her hair. “Are you sure you’re up to eating something? The doctor said with your concussion—”
“I just really want some ice cream. Then I can take ibuprofen for my head.”
Mom stood and yawned. “Maybe the nurse will have something you can eat.”
“But the Conoco always has Ben and Jerry’s. Please, Mom. Chunky Monkey?”
She was wavering, Rae could tell. Time to move in for the kill.
“You know I’ll puke if I take ibuprofen on an empty stomach.”
“All right.” Mom picked up her purse from the floor. “But don’t you leave this bed. I’ll be right back.”
Rae smiled. “Thanks, Mom.”
She did love Chunky Monkey.
Mom stumbled out of the room, still half asleep. The door clicked shut behind her.
Rae held her breath. H
ow on earth was Morgan going to—?
The door opened again, and a dark figure slipped in.
She pulled up the light blue blanket, suddenly aware of her thin hospital gown. Why had she agreed to see him? But the room was dark, and she had no intention of turning on the light.
“Why are you so good at sneaking around?” she whispered.
He shrugged. “My mom’s been in the hospital a few times.”
There must be more to that story. Why would a kid have to sneak in to see his own mother?
She didn’t press the issue. “My mom will be back soon.”
He stood at the foot of her bed, hands in the pocket of his hoodie. “Your face looks bad.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“I meant—”
“Where have you been? We’ve been worried about you.”
“Who’s we?”
Her head throbbed. She adjusted her pillow so she could lean back on it without lying all the way down. “Me and David, we went to your house.”
“That was a dumb thing to do.”
Yes. Well. She squinted at him in the dark. “Boss was mad.”
Morgan laughed a humorless laugh. “I bet he was. I can’t stand that guy. I’ve been staying with a friend of my mom. My mom’s thinking about leaving Boss and coming to live there, too.”
“Oh.” Her brain was firing slower than usual, yet it didn’t need much spark to know what Morgan said was a good idea. “I’m glad.”
“Me too.”
“Gerrit told me what happened.”
Morgan looked away. “He said he didn’t care about me. About either of us, actually.”
“No he didn’t.”
“I heard him.”
She closed her eyes. That ice cream and ibuprofen couldn’t come soon enough. “You didn’t hear everything. He told me what really happened. What he was trying to say.”
Morgan didn’t answer, and she opened her eyes. “You should’ve seen him when I talked to him earlier today. He was worried sick about you. He had an accident, too, you know.”
His eyes bored into hers. “What do you mean?”
“He fell from a ladder. Cracked some ribs and stuff.”
“But he acted like I wasn’t even supposed to be there, even though he’d reminded me about the party like a hundred times.”
She groaned. “I didn’t give you the stupid message. I’m sorry.”
“What?”
“He changed the party from three to four. I was supposed to tell you.” She yawned, causing pain to shoot down the right side of her face.
Morgan looked over at the door. “I should go.”
“Don’t be mad at him. He does care about you.”
Maybe it was the darkness that made honesty easy, or maybe it was because she was so vulnerable herself. Whatever it was, for just a moment Morgan dropped his mask for the first time since she’d talked to him that day in Room F.
His voice was thin but heavy. “Sometimes it’s easier to keep people at a distance.”
She thought of all David’s texts that she hadn’t answered. How he must be going crazy, wondering if she was okay and blaming himself. “I know. But that doesn’t mean we should.”
He slipped out the door as stealthily as he’d come in. She stared at the end of the bed where he had been, clutching her phone under the blanket. Morgan had been brave enough to open up, just a tiny bit, to someone who he was still trying to figure out. Was she brave enough to do the same?
Mom would be back any minute. She pulled out her phone and opened David’s last message.
I’m fine.
She paused, thinking, then finished and sent the text.
But scared. Call me tomorrow.
CHAPTER
FORTY-THREE
She’d only been in the hospital for one night, but it might as well have been a whole week. Rae couldn’t wait to go home and take a shower. Couldn’t wait to see Mr. Whiskers.
Mom held out her clothes. “Let me help you get dressed.”
“Mom, please.” Rae tried to roll her eyes, but sharp pains pierced her head. “I can do it myself.”
“But you heard what the doctor said. You’re supposed to take it easy.”
Rae snatched the clothes from her hands. “I think I can handle getting dressed.”
Mom held up her hands. “I’m only trying to help. I’m worried about you.”
“Worried enough for me to skip school today?”
“There’s no way you’re going to school.” Mom put her hands on her hips. “After the weekend, depending on how you’re feeling, then maybe you can go.”
“But I have two finals today. And three tomorrow.”
Mom rubbed her forehead. “I’m sure your teachers will understand. I’ll call the school when we get home.”
Rae pulled on her pants and reached behind her back to untie her ill-fitting gown. “I might not have time to catch up on everything before the last day of school. What about The Plan?”
“Honestly, sweetie, now’s hardly the time to be thinking about that.”
Rae slid her arms into her T-shirt and frowned. “Really?”
Mom’s eyes widened. She crossed her arms and sputtered, “Of course. What—I—how could you think I’d care about that at a time like this?”
Rae shrugged. “It’s always been the most important thing.”
“No.” Mom put her hands on Rae’s shoulders. “You’re the most important thing.”
Rae tossed her gown on the bed and ran her fingers through her hair. They were nice words—something a mother would say—but her parents had always made The Plan a priority, regardless of what Rae thought. She didn’t know what to make of Mom’s statement.
Her phone dinged, and she checked the screen. A text from David.
Just got released. How about you?
Her stomach flip-flopped. When was he going to call her? Would she be ready? What would she say? She slipped the phone into her back pocket.
“Who was that?” Mom’s voice was high-pitched and overly casual. She wasn’t fooling anyone. “Kind of early to be getting a text.”
“It’s not that early.”
“Was it David?”
Rae looked away. David was kind of a touchy subject at the moment, for both her and her parents. They weren’t pleased to learn Rae had been driving around with a boy without permission. Rae shuddered to think how Mom might react if she knew about Morgan’s visit to her room last night.
Mom slung her purse strap over her shoulder and motioned toward the door. “I’m not sure I want you communicating with him right now.”
“We’re just friends.”
“He put your life in danger, Rae.” Mom stopped at the door, holding it open with one arm. “And you went with him behind my back.”
Tears pooled in Rae’s eyes as she trudged into the hallway, her head pounding as if the hall lights were hammers and her skull was an anvil. Mom was right. Sort of. She’d gone behind her back, but had David put her in danger? It was an accident. The driver of the car that crossed the median was at fault. But Rae didn’t know what to think. The pain in her head made it hard to think at all.
“Are you okay?” Mom touched her arm. “Should I call for a wheelchair?”
Rae shook her head. “I need more ibuprofen. I’ll be fine.”
They rode the elevator to the first floor and walked out to the car in silence.
Mom waited until Rae was well secured before starting the engine. “Do you want to stop somewhere for breakfast?”
“I just want to go home.”
“I can run in at the market and grab some cinnamon rolls.”
“Mom. Stop.”
The harshness of her own voice made Rae wince. She was exhausted and in pain and—and—out of sorts or something. And probably would be for a while. She’d never been in a car accident before. She couldn’t even think about it without freaking out. But her irritation at her mother had nothing to do with that.
“I
like David, Mom. He’s a good guy.”
Mom kept her eyes on the road ahead. “Maybe we should talk about this when you’re feeling better.”
Rae didn’t want to wait. She didn’t know when she would be “feeling better.”
“I don’t know if I want to be a lawyer.”
Mom’s mouth opened and shut. Her expression was guarded. “You’ve always wanted to be a lawyer. It’s your dream.”
Rae looked out her window. Maybe it had been at one point. But it had been a part of The Plan for so long, she couldn’t remember whose dream it really was.
“God’s got big plans for you.” Being a lawyer was pretty big, wasn’t it? If she joined the right firm, she would be involved in cases that could make a difference in people’s lives. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Was being a lawyer the same as doing good? Did the verse mean she shouldn’t give up on The Plan?
“I don’t know anymore.”
“Sweetie, you’re upset. You’ve had a traumatic experience.”
Rae twisted in her seat to stare at her. “That has nothing to do with it.”
“Is this all because of David? When exactly did you plan to tell me about going out with him?”
“It wasn’t a date.”
Mom gave her a skeptical look.
Rae slumped in her seat, weariness hitting her like the oncoming car that would surely haunt her dreams for months to come. “There’s this kid named Morgan. He goes to my school. I was worried about him because he kind of disappeared.” She touched her bandage. “David said he would help me look for him. We were going to Della’s to talk to Morgan’s mom.”
“What do you mean he disappeared? Did he run away?”
Rae shrugged. “I’m not sure. But he lives with this really mean guy, and I was afraid . . .”
“You should’ve told me. We could’ve contacted the police.”
The look on Mom’s face gave Rae the impression she should probably save the information that they’d gone to Morgan’s house for another time. She didn’t want Mom’s head to explode.
“I hoped it wouldn’t come to that, and it didn’t. Morgan’s fine.”
Mom sighed. “You still lied to me. You said you were at Gerrit’s. When the sheriff showed up at the door—” her voice wavered with emotion—“I’ve never been so scared in my life.”