by Elen Chase
"What happened to you? Dan told me he's been calling you for hours. He asked me to come here to check if you were okay."
"I'm avoiding him," I said.
"Is it because of the fight you had yesterday?"
I shook my head.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked me.
"I don't feel like staying here. Can I come to your place?"
"Of course you can," she said, and I followed her to her apartment. "Are you hungry? Can I make you something?" she asked me while sending a message. She's telling him I'm here, I thought. I looked around the room. Like always it was clean and cozy. She still had the bed in the living room, behind the sofa she had exchanged with Dan.
"No, thanks…" I said, and I fell on her bed, incredibly tired. "Sara, come here," I told her, opening my arms.
"Drew? Have you gone completely insane?"
"I don't want to do anything, I just need a hug. Come on." I really don't know what was going through my head, and she looked at me like I had lost my mind. But a little hesitantly, she lay next to me and hugged me.
"Drew, this is weird," she said.
"Sara, have you noticed that now you call me ‘Drew?’ You used to call me ‘Andrew’ before."
"Oh, I guess I took it from how the others call you. You don't like it?"
"No, that's fine. You know, Dan is the one who started calling me ‘Drew’ for the first time, soon after we met. And two months later, even my parents were calling me that. Now I think that the way people call me naturally sets the boundary between friends and acquaintances."
"I see," she said.
"Before him, the only nickname I had was ‘Annie.’ My sister called me that."
"Isn't Annie a girl's name?"
"Exactly. But she loved calling me that, and deep down I loved that she called me by a name that nobody else would ever use."
"You really liked your sister, didn't you?"
"I adored her. But it was too embarrassing to say it clearly, so I always played the one who didn't care. An and Dan were my whole world. I would have done anything to keep them always by my side."
"What happened to her?"
"She died in an accident. Or at least that's what I've always believed," I said, holding her stronger, my fingers running through her curly hair. "Lilian told me today that like Shallie, she was supposed to be killed by the sect seven years ago. Something went wrong and she ended up in that accident."
"What? Oh my God, Drew, that's terrible. I'm… I'm so sorry," her voice trembled with shock and she held me tighter.
"I'm furious, Sara… why An? Why?" Finally I was able to cry some tears. Sadness would probably come to me later, but in that moment it was just pure frustration, burning me from the inside. Sara consoled me for a while, and I let her cradle me in her arms until I closed my eyes and fell into a dreamless sleep.
When I was about to wake up, I was absolutely sure I was back to seven years before, to when, after An's death, I would fall asleep with Dan by my side. This time he was gently passing his fingers in my hair. It was a sweet sensation, which turned sour as soon as I realized it wasn't a memory. He was there, and his presence by my side was intoxicating.
"Don't touch me," I whispered, opening my eyes but avoiding his gaze.
"Drew, what happened?" he asked me with a warm voice, taking his hand back. A second had passed, and I already missed his touch.
"Dan, I need to be alone." I forced those words out of my mouth. They came out colder than I imagined.
"Why?" he said.
"I have a lot of thinking to do."
"You're not even looking at me," he said, and tried to touch my shoulder, but I shook his hand off.
"Don't touch me!" I shouted. "If you touch me now… I can only fall back into your arms."
"And what's wrong with that?" he told me, his voice full of pain.
"Drew, Dan!" Sara suddenly came in the room, screaming our names. "I have a call for you from Sean, it's urgent!" she turned the communication on.
"Sean, what happened?" I asked, worried sick.
"Drew, a call came to Domme's watchpad. They say Colten's lover has the knife. It's about Ms. Wilson; they're sending someone to her place!"
I felt cold shivers running down my spine, and I rushed out, down the stairs. I had to go to her, as soon as possible. Dan followed me and offered to go by bike. I accepted without thinking too much, and we left for Ayuni, the small village in the country where I had met her for the first time.
Chapter 57
It wasn't dawn yet when we got to the village. I remembered the position of her house from the conversation we had had that day when we met for the first time, and I was about to run straight to it, when Dan stopped me and gave me a gun. I took it, realizing only then that this time we were going directly against them. The building main door was open, but it didn't seem like it had been forced. In a small village in the country, where nothing ever happened, people were probably sure there was no danger in keeping the front door open. Please, be safe, I thought, climbing up the stairs to the second floor. We reached her apartment in silence, guns in our hands. I pushed it a little, and the house door opened; it had been forced before. We went in, looking for her and whomever was with her, but the place was completely silent; we split up and searched all the rooms, of which there fortunately weren't too many. When I checked the bathroom, a green LED signaling a message allowed me to find a watchpad lying on the floor, behind the toilet. I took it and looked at the profile page. It was hers. I put it in my pocket and moved on to another room. The last one to check was a small studio. I went in, and Ms. Wilson was there, on the floor, lying on her back. I called Dan and knelt by her side. She was pale, her clothes stained with blood. I took her in my arms; as soon as I moved her body a little, a pool of blood ran on the floor from her back. I checked her pulse, which was almost gone.
"Ms. Wilson, can you hear me?" I screamed, and touched her face, hoping that she could regain consciousness. I called her again, and slowly she slightly opened her eyes and looked at us. "Ms. Wilson, it's me, Andrew. We've come to help you. Dan, call an ambulance," I told him, in panic. Ms. Wilson stayed silent and soon her lips bent in a faint smile.
"… it's you..." she said. I was happy she had recognized me.
"Drew, I hear steps outside. Somebody is coming," Dan told me in a low voice, but I didn't even turn to look at him. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. I thought if I did, just for a second, she would die on me.
"Dan, I told you to call an ambulance!" I raised my voice.
"Drew… we have to go." Dan's words were almost a whisper.
"We can't leave her," I raged, my eyes pointed on hers.
"I'm glad… you're not alo…any… mo... " Ms. Wilson’s lips curved in a small smile, a little tear falling from her left eye. In the cold silence that followed, she breathed her last breath.
"Ms. Wilson!" I called her name and shook her, shocked for what had just happened. I was still holding her in my arms, she was alive, she was there. "We're still in time," I said, desperate.
"Drew, she's gone." Dan’s voice was plain. "We have to leave this place, now."
"You do whatever you want," I whispered, in a daze. "I'm staying."
"Let her go now, Drew, or I'll take you away by force, even if it means having her body roll on the floor." He was serious. He had never been so serious before, I could tell. How could he be such a bastard? And I was dying to beat him to a pulp. I laid Ms. Wilson down on the floor and I turned around ready to punch him, my blood boiling in my veins, but as soon as I turned my face his way, he hit me so hard I fell on the floor. I reacted trying to get up and return the favor, but he pushed me down and pressed his gun on my neck.
"You're leaving this place with me, now," he threatened me. "If you insist on staying, you better know that I'd rather kill you myself than let them take you. Is that clear?" It was clear. It couldn't be clearer. That was the first time in my life I seriously thought I hated him
. Still in shock for Ms. Wilson’s death, I followed him to the corridor, where he stopped to look outside the window.
"It's the police," he said. "Come with me." He led me up the stairs, to the third and last floor, where we found an entrance to what looked like a storage attic. Dan took a piece of fabric out of his pocket and wrapped it around the lock, then he pressed the gun on it and shot. It made some noise, but not nearly enough to be heard from the other apartments. We entered the attic, dusty and packed with things. A little window leading to the roof was the only way out, just big enough for a person to pass. From the roof we heard the police climbing the stairs, heading for Ms. Wilson’s apartment. We jumped down to the dumpster in the back alley and stopped there to find the best route to escape. Dan had left the bike on the other side of the village main square, so it wouldn't be too visible.
"Who's there?" screamed a police officer, walking our way from the main street.
"Shit." I felt Dan’s hand abruptly pushing me back into the garbage and holding me down; I frowned and shook his hand off, but before I could complain openly, he went out with his hands up. "I was just passing by," he said, as the police officer came closer and took his gun out.
"A strange place to take a walk," said the man. "What's with that blood?" He was right in front of the dumpster now. With a single, heavy strike, I came out from behind him and hit the nape of his neck with the back of my gun like Bill had taught me; he fell on the ground, unconscious.
"There's more of them," Dan told me. "We have to run now."
We crossed the main square in a hurry, to the bike, and put on our helmets. As Dan turned the engine on, the noise drew the attention of the police officers toward us. We left many behind on foot, who started shooting at us, but soon the cars were on our trail. Dan followed the main road out of the village, but the entrance to the highway was blocked by the police. We were being forced to stop, or at least that's what I thought.
"Hold on," were the only words that came out of his mouth, as he drove the bike to the lane going the opposite way, taking it willingly in the wrong direction at an absurd speed. My eyes were fixed on the road, expecting a car to ram into us any second, with my hands on his waist so shaky I wasn’t sure I could actually hang on. We entered the highway from its exit. In a blink, brakes screeched under a sudden slowdown, and the bike swerved laterally, the skid marks of the tires burning on the street. My heart stopped for a second, as I was still trying to rationalize the fact that we were still alive and Dan had intentionally done all that. I could only gasp for air for just a second before he made a u-turn and put us back in the right direction, relentlessly picking up speed; we left the police behind, but seriously risked our lives.
He exited the highway a few miles from Downtown, driving us back into town from a deserted road. My legs were still trembling; I needed to put my feet back on the ground as soon as possible. When we were around the area of the old abandoned factories, I asked him to stop. Actually, I ordered him to stop, throwing my helmet on the ground. As soon as he took his off, I punched him in the face so strongly he lost balance and fell.
"You are a fucking suicidal piece of shit!" I screamed at him.
"Oh, am I?" he screamed back at me. "You would be dead by now if it wasn't for me!" His nose was bleeding.
"And she could be alive!"
"You're an idiot," he said through clenched teeth.
"I might be an idiot, but you're a heartless bastard." As I said so, he kicked my kneecap and rolled me on the ground. In a flash he was on me, and landed another punch like he had done at Ms. Wilson’s place. The pain in my jaw only made anger grow further into me. I grabbed him by his shirt and shook him away. "You don't care, do you?" I yelled, outraged, charging and punching him in the head. "That woman died and you don't give a shit!" Distracted by pain, his defense was now full of holes; I took advantage of it to kick him in the stomach. He fell on his knees, coughing, but he didn’t waste any time to counter; he grasped some sand and threw it in my eyes. I screamed and brought my hands to my eyes. That burning ache blinded me completely and left me defenseless; he elbowed me strongly in the ribs, more than once, and in a second he was on me again.
"You're a stupid brat. Just like I thought, you've been playing a game you don't even understand. It was always this dangerous, but you never noticed because I saved your ass every fucking time," he told me with disgust. Fighting against my instinct, forcing my eyes open, I strongly grabbed his hair and, when I could move better, I rolled over, shoved him to the ground and punched his stomach one more time, making his body twitch.
"We watched her die and ran away doing nothing," I shouted again. He grabbed me by the collar and pulled me closer to him. As much as he loved to keep everything in check, I could feel him breathing uncontrollably.
"People die against that kind of guys," he whispered to me, full of anger. "If you're so soft you can't bear with it, you should have stayed in your comfortable rich nest leaving these things to who's got guts."
“Ha-ha,” I let out an ironic half-laugh, then burst into a long, fake one. "And that would be you? Have you taken a look at yourself? You're a depressed drug addict suicidal maniac with serious emotional problems. Deal with it before lecturing me."
"Good diagnosis, I'd be lost without you," he said with scorn.
"Oh, I know well that you wouldn't be lost. It would take you less than five minutes to bring someone else into your bed. That's how you console yourself, isn't it?"
"What if I did? Drop the jealous lover thing, now. You’re nothing but words, and you never had the slightest trust in me."
"How can I trust you?" I had never been so mad at somebody. "All that comes out of your mouth might as well be a lie."
"Then, why?" he said, apparently emotionless. "Why don't you go back home and leave me alone once and for all?" he screamed. "What are you doing still here, Drew? You want to save me? You can't even take care of yourself!" He punched me again and my lip got caught in my teeth and started bleeding. "Wanna do something smart? Go back to Uptown before somebody else dies on you because of your stupidity."
"Yes, sure, go back and leave these things to the adults! You talk like Hutchison! You know what? You're exactly like him. A lot of talking and poor results. Telling yourself you did your best, so that you don't have to blame yourself when somebody dies. Isn't that what you're doing with Ms. Wilson now? He did this with Shallie, he let her die… and you did it with An too."
"What did you say?"
"You didn't do your best, did you?" I cried. "We were always together! Why was she going home alone that day?!" I said too much. I wasn't even thinking that, and I knew he was already regretting it enough; he had confessed it to me.
My words had hit him more than my fists. I could tell by looking at his face. That's it. I broke something I shouldn't have.
"Yes, I let her die. And that was just the beginning," he got up, and I moved away, still on my knees. He took his gun out and before I could say anything he pointed it at me. I didn't know what to think. He shot all the bullets he had left, all passed an inch from my face. It gave me the shivers.
"Four," he said. "Add to this all the times that you would have died without me, and understand this is your limit. It's over Drew, go home." He threw the gun at my feet and left me there, saying, "I don't want to see you ever again."
Chapter 58
I wasn't scared of telling him about An. What I was afraid of was looking into his eyes and finding out that he already knew.
“That's the way he is, Andrew. Ask yourself if you really want to know who he is, and if you would be able to accept whatever the answer may be.”
Miller was right. The answer I found to both questions was “no.” I knew that he was hiding something from me, yet I told myself that he wouldn't lie to me about something important. I convinced myself he was loyal, sweet, and that all he was doing, he was doing it for me. But who decided that? I did. I overlapped in my head the Dan I wanted and the real one.
I wanted him to be that way, and I ignored all the signals telling me the contrary. What I found out about An proved it. She woke up once before dying. He was there, with her, alone. Did she tell him? Did he keep the truth about her death from me for seven years? I don't want to know this. The truth is that I cannot accept it. I'm not strong enough.
I was still lying in the dust in the abandoned factory area of Downtown, on my back, my gaze lost in the sky. Its color was an intense light blue, not even a cloud to ruin that perfection. Life sure is cruel. Ms. Wilson died, and it's such a beautiful day. I wonder if her children already know she died. Because she had children, didn't she? Why weren't they living together? I knew nothing about her. I used her for my investigation and didn't even bother to ask. Did she have that knife in the end? Was she really Colten's lover? I guess some answers will come to Domme's watchpad. When I go back… I can't really go back now, can I? Dan doesn't want to see me ever again. What should I do? Somewhere along the way, that place became my home.
I looked at my hands, still blood red, and I didn't know whose blood was it anymore. Ms. Wilson's? Dan's? Mine? My body was hurting all over. I didn't think he was so strong. He sure didn't hold back when he hit me. I didn't either, is he alright? I hated myself for worrying about him; I felt I didn't have the right to. I had been cruel to him, so it was no wonder he would leave me like that. Have I lost him forever? How can I regret it now, when I'm the one who cannot accept him in the first place?
He wants me to give everything up. After all I've done, after what I've found out. There's no way I can do it. But can I make it without him? He was right; he saved my ass all the time, and I need him. I want to go back to him. Even though he pointed his gun at me, that bastard. Twice. And the second time, he shot for real. If I didn't know he's so good at shooting, I would have seriously peed my pants.
Do I have to go back to my parents? What will I tell them if I do? But I really can't. The sect knows about me, they're looking for me. Even now, who should I call to pick me up? The girls would worry too much for me and will ask me a lot of questions. Sean… even worse.