“When did you start having these dreams and hallucinations, sweetheart?” His voice was kind but something about his face told me he knew something was wrong.
I sighed, “The night I was raped, the dreams began. But a few days after I met you…that’s when the hallucinations started.”
“This is so strange…” he trailed off, his posture stiffening. He began pacing without saying a word.
“Jensen?”
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” he laughed nervously.
That sounds promising, I thought sarcastically.
“Do you know something I don’t?” I wondered aloud.
“No,” he cleared his throat. He ran his fingers through his hair and ceased his pacing. “Avalon, you experienced something very traumatic. And although it’s horrible to even think about, you might continue having these dreams and mirages for a long while…until you are at least semi-healed from the experience. PTSD seems to be the issue at hand.”
“I guess.” I shrugged my shoulders and let out a loud sigh.
Had I wanted there to be something even more wrong with me that explained why I’d been having all these nightmares; why I’d been seeing things that weren’t really there while I was awake? Shouldn’t I be relieved I was merely traumatized by the experience I’d had?
Who am I kidding? Rape isn’t a normal thing.
I walked over to Jensen, holding his hand in mine. “At least we know the answer to that.”
“Right.” His hand gripped tighter in mine. I stared into his eyes, trying to figure out how everything had gotten so complicated so fast. I didn’t really want to acknowledge it but I guess I didn’t have a choice anymore. Jensen had complicated my life more than I thought he would.
He brushed a strand of hair away from my withered face and sighed. “So tell me what you can about these Shadow Angels,” I said, intentionally changing the subject - convincing myself to be more interested to learn about these creatures. I wouldn’t let the one coming for Jensen destroy him. Myself, however, I’d be willing to sacrifice. Jensen didn’t need to know this.
He explained to me the powers the Shadow Angels attributed: The ability to possess a soulless body, altering a person’s perception - making one think they’re seeing something they’re not. They have premonitions and can move things with the power of their mind. They seemed to be more powerful than the Light Angels. But then again, the Light Angels were mainly the Guardian Angels who didn’t seem to cause havoc of any kind.
They were dangerous. And one was coming after Jensen to do G-d knows what to him for breaking a stupid rule. I wasn’t going to let them hurt Jensen.
* * *
I greedily allowed the warm water to crash over me like a waterfall - each droplet engulfing my body.
Every inch of my skin crawled with curiosity and fear. My muscles ached for some sort of relief. The smell of pomegranate body wash refreshed my mind. I cleared my head and took a deep breath - hoping the water wouldn’t turn into blood.
Everything’s going to be alright, I kept telling myself; as if repeating it ten thousand times would eventually have me agree with the statement.
I had to come up with a decoy or some sort of plan but I couldn’t tell Jensen. Since he couldn’t get inside my head anyway, he wouldn’t know what I was up to. I just hoped things would work out for the best, even if that meant getting myself killed in the end. I knew Jensen would never agree to put me in any danger . . . but at this point, I had no choice.
I got out of the shower and dried off, all the while figuring out a way to take down what seemed to be the most evil of all evil supernatural creatures in the universe. The fog was so thick I could barely see around me. I found the mirror and wiped at the dew on the glass. I saw my reflection, wincing, as if I would see a monster within myself.
Maybe I am a monster . . . .
“Relaxed?” Jensen asked as I walked out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around my tense body. One second, he was by my bed, the next he was at my closet picking out my plaid pajamas.
I caught my breath as I realized he was over there. “I’ve got to get used to that.”
“Sorry,” he chuckled. “I forgot I was in the presence of a human.”
I shook my head. Jensen left the room as I changed. I took my time, devising a plan. I came up with a few different ideas - all leading to my death. After a while, death didn’t seem like such a bad idea. If Jensen would survive at the end of this nightmare, risking my life didn’t seem like such a bad trade off.
We hadn’t known each other long - only four weeks - but within those elongated days we connected in a much deeper way than I ever thought I could. Cole and I, with having known each other for half a year hadn’t linked like this. Jensen and I were tied together, a unit, willing to die for one another. Before him I’d never been so enthusiastic about dying for someone.
“You smell delicious,” Jensen smiled as I walked toward him after I concluded dressing. “I could just eat you up.” He sniffed my hair. If it were anyone else I probably would have been weirded out; but Jensen was different - a good, calming different. His presence soothed my nerves and deafened the loud pounding of my heart.
“You want a taste?” I teased, a knot building in the pit of my stomach. Jensen was hiding something from me, I could tell. Everything - from his eyes to his stance was . . . different. He looked extremely nervous.
“I don’t eat humans. They aren’t in my diet.” He half smiled and kissed my temple.
“Good.” I sat down on my bed.
“Avalon…what’s the matter?” he hesitated. He clearly knew what the problem was. He, just as much as I, didn’t want to face it. The Shadow Angel would arrive here in a matter of days, since he’d been using his power out of habit.
“Nothing. I’m fine.”
“Avalon,” he began, “I’m going to protect you.”
“It’s not me I’m worried about. I’m scared they’ll hurt you.” I wished I’d stopped talking and kissed him instead. After what was going to happen I might never get a chance to do that again.
“Ava,” he chuckled, “your lack of confidence in me is quite insulting.”
“I’m sorry. I just don’t know what I’d do if they did anything to you.” I clenched my hands into tight fists, feeling the anger build inside my tiny body. My teeth gritted against each other in response to the hot blood flowing through my veins.
“Whoa, whoa, Ava, calm down, sweetheart.” Jensen placed his big hands on my shoulders, squeezing them to catch my attention. I hadn’t noticed but I was breathing heavily, shaking profusely. I shook him off of me and ran outside.
The cool summer night air whipped around me, sending a shiver down my spine as my wet hair flew around me in all directions. It was beautiful outside - something I might not get to view again; the dark black sky and big, white half moon were hanging above me. And even though it was drizzling outside I didn’t want to be inside. The thought of this night being one of my last nights on earth made my stomach twist.
Tory came to my mind. She had no idea what was coming; how she might never see me again. Without telling Jensen, I took my bike and rode to the beach house. When I saw the wrap-around porch, I sighed. So much had happened in such a short period of time . . . it felt like ages ago since I’d been at that party, in that house, in that bedroom - raped by Cole. I rode on and ran up to the front door. I rang the doorbell continuously until Tory answered. She was in her pink robe with matching slippers. She looked as if I’d woken her up; her bleached blond hair was a matted mess around her square face, brown eyes drowsy.
“Ava?” Sleep filled her voice. “What are you doing here? Is everything alright with Jensen?” She looked at my pajamas and smirked. She knew I wouldn’t have left the house dressed like this without there being an absolute emergency of some sort.
“Yeah,” I said. “I needed to tell you something, before…” I regretted saying that last part.
“Before what?” she asked, conce
rn in her voice; a scowl strewn across her lovely face. I didn’t say anything, so she added, “Would you like to come inside?”
“No, no,” I said, shaking my head. “I had to come here before,” I couldn’t tell her I would die in an angelic battle I was secretly willing to fight in, “I leave.” I hated lying to her. She was my best friend; but I couldn’t just disappear without as much as a goodbye.
“When?” she asked, eyes wide. “With Jensen?”
“A few days, the most.” I pictured the Shadow Angel coming and destroying me. I tried hiding my fear.
“So soon? But you two just met. Are you sure you’re ready for something like this?” She looked concerned and a little uneasy - a feeling that matched mine while speaking with her.
“I know. But we’ve really connected and feel we’re made for each other.” I wasn’t lying there.
“Where are you going?” she asked in disbelief.
“Houston, Texas.” That was the first place that came to mind.
“What about school? And your mother?”
“We’ve found a place to live and everything.” I took a breath. “As for my mom, she’s cool with it, surprisingly. She thinks it’ll be good for me.” At that moment, it reminded me I had to call my mother to tell her about my fake plans.
“Wow,” she shook her head. “I’m happy for you, Avalon. Really, I am. Jensen’s a great guy. I’m glad things are working out between you two.” A smile spread across her face, but a frown followed. Whether it was because I was leaving, she was thinking about Adam, or both - I couldn’t tell. She wasn’t having the best summer.
“Thanks. Me, too.” I couldn’t avoid the burn of tears coming from behind my eyes.
“Just be careful,” she smiled. She hugged me tenderly. I could feel her body vibrating; she was crying. “I hope everything works out for the two of you.”
“Thank you,” I replied. “I’ll make sure we get to see each other before the move.”
“Definitely,” she answered.
“Best friends?” I smiled, remembering all the good times we shared.
“Always.” She squeezed my hand as if to say goodbye. It saddened me. I hopped on my bike, clothes getting soaked by the heavy downpour.
I turned around to see one, last glimpse of my true-blue friend - a patch of pink fabric as the big door shut. Then the lights went out.
SIXTEEN.
“Sorry,” I murmured as I walked through the door to our apartment.
“You went to talk to Tory. There’s no need to apologize,” replied Jensen who was immediately at my side.
“How’d you know that?”
“I heard you go over there.”
“How’d you -”, But I paused. “Oh, right,” temporarily forgetting he could hear things from far distances. I shivered from the cold.
“Oh my, Avalon, you’re going to catch cold like this. Let me get you something dry to wear.”
He was back in a flash with a pair of heavy winter sweats and a blue pullover. He turned around so I could change. It amazed me how much he respected me enough to look away while I was completely naked . . . even though he’d already seen me naked before. This just further proved how much of a gentleman he was.
“Did you listen in on what I was talking to her about?”
“No. I wouldn’t invade your privacy like that.”
Good. He isn't supposed to know anything.
I rung out my sopping wet hair in the bathroom sink. Without another word from me I went into my room, grabbed my phone and called my mother. Jensen did not follow me.
The phone rang about a dozen times before her voicemail answered. At the beep I told my mother about my plans - how I would not be coming back to New York. At least not yet. I mentioned my feelings for Jensen and how I needed some time away from everyone else I knew. I told her that I loved her and couldn’t wait to see her at some point. That was it.
I sniffled as I wiped my nose with my sleeve.
I went to the living room, sat on the couch and turned on the television, not paying attention to what I was watching. I hoped Jensen couldn’t tell I’d been crying.
“You don’t have to do this, Ava,” Jensen sighed. From my peripheral vision, I could see he was leaning against the doorpost, hands crossed against his chest. His mouth formed a tiny pout.
“I’m not doing anything.” I was so bad at this playing dumb thing. “You’re avoiding what’s going on here.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I replied, changing the station and stopping at Animal Planet.
A vicious tiger was hunting for its meal - ready to pounce on an antelope walking through a thick forest; the green so vibrant and lush. I felt like the antelope - being hunted down by something I couldn’t outrun. And knowing there would be no escaping my destiny, my fate - death.
The tiger was in mid-pounce when Jensen grabbed the remote and turned off the television. He let out a brief sigh, sitting next to me on the plush sofa. He put one arm around my slumped shoulders.
“I was watching that,” I said smugly, reaching for the remote. He quickly grabbed it, stuffing it behind him. I wasn’t in the mood, so I forfeited participating in retrieving what I wanted.
“Avalon, what’s gotten into you?” Worry lines creased on his fair-skinned forehead. Since our last conversation, color had somehow managed to pigment his skin again. But something told me the color would fade sooner than I wanted it to once he found out what I’d been thinking and planned on doing.
“What are you talking about?” I asked skeptically, avoiding eye contact.
“This whole whatever thing is really starting to concern me,” he said, shifting his weight so I was closer to him.
I knew he was looking at me so I caved and turned to face him. His eyes were cobalt blue. Even with his anger flaring he still looked so handsome.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied. I couldn’t let him know what I was up to; even if that meant keeping him mad at me.
“Avalon,” he said calmly, “I love you. And I’m worried about you. I think you’re handling this whole Shadow Angel thing the wrong way.”
“And what way would that be?”
“No way,” he exclaimed. “You’re not handling this at all. You can’t think I won’t survive when this is over.” We hadn't talked about it much since he’d filled me in on a Shadow Angel coming to town. I only assumed there would be a fight. I mean, Jensen wouldn’t go willingly, would he?
“You told me they’re coming here to get you, Jensen. They’re very powerful and dangerous. If I thought you’d make it out alive I wouldn’t be worried. But I am!” I snapped, taking note at the anger in my voice.
“I know,” he said. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told you anything.”
I was really getting angry now. “If you hadn’t told me anything I would be a sitting duck!”
“You still are, Avalon! Don’t you see,” his voice got louder, “you are powerless to a Shadow Angel. You cannot defend yourself. You will never be able to defend yourself. Or me! I am the only one who can protect both of us for the time being.” He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “You don’t believe in me enough!”
“Of course I do!” I shouted.
“Then stop thinking negatively about this! Believe that I can save myself...that I can save you. Trust me, Avalon.” His voice was soft. “Please, that’s all I ask of you.”
* * *
My cell rang - it was Tory.
“Hello?” I said into the phone, wondering what my best friend wanted. Since the night I’d gone to Tory’s house I hadn’t spoken with her in three days. To be honest I didn’t think I’d be speaking to her for a long while. I guess I was trying to avoid a conversation with her. She’d called over a dozen times, as frantic as ever.
“Hey, Ava,” Tory sighed heavily through the receiver, snapping me out of my wandering thoughts. “It’s about time you answered. I thought you fell off the face of the earth.”
/>
“What’s up?” I asked, ignoring her comment.
“Just wanted to see how you were doing.” Her sigh threw me off for a second but her words came out as smooth as marble. I could draw no negative emotion out of her.
“Oh,” I giggled. “Yeah, everything’s fine here,” I lied. I’d been lying so much to the people I loved; it honestly was beginning to bother me. Was all the lying worth it?
“Just fine?”
“Yep.”
“How’s the packing going? Need extra hands?”
Before slipping up I realized she thought Jensen and I were moving away. So I said, “Oh no, we’re fine. Almost done, actually.”
“Okay,” she replied. “I came by last night to visit you and Jensen but no one was home.” I heard the frown in her voice. This was the longest I’d been away from Tory in months. I couldn’t lie to myself - I missed her.
“What time did you get here?” I asked absent-mindedly. Jensen was resting on the big, black couch. Was he actually sleeping? He looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to disturb him so I went into my room.
“Um,” she thought, “around seven or eight?”
As I recalled Jensen and I had been walking along the beach, hand in hand, at that time. I asked Jensen if The Angel Vaad would kill him for disobeying their orders.
“They could.” I winced slightly and then Jensen embraced me in the most compassionate hug I’d ever received. He was scared for me, for himself. But mostly for me. I could feel it. The overwhelming sensation was in the atmosphere around us, engulfing the night sky with dread and sorrow. He didn’t know what the angels would do to me since I’d basically been the one to start this whole thing for being born in the first place. Without my existence none of this would be happening.
The sky had seemed black, scarier - a canvas for evil. If I hadn’t been mistaken I could have sworn I saw a dark figure move through the sky and the across the bright full moon.
“Sorry, we were at the beach,” I said, snapping back to reality.
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