What Love Has Lost

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What Love Has Lost Page 12

by McCalester, Mindy


  "Well, don't we have some talented singers tonight!" the host exclaims. "Who wants to sing, next?"

  To my astonishment, Nathan stands up. "I will."

  "Well, come on up!" the host commands.

  "And I'm bringing my two friends, Grady and Blake." Nathan finishes explaining. Grady and Blake looks at Nathan as if he is going crazy. I don't know what he's up to, but I want to know why he is doing this.

  Grady and Blake follow Nathan as they walk towards the stage.

  "What's your name, kid?"

  "Nathan Hampton and I will be singing 'The Nameless' by Slipknot. Grady and Blake will be my backup singers." He requests. The song continues with a heavy rock mode. I have never heard of this type of band before, since I'm not into heavy metal. I love rock music, but not this type of music.

  "Pathetic (benign), accept it (undermine), your opinion (my justification). Happy (safe), Servant (caged), Malice (utter weakness). No toleration, invade (committed), Enraged (admit it). Don't condensed, don't even disagree! Destroy (decay), Disappoint (delay), you've suffered then, now suffer unto me!"

  What the hell? Why did he pick this song? Unexpectedly, he jumps out of the stage and walks into the crowd of the audience. They continue singing the song as he leisurely walks towards our table. What the hell are you doing?

  "(Don't go) I never wanted anybody more, than I wanted you. (I know) the only thing I ever really loved was hurting you (was hurting you). (Don't go) I never wanted anybody more, than I wanted you (I wanted you). (I know) the only thing I ever really loved was hate!"

  He runs back to the stage as the song continues.

  "Stay inside this hole, let me take control (dominate)! You are nothing more, you are something less (innocent)! Something has to give, something has to break (omnipresent)! Fingers in your skin, let me savage in (you deserve it)!"

  Breathing into the microphone, he starts running towards me, and then pulls my chair away from the table. Surprising me and the rest of the crowd, his face is inches away from mine. I looks like he's going to kiss me in front of these people, but I can be wrong.

  "You're mine (I know who you are)!" Nathan finishes the song and crashes his lips, forcefully, in front of these people.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Can't or Won't?

  Replaying the kiss that Nathan performed back at the karaoke, I couldn't help thinking if he meant it or just wanted to make Hattie jealous. I mean, Hattie and Nathan kissed in front of me. Nathan tried admitting himself that Hattie was the one who kissed him, not the other way around. I couldn't stand him! I was so tired of being tortured (emotionally) by him! I was so tired of his stupid lies.

  Couldn't I remain happy for once?

  Anyways, Rhiannon and Grady went back to Alabama, since they had the dinner rehearsal tomorrow night. I told them that we would be there. We wouldn't miss their night before the real day of their beginning in happiness.

  Why couldn't I have what they have? I wanted to be happy, and Nathan refused to give it to me!

  "Inna," he whispered, distracting me from my thoughts. My eyes averted to his direction. His emerald eyes appeared to be darker than usual. "I want to take you somewhere. Someplace far away from here." He continued.

  What was he doing?

  Unexpectedly, he took my hand as I followed him. Suddenly, Hattie jumped in front of us, with her stupid smile on her plastic face. "So, where are you guys heading today? Oh, I know this great Japanese restaurant, Nate! You're going to die for some sushi..." she continued on her ranting, but remarkably, he pushed her to the side. Was he trying to impress me with his new self?

  "Where are you going?" she practically exclaimed.

  Nathan didn't respond. He just kept avoiding her.

  "Nathan, are you okay?" I whispered. He faced towards me as he gently placed his lips against mine. My eyes rapidly blinked, just to make sure that he was real - that I was his only one. "Whoa, what was that for?" I breathed. He chuckled and pulled me closer to him, showing off his new ride: a motorcycle.

  My eyes widen like huge saucers. I couldn't believe that he kept his promise! He promised me that he would take us somewhere far away from the world, by using a motorcycle, and he was making his promise. This day couldn't be any better! This was the best day of my life.

  "You didn't!" I awed.

  Nathan grinned, foolishly, nodding his head. "Oh yes, I did."

  As I followed him to the awesome bicycle, he grabbed a helmet for me. I gladly accepted. Hoping onto the motor machine, I was shrieking in excitement. I was so amazed that he and I would run away in a motorcycle. It was my all-time dream!

  Nathan was the one who drove as I sat behind him, riding. We rode as fast as we could, but we didn't want to get a speeding ticket and be sent to jail. I wouldn't look great in those jumpsuits. Being behind bars wouldn't go so well with me, because I was claustrophobic.

  Anyways, I told Nathan that I've always wanted someone to take me away with a motorcycle. We were sixteen and said everything, especially our dreams. He wanted to find some way to surprise me. He wanted to sweep me off my feet. With him, taking me away on a motorcycle, felt as if he was taking me away with a trusty steed.

  I was also the type of girl who was into black leather and daredevils.

  ♠♣♥♦

  Finally, we came to a halt in the dirt road. It was secluded. It was somewhere, where nobody could find us. It was going to be our new spot, next to the train tracks. Being in a small town, I loved being in the outdoors, watching the gorgeous scenery and enjoying the lovely Southern weather.

  It wasn't so frigid, such as Colorado. Colorado was a bit too cold for me to handle.

  Colorado had those gorgeous Rocky Mountains, but it wasn't home. It was a good place to ski, but still wasn't home. Arkansas was my home. Sure, I wasn't born in Arkansas, but I was raised here. I was raised to be a Southern girl, without the riding horses and square dancing. Okay, I would probably suggest the square dancing, but we did have good steaks.

  Coming back to the topic, Nathan turned off the engine. He threw off his helmet as so did I. He ruffled his messy hair and smiled at me. I laughed. "What's so funny?" he asked, raising a bushy eyebrow.

  I shook my head. "You know, I still don't forgive you."

  He frowned. "Why don't you forgive me? What did I do?" he asked, acting all innocent.

  "You know what you did!" I interjected, slapping him onto his arm. I also laughed, because of his oblivious act. He should become an actor, someday. Anyways, after my laughter died down, I became more serious. "Seriously, why did you do it?"

  "Do what?" he asked. Was he trying to be an asshole?

  "Okay, stop joking, I didn't like what you did, a couple of days ago."

  "What are you fucking talking about, Inn?"

  "I'm talking about you and Hattie, playing tonsil hockey!" I shouted. Unexpectedly, he slapped me. Okay, that was a bit crossing the line, but I was appalled that Nathan slapped me across the face. Trying to force the tears away from my eyes, I faltered.

  "Inn, I'm sorry... I didn't mean..."

  Cutting him off, I backed away. "No, you did this on purpose. You did everything on purpose." I licked my lips before going any further. I watched Nathan's facial expression. He was upset. He wasn't angered or annoyed. He was disappointed on himself. Sure, I could see it, but I refused. I was tired of being his doormat.

  "You came back into my life. Everything was all right before you stepped back into my life. I didn't care if you were Grady's best man to their wedding. We'll just leave it as that. We'll just attend at their wedding, because it's the day of their happiness. I'll be there for Rhiannon; you'll just be there for Grady." I paused. He didn't interrupt. Instead, he just stood there, staring at me. I inhaled, deeply, before proceeding.

  Shutting my eyes, I felt the pain that was intensifying in my cheek. "You wanted to make me a deal. Sure, I'll do anything what you wanted me to do, but all I want is for you to leave after the wedding. You keep hurting m
e, because I don't love you. You can go ahead and kiss Hattie for all I fucking care! Please, don't kiss me when another woman has feelings for you."

  "Inna," he added, but I interrupted.

  "No, I don't want you to keep making excuses! I want you to tell me the truth for once!" I shouted. Suddenly, I felt his arms pressing against mine. I begged him to let go of me, but he didn't want to listen. This was what I've always hated about him! He was always arrogant! He didn't want to face the truth. He was always so boastful of himself. I loathed him, more than I ever loved him.

  "Nathan, please, let me go!" I begged, struggling to get away from his grasp. On a bad note, he was too strong.

  "No, I want you to hear me out." He improvised. Looking into his emerald eyes, they seemed brighter. Trying to force the tears away, I gave up and hugged Nathan, instead. I was so tired of running away. I was so tired of getting hurt. I was so tired of being miserable.

  I felt his hand grazed upon my face. He removed the strand of hair, away from my face. "Inna, Hattie kissed me. I did my best to push her away from me, but she was very forceful. She caught me off guard."

  I scoffed, not making eye contact. He was fucking lying!

  "Inna, I'm telling you the fucking truth." He explained. Then, I made eye contact. His eyes softened. "I'm telling you the truth." He whispered.

  Licking my lips, I pushed Nathan away from me.

  "Where are you going?" Nathan questioned.

  Stopping in between the train tracks, I stood there, waiting if there was a train going to hit me.

  "Are you fucking insane? What if a train comes by and hits you?"

  "Then, let it hit me. Right now, I'm going to stand here, whether you like it or not. You may push me out of the way, all you like. Be my guest, Nate! But, I think it's better for me to die alone, than to argue with you for the rest of my life!"

  "Inna, this is crazy! And I didn't choose to argue with you! You're making things so damn complicated, I have to argue. You're too stubborn, and you're acting very childish, right now. So, step away from the train tracks, and get over here." He commanded. I scoffed, placing two hands upon my hips.

  "I'm the one acting childish? Please, you're the one who is making us complicated! I wasn't the one who was up for having sex with you. You brought it yourself, Hampton! Hell, I would regret the day that I fell in love with you." I smirked. This definitely started pissing him off.

  Stomping his way towards me, I showed no hesitation. I didn't want to move away from these train tracks. If I died in front of a train where Nathan could see, then so be it. At least, I didn't have to suffer through his painful ways.

  "Goddammit, Inna, this is ridiculous! You need to step away from the tracks!" he repeated.

  From afar, we've both heard a train honking. I didn't try to run away. Within minutes, the train moved closer to me. Nathan started yelling at me, ordering me to step away. However, I didn't listen. I didn't bother leaving. Hearing him cussing, I knew that he didn't want to watch this.

  Was he showing as if he cared about me? Hell, he kissed another girl in front of me! He broke up with me because my parents didn't want to meet him! He shattered my heart into a million bits of pieces and didn't bother, picking it up! He did all of this to me!

  The train was a few feet away from me. As it came closer to me, Nathan ran into me, pushing me away from the train tracks. I fell backwards, as I found myself lying down with Nathan on top of me. Honestly, dying in front of a train scared the living shit out of me. However, I was surprised that Nathan actually rescued me.

  He panted. "What were you thinking?"

  "I thought you were just going to stand there, just to watch me make the biggest mistake."

  He scoffed. "No, I couldn't."

  Rolling my eyes, I scooted my body away from him. However, he held onto my wrists. "You're not going anywhere, until you explain yourself."

  "Then, I'll just lay here onto this hard, cold ground, with you on top of me."

  He chuckled. "As kinky as that sounds, I want you to talk."

  "As kinky as that sounds, I don't want to discuss anything with you!" I spitted.

  Nathan rolled his neck. "Fine, I'll start. What the fuck was that out there? Were you that insane to stand in front of the train, when it was going to hit you? You could've died!"

  "And are you saying that you care?" I interrupted his speech.

  He caught himself. "Of course, I care. I don't want anybody to risk his or her lives for something stupid. That, out there, was suicidal." He referred.

  "Ha, only if you knew that I went through an emotional state of depression. It was far by worse than me, confronting a train." I smirked. He gave me a serious look. Rolling my eyes, I tilted my head to the side. "Are you going to let me go?"

  "No, I want to keep talking."

  Pursing my lips together, I surrendered. "Fine, proceed onto your lecture, Dr. Hampton."

  He groaned. "There you go, again, trying to avoid the question. Why don't you admit it that you're running away from something? Maybe you're running away from someone, from me."

  "Running away from you? As if! I think you're hiding something as well. I'm not the only one who being victimized." I reminded.

  "What are you saying?" he questioned, trying to wring all these answers out of me.

  "I'm saying that you still love me." I admitted.

  He kept quiet. He didn't quickly respond. I was right. He still loved me.

  "Please, say it. Say that you still love me. I want to know. If you say that you don't love me, then I understand. I just want you to tell me the truth. I can tell from your eyes. There's still something there, burning inside for me." I paused. I watched him licking his lips.

  Suddenly, a hand of mine grazed upon his face. We made eye contact. "Say it," I commanded in a whisper. Then, I felt his body rising up, away from me. I slowly sat up, walking towards him.

  "Where are you going?" I asked in a forceful manner.

  "We're going back home, end of discussion." He admitted, while putting on his helmet. "C'mon, let's go home. It's getting colder by the minute. Don't want you to get a cold."

  Crossing my arms across my chest, I wanted to ask him again. "Why are you avoiding this simple command? Are you afraid or something?"

  "Inna, drop it. We're going home." Nathan distracted.

  "No," I said, forcefully grabbing his hand. Placing his hand onto my chest, I wanted him to feel my heartbeat. "Do you feel that? I just want you to know that I'm a real person with emotional feelings, and you're being an asshole, by avoiding this conception. Face it, Nate. Where was that guy who had no problem in professing his love for me?"

  "I can't talk about this. Not right now." He whispered.

  "Can't or won't?" I corrected.

  Nathan stared at me into his eyes. He turned on the engine and said, "I can't."

  ♠♣♥♦

  "Wait, he said that to you?" Rhiannon asked me through the phone.

  Sighing, I spilt the news to Rhiannon. I loved our girl chats. It was always random and hilarious. Yet, we have had time to share what was going through our lives. It helped the both of us cope. If one of us were frustrated, then the other would be there for comfort and guidance.

  "So, did he say it?" Rhiannon teased.

  "No, he didn't. He tried avoiding it."

  "You know, you need a vacation - a getaway from Nathan Hampton and his male drama." Rhiannon laughed. I scoffed, while rubbing my eyes.

  "Ah, if only, I would love to visit the Bahamas. It would be a fantastic journey for me to stay. Besides, there are exotic men with a wonderful view." I joked.

  "Right, but you have been stressed out with Nathan, lately. You two act like a marriage couple, compared to Grady and I." she chuckled. Speaking of Grady, I haven't heard from him since the day of the karaoke.

  "Where is Grady, anyways?" I asked.

  "Oh, he's at the bar, getting drunk, and spending his lonely nights of being a bachelor before becoming a husband."
Rhiannon explained. "Men, they always want something! They complain about the littlest things, such as wanting things." She preached.

  "Amen," I praised. Suddenly, a knock appeared onto my door. "Hey, I gotta go, so I'll talk to you later?" Rhiannon agreed on talking more later, as we both hung up the phone. "Uh, come in."

  The door slowly opened as I saw a young girl, poking her nose inside. It must be Alyce.

  "Alyce, you don't have to stand out there. You may come inside." I advised. She didn't hesitate, so she swiftly walked into the room and shut the door. "You can sit next to me, too, if you want." Without hesitation, she finally sat beside me.

  "So, what's on your mind, kid?"

  "First, I'm not a kid. I'm practically an adult." She corrected. My mouth opened. "Second, I want to tell you that I was nosing around about your conversation that you had on the phone. My brother may be an idiot, but I know that he still cares about you." Alyce informed.

  "Well, can you tell him that he's being so complicated and just wouldn't confess?"

  She shook her head, vigorously. "No, don't force my brother into anything. He won't listen."

  "Right, I should've known." I trailed, biting onto my lower lip. Then, I felt her hand placed on top of mine. "Uh, thank you?"

  "This is a sign of gratitude, so you're welcome. Oh, if you want any more girl advice, I'm always here. Besides, I prefer you instead of that blonde bimbo, Hattie. She's so clingy to my brother and she's annoying. If we lived in China, she could wake up half the population with her whiney voice."

  I couldn't help but laugh. She was right, but I didn't know that she carried humor as well. She must've really hated Hattie, since she barely showed her emotions. To be honest, it was good hearing from Nathan's younger sister, accepting me as a person. I thought she hated me as well, but it turned out that I was dead wrong.

  I could start to love Alyce as well. "Thank you. Oh, my door is always open when you need me." I clarified.

  She nodded and smiled before leaving my room to go to bed. Stopping in front of the door, she said one more thing before regretting it for tonight. "If you and my brother decide on getting married, will you make me a part of your wedding as a bridesmaid?"

 

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