“What does it mean?” He tipped his head at the stretched phrase.
Niko fisted his hands at his sides. “It hurts less to live without someone.”
Some part of Ethan understood but recognized the lie. “Not always.”
“Come on.”
Would Niko be like all the other assholes? If he was going to get thrown out on his ass he was afraid he might not survive it this time.
“Come on,” Niko said again, this time wrapping the broad expanse of his hand around Ethan’s smaller one. “Come to bed.”
Ethan waited for the punch line, but the laugh never came. “I’m so tired.” Afraid Niko would think he was wimping out, he didn’t wipe the tears drowning the corners of his eyes.
Niko gave a gentle tug and Ethan instantly curled burrowed between two heavy arms and a warm chest. The rapid cadence of Niko’s heartbeat kept time like a metronome. “I’ve been there. You’re safe.” Niko’s dark lashes fanned across the lower ones as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Let me keep you safe.”
Unlike in the studio, he didn’t crash his lips down on Ethan’s mouth. This was deliberate, calculated. The slight tilt of his head. The parted lips ready for an invitation. Ethan lifted his chin and skimmed his dry lips over the corner of Niko’s mouth. The pink tip of Niko’s tongue peeked out and licked Ethan’s lips. Now, sliding smoothly, he tucked his tongue deep into the darkness of Niko’s silky mouth.
“Damn,” Niko mumbled between nibbles and licks. “You feel so—”
Ethan threaded his fingers in the mass of dark hair on the back of the man’s head. When he gave a sharp tug, Niko laughed, sending a warm vibration through their locked mouths. “Good, I know. Your body is perfect.” His chest rose and fell. Ethan laid his cheek on the twin mounds, wishing the ink would sink through to stain his own skin.
The chill creeping along his arms faded the moment he followed Niko into the bedroom. The blankets were wadded up, twisted. Ethan imagined Niko’s strong legs kicking at the sheet to get comfortable. The picture seemed too intimate, as if he was an unwelcome reader peering into a secret diary.
Niko turned, taking the back of Ethan’s neck into the wide expanse of his palm. “Just sleep, okay? I didn’t bring you in here for anything else. Get in bed.”
Ethan examined the space. Three grey walls were offset by the canvas above Niko’s bed. Stark greens and blues, yellow and oranges caressed the plaster in sweeping strokes creating a beautiful seascape at sunset.
“You’re so talented.” Ethan moved closer as if he could walk into the tranquil scene. “Did you use spray paint?”
Niko slipped under the blanket and rolled onto his side. “Yeah.
Ethan kept his gaze on the slipping waves, one melting into the crest of another. “I love it. My dad took us to California once when he was traveling for business. While he stayed in San Diego, my mom rented a convertible for a couple of days and took my brother and sister and I on a trip up the coast. This reminds me of that evening we stopped at a restaurant in Huntington Beach. You know.” He turned to see Niko watching him with his head propped in his hand, up on one elbow. Ethan drew back the sheet and sat on the edge of the firm mattress. “Like the restaurants on the pier where you sit over the water? I ate so much shrimp, I got sick that night. It was worth it, though. That was the last time my dad took us with him on a business trip. Mom thought he was having an affair. I don’t know. I think he was just a cold, heartless asshole.”
Ethan fingered the edge of the sheet, avoiding Niko’s stare.
“I like your dog. He’s cute. How long have you had him?”
“Ethan?” Niko grumbled and yawned. “Lie down. I’m not Charles. You can sleep in whatever in the hell you want and I have no intention of standing over while you do it.”
Thunder banged and the room glowed with a streak of lightning. Ethan scurried under the covers acting the part of a squeamish queer. He didn’t care. He was cold, exhausted, and, yes, scared.
The soft pillow cradled his head as he closed his eyes.
“Casper usually takes a pillow by morning. Don’t let it freak you out.”
Ethan smiled through the darkness. “So, you’re saying you’ve got him kind of spoiled?”
A flash of white scattered through the room. Ethan tugged the blanket up to his chest. Niko’s soft laugh drifted through the hushed sound of the rain pattering on the large window. “You could say that. I like to spoil things that mean a lot to me. I never had anything or anyone close enough to do it before.”
Ethan felt the smooth sheet shift.
“I have no fucking clue why I talk so much when I’m around you.”
The faint stroke of rough fingertips explored his lower stomach. Ethan flexed his abdomen, trying not to breathe too fast, but the air felt cluttered with his thoughts. “Maybe you’re finally comfortable with someone.”
“Yeah,” Niko whispered, so close. So close, his breath heated Ethan’s cheek. “Maybe.”
Slowly, back and forth, the warm fingertip moved up. Up? Up? This wasn’t the way his fantasy played out. Niko sighed, the kind of exhale burdened with a past and bogged down with an unsure future.
The feathering stroke slid across the large scar on his stomach making Ethan press his ass against the mattress. The reminder every time he looked in the mirror was enough. The man he was infatuated with touched the evidence of his weakness. Everything had become overwhelming.
“Niko, please don—”
“Go to sleep, Ethan.”
The slow back and forth climbed higher. The fingertip rode the narrow line, first up then down to cross the scar. “Jesus, Niko, you don’t understand.”
The warmth when Niko flattened his palm sent Ethan into a stratosphere where his thoughts went deep into the void and his breaths lingered, one after the other, patiently lulling him to sleep.
“That’s it,” Niko calmly coaxed as each rigid nerve uncoiled.
The soft press of lips against his neck sent a thread to his cock. Lengthening, filling, growing heavy with anticipation. Since the first time he’d turned around to see the swirls and hues painted on Niko’s skin, he’d wanted everything.
“Calm down there, skinny jeans. It’s just a kiss.”
Just a kiss? Who the hell was he kidding? That kiss sent an email to his dick to flip Niko over and lick the line between his cheeks. God, he’d only done that twice, but he’d love to do it again.
Ethan fisted the edge of the sheet and snuggled into the pillow where Niko’s face rested. He again closed his eyes, let the sultry heat from the man’s rough palm spanning his stomach remind him that tomorrow was a new start. A new apartment. A new job. A life he would own.
*****
Shit...holy fu— God damn.
“Hold still.”
What are you doing? Fuck, that feels so good.
“I’m going to go slow. Tell me you want me to stop.”
“What the fuck!” Niko rolled onto his hip almost knocking Ethan off the mattress. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Jesus, Ethan.” Niko slipped his hand down his face, trying to erase the remnants of what he thought was a dream. But, it wasn’t. This was real. Like—real fucking real.
Ethan was licking his asshole. No, not just licking, but sticking the tip of his finger inside.
“Please, Niko. I promise you’ll like it. Please, it’s been so long for me. I love doing this and I haven’t done it since I moved in with Charles. If you want me to stop, I will.”
Niko tipped over, pressing his forehead into his hand. “Jesus, Ethan, I’m not gay. How did you get my shorts off? I don’t want to...I can’t. I—tell anyone and I’ll beat the shit out of you.”
He didn’t particularly like the way Ethan bounced back into the spot he was before Niko went ape-shit. “Roll over,” he said, impatiently grabbing Niko’s calves and pushing. “God, I’ve wanted to taste you since that first day in the shop. Your ass is so firm. Come on, just relax. I can’t believe you’ve never had any
one do this. I know you’re not gay, but every man loves getting his ass eaten out.
Niko laid his cheek on the pillow, squeezing his eyes closed, knowing going back after this wasn’t an option. Having a guy suck his cock in the men’s room was a quick thing, forgettable. Well, not forgettable when the memory was filed for the spank bank, but this was different. Having another guy touch him so intimately meant something else entirely.
Niko shoved his face in the pillow not sure whether to scream or sigh with relief. This could be their secret. No one needed to know. He’d play it cool and trusted Ethan would do the same. Besides, whether the guy was fucking beautifully adorable or not, he’d kick his ass if he said anything.
“Holy fuck!” Niko clenched his cheeks with the wet sensation slipping down his crack. “I wasn’t ready.”
The vibration of laughter sank into the crease. “Yes you are. You’ve been ready for a long time, Niko. Relax. I want to get in deep.”
Niko tried to breathe. God, his lungs were locked up. The slight pressure of a rough tip pressed against his hole made his stomach quiver. “I had no idea—”
“It could feel this good? Wait until you get this while I suck your cock.”
Niko’s lungs seized as the euphoria in his head spun out of control. “You’ve...done that before?”
When Ethan didn’t answer, the pressure increased. The gentle burn made his jaw twitch. He wasn’t a pussy. He could take pain, but this was a different kind of discomfort. As if his body knew it was going to drown in pleasure, his ass involuntarily pressed against Ethan’s finger.
The heaviness in Niko’s balls swelled, along with his dick. Rutting the bed wasn’t enough. He wanted Ethan’s hand on his cock but remembered what he’d said about Charles. Niko was a lot of things, but a bastard to the guy who was licking his ass wasn’t one of them.
Ethan’s strong hands gripped and released, tightened and massaged. “I want in here,” he moaned and Niko felt the pressure break through his ring, sending a full sensation through his pelvis.
Niko ground into the mattress. He needed more but wasn’t sure what to ask for. Something bigger in his ass? Something faster? A warm hand on his cock? “You.” He looked over his shoulder, watching as Ethan sat back, a serious expression on his face as he slowly pumped his arm. “Want to fuck me?”
“Sure, why not? You think because I’m a pretty boy I can’t fuck another man? Look.” He pulled the waistband of the silky shorts down past the thin nest of light-brown hair. “Does this look like I can’t handle fucking?”
“Jesus Christ, Ethan.” Niko swallowed to avoid drooling.
“I know” The little shit smirked. “I’ve only been inside two guys, but they didn’t complain. Maybe...maybe sometime we could try it?”
No way in hell. Niko wasn’t about to let another guy fuck him. Besides, why did the topic have to be brought up at all? This whole messing around thing was going to be a one-time deal, a quick way to release the pressure that’d been building up since that night in the men’s room.
Ethan’s hot, slender finger pumping in and out made his brain hazy, the patter of the rain rebounding then silencing, the movement of the mattress as Casper crawled to Ethan’s pillow, all of it felt muted. He looked over his shoulder again.
Ethan’s intense stare was illuminated by the lightning flashing in the shadowed space. “Come for me, Niko. Forget about everything. It’s just you and me here. No one will know. Come hard and it’ll be our secret. I promise.”
Niko masked his face in the pillow. The thickness between his legs swung forward then back with the rock of his hips. He vaguely felt the shift in the bed, a radiating warmth close to his side, but he couldn’t move his head, from shame or fear—he had no clue—but at this point who cared? Every nerve in his body peaked, vibrated with the hum in his dick.
“That’s it, ride my finger.” Damn that voice. Was it Ethan? Was it the man in the bathroom? “You’re leaking all over the bed. God, you love this. I’m leaking, too, Niko.”
Jesus, it was him—Ethan. My Ethan. Sexy, beautiful Ethan.
“Just keep doing whatever the hell you’re doing. You’re gonna make me come.”
Feathers, yes, feathers slid across the tip of his cock. Slick wisps skimmed the drops. The pressure. In...out. In...out. Hot. Wet. The air captured in his lungs seized and every muscle in his back locked. He had to come. Hard.
“God, Niko, yes.”
The precipice, the overwhelming urge to push his hips and spread his thighs shot through him. He lifted his waist, separating the head of his cock from the blanket. Blackness kidnapped him as the jets of heat spilled from the tip. Going. Going. Thinking the warm sinking feeling would never stop.
But it did.
He lifted his head and looked at the sheet. Ethan’s palm cradled every bit of thick, white liquid. “That was you touching me?” With the hum in his chest, Niko was unsure if the words had actually made their way out of his mouth.
“Yes, I had to touch you. Your cock is perfect. I love how it curves to the left a little. I bet it would feel amazing inside.”
Niko rolled over, leaving plenty of space between Ethan’s thought and the rejection he had to give. He rested the back of his forearm above his brow. “You do realize that’s never going to happen?” Ethan scooted back and Niko could see the white stain on the front of the borrowed shorts. “You came, too?”
Ethan laughed and moved to the right side of the bed, dangling his feet before standing up. “So, does this mean I’ve lost pillow rights?”
Niko peeked over. “Guess so. He doesn’t move for anybody. Here,” Niko pulled the pillow out from under his head. “Take mine.”
Ethan didn’t protest but instead walked to the door. Niko rolled onto his side. The side that would keep him from looking straight into the face that was going to crumple him, destroy every wall he’d built. The sound of his father’s guttural voice haunted his ears.
Sissy fag. Wanna kiss boys then you better be ready to get it up the ass by ’em. You want it up the ass, sissy fag? No son of mine is gonna be a sissy fag. Catch you again and you’ll find a one-way ticket to the avenues with a cardboard box.
Niko hugged his shoulder, hoping Ethan was on his way to the bathroom and hadn’t seen him flinch. He’d been eleven when his dad had taunted him for the first time and he hadn’t known kissing a boy meant being homeless. He never would’ve let Kenny Summers into his room that day if he’d known it would lead to a cardboard box with a cup and a sign.
Niko’s mattress shifted from behind. What was he supposed to say? Hey, dude, thanks for fingering my ass. It felt great. Realizing he was naked, he tugged the blanket over his chest.
The bed shifted again. “The rain’s stopped.”
“Yeah,” Niko blinked in the darkness.
“Are you falling asleep?”
“No… I don’t know.” Damn, his brain was jumbled, pebbles rolling around inside his head, one thought stumbling against the next. The sound of the gunshot ricocheted in his ears. The way his mother screamed, not only from the blood oozing out of his father’s leg, but from the pain of her broken arm that his father had snapped minutes earlier. Those were sounds that ghosted a man, relentlessly.
“I’m nervous about tomorrow.”
“Why? It’s all good.” Niko tried to sound even, like when he was in grade school and his buddy sat just right on the other end of the teeter totter.
“Yeah.” Ethan’s voice faded.
The warmth of the blanket soothed him when Ethan pulled it over his shoulder. Fighting the urge to roll over, he closed his eyes and willed the image of his mother walking out onto the juvenile correctional facility parking lot to open the door on their shitty old Ford Taurus. The memory shouldn’t still hurt, but it did.
He lay motionless, waiting. For what he wasn’t sure until he heard a light snore drifting from behind his back. Breathing out a quiet sigh, he closed his eyes and welcomed the blackness.
*****
The smell of maple syrup motivated Ethan to open his eyes. With arms stretched, he dug the back of his head into the pillow. The door was open, but Niko was gone. Feeling silly but not caring, he rolled over and buried his nose in the space where Niko’s head had laid.
Fruity, woodsy, the scent made his dick twitch. Morning wood had nothing on the real reason why his cock was so eager. The tough guy in the kitchen intensified his senses. There had only been two other guys who let him play on his own terms. Having a pretty face lent others to form opinions before speaking.
“Are you going to stay in here all day smelling my bed?”
Ethan laughed, the sound muffled by the mattress. “No.” He lifted his head. “You made me breakfast?”
When he rolled over, Niko leaned in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. “No. I made me breakfast, but you can have some. Do you have class this morning?”
Out of habit, Ethan leaned over and patted the bedside table looking for his phone. “What time is it?”
“Time for you to get your ass out of bed o’clock. I’ll drop you off at school if you have class. I have a client at ten so move it.”
When Niko turned around, Ethan propped the side of his head in his palm. The shorts he’d thrown on the floor last night now hung low on Niko’s hips. The two strips of muscle hugging the sides of his straight spine slid down into a tapered V at the rim of the elastic. Ethan slid his hand under the blanket. It didn’t take long, a couple of strokes, and cum oozed onto his thumb and finger. He’d never come so fast in his life.
With Niko’s denial it could be impossible to suggest they be more than friends. The tattooed sex god had made the fact perfectly clear. He wasn’t gay. That’s what Ethan’s steady fuck in high school told him every time they met after swim practice. After a while, the pain of having the person he’d cared for want to hide was either going to drown him or make him leave. First, he drowned in bottles of Captain Morgan and Xanax then thought making his lover jealous by fucking one of the guys on the football team and the president of the art club would be enough shock to open their relationship to the world.
Savior: A Tattered Club Story (Tattered Social Club Series Book 1) Page 8