by Lisa Lace
"Yes, I understand."
"Do you agree to this memory pull?" It was a traditional ritual to get explicit verbal confirmation from the subject.
"I agree," I said.
"Here we go."
AIRIK, TWENTY YEARS AGO
"Hi, Gina," I said, walking up to a gorgeous brunette standing at her locker.
"Hey." Was it my imagination, or did she sound bored when she greeted me today? She seemed different from when we started going out at the beginning of the year. Her eyes used to light up when she saw me. Her reaction worried me, but the present I had for her would fix everything. "What's up?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to skip school." I leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "I have an exciting date planned."
She looked at me with interest. "You? You want to skip school? Weren't you telling me to focus? This is our last year, you want to get into the Institute, I want to get into college, we have to work hard...blah, blah, blah."
"I meant every word, Gina. My parents would kill me if they knew I was skipping. I want today to be about us, not school. I have a present for you. Will you come?"
She smiled at me. It was a genuine smile, like the ones she used to give me.
"Okay."
It was the beginning of summer. We hiked up into the mountains until we found our particular spot. It was the place where we'd first had sex. It had been the first time for both of us, and I remembered the night being magical.
When we got to our spot, she looked at me. Her eyes were sensual.
"I don't know what your present is, but can I give you one first?" she asked. She pulled off her shirt and bra to display her perfect round breasts. She shimmied out of her clothing and sauntered up to me completely naked.
I was an eighteen-year-old boy. She was an eighteen-year-old girl with a perfect body. Was I going to say no? I felt time speed up as if someone had put my life on fast forward. I realized I was in my mind. Quinn must be speeding up my memory through the sex part. I didn't blame her.
All of a sudden, Gina and I lay side by side in the warm grass. We were naked as the day we were born. I quickly forgot this was just a memory.
"You know what, Airik? Whatever you may or may not be as a boyfriend, you are the most amazing lover I've ever had."
I smiled, basking in the compliment until I realized what had gone unsaid. My smile disappeared.
"Wait a minute. I thought you said I was your first? You've been with another guy?"
Gina's face fell as she realized what she had inadvertently revealed. "Guys," she said, not meeting my eye.
"Why did you lie to me? I wouldn't have cared."
"Because you thought I was a virgin. I didn't want to tell you I had already slept with three other guys. I didn't want you to believe I was a slut."
I did believe she was a slut now. But I wouldn't say it, and it didn't change the way I felt about her. Then I realized what she said about my suitability as a boyfriend. "Are you unhappy?"
"Airik. Of course I'm not happy."
"Why?" I asked. I felt the world spinning around me.
"Because you're boring. You always want to go to school. You try to control me, and you only like certain parts of me. I don't feel like I can be myself when I'm around you. It's too hard to live like that."
"You think I'm trying to control you?"
"I don't think, I know. I lied about being a virgin, but you don't like my clothes either."
"I just want you to dress more like who you are, so your exterior matches your interior."
"And not like a good-for-nothing girl without mental abilities."
"You're not good-for-nothing."
"You've never been to my house, Airik. Don't try to deny it. You think you're better than me. I knew it when we started dating, but I thought your money would make up for your annoying, controlling personality."
She began to get dressed. "You know what? The sex almost did make up for everything else. Sex with you is mind-blowing. But it's not enough. I know you love me, Airik, but I don't love you. I can't go out with you any more."
I jumped up, pulling on my pants as she began walking down the mountainside.
"Gina, please. Can't we talk about this?" She couldn't be leaving me, could she?
"There's nothing to discuss, Airik. We've been over for months. I was just too scared to tell you."
"No," I said, my eyes full of tears. "Gina, I love you. Don't break up with me."
"Too late, Airik. We're already done. It's over."
I sank onto the grass, watching her until she was out of sight. The sun and the warm wind were an insult to my broken heart. Everything I had believed about Gina was a lie. I thought she had been a virgin, too. I thought she loved me. I thought she would someday marry me.
I pulled a key out of my pocket and stared at it. I had tied a red bow to the key. It symbolized all my hopes and dreams. I was about to give her this key as a present. It opened the door to an apartment I had rented for us for next year. We would live in it while I went to the Institute and she went to college.
I threw it as far as I could down the mountain and buried my head in my hands, tears running down my face. "I will never let another woman hurt me like this," I said out loud, through a haze of pain. I felt like my chest was being split open. "I will never love again. Because it hurts too fucking much."
Chapter 16
QUINN
Well, the memory certainly explained a lot. Airik was crying on my shoulder. He was lost in his mind.
I was crying, too. I had experienced everything with him, and it had been awful. I liked my first boyfriend. I hadn't loved him the way he had loved Gina. He gave her his heart and soul. It hadn't broken my heart when we decided to split up. I was upset, of course. But not like Airik.
He truly loved that girl.
The thought made me jealous. Why couldn't he love me like he loved her? Of course, I had seen the answer in his memory. Airik had sworn he would never love a woman again because it hurt too much.
Our relationship was in trouble. Sometimes people couldn't let go of a trauma because it became part of their character. Sometimes they didn't even want to give up the hurt because they became accustomed to the pain or numbness. They didn't know who they would be without it.
I couldn't see Airik releasing his pain because it made sense for him to grasp it tightly. His past trauma was protecting him from getting hurt again. I understood why he would want to feel protected.
His sleep was restless. I knew not to wake him. I wasn't sure why I had come out of the memory unless it was over already and we were in the aftermath. Either way, I should leave him alone.
I rose and looked out the flap of the tent. The sun was coming up already. We had been working all night, but I didn't feel tired. I felt sad. My heart was breaking. I now knew my love for Airik would always be unrequited. I had lost the brief flicker of hope that sprang into existence when he followed us. I didn't know why he had appeared, but it wasn't because he loved me and wanted to confess his feelings to me.
It was difficult in the tiny tent, but I quietly got dressed. I wrote a quick message telling him I had gone ahead. I would see him when the group caught up with me. We all had the same map. If I got lost, I could call a vision to tell me where to go. I didn't want to be next to Airik all day.
In fact, I wanted to get away from all of them. If I got a head start on my hike, they would be behind me. When I got to the cabin, I would wait until they caught up. We could do the intervention together. I would be okay. It wasn't even snowing anymore.
I crawled out of the tent. The camp was quiet. The rising sun made the horizon a brilliant pink as it rose into the cloudy sky. I drew in a lungful of cold air. My breath looked like smoke in the frigid temperatures. It was just like my vision of how my true love and I would die together.
I had tried to forget that vision, but now I allowed myself to think about it again. Maybe the vision was why Airik didn't love me. I was suppos
ed to love and be loved by another.
The morning was beautiful. Maybe I would get used to this climate after all. The stillness of the dawn only seemed to happen on these freezing mornings. I smiled sadly. The planet was lovely.
When I looked back at the tent, my smile disappeared as I thought of my love. I squared my shoulders and gave a firm nod, striking out in the direction of the cabin.
AIRIK
I sat straight up in bed. Something was wrong.
Why were there tears covering my cheeks? I wiped my eyes. My memories came crashing back in waves thanks to the memory pull. Once more, I experienced Gina leaving me, and I relived how much it hurt. I let out a shuddering breath. I had been afraid to think about Gina since she left me. Now that I had faced my fear and pain, I felt different. My soul was lighter because of Quinn.
I looked around. I was alone. Where was she? Maybe she had gone to the bathroom. It was barely light. I lay down and waited for her to come back. But when she didn't return after a few minutes, I began to worry.
It occurred to me to check for her clothes. They were gone. Was she outside somewhere making breakfast? I dressed as quickly as I could and left the tent a disorganized mess. She couldn't be alone right now. I couldn't stop seeing my vision of her death.
Once you had a target in your sights, you didn't let them leave until you changed the possible future. If they left your side, you never knew what was going to happen. Sometimes your presence in their lives affected what was going to happen and made it impossible for you to protect them. That had happened to me once when I was a rookie. I swore I would never let it happen again.
Now my wife's life was on the line. I searched the camp but didn't see any sign of her. I went around the perimeter and found tracks leading off into the forest. They were in the direction of the cabin. Had she left without even telling me?
I remembered that I forgot to check my messages when I realized she was missing. There wasn't a message from Quinn, but I found a scribbled note. I skimmed it. She had decided to go ahead without me. She said she wanted her space.
Normally that would be fine, except this time I knew she would die in the forest. I had to find her. I was almost out the door, completely unprepared and ready to follow her tracks before I realized I was an idiot. Five more minutes wouldn't make a difference. The extra time would let me get ready for anything I might meet in the woods.
I ran back to our tent and emptied my backpack, only leaving emergency supplies, a change of clothes for both of us, and a few extra pairs of socks. Then I sent a quick message to Rob, telling him what was happening. I strapped on my snowshoes and raced off, following her tracks. I knew I would have to run to catch up with her.
What if this was when my vision was becoming reality? What worried me the most was that things might have changed. Now she might be going to die alone. In an ideal world, I would take a fresh vision to recalibrate the future.
The thought gave me wings, and I moved quickly. I had to slow myself down to pace my movements. The last thing I wanted to do was hit a wall and be stuck, unable to move, while Quinn was still lost somewhere in the forest.
I followed beside her tracks, not over them. The holes she made struggling through the deep snow could make me tip and fall. My equipment was more useful on fresh snow than trampled snow.
By this time, the snow was falling so quickly I could hardly see. I wasn't going to let anything stop me from following the tracks. I tried to move faster. I knew the snow was coming down so hard it would soon cover her tracks. I would have no way of knowing which way she went.
The wind came up suddenly. I pulled my scarf up to my eyes and my hat down to my eyebrows. Leaving only my eyes exposed would keep my face from freezing. With the speed of the wind and the temperature right now, I knew a high wind chill made the weather seem colder. If I was back home, I imagined a warning would say: Exposed skin will freeze in under a minute.
When you heard that alert, you either stayed inside or made sure you were covered up. Since remaining indoors wasn't an option, I protected myself from the bitter cold and kept going.
When she saw me, she wasn't ready to talk. "Airik, leave me alone!"
"I wanted the memory pull to work, Quinn."
"But it didn't."
"Not for lack of trying," I pointed out.
"Forget it. I don't care. Why did you bother trying to find me out here?"
"I was worried about you," I said. In my mind, I saw the tree falling on us again. "Anything could happen."
She stepped backward with an expression of shock on her face. "You had a vision about me, didn't you? There's a particular look you get when you're doing an intervention on a target. Did you see my death?"
"Quinn, don't say silly things."
"You didn't say no." She frowned. "And you wouldn't tell me even if you did." She started muttering to herself.
"Quinn, please. Let's find everyone else."
Like magic, the remains of our party came into view. They were still far down the mountain but moving towards us at a fast clip. Rob was probably afraid we would go in without him and steal his glory. I wondered if my bitterness was coming out. He was probably worried about us. We watched as they approached. They caught up with us in a few minutes.
"Is this the place?" Rob asked.
"Do you know of any other cabin on this mountaintop at these coordinates?" I said sarcastically.
He gave me an angry look, and I couldn't help grinning. Rob went over the plan again. It was straightforward. We didn't anticipate any problems.
"Okay, people," he said. "Let's head out."
Quinn glanced at me. She moved ahead inconspicuously so she wouldn't have to walk beside me. My heart felt like it was breaking in two. I fell to the back of the group. That's why I didn't know what was happening when the shouting started.
Someone screamed, and everyone else gathered around a body. I ran to catch up and see what was going on. Deerva lay on the ground. She had a big burn mark on her ankle. It was visible through her partially burned snow pants. She groaned and shook; she seemed to be extreme pain. The injury looked bad enough to make me sick to my stomach. I turned away from the scene, trying to keep down my breakfast.
Rob barked out orders and quickly moved towards her to begin treatment. Soon her keening stopped, and he had the wound bandaged and wrapped up. He must have given her a painkiller. Otherwise, I'm sure she be unconscious with such a bad burn.
"What was that?" I exclaimed as quietly as possible.
"Tripwire. There's a laser perimeter around the house," he said. He shone a special light onto the area that showed the defensive mechanism.
"I can't believe they have any defenses, and I can't imagine why they would be set to burn us." I said. "Who are these people?"
"No one knows. We should proceed with extreme caution. I don't want any other team members getting hurt. Deerva needs to heal. Her burn is all the way to the bone on her shin."
"Rob. Shut up," I said. My stomach was doing a flip.
Quinn walked up to us and looked at me, then back to Rob. "What's the problem?"
"Airik is squeamish about physical injuries," he said to Quinn. He turned back to me. "You're turning green. Are you going to be okay?"
"I'll be fine when you stop describing it in such graphic detail," I said, clenching my teeth.
"What happened?" Quinn said.
"She set off a tripwire that's set to burn anyone who crosses it. It's homemade but deadly."
Quinn glanced at me, then murmured, "I was ahead of her. I decided to drop back and talk to you. Before I knew it, she was screaming. It should have been me."
I was shocked. "Quinn," I said, studying her face. She gazed back and reached up, cupping her hand to my cheek. She was a beautiful sight. What made me unable to love her?
Rob interrupted my thoughts. "The cabin is lit up now so we can see everything. Please proceed cautiously. The mission is more dangerous than we previously anticipated."
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Everyone nodded. I stepped over, holding my breath. Quinn followed me carefully. Rob and Deerva came next. He supported her as she limped along. We avoided two other tripwires before we finally got close to the cabin.
We were moving slowly toward the door when it opened, and the nose of a gun peeked out.
"Get down," Rob yelled. We all dropped flat on the snow as several blasts shot by overhead. Deerva had rolled a few feet before she came to rest. She clumsily fell, hampered by her hurt leg.
Rob pulled out a gun, but no one else carried anything to defend ourselves. Bursts of gunfire went back and forth for several minutes before I heard Quinn shout "Stop shooting!" She stood and raised her hands in a gesture of surrender.
"Quinn, what are you doing?" I whispered.
"I know what's going to happen," she said. "It's okay."
I couldn't relax. She had opened herself to the future. She must have seen we would be safe if she stopped everyone from shooting.
She might not have realized that things could change. People made different choices all the time. Neither the future nor the present was predetermined. What we saw were possibilities, not certainties. I thought having Quinn approach a madwoman was a bad idea.
"Please stop shooting," she said. She hadn't moved and kept her hands up. "Someone is going to get hurt. It might be your daughter."
The gun disappeared. In its place appeared a face which peering out into the snowy day to see Quinn. She looked like an older woman, with a wrinkled face and eyes that squinted. Her hair was not combed. Her clothes looked ragged.
"Get out of here. All of you. I only want to talk with her," the woman said.
Rob looked at me. I shook my head.
"I have to leave a partner with her. We won't leave her by herself," Rob called out.
"Fine," she said. "One more."
Rob nodded to me. "Be safe." He stood up with Deerva. They moved as quickly as they could, limping back the way we had come. He would take her back to camp and get help to retrieve her. Someone would take her to the hospital.
"Would you turn off the tripwires, please?" Quinn said. "One of our people was already badly hurt."