‘Thank you,” I finally say after minutes of awkward silence.
“You look like shit,” she says looking me over. With a box resting on her hip, she takes her free hand and takes my left hand. Her finger brushes over the tape wrapped around my ring finger, holding my bandage in place. “What happened to your ring?” She asks softly.
Jerking my hand back from her warm embrace I tell her honestly, “Didn’t see the point in keeping it on.” I see that she still wears her ring my brother gave her on their wedding day. “Feels like a bad dream doesn’t it.”
She nods fighting the tears that have begun to fall once more. “I keep asking myself, what I could have done differently to bring them back, but I don’t know. Nothing can change it but I keep asking myself…” she trails off crying softly.
“Yeah, I know. Maybe when you finish with the apartment, you could go through Rumor’s things. There isn’t anything I want, but maybe there are things you’d like to keep,” I offer genuinely.
“Perhaps, I’ll let you know. I have to go. Time to pick up Colt.”
“How is he? Think I could see him sometime?” I have no right to ask it of her but he is my blood. I know I am pushing her but I miss my little buddy.
“I think Colt would love that, but I don’t know if I can bear it yet. You hurt me Rebel; you took my son’s father. I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. I know you wouldn’t hurt Colt intentionally. I even know you didn’t mean to do what you did, but I am not ready to forgive. It’s too soon. I can’t.” She shakes her head. That red hair of hers falls over her shoulder blanketing her chest.
“You think I don’t know that! I’d go back and take his fucking place if I could! I’d gladly die in his place, but would you be with him? Or would you still be Romeo’s whore?” I get in her face not caring who hears the truth of what has passed between us.
My anger and resentment towards her takes over and I can’t hold back. “How do you think he felt watching you chase after a married old man when you had him? My brother worshipped you! He would have done anything to make you happy! ANYTHING! And what did you do at the first sign of trouble? You ran off with Romeo. Un-fucking-believable!” I shout spitting at her.
Her jaw falls open and snaps shut. She drops the box she was holding with a loud thump on the gravel. Her fist is clenched and I know she intends to punch me. Not happening twice in one day. Lil Bit already decked me earlier.
Grabbing her around the waist, I push her through the door of the garage. The lights are off, being that no one comes in here anymore. A little light is spilling through the small window. Dust motes are floating in the air. The air in here smells of grease and rubber.
“Let go of me!” she screeches pounding on my chest. Her honey whiskey eyes are wide with shock. I hold her tighter as she continues to scream in my face. My head is pounding just as hard as my heart is beating against my chest.
I don’t know what is coming over me….loneliness, or ignorance, but my hands go down to her ass. Her chest shakes as her breasts rub against me. My cock twitches and she bites her lip. Something changes in her expression; she is looking at me strangely. There is a longing in her softened eyes that I have seen before. She hasn’t looked at me like this in years.
I don’t know who makes the next move but our mouths collide. Her lips taste of wild cherry moonshine. I don’t know what I’m doing but fuck if her lips on mine doesn’t feel right.
I squeeze her plump ass tighter and she moans into my mouth. My cock stretches and aches, longing for a physical connection.
4
Romeo
“You good to pick up Miracle? I don’t know what time I will be back tonight.”
“Yeah, Jamie and Dawn are having a good time. We are making homemade pizza for lunch. Will Baby be picking the kids up later or do you want me to bring them home?” Her throat catches on Baby’s name.
I wish I could say things with Baby were going better but after last night, I feel further detached from her. “Let’s play it by ear. You can pick Miracle up at daycare though. I won’t be back in time. And LL, I am glad we are seeing eye to eye for the sake of the kids.” We end the call on a good note.
LL has been doing surprisingly well. She has been doing a drug test weekly at my place. She is really making an effort to do right by the kids. As much as I hate her for what has come to pass between us, the kids need her, she is their mother. I wish I didn’t need to lean on her for help with taking care of them, but I do require her assistance. I can’t push my children onto Baby all the time, she has enough going on. She isn’t exactly stable right now, and I can hardly blame her, I don’t feel anywhere near right myself.
I tuck my phone into my cut and get ready to ride out with Tread to sit down with Shred and Lasher. Baby’s voice stops me cold. I can her muffled shouts coming from the garage. Tread looks to me and shrugs. Getting off my bike I run over to see what in the hell she is screaming about.
I am not too pleased when I see Rebel with his grubby hands on her ass. She is beating on his chest with fire dancing in her eyes. Her lips are swollen. They don’t even notice me. Their heads come together in a kiss full of rage. My first instinct is to rip him from limb to limb. But I wait to see what she does.
She warned me last night that she would seek attention elsewhere if I didn’t give it to her, but I thought I made myself pretty damn clear on the subject. Baby jerks back from him after a bit too long for my comfort but I don’t own her. I have no room to talk. Technically LL and I are still married. Things are complicated.
Her hand comes up to smack him, but Rebel stops her before her fingers connect with his cheek. I clear my throat and they step away from each other quickly with flushed faces.
“Am I interrupting, don’t let me stop you. By all means, beat the shit out of each other or fuck!” I shout loudly getting ready to snap.
Rebel wipes his mouth and chuckles lightly. “No man, she is all yours.” He holds his hands up as he walks past me.
Baby appears to be embarrassed. Good she should be. She is acting like a horny teenager. I don’t know whether to chew her ass out or kiss her to erase his lips from hers.
“Romeo,” she says my name coldly, and throws her shoulders back with her head held high as she maneuvers past me.
“Oh no you don’t,” I sneer, digging my fingers into her bony shoulder. My other hand goes to her hair and tugs harshly. “You need to explain, but first…” I claim her mouth bruising her lips with the brutality of my kiss.
My tongue probes inside her sweet mouth seeking the connection we used to share. She kisses me back with desire. My hands cup her chin as my eyes seek recognition of the love we have shared in hers. She is breathing hard, but her eyes are gloomy. Physically we are bound to one another right now but is the emotional connection still present? I don’t know.
“I have to go,” I tell her remembering my need to get on the road. Tread is still waiting for me.
“Yeah I have to get Colt. Did you need me to get the kids?”
“Nah darlin’, their mother will watch over them tonight. I’ll give ya a call later.”
She nods but doesn’t say anything further. Her fingers are touching her puffy lips in wonder as I climb on my bike.
I motion to Tread that I am ready and we take off.
The summer heat is bearing down on my back as I ride. The conversation I had with Foxie after Striker’s funeral is playing in my head.
Three weeks ago
“You make me nauseated. This obsession with Baby it’s revolting. You are old enough to be her father. You do realize she is only ten or so years older than Dawn don’t you? You are acting young, dumb and full of cum!”
The weight of Foxie’s words punches me right in the damn heart. I know she is right. I have been a selfish bastard. She sounds just like LL. That’s the exact words my wife once told me—that my infatuation with Baby was sickening to her.
Baby’s age has never been an issue until Foxie just put it
into perspective. I’ve always known she was young and not what one would think a suitable woman for me to be engaged with, but fuck, the things that girl makes me feel.
“You’re right it’s wrong of me to want her, and to be with her, but I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how to let her go. She owns my heart,” I admit the truth of what has been eating at me.
“Baby has a perverse grasp on life and love. The girl has daddy issues and here you are riding in on your Harley being the strong older male she always needed in her life. She needed you to be a father figure not a fucking lover.”
“Never looked at it that way.”
“Well you should have and she is your son’s wife for Christ sake you dirty bastard!”
Ever since the hospital confirmed that I was Striker’s father, I knew things would change with Baby and me. I never expected him to die. I thought that she would push me away and become disgusted with me, when I told her, I was his father. I am disgusted with myself. I love her but I know I should let her go. I am selfish prick though.
My head is in my hands as I take a seat.
“She and Striker could have worked through their problems.” Foxie continues to run her mouth.
“Think you are telling me anything I don’t already know. You think it doesn’t fucking hurt me to know that I took my son’s wife! Do you!” I roar at her.
She takes up the seat next to me and takes my hands in hers for comfort. “I blame myself for never telling you that he was yours. Thomas took after me in his looks though. I thought keeping our secret was what was best for my family and the club. You and I both know Slim would have killed one of us if not both.”
“We can’t dwell on the past or what should have been. We can only try to move forward and honor our son the best way we know how.”
“And how do you intend to do that, Romeo? Fucking his wife and raising your grandson as your own?” She cocks her brow at me.
“I’ll make it right, in time. I can’t desert her right now when she needs me most.” Goddamn it, Baby fucking needs something…I am just not so sure that it is me though and it kills me.
Grim
Location Unknown
The hardest road a man will ever travel is the one he travels alone. I have lost track of the time and the amount of days I have been here. Every day is the same…I am fed and that is about it. I am about to lose my motherfuckin’ mind with the walls and myself for comfort. I have had enough reflecting on my past to last two lifetimes.
Gypsy Red has been on my mind. It’s been almost twenty years since I lost her. Our time together was brief but it was the best time of my life. I tried to go on and to move on, but there is a spark in my heart that burns for her after all these years.
The coulda, shoulda, woulda’s are on my mind. I know I was her greatest love too, after reading her diary. Mole or not I loved her something fierce. She sacrificed herself for me. She was so damn stupid and I was so blind. I should have known my happiness couldn’t last, it never has.
That’s why I had to let Sunshine go—I couldn’t let it happen again. If something were to happen to her because of me, I can’t even think of it. She put up a decent fight at first but I knew she’d come to see things my way eventually. I try not to remember Sunshine though it’s easier not to. But I don’t regret it, not one minute.
I am feeling like myself again, it’s time to get back to the cold unfeeling bastard who makes me feel whole. I have my strength back, and I am determined to get out of here, and bring my hell down on anyone who stands in my way. My daughter was murdered and I intend to end whoever played a part in her death. She might not have been mine by birth, but goddamn it that girl was my child in any way that mattered.
The only thing left is busting through the damn door standing in my way. It’s steel plated, I can’t just kick my way out. Escaping this shithole will take some planning. I have plenty of time to do just that.
Someone was moved into the room next to me a few weeks ago. I can hear the beeping of the medical equipment through the wall. It does no good to beat on the walls or scream. Whoever is on the other side of the wall is in no shape to answer me.
5
Sunshine
Southern Ohio
“Well, have you decided what you are going to do with yourself now that the divorce is final?” My aunt Jane asks as she butters her toast. The sound of the knife grating across the bread makes me cringe.
“I haven’t a clue really,” I answer her honestly. I haven’t given it much thought. I never finished school, so getting any sort of job will be hard and it isn’t like there is much in this town to choose from. Most jobs require that you at least have obtained a high school diploma or have a G.E.D. I have neither.
“I know Paul is glad you are staying.” She is watching me from the corner of her eye as she begins eating her breakfast.
“Paul Craven needs not to concern himself with me. That was a long time ago, we were kids and besides, if he knew what I did, I am quite certain he’d change his tune, and not be so keen on my staying.” I frown thinking about my son; wishing things could have been different. I just hope he has had a happy life thus far.
Jane knows if I told Paul about Patrick he’d be furious, what man wouldn’t be.
“I have been thinking…I’d like to have you help me here. I do well with the farmer’s market. We both know you can’t cook, but you can garden. I don’t have any children to pass things on to. I would like you to eventually take over for me, and I want to leave the house and land to you. What do you say?”
I wasn’t expecting her to make me such an offer. I am grateful, but I don’t know about working here alongside of Paul. “I’ll think about it. Let’s see how the next few months go, and then we can revisit your plans.”
She just smiles and drinks her orange juice as I shake my head at her. Paul knocks at the back door and Jane gets up to greet him. I pretend not to notice him. He keeps trying to get a little too close for comfort. He forgets that I am not that gullible girl I was at fifteen.
“Mornin’ Sunshine,” he says full of cheer and eagerness.
“Hello Paul,” I greet him kindly in return. I can’t help but notice how handsome his smile has remained through the years, time has been generous to him.
I ran into a former classmate at the pharmacy a few days ago and he looked worse for the wear…balding with a protruding, tubby, beer gut.
Jane’s fork clangs against her plate loudly as she scoots her chair back in a huff. “I forgot I have an appointment over at Dr. Jenkins. I’ll see you later.” She smiles and takes her purse along with her keys as she scurries out the door, leaving me alone with Paul.
Ignoring his overbearing male prowess, I clear the table of my breakfast, and excuse myself to go checking the greenhouse.
Paul is fast on my track, following me inside the small building.
“Why do you keep trying to run away and avoid me Sunshine? Have I done something to offend you? I don’t recall being out of the way with you, but if I have done something, then I most sincerely offer my apologies.” He is looking at me with sadness in his eyes. He adjusts the rim of his ball cap waiting for an explanation.
Paul hasn’t done anything…recently, but what we shared briefly nearly eighteen years ago or so is rearing its head and it makes me uncomfortable.
I shake my head with a weak smile. “No, I promise I am just dealing with things and I have been silly. I am the one that should be sorry Paul. You’ve been very kind to me since I came home and I appreciate it, I do. I—well never mind. Friends?” I ask sticking my hand out.
“Friends,” he replies softly taking my warm smooth hand in his rough calloused and splintered palm. I press on his thumb and he winces.
“Let me see what shape you’ve done got yourself in,” I demand hastily inspecting his wound.
“It ain’t nothing but a small splinter.” He shrugs, but he has the biggest smile on his face, and I feel flushed realizing I am still
holding his thumb, and I quite enjoy the way it feels.
Squeezing the skin between my fingers the small splint of wood eases out. “There all better.” I eye him and let go of his thumb.
“Not even a kiss to make it feel better, what kind of nurse are you?”
“A smart one.” I tease. “I know all too well what kissing you leads to Paul Craven and I am much too smart to fall victim to you today.”
“Sunshine I am appalled you think so little of my character.” He chuckles but leaves me to check Aunt Jane’s herbs and flowers on my own.
In addition, I keep wondering what would it be like to kiss Paul again. Would he still give me butterflies?
Romeo
“You think these sons of bitches are going to fuck us over?” I ask Tread with caution. Something is bothering him. Not sure if he is just troubled over the shit we’ve been through, or if it is something I need to concern myself with. I don’t like making other men’s issues my problem, but if it involves the club, it goes hand in hand.
“Nah, they got just as much to lose man. Fuck, their sister is pregnant with Rebel’s child; they want to keep us on familiar terms ya know?”
“Yeah I do know,” I answer him with a snort without elaborating on it further. Baby has bitched about Lil Bit for weeks. She seems to have made it her business. I guess I can sympathize though, due to Rumor and all. Can’t be easy for Baby seeing that other women walking around carrying a child who should have been her sisters.
Downing my beer I eye the men in question as they take their seats across from Tread and I.
I can’t rightly tell one from the other, other than the scar Lasher has over his eye reminding me of my fallen brother—Slim Black.
There is something oddly familiar about these two but I can’t place my finger on it directly, not yet, but there is something...
“Gentlemen, we are so pleased you could grace us with your presence today. I was hoping you would have brought the beautiful Baby with you, unless you didn’t get my message concerning your Prez—Grim.”
Heart of a Rebel Page 3