Heart of a Rebel

by Glenna Maynard

  Her hand is inside my jeans gripping my throbbing hard on. When she bites my lip, I say to hell with what is right and unbutton my jeans.

  I have her laid across my coffee table with my tongue licking her pussy. Baby’s fingers dig in my scalp as she squirms under my mouth. Goddamn her pussy tastes so fucking good on my tongue. My beard is coated with her scent. Damn if I won’t miss having her like this. I look up at her memorizing every detail I can.

  I trace my fingers over her tattoos, and run my tongue over her stretch marks on her stomach, so I can remember the way her skin feels. She is beautiful.

  She bucks her hips and the table wobbles. I’m afraid the damn thing will break it isn’t very sturdy and is made from cheap wood.

  Her lips are pouted in an ‘O’ shape as I step out of my jeans.

  Bringing her with me, I sit in the recliner; she straddles my lap and grinds down on my cock. Motherfuckin’ ecstasy. Baby rides me as the chair moves with us. No words are spoken between us, they aren’t needed, we both know this is our last goodbye.

  Baby

  Pulling up to my father’s empty trailer after parting with Romeo, I feel oddly calm. When one door closes another one opens, but I feel all the doors I have tried to go through are constantly slammed in my face. Maybe it’s time to go through a damn window.

  Rebel is sitting on his porch alone drinking moonshine. He’s shirtless and barefoot in a pair of well-worn jeans. His hair shadows his face when I take a seat next to him on the porch swing. I can’t tell what he is thinking or how he is feeling.

  Pulling the joint I took from Romeo out from between my breasts, I wave it under Rebel’s nose. He brushes his hair back and tucks it behind his ears, grinning at me.

  “How’d you know that is just what I need?”

  “I don’t like to smoke alone,” I say explaining why I am here. “But you are still a cocksucker and I hate you. I will probably hate you until the day I die. But as much as I hate you, I have loved you all my life in one form or another, so tonight I love you as my brother-in-law who needs a friend. And for tonight I need a friend too. I don’t have anyone else so you’ll have to do.”

  He shakes his head. “You always have been able to surprise me Baby.” He offers me his jar of white lightning and takes the joint from my fingers.

  He takes a toke and I take a long drink.

  “Fuck! You could have warned me,” I choke out smacking my chest, as the liquid burns my insides. He is drinking the good stuff tonight.

  He chuckles and takes another hit before passing me the joint.

  “You ever meet Shred or Lasher?” He questions me.

  I shake my head. “Nope, why? Should I have?”

  “Wouldn’t think so,” he answers back.

  “What do you make of your mom all the sudden wanting to take Colt to Disney?” It is so unlike Foxie, she never travels or takes vacations.

  “Who knows? You know how she gets. I wouldn’t worry. You know she will take good care of him.”

  “Do you want to talk about Lil Bit, Rumor or Striker?”

  “About as much as you want to tell me what’s going on between you and Romeo?” He smiles deviously.

  “Asshole,” I mutter.

  Squeezing the top of my knee he says, “I guess my kissing you didn’t put a damper on things…you’ve got the just fucked look going on.”

  “Speaking of that…what in the fuck was that all about? Why did you kiss me?”

  He shrugs and watches me from the corner of his eye. Probably making sure I’m not about to hit him. “Misery loves company. You looked miserable and because I wanted to.” He admits.

  “Why did you want to?” I ask realizing his hand is still on my knee and I don’t want him to move it. I find the warmth of his hand comforting and familiar.

  He doesn’t answer me.

  “Well I’ll tell you something so we can be fucked in the head together.” He removes his hand from my leg, and he is staring at me with a tender understanding in his eyes. “I wanted you to kiss me and when you did, a part of me enjoyed it.”

  Rebel brushes his rough calloused thumb over my lips. “Baby,” he says my name as though speaking it aloud burns his throat.

  Laying my head on his shoulder, I whisper, “I know. I don’t like it either.”

  His fingers smooth my hair out getting caught now and again in a tangle. We don’t need to talk anymore right now. We both feel like pure and utter shit because as much as we want to fight it and deny it, we are attracted to each other.

  I am his link to Rumor, having her eyes, he is my link to Striker being his brother and being so like him in ways it’s hard to be near him, and yet I can’t stay away.

  Rebel touches my chin gently and brings his lips to mine. He is looking deep in my eyes but I know it isn’t me he is seeing tonight. He doesn’t deserve my comfort but I can give him a little piece of me, to bring him closer to Rumor.

  He continues to kiss me softly but full of need. I can feel his salty tears as they roll down his face and onto mine. Holding his hand against my face, I tell him, “I lost her too.”

  “We are one fucked up pair,” he murmurs against my mouth.

  “That we can agree on.” I kiss him once more knowing I need to stop this before we take it too far. We are drunk, horny and stoned. Last time I was drunk horny, and stoned, Striker got me pregnant. “I better go.”

  “Yeah, you had better,” Rebel says sucking my bottom lip.

  His hand is on the small of my fevered back. Sweat drips between my breasts from the summer heat.

  “I don’t want you to go Baby; I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

  “I won’t fuck you Rebel. It wouldn’t be right.”

  “How about I just hold you instead,” he says and I let him.

  I go inside the home he shared with my sister, get into their bed, and let him hold me. His arm is hooked around my waist, his head lays on my breasts and I pet his hair offering what comfort I can, as he mourns the loss of Rumor.

  I listen as he talks and give him the peace of my silence as he lets out his tears. We talk about Lil Bit and the baby briefly. Rebel isn’t ready to be a father right now.

  His fingers tap lightly on my arm as he curls around me. “Goodnight Rumor, I love you,” he whispers into my hair.

  “She loves you too,” I whisper back.

  Part Two

  11

  Grim

  Coming to I am confused as a motherfucker. The last thing I remember was waiting for the door to open so I could take whoever was on the other side out with the porcelain toilet lid. Dazed I get up from my bed to a clean room. The sink has been repaired and the toilet lid is missing. The room appears to be untouched. What the fuck?

  My head is throbbing and my throat is dry. Panic sets in as I begin pounding my fists against the door. My knuckles begin to ache and bleed. My skin is cracked and I can see the bone. Great I broke my goddamn hand.

  “Come on motherfucker, open the door. Or are you too damn afraid to face me you dirty cocksucker son of a bitch!” I shout into the vent.

  The door opens and two men in suits enter. “Are you ready to make a deal Mr. Jones?”

  “I’m listening, speak.”

  Sunshine

  “I have been craving some baked goodies from that bakery that opened up in town. Paul, you and Sunshine should run out and get us some donuts or something for the week.” My Aunt Jane not so subtly suggests to the two of us, putting me on the spot.

  “Sunshine,” he says my name with a hint of a smile.

  I will look like a rude bitch if I say no. He already thinks I am trying to avoid him at every turn. I don’t trust myself with Paul Craven, he knows how to charm my panties straight off.

  “Sure why not.” I give in. Truth be told, I do enjoy Paul’s company. He makes me laugh and he is tall, dark and handsome.

  He places his strong hand on my back as he leads me out the door to his truck. As I get in, I can see Jane watchi
ng us from the picture window in the living room. She thinks she is so smooth.

  “I think Jane is trying to set us up,” I tease as Paul opens the passenger side door for me.

  “I don’t think she needs to try all that hard. You used to fancy me.”

  “Oh is that what it was,” I say with mock laughter, amused at his assessment.

  “If I recall you used to be sweet on me and then you ran off without a word. Where’d ya go Sunshine?” he asks gripping the steering wheel hard, white knuckled, staring straight-ahead, as he drives.

  “I was just a young dumb girl who thought she wanted to see the world is all Paul,” I lie softly, looking him in the eye hoping he takes that as explanation enough.

  “You always were a shit liar, but if you aren’t ready to tell me the truth I won’t pressure you.” His voice has a serious edge to it and it makes my stomach feel like bats are in flying around in it.

  I swallow hard debating just getting it all out there and clearing the air, but I am saved when we pull into the parking lot near the bakery.

  The bakery is quaint and it smells amazing in here. I have always loved trying to cook and bake, but unfortunately, I don’t have any natural talent in that area.

  The bell dings signaling our entrance and Pauletta comes out from behind the counter and hugs me. I wasn’t expecting to see her. I look to Paul and he just smiles. He could have gave me some warning. Pauletta and I were friends once upon a time. I cut off ties with her too when I left. She was older than I was but she used to babysit me as a little girl.

  “I was wondering when I was gonna’ get to see you. I have been after Jane and Paul to bring you by.”

  “Oh have you now,” I say returning her awkward hug.

  “You have to try my raspberry tartlets. They are just divine. I get my berries from your Aunt Jane. She tells me you are going to take over for her once she retires.”

  I am going to kill Jane; she did this shit on purpose. She wants me to see that I can have a happy life here, if I give it a chance. I know her intentions are meant well but still...

  “We have discussed it briefly. I am enjoying being home. What about those tartlets?” I direct her focus back to her goods.

  Paul pulls out a chair for me and a young boy I hadn’t noticed serves me a tartlet. I glance at him and say a polite, “thank you.”

  “You are just as pretty as my Uncle Paul made you out to be if not prettier,” the young fellow informs me.

  I look up at him and his resemblance to Paul is uncanny. “And you are?” I inquire.

  “Oh, I am so rude,” Pauletta fusses. “This here is my son…Patrick.”

  Could it be…he has to be. My stomach drops and my hands begin to tremble as I shove a tartlet in my mouth to avoid speaking. I try not to stare but I can’t help it. It is like going back in time and meeting Paul Craven at the age of eighteen. How on earth? I can’t form a coherent thought.

  Patrick has Paul’s dark hair and shares our blue eyes. I am at a loss as to what to do. Does Paul know he is Patrick’s father…and that I am his mother? So many scenarios are playing on a loop through my head as I smile and nod, hopefully in the right places of their continued conversation.

  If they have noticed my uneasiness, they are hiding it well.

  Regaining my composure, I join in the best I can and make polite chatter. “Patrick, you must be the young man Jane says is to come work on her farm.”

  “Yes Ma’am,” he answers politely. “I am looking forward to it.” He excuses himself when the door dings with new customers.

  I watch him from the corner of my eye as he flirts with the young girl at the counter. “Thank you God, for letting me see him,” I whisper to myself.

  “Did you say something?” Paul asks and I shake my head no.

  Pauletta hands me a box of goodies to take back to Jane. I scramble for the box almost dropping it. My nerves are getting the best of me. Paul says goodbye for me as I hurriedly make my way outside in desperate need of air.

  “Are you okay?” Paul asks as if he is oblivious to the war waging inside my head.

  I am thankful for Patrick’s wellbeing, but for all of them to just spring him on me like that…I am so furious. How could they not give me some sort of heads up and Paul isn’t he angry with me? Why hasn’t he brought it up if has known all this time?

  I slam the truck door with unnecessary force and place the box for Jane in the middle of the bench seat.

  Paul gets in the driver’s side quiet and reserved. He starts the ignition without a word or a glance in my direction. He starts on the road but not in the direction of my Aunt’s home.

  He drives in silence until we reach an open field.

  “Walk with me,” he says getting out.

  I hesitate but the anguish on his face urges me to join him. I forget that I am not the only one affected by my decision to give our son away.

  “I forgave you a long time ago Sunshine,” he says as I stand next to him feeling uneasy.

  I remain quiet. I owe him a chance to express himself. I didn’t give him the opportunity before, but I can give one to him now.

  “We didn’t know at first to be certain. Pauletta adopted Patrick having no idea that he was ours. However…as he grew older she began to notice how much he resembled me. I never quite got over you just leaving. You might think that because I was young and girl crazy that you weren’t special to me—but I did love you Sunshine.”

  “How did you know though?” I ask the first question that comes to mind.

  Paul brushes his dark hair back over his head and begins to walk and I follow alongside him.

  “Your letter for him. My sister…when she first began to suspect that he was a relative somehow, she opened the letter the agency gave her. She knew when she seen the Sunshine sticker. It all came together. Fate kept Patrick in our family Sunshine.” He smiles sympathetically.

  “And Patrick—does he know?”

  “No, do you think it is wrong of us not to tell him?”

  “I don’t know.” We continue to walk in silence while I take in all that he has revealed to me.

  “Pauletta was afraid it would screw him up somehow. He is a great kid Sunshine, honestly. I wasn’t sure how to tell you I knew. I kept thinking maybe you’d feel guilty for taking the choice of being his dad away from me, and tell the truth, but you didn’t, and today you confirmed what I already knew.”

  “Which was…”

  “That keeping it from him is what is best. I saw it on your face when you looked at him; you were terrified of him knowing who you are.” Paul takes my hand in his showing me compassion.

  “And you are okay with all of it?” I ask uncertain of how he really feels and if I am ready to hear the truth.

  “Patrick is happy and he is healthy…I don’t think we should change that. I was angry for a really long time…with you. Why did you leave? You could have come to me. I would have…I don’t know what might have happened—but I would have tried.” He stops walking and he has tears in the corners of his eyes. Whether they are sad or happy remains to be seen.

  I know I owe him an explanation. I haven’t been fair to him through any of this. “Saying it now, my reason sounds stupid. But I was young Paul. Way too young to be making the decisions I was making. I came to tell you.” I take a seat on a fallen log near the edge of the property.

  Paul takes a seat on the ground in front of me picking at the grass stuck in his boots.

  I continue to talk and he listens quietly. “You were working at Jane’s so I walked down to the barn. My momma said it was foolish, you didn’t love me and I would be all alone with a baby and nowhere to turn.” I tell him how she said I couldn’t stay in her house. He looks saddened but not surprised; he knows how she felt about him.

  “Anyway I found you…with Cassie Miller. You had your tongue rammed down her throat and I just knew that it had all been lies, between you and me. So I ran and I did what I felt was right for Patrick and myself
.” I finish my story and he sits contemplating how to respond to it.

  “I’m sorry I hurt you Sunshine. You know I brought you here today because I am hoping we can have a fresh start. I never stopped loving you,” he declares hoarsely.

  “Paul…,” I start to stop him but he holds his hand up to me.

  “I do love you Sunshine. I was young and dumb but I always knew you were the one. That day you seen me with Cassie, she told me that you were at the movies with Lyle Howard.”

  “And you thought I was out with him?” I almost want to laugh. Lyle was a dropout who cared more about skinning raccoons than kissing girls.

  “I didn’t know what to think. Looking back, I should have known better. Cassie was just looking to make her boyfriend jealous. She was done with me two days later.” He laughs. And tells me he is sorry yet again.

  “Stop apologizing. We can’t go back.” I remind him.

  “You’re right and I want to go forward with you. This property is mine. I bought it a few years ago. I want to expand on your Aunt Jane’s business and well I thought maybe, if you give us a chance, we can really have something together. We can still have a good life and Patrick can be a part of that life. And you’d have me, if you’ll give me a chance to show you the kind of man I grew to be. I’m not a man to go back on my word. Sure I was young, dumb and full of cum, but I’m not that boy anymore.”

  Tears spring in my eyes. I wasn’t expecting him to say any of what he just admitted.

  “What do you say Sunshine?” He raises up taking my hands in his.

  “I say…Paul Craven…you better not go breaking my heart a second time.”

  “I’ll do my best not to disappoint you.”

  His mouth crashes down claiming my lips. His breathe tastes of French vanilla, mixing with the taste of fresh raspberries on my tongue.

  Kissing Paul after all this time makes me feel truly at home. Grim was a good husband to me. He showed me that I was worthy of love, but being here with Paul, with his arms around me, embracing me, this feels as though this is where I was always meant to be.