She shoves her hand in my boxer briefs stroking me as my forehead rests against hers. We are both breathing heavily. I kiss down her jaw and along her neck as she continues to pleasure me with her fingers.
Baby pulls back looking in my eyes searching for what I don’t know but the pain we both carry pulls us back together with such force it hurts to not be touching her, to not be connected to her in any way she will give me.
I want to undress her slowly and run my tongue over her shaking body. Why didn’t I ever appreciate the love she had for me. I could have saved us all a world of hurt. Her hands thread through my hair as my tongue sweeps over her navel. I have to close my eyes when I see my brother’s name inked over her pelvic bone.
She senses my ache, titling my chin up as the tears flow from both our eyes. She holds my gaze and she says, “You can make me forget for right now. I can hate you again tomorrow, but he will still be my husband and your brother.”
I sigh against her warm stomach and know that she won’t allow me to go further.
We lay together in my bed and get lost for forever or a few hours, I lose track, enjoying not having to feel anything but her heart beating next to mine as I do nothing but hold her. She raises lying on her elbow looking at me with a sad look in her eyes.
“Don’t go, stay the night. Just sleep next to me.” I am ready to beg as I plant a kiss on the inside of her wrist.
“I don’t think that is a good idea,” she says low in a somber tone. “I told you I won’t fuck you Rebel and I mean it. I will not do it, ever. We can’t keep on like this.”
“You belong here in my arms. Don’t tell me you don’t feel something for me?”
“I don’t belong to anyone but my son,” she sobs as the tears flow. I hold her tight and stroke my fingers up and down her arm letting her cry.
“Can’t you go back to hating me?” She wipes her tears away.
“You know I have never hated you. You might be a big pain the ass, but no and I don’t think you hate me either. I think you hate that you feel something for me,” I confide in her. “Striker was horrible and Rumor was driving me nuts, when they died. It isn’t wrong for us to try to move on with our lives Baby.”
“It isn’t supposed to be like this Rebel. This isn’t the life I want. Us being shadowed by their deaths and using each other to pretend we are okay.”
“Baby, life isn’t pretty. It is raw and real ugly and motherfucking hurts, but you got to learn to love the life you got, it’s the only one you get. Romeo is your safety net.” I tell her seeing the truth of my words weighted in her gaze. She doesn’t love him any more than I love Lil Bit.
“This doesn’t have a damn thing to do with motherfucking Romeo! It has everything to do with you and me and what I will never be able to give you.”
“Life is determined to keep our hearts tethered by an invisible thread. God you are so blind!” I swipe her hair from her eyes tucking the loose strand behind her ear. Her eyes are soft as she stares at me. “I loved Sarah but I was never in love with her.”
Swallowing hard I admit the truth for the first time aloud and to myself. “Not loving you has never been a choice for me; it was just easier to pretend I didn’t for him. For my brother. God, when he looked at you I knew he saw the same thing I did…his future, my future. Baby, I have loved you since I knew what the word really meant. I thought you could change him. I knew he was going to end up just like our dad, just like Slim. He was so dead-set on impressing him. He wanted to be just like him and fuck if he wasn’t.”
I choke back the tears threatening to spill. “If you didn’t love me, you would have told what I have done. I would be in prison right now.”
“I don’t love you in that way. You are my family. If you think my lie was for you then you are sadly mistaken. I did what I had to do for the best interest of the club. If I had my choice, I would have strung you up just as my sister was. You are scum. I hate the sight of you. I hate the taste your name leaves on my tongue. Damn you Rebel Black.” Her hand goes up ready to strike me.
Grabbing her hand I pin it behind her back and roll over on top of her, pressing her down on her back and our joined hands.
.
Baby
“What do you want from me Rebel?”
He brushes his dirty blond hair from his face and looks at me full of intent, lust and rage. He grabs my wrists with force gripping them hard. He swallows hard before speaking. I feel powerless to stop the storm that is about to rage between us.
“I want to own you, to possess your soul. I want to you to weep for me every second you aren’t with me. I want to erase every memory you have of any other man. When your heart beats, I want it to beat only for me. I don’t want to share you with anyone. I want to fuck you hard until you fall dead asleep from the exertion filled with every piece of me until you can no longer breathe.” His nostrils are flared as heavy breaths hammer in his chest. He wants me to say something, but I am at a loss as to what to say.
I twist away from his angry glare; his eyes are like daggers piercing my heart. He jerks me hard against his heated torso. His muscles hard and unnerving under my heaving breasts.
“Goddamn it Baby I motherfuckin’ love you, why won’t you let me give my love to you?”
"Because your love comes with a price much too high for even me to pay...that's why!" I turn to leave him and he grabs the waist of my jeans and jerks me forward, pressing our bodies together. His voice is desperate and his kiss is urgent when he shoves his tongue in my mouth.
The taste of smoke and moonshine on his tongue is all too familiar. Once again, I am reminded of the man I will never have, the man I love, the man I miss and the man I need—Striker.
"If you love me as you say you do then you'll let me go. You don’t mean any of the things you just said to me Rebel. You and I both know you love me like a sister. I love you as a brother and a friend, nothing more. And even more so, I hate you as the murderer of the love of my life." I touch his cheek with my fingers as they tremble. "This will be the last time I give you any piece of me." I kiss him softly; his tongue is tender as it embraces mine one last time.
Letting go of my denim he swallows hard knowing things between us will never be the same. How could they be after all that has passed between us...?
“You need to go to Lil Bit and raise your child together. You don’t love me the way you think you do Rebel. I can’t keep letting you pretend I’m my sister. You need to let her go and you need to live your life.”
His face falls and I quietly slip out the door.
When I get to my front door a gloved hand clamps over my mouth. “Been waiting some time for this,” a hoarse voice threatens.
16
Sunshine
Paul surprised me this morning, bringing me straight to the courthouse to be married. He said he couldn’t wait any longer to be with me and make me his.
“Aren’t you afraid we are moving too fast? Where are we going to live until the house is finished?”
“I can’t wait Sunshine, not another day. I have my apartment. We can live there. Jane won’t mind you moving in with me, if that’s what you are worried about.” He takes my hands looking deep into my eyes.
“If you are sure you are ready for this Paul, then I am sure too.” He kisses my knuckles and within the hour, we are husband and wife.
It’s funny that my wedding to Paul makes me think back on my quickie wedding with Grim. We married quickly at the courthouse too.
I don’t mind really, I have never been one for wanting the big fancy dress and besides that, I have no one I would invite to a wedding.
Once we leave the courthouse, Pauletta invites us to the bakery for small reception. Having a sister-in-law who bakes cakes for a living comes in handy. Jane and Patrick are on hand to celebrate with us too.
I can’t believe we are here together after all this time and married. I wasn’t sure I could love after Grim hurt me and especially so fast. However, I think this
is right.
Paul smashes a slice of red velvet cake on my mouth and proceeds to lick it off. “Your mouth isn’t the only thing I want to lick,” he says with heated eyes.
“Is that a promise or a threat?” I tease.
“A little of both.” He kisses me once more smearing cake over both our faces.
“Well then I think I want to see whether you are all talk or if you are all action.”
“I can assure you Mrs. Craven there will be plenty of action.”
I feel completely smitten and swept off my feet.
**
Three days later, I am singing an entirely different tune. Once Paul got me to his apartment, he became a completely different man than how he presented himself to me.
Bound to the bed in cuffs, tears roll down my face as he squeezes my chin. “Thought a whore like you would like it rough. Is this what those piece of shit bikers did with you when they whored you at their brothel?” His fist connects with my cheek.
“Did you think I wouldn’t find out what you were doing the past twenty years? You should have been raising our son!” he smacks me again as pain shoots through my skull.
“Please Paul, I’m sorry. I can’t change it now!” I sob.
Someone knocks on the door, and Paul steps into the hall. I try frantically to get loose from the cuffs. If I can just squeeze one hand free, I can reach the phone.
Romeo
“Hello. Anyone there?”
A shaky voice whispers, “Romeo this is Sunshine, please hurry, I need your help!”
“Sunshine?” The line goes dead as I hear her scream.
“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath. If I can get someone to watch the kids, I can get to her in a couple of hours. If she has that long. I look around the bar at the Roadhouse and my eyes rest on Rebel. I know she wouldn’t have called on me unless she was desperate.
And after all she did for my kids, I can’t ignore her cry for my help.
“Hey brother, you seen Baby today? I’m in a bind. I gotta’ head out and need someone to keep an eye on the kids.” I motion over to Dawn, Jamie and Miracle sitting at a back table eating a pizza. I had no choice but to bring them with me today.
“Nope, Lil Bit might be willing to help you out. Want me to get her over here?”
“If you could.”
“No problem.”
Lil Bit arrives minutes later, appearing very pregnant and miserable from the summer heat.
“I don’t know how many days I’ll be but I will come back as soon as I can,” I tell her. “Rebel, I’ll need you to take care of the still.” He grunts in response and returns to his beer.
“Dad, why can’t Jamie and I come with you? Are you going to see mom? Where is she?” Dawn begins to pester and grate my nerves with her curiosity.
I don’t have time for this shit. “Do the two of you promise to stay out of the way when we get to where we are going and to do as I say?”
“We promise,” they both answer. Dawn bats her lashes putting on as though she is innocent.
Fuck it, I don’t need them back here running their mouths trying to check on a dead mother they will never see again, and drawing attention to their mother’s disappearance again.
I hope I don’t regret bringing the kids. I have no idea what in the hell I am driving into.
**
When I pull up at Jane’s farm, Sunshine’s car is sitting in the driveway. “Kids stay in the car until I tell you that it’s safe to get out. Are we clear?”
“Can’t we go see the horses?” Jamie Asks.
Dawn is wiggling in her seat. “And I need to go!”
“Christ! I told you to go when I stopped for gas.” Running my hands through my hair, I know I need to find Sunshine fast.
Jane saves me the trouble of deciding what to do next when she walks out to the car to see who I am.
Rolling down my window, I wave to her and she smiles remembering me from the last time I was here.
“Hello,” she greets waving back.
“Where is Sunshine?” I get straight to the point.
“Oh, of course you wouldn’t know. Sunshine got married a few days ago. She moved to town with her husband. They have an apartment over the bakery on Main Street. She hasn’t been back for her car yet. Do you want to come in? I can call her and see if she can peel herself away from her new husband to come visit.”
“That won’t be necessary,” I answer getting a sick feeling. Who in the hell could she have married so quickly, but then I remember that man who was here before.
“Just tell her I was passing through.”
“Will do.” She smiles and waves again as I back out of the driveway.
“Dad, I gotta’ go!” Dawn whines.
“I’ll find you somewhere in town!” I yell snapping at her.
The bakery and Main Street are easy to find. Main Street is the only street in this town.
Driving down the back street, I don’t see an outside entrance to the apartment upstairs.
“All right guys I need your help. Dawn you go in to use the bathroom and let me know if you see any stairs or doors. Be sure to pay attention, this is important. Jamie I want you to look around too, but try not to be obvious. I’ll give you some money to order something to eat and drink. I am going to take a better look out here. Whatever you do, don’t mention Sunshine.”
They both nod as I explain to them that I am afraid Sunshine is in trouble and that we don’t want to draw attention to ourselves.
The kids go in with my promise to meet them inside in just a few minutes. I case the back of the building by foot. It’s an old block building, no windows upstairs, unless they are in the front there is nothing on the open side.
With nothing more to do out here, I go inside to see if the kids have had better luck.
Jamie is sitting at a table eating doughnuts and drinking what I hope is chocolate milk and not coffee.
“Where’s your sister?”
“Still in the bathroom.” He points to a small hallway to the side of the display counter.
Knocking on the bathroom door lightly, I ask, “Dawn you all right in there?”
She cracks the door and mumbles, “I started my period. I want mom.”
“Mom isn’t here and once we get out of here, I will get you taken care of, for now use toilet paper. Is it on your clothes?”
“Do you realize how embarrassing and life scarring this moment is for me?”
“Yeah kid I do, hurry up and meet me back at the table.”
Damn, I always thought Laura would handle that sort of stuff when the time came. Thinking quickly I go to the counter to where a young boy is waiting on a customer.
When he turns to wait on me I whisper, “I know this sounds strange but my daughter is in the bathroom and she has started her period. We are just passing through and I am in a bind is there a female employee working I can talk to?” I hope Dawn can’t hear me.
His face blushes beet red. “My mom stepped out but my Uncle just got married his wife may be able to help, she is just upstairs. But I can’t leave the register.”
“Just upstairs you say?”
He glances at the kids sitting together at the table watching us in return and I suppose he thinks that makes me trustworthy. It was a good idea to remove my cut before we came in or else he might have made this more difficult.
“Just down the hall past the bathrooms there is an opening to the stairwell it goes right up to the apartment.”
“Thank you son.” He nods and waits on a man that just came in.
I go over to the kids and tell them to wait until the boy isn’t paying attention and slip out the door and get to the car to wait for me. Rushing down the hall, I hurry up the stairs.
Putting my ear to the door, I try to listen to see how many are on the other side. I can hear a TV playing low but nothing else. Damn, I don’t know whether to knock or bust the damn door down.
Surprisingly the door is unlocked. I twist the
knob slowly hoping like hell I can slip in undetected. I tap the knife strapped to my calf reassuring myself it is still accounted for. I don’t know what is waiting for me on the other side of this damn door but it’s now or never.
Inside the apartment, I flatten my back to the wall and listen inside the entryway. The TV is still on low but I hear something else…someone sobbing softly. Peering around the corner, Sunshine is laying crumpled on the bed in a dirty nightgown. It’s stained in dried blood.
I look around the one room apartment to see that she is alone before I approach her. Last thing I need is to get taken from behind.
“Sunshine,” I say her name softy.
She peers up through her swollen eyes. Her face shocks me. She has been severely beaten. Her jaw is cut and in need of stitches. I need to take her to the hospital.
“Is anything broken?” I ask scooping her into my arms as she shakes her head slightly. Christ, she is missing a clump of her hair near her left ear.
“I’ll kill the bastard but I have to get you out of here. I have Dawn and Jamie with me.”
‘They can’t see me like this,” she cries into my chest as I hug her tight against me. “I can’t believe you are here. You came for me,” she says shocked.
“Of course I came. Can you walk?”
“He only hurt my face,” she says through clenched teeth.”
I help her to the door pausing only to grab her purse for her. I go down the stairs in front of her just in case the motherfucker shows his face.
“I thought he was going to kill me, but his sister heard my screams and got him to leave. I was afraid he would be waiting on the other side of the door if I attempted to leave. I was so scared Romeo.” She tells me that she couldn’t make any other calls because he ripped the phone from the wall after she called me.
I wrap my hand in hers as I lead her through the dining area. The boy behind the counter rushes to Sunshine asking if she is okay. I guess he doesn’t know what happened above him.
Sunshine touches his cheek briefly as I tug her through the door and tells him she is sorry. He appears shocked at the sight of her and the state she is in.
Heart of a Rebel Page 10