“I’d choose you every time and yes, I would do it all again, but I would try harder.”
He takes my hand and smiles at me when he sees I still wear my ring.
Once we are in the air I have a thousand questions that Striker promises to answer. The first twenty minutes or so pass with us just staring at each other. I never thought I’d see him again. I thought he had a permanent place resting in the urn that sits on my nightstand.
His hair is shaved short from the surgery but it is growing back. The short hairstyle suits him.
“I know I have a lot to answer for Baby and so do you. But I am hoping that can wait until later. I am enjoying just looking at you right now. I wasn’t sure I was ever going to get the chance to see your face again.”
“Where’s our son? Answer me that and you can stare at me all you like.”
“He’s with our parents. You, Colt and me are going away. We are going to have the life I’ve always wanted to give the two of you.”
“You’ve seen my father,” I choke out.
“No but I know he is safe.” Striker squeezes my hand seeing the hurt and anger finally setting in now that my shock is wearing off.
“What do you mean we are going away?”
“We are going into the witness protection program. Two days from now, you are going to die. Colt too. Well not literally but as far as the world is concerned, The Undead Bastards are going to kill you in a turf war against The Dry Ridge Sinners. I am already dead so they can’t kill me.”
“But why?” I pull my hand from his. How dare he make a decision like this without asking me?
“When my brother shot me and I ended up in the hospital, the FEDS came to see me. I was going to go down with the Sinners eventually; they have irrefutable evidence that clearly shows me distributing heroine for them. It was go to prison or cut a deal. I took the deal and I am not sorry. I did it for you and Colt. Your father signed off on it too. It wasn’t just me.”
He doesn’t get the opportunity to explain further as our plane lands in another empty airfield. A black Escalade is waiting for us and we are whisked away quickly to a holding center.
Once we are inside I am separated from Striker and taken into an interrogation room. I am offered water but I decline. What I really want is to see my son and get some fucking answers. What kind of deal did my father and Striker make? Did Foxie know about all of this? Why didn’t they tell me? I feel so betrayed by all of them. How could they keep this from me? Why did they let me go on thinking my husband died and that my father was missing? Who in the fuck does that to someone they love?
The man in the suit introduces himself as Agent Dawes and begins asking me questions about club business. Being that I wasn’t often included in such things I am unable to provide him with much. After a few hours of being asked the same questions, I am finally shown into another room where I am reunited with my son and Foxie.
I don’t know whether I want to smack her or hug her.
“Why didn’t you tell me Foxie?”
She takes the chair next to me. “I wasn’t sure if Striker was going to take the deal or not. And I wasn’t sure if he wanted to include you and Colt.”
“How long have you known?” I ask wanting to cry, but holding it in so I don’t upset my child.
“The whole time,” she admits delicately not meeting my eyes.
“Have you seen my father? Did you know where he was all this time as well?”
“No, I didn’t know about him or his deal, until I got a call, if you’ll recall you were present when it came through.”
“So the trip to Disney it was all a setup. Was Striker going to take my son and not me?” I’ll kill him myself if he thinks he can take Colt from me.
“Striker wouldn’t sign until he was guaranteed he could have you both. We couldn’t tell you Baby. You are a crap liar and you wouldn’t have been able to stay away from him until the plan came into place. Striker needed the Sinners and the Undead Bastards to take an active interest in you and when they did, he came for you.” The Sinners were planning to take me to hold over Rebel’s head and The Undead Bastards were planning to kill me like they did my sister.
“So Colt saying daddy was that all your doing? You told Colt but not me.” I shake my head and hug my son to my chest.
Can I really do this? Can I walk away and start over with Striker after he has lied, cheated and hurt me deeper than I ever thought possible. I don’ t know. But I do know I want to give Colt a chance to have a good life that doesn’t involve the club. My sister was right, that club is no place to raise a child.
If only she was given the chance, before it was too late.
Striker comes into the room, takes Colt from my arms, and holds onto him for dear life with tears in his eyes. I did say I would give anything to see this again…Colt in his father’s arms. I know I have to do this for them and for me. And for Rumor too. I will make her proud.
Foxie touches Striker on the shoulder and smiles with tears of her own. She excuses herself giving us this moment together. I go over and wrap my arms around the two of them. Yes, I would give up anything to hold onto this.
19
Grim
Foxie joins me in the cafeteria informing me that Striker will be joining us shortly with Baby and Colt. I let out a much anticipated sigh of relief.
I wasn’t so sure this was going to do well but I am fucking relieved that it has so far. In exchange for my cooperation in their investigation and for Striker’s testimony against the Sinners and Undead Bastards, Baby, Striker and Colt will be entering the witness protection program.
They will be forever lost to Foxie and me, but at least we have the knowledge that they will be away from the life and living and breathing.
I can’t believe I am about to see my daughter for the last time. I spent so many years running away from the responsibility that came with being her father and I can only hope that this is the greatest thing I can ever do for her.
As a child she wasn’t given a choice. My outlaw lifestyle was chosen for her, but now she has a real shot at the life her sister would have loved to be given.
I signed a sworn statement against Skull and his involvement in a murder for hire plan with the Undead Bastards that resulted in the loss of my daughter—Rumor. He said he felt partly responsible for it because of Betty’s involvement. I thought the old man was nuts but it was what he wanted. He won’t live long enough to see any time or a trial with the condition his heart is in.
In turn, Striker signed that he was witness to all of the drug trade between the two rival clubs and that Baby and Colt were killed in the crosshair when the Bastards tried to use them against me, thanks to Striker’s alliance with the Dry Ridge Sinners, who came to my aid resulting in a turf war.
Setting them up for the death of Baby and Colt came with his deal. Foxie and I will get to return to our lives and resume them as normal with our records wiped clean. Her record was part of my agreement. We had a choice to join the protection program ourselves, but I know I have to go back and Foxie does too.
“Why did you bargain for me?” She asks as we eat our dinner waiting for our children.
“You have spent a good portion of your life taking care of both our families Foxie. You raised my daughter, you take my shit and you love me. It’s about damn time I start taking care of you.”
“Damn it Grim, I swore I would never shed another tear over you again and you’ve gone and made me cry. You bastard.” She hits me on the arm teasing me.
I feel my daughter’s eyes on me before I even turn around. As I do, her arms wrap around me nearly choking me. “I never thought I would see you again. Don’t ever die on me. You aren’t allowed to.” She sobs not wanting to let me go. It breaks my heart to know that after tomorrow she will have to forever.
“Have they given you your new names yet?” I ask knowing they can’t tell me if they have. We are damn lucky they are giving us tonight together.
“No tha
t will all happen tomorrow,” Striker answers.
I know something bad happened between him and Baby while I have been away. I can see the distance separating him and Baby. They aren’t as I last remember. Those two were either always fighting or ready to go to bed. I want to ask them, but I don’t want to waste these last hours with them bringing up whatever is troubling them. I have to trust that they will work through all their trials.
Baby is a grown woman and I have to have faith that she can take care of herself, but damn I know she can. She has her mother’s determination and my stubborn attitude.
I stare at Baby, Colt and Striker as they take their seats to eat, knowing that this is the way I will remember them.
I won’t get to see if they give me other grandkids along the way, or see Colt play sports, or any of the shit he accomplishes in his life. I don’t ever cry Goddamn it. I wipe at my eyes as the wet shit begins to fall.
“Come here you big softy.” Foxie embraces me and allows me to have my moment veiled by her hair.
It’s hitting me that this is it. I will no longer be a father or a grandfather other than in my heart. Damn it, I don’t do feelings! This night is too emotional making me all weepy and shit.
Colt pushes his plate away and I take him over to the desert bar for ice cream. “Grandparents are supposed to fill their grandkids up on sweets aren’t they?” I say to him as he jumps up and down.
Foxie
Watching Grim as the realization hits him that this is the last time he will see his Baby, is ripping me apart inside. This is the last time I will see them too.
I raised Baby from the womb, since the night she came into the world. Screaming bloodied and terrified. That girl has been my daughter too.
My sweet Thomas, oh God, how do I say goodbye to him, my son. I think back on their childhood. I used to watch Striker, Rebel and Baby huddled together always plotting and planning some sort of meanness together. The boys would always blame her, but I know they played their part in all the schemes too.
Deep down I know this is for the best. I prayed so hard over it and I know they need this new start if they are going to make it. Baby and Striker can’t give Colt a stable family life in Drag Creek. I watch Colt as Grim helps him with his ice cream and it melts my heart seeing that big old hard ass getting so emotional. I know that we made the right choice.
I stand back observing remembering them all happy and just like this. I know I will have Rebel and Lil Bit’s child to help fill the hole in my heart, where Colt will be missing, but it won’t be the same. I wish there was a way we could see them together but I know we can’t risk it. They have to be dead to us and us to them as well.
One of the Agents from earlier comes into the room interrupting our final moment as a family. There has been a change in plans; they are taking them to a new location tonight.
I look to Grim to see if he can do anything to delay it but there is nothing he can do.
“I’m not ready damn it!” I shout but my pleas go unanswered as the agent begins trying to escort them from the room.
“At least let us hug them bye you unfeeling bastard. This is my family. You don’t understand how hard it is to let them go!” I shout making a scene. He nods so maybe he does understand.
I hold Colt tight to me not wanting to let him go but knowing I have to. I stare deep into his eyes and try to count his freckles on his nose, but there isn’t enough time.
I glance over to see Grim embracing Baby and Striker. I can’t hear what he is saying but I do make out the words, “hurt her and I’ll kill you.” My son threatening Grim for me is comical and sweet.
Striker comes over to me allowing Baby a final private moment with her father. They are speaking softly in hushed murmurs.
I hand Colt to his father and kiss both their cheeks.
“This isn’t goodbye,” my son tells me as Colt jerks his glasses off, but we both know that is a lie. I hug them once more as the Agent takes Colt and Striker out the door.
Baby rushes over to me and hugs me quickly, whispering into my dark hair, “the Johnson’s Ocala Florida. I love you!”
Tears rush down my face knowing Baby just gave me the greatest gift other than loving my son so damn much. She gave me a way to find them if I ever need to, or if I want to try to at least check on them. I know with that vital information Truth can find them for me.
They aren’t lost to us forever I think touching my heart. Baby goes out the door and Grim and I watch as Colt peers over Striker’s shoulder at us blowing kisses and waving bye.
“What now?” I say to Grim once I am able to speak.
“Now we go home and plan a funeral for Baby and Colt. And just maybe you might offer an old friend some companionship. It’s been a while since I have had a woman such as yourself.”
“I might feel so inclined.” I take his arm in mine and he pulls me into him, making my heart flutter in a way it hasn’t in years.
“No one has ever gotten me quite like you do, or loved me as you have. You’ve taken my shit but you have also called me on it too. I’m not asking you to marry me. That never seems to work out in my favor, but I am asking if you’ll have me, mean and ugly, broken and old?”
“The question isn’t if I’ll have you. The question is…are you finally going to have me?”
“As long as you’ll let me,” he says kissing me full of wanton desire.
We are allowed to leave and go to our rooms for the night. Once we are out of earshot of the Agents I tell Grim that Baby gave me a hint. The smile on his face is creepy it’s so big, it doesn’t look natural on his face. I am not used to seeing him smile.
“Do you think they will make her dye her hair?” He asks me.
“I think she will have to, it tends to stick out. But Colt is a kid, so I am sure they will leave him alone.”
“I suppose you are right. I couldn’t persuade you to step into my room, could I?” His hands travel down to my ass, gripping the back pockets of my jeans with possession.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Taking him by the collar of his shirt, I pull him into the small room. The bed is tiny. “How in the hell have you been sleeping in this toddler bed?”
He lies down on his back and his calves are hanging over the foot of the cot. “It hasn’t been without difficulty, but I think we can manage.”
“How about I manage you.” Slinking down to my knees on the hard floor by his bed, I run my hands over his thighs. His hands go up behind his head with hooded eyes watching me, burning with intensity.
I can see his erection straining against his pants. Unbuttoning his fly and unzipping him, I pull out his hard length, licking my lips as I stroke him.
“Fuck, you’ve always had a way with your mouth,” he says teasing me with a devilish grin.
“That I have.” I wink before kissing the tip.
“Goddamn it’s been too long and I am already about to erupt.”
Ignoring his warning, I give him what he needs taking him in my mouth and swirling my tongue around his shaft.
His hands come down grabbing the back of my hair as I suck hard. I can feel the quickening of his pulse and the labored breaths he is letting out through clenched teeth. I know he is trying so hard not to blow it all down my throat.
Popping him from between my lips, I demand in a sultry purr, “just fucking cum already.”
My mouth suctions over his cock and he shoots down my throat, tasting salty and sweet.
After I wipe my mouth Grim has his strong arms open ready to cuddle me. I climb into bed awkwardly lying to my side as he tries to shift behind me to spoon me.
“I’ll make it up to you.” He promises tickling my ear with his tongue.
“You bet your sweet ass you will, but right now I want sleep, “I say with a yawn.
“I don’t doubt that one bit. My spunk has that effect, knocks your ass out—straight to sleep.” He chuckles as I hit his chest.
The bed creaks as he conti
nues to laugh, and then it breaks, and we are flat on our backs on the damn floor.
“Fuck I can’t wait to sleep in my bed,” Grim says with a grunt.
“Me either, I miss my Tempurpedic.”
“You have one of those, I have always wanted one, but I guess I have one now don’t I,” he replies shocking me.
“Are you comparing me to a mattress?” I ask trying to cover my shock that he meant he would be sleeping in my bed.
“Go to sleep woman,” he orders me huskily.
I can’t sleep though. I have wanted Grim to let me in and make me his for years. I am afraid if I go to sleep, I will wake up, and he’ll be back to himself. The self that has never wanted the love I have for him.
He rolls from side to side unable to rest.
“Do you think they are going to be okay?” He asks knowing I am unable to sleep either.
I turn toward him on my side. “I think once they are settled they will be just fine. They will have each other and they will have Colt.”
“Do you think we will be okay?” I ask in return.
“I don’t have a doubt in my mind that you and I will be just fine. Through the years Foxie, there has been one constant in my life other than the brotherhood of the club. The one thing no matter how hard shit got that I knew I could count on was your love. I love Gypsy Red and I will love her until I die. She took a piece of my heart that I will never have back, but there has always been a place in my heart for you too. I just wasn’t ready for the love you could give.”
“And what about Sunshine?”
“She gave me what I needed at the time. I loved that she was good for the girls and I loved that she let me hide from who I really was for a while. I could pretend that I wasn’t a cold-hearted killer. But I have never been able to hide from you. You accept the real me and that’s all I need.”
He snuggles closer to me, his nose touching mine and we finally drift to sleep.
20
Rebel
I can’t believe this is happening again, everyone around me keeps dying. Grim finally came back a day late and a dollar short, he had my mother with him, and oddly, I guess they are finally together. I kept thinking that the news anchor was making a mistake but she was right Baby and Colt are gone.
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