“And you fucking that cunt Chelsea was so much better or less hurtful,” I say my voice cracking with emotion. I can’t stop the tears as they fall or the words as they spew from my mouth. Everything we did to each other…the lies, the cheating, the guilt, it all comes flowing out of me and it feels good to let it out.
Therapy Session 3
“Have you been doing the exercises and work packets I assigned you?”
Our therapist told us that every day he wanted us to tell each other something we admire about the other. He also provided us with some worksheets that were for writing out how we are feeling about something the other had done and how it hurt us.
“We haven’t kept up on the worksheets but we have been communicating better. There aren’t any secrets between us. I know I need to forgive Nash as well as myself, if I want to stay married to him.”
“‘Have you decided what you will be doing for work?”
“Still deciding but I am actively searching for a job,” Nash says with a faint smile.
Being pushed into making big choices we are learning more about ourselves and the life we wish to provide for our son.
Nash and I both agree that Cole can never know about our former life. As much as it hurts that he won’t grow up knowing his family, we both surmise it is in his best interest. Or this would all be for nothing.
Meet the Johnsons
Ocala, Florida
One year later
Staring in the mirror, I am finally feeling comfortable in my own skin. Of course, my face is the same, but the green contacts and dark auburn hair, has taken me some time to be adjusted to.
When my son first saw my new appearance, he cried and screamed, taking me for a stranger. There was nothing to be done for his bright red hair, he is just a toddler and I refused to shave him bald.
My husband got off easier only having to wear brown contacts and have the tattoos on his necks and hands removed. Oh and he had to get rid of his lip ring that I loved so much.
“Cole, put your toys away if you want to go to Hannah’s birthday party later.” His name still feels strange rolling off my tongue. Training him to answer to his new name was fairly easy since he was so young.
The first six months of our new life, I would often space out when someone called me Karly, not realizing that it was my name that they were speaking.
Nash had the same problem when he started his schooling for a job as a mechanic at a dealership that specializes in exotic cars. The smell of oil and grease on him reminds me of our days in the garage back home in Drag Creek. It seems so long ago and far away.
Not being able to reach out to my father if only to just let him know that we are okay has been a struggle. Getting reacquainted with my husband has been even harder.
There was a lot of anger, betrayal and jealousy standing between us. Working through it all was hard, but we did it in counseling. It was part of our relocation package. Well that is what I call it. We were given several resources to get us through the first six months.
We recently found our way back into each other’s arms. Sleeping next to him was so hard. I love Nash, but I didn’t know if he would turn into the man who had raped me once before.
He hasn’t done anything to imply that he will ever be that man again, but I wasn’t sure at first. He resented me for many of the things I did while we were apart. He knows everything that took place between Romeo and I, and even the nights I comforted Rebel. That was hard for his pride to swallow, but he did, because he loves me.
We had to make a choice…we could fall into our old habits of fighting constantly, or we could embrace the opportunity granted to us and start over.
Our choice was simple. We went through therapy to work out our problems so they couldn’t come back to haunt us. Once we were able to tackle the past it was time to make our new life together as Karly and Nash, leaving Baby and Striker behind.
Who are Karly and Nash? That was what we had to ask ourselves, while reinventing ourselves.
Karly Johnson is a manager at a tanning salon part-time and Nash Johnson is a high-end mechanic. Deep down we are still Black Rebel Riders’ at heart.
There are moments when he is making love to me that I still cry out Striker and he still calls me Baby, but now it is seen as a term of endearment instead of my name.
Cole takes off running down the hallway towards his room to clean up his toys he dug out earlier. Hannah is the daughter of my boss and she is very sweet on my boy. They play together often in the back office of the salon, when we both need to bring them to work with us. He is looking forward to going to her pizza party.
I am hoping Nash comes home before we leave, but with him, I never know how his day will be. It always depends on the job he has.
Nash
Glancing at the clock, I know I am not going to make it home before Karly and Cole need to leave for Hannah banana’s birthday party. I need to take a shower and change before I can do anything.
Pulling out my phone, I call my wife to let her know, but it goes straight to voicemail. She knows I hate not being able to reach her. With everything that happened last year, I still worry that something will come back and bite me in the ass.
What better way to hurt me than by using my wife. Our new life has been rocky. There were times I thought about just saying fuck it and leaving, rather than deal with the therapy appointments Karly insisted we needed. I hated it at first, but she was right, we did need it. I still loved her just as much as I ever had, but the hurt and anger was there, some days it still flares, but I work through it, for her and for our son Cole. They are my everything.
Never thought I would see the day I would wear a uniform and enjoy it. I hang up my standard blue-collar mechanic button down trading it for a black t-shirt. Some old habits die hard. At work, I wear my brown contacts but as soon as I get in my truck, I put my glasses on.
We were instructed not to do things that we were accustomed to that may make us stand out. Karly wasn’t happy when I had to put my foot down and say no to her getting a pink car.
She got over it, eventually and happily drives her silver Mercedes. I got a great deal on it at an auction.
By the time I make it home and get ready I am forty-five minutes late for the party, but I know I am forgiven when I see my wife’s eyes rake over me with desire, as I walk through the door at Pizza Fun Time.
Her lips are pursed eager for a kiss when I approach her. I kiss her lightly with a quick peck, feeling unfulfilled, but knowing I will have her all to myself later tonight.
“You’re late.”
“You didn’t answer my call,” I retort amused. She explains that she left her phone in her car, not wanting to seem rude by having it on her during the party.
Looking around the play area, I see Cole’s red hair blazing down the inflatable slide. Seeing the smile on his face, I know we made the right choice for our family.
Looking back at my wife, I smirk, imagining shoving her into the bathroom for a quickie. She smiles back showing an expression, giving me the impression she has the same thought.
“What would you say if I told you I wanted to take you in the bathroom and bend you over the sink?” I whisper in her ear.
“I’d say lead the way.” She winks.
23
Foxie
“You could always sell the car. I don’t imagine I am going to see you cruising around in a pink car anytime soon.”
Grim grunts in response to my suggestion as he sips on his coffee while reading the newspaper.
“It’s just that with it sitting in the driveway it’s depressing. She isn’t ever coming back for it.”
He nods but he is so damn stubborn. It’s the same with her things. He won’t let me pack them up to store or donate. I feel as though he sees it as long as her stuff is still here, there is a piece of her left in his world.
Almost two years have passed since they went into the program. Some nights I lie awake wondering what they are d
oing and if they are thinking of us here.
Rebel’s son Axel and his adopted daughter Miracle keep us busy in the grandkid department, but I still miss my sweet Colt. Romeo sends money for Miracle when he is able; I am shocked he just left her the way that he did. He might not have been her blood father, but she was his daughter in the ways that matter. I expected Grim to flip out when Rebel told him that Sunshine was living out in California with Romeo, but he just scratched his beard and said, “Good for them. I’d rather he took my ex-wife than my daughter.”
The confused expression on my son’s face at his response didn’t go unnoticed with me, but he didn’t question why Grim was referring to Baby as though she were still alive.
Grim dumps the rest of his coffee and kisses me briefly before heading over to the scrapyard that is his and Rebel’s new business venture. Moonshine is still a big part of our income. I sell it under the table at my father’s liquor barn.
Flipping the crockpot on low, I get ready to go over to the cabin to check on Lil Bit, her and Rebel are expecting another child. The two of them go at it worse than rabbits. But love will do that. I am just so pleased to see they are happy.
I wasn’t quite sure if they were going to make it, but once my son felt Axel kicking inside her stomach, he changed. Rebel is a great father. I keep asking when they plan to get married but they brush it off, whenever I make mention of the subject.
Suppose I am the pot calling the kettle black, being Grim and I will probably never marry, but we are older and comfortable with the way our lives are shared together.
He might not tell me he loves me every day, but I don’t need for him too. He is good to me; we take care of one another. He is my best friend. Grim knows I love him, so I don’t feel the need to profess it daily. We show each other by our actions, they speak volumes.
We share a bed and a home; we share our daily lives, our hurts, and our truths without judgment or resentment. He knows my past as I know his. And sweet Lord does that man know my body.
As if he has sensed what I am thinking about he comes back inside shoving his hand in the waist of my pants, before I can say, “Please, “ his mouth is on mine hungry and demanding.
“You are going to be late.”
“I can be quick,” he says undoing his pants.
“Don’t I know it,” I tell him teasing.
He smacks my bottom hard. “Get naked woman. My cock can’t wait much longer.”
“Good because neither can your pussy.” I smirk as I remove my bra.
Lifting me in his arms, he carries me towards the bedroom.
“Are you sure you can hold me?”
“I’m old, not dead.”
“Oh of that I am fully aware.” Grabbing his length, I tug gently.
He slams my body down on the mattress and sheds his shirt. Even over the age of fifty Grim is in excellent shape.
I can’t say the same for myself. I have gained a few pounds this past year, and I am menopausal. Grim takes it all in stride, comforting me when I get emotional, or getting me ice when I am roasting from hot flashes.
His touch on my skin is light as a feather, killing me with anticipation.
“Thought you said you could be quick.”
“That was before you got smart with me. Now shut your mouth and get to pleasing me with those lips.”
“Is that the way of it?” I ask before biting his finger harshly.
“I said please me, not fucking break blood.” He pinches my clit and smacks it softly with dark eyes.
“Don’t be such a cry-tit.” I wink as he wiggles a finger inside me.
Grim looks at me with wide eyes and starts to roar with laughter. He collapses on my chest with tears.
“Here I am trying to fuck you, and ye act like it’s a damn comedy hour.” He has gone serious again.
My smartass remarks fade from my thoughts as his mouth caps over my nipple. Pleasure pulses through my body, as he makes good on his promise to be quick. He slams into me and I am done for, my orgasm ripples through my core leaving me breathless and feeling limp.
Grim leaves me laying in our bed nearly sedated with delight. He’s still got it. Once my menopause began I was afraid that was it for my libido and his but we have an active healthy sex life. I am just as attracted to him as I was a young girl if not more so with each passing day.
Romeo
Napa Valley, California
“Did you do your homework Jamie?” Sunshine asks Jamie as he mashes buttons on his game controller.
“Uh huh,” he answers as his car explodes.
Shaking my head, I take my seat at the dining table. All the boy wants to do is play video games. He is in for a rude awakening this summer. His ass will be put to work at the winery.
Sunshine and I both work out in the field. It’s hard work but it’s honest and we enjoy working side by side. The family that owns White Willow Winery have been great to us. We reside in a rental house of theirs that is included in our salary as groundkeepers.
The kids are in a great school and are thriving well. Dawn has her first boyfriend. He is the son of Mrs. Gates, the housekeeper for the main house of the family estate. Travis is a good kid and he is scared of me, so I allow him to see Dawn as long as he abides by my strict rules.
When he comes over, they are to stay in the living room and only if either Sunshine or myself is present.
Sunshine took her and had her put on birth control as a precautionary. With her own history she felt it was better we take preventive action.
We sat Dawn down and had a long talk about sex and the responsibility that comes with it. She has already had a sexual education class at school, but I wanted her to understand that just because we allow her to have a boyfriend and be on the shot, it does not give her a free pass to become sexually active.
Sunshine thinks the talk put the fear of God in her. I hope like hell it did.
The kids have had their supper already. We dine out a lot. None of us can handle Sunshine’s poor attempts at cooking.
There are a few dishes she can prepare, she made baked spaghetti tonight and I am convinced it is one of those frozen ones that you bake for an hour, I’d never tell her that though.
“Smells delicious.” I compliment her and she smiles wide with pride.
“Thank you,” she says fucking beaming. Her smile is gorgeous. She has a faint scar from the stitches I did on her face but it only reminds us that we can always rely on one another.
Our relationship is one of convenience. There is a mutual respect and general understanding between us. She is a strong but nurturing motherly influence on my children and I am a strong man who provides for her.
Nothing sexual passed between us for months on end, we had agreed at first that we wouldn’t share a bed, but eventually a shared sexual frustration took over and now she warms my bed as well as my heart.
I observe her happily, as she sweeps her blonde locks into a ponytail. I can’t wait to wrap my hand in her hair later and yank on it as I take her from behind.
I have recently discovered that Sunshine shares my passion for rough sex. She loves when I smack her ass and bite on her nipples. My back is marked with her scratches and the imprint of her teeth.
My phone pings with a text from Rebel. He sends me an occasional update and photograph of Miracle. I do miss her, but as awful as it sounds, I couldn’t go back for her. I knew that every time I looked at her I would be reminded that she isn’t my child.
I send money for her when I am able, but Rebel and Lil Bit take great care of her. They treat her as their own from what I gather from the situation.
Sunshine
Sitting across from Romeo as he eats his dinner, I am content. I never planned on becoming involved with my ex-husband’s best friend, but things sort of just happened. Romeo is the most attentive lover I have ever lain with. He knows what buttons to push to bring me the utmost satisfaction.
His eyes are raking over my chest with desire as I sw
eep my hair onto my head, knowing he loves to pull it. I swear I am addicted to sex with him. I can’t say that I am in love with him, but he does make me happy.
We have found a new life together and we balance each other quite well.
Oddly enough, the kids would love to see us married, but I am not sure if I will ever let another man put a ring on my finger. Although the people we work for here at the vineyard believe we are married, and that Dawn and Jamie are my children. We had to lie for appearances sake to get the job and the house that comes with it. I don’t see the point in giving in to false pretenses, just because it is what society wishes to see, but I did to secure us a home.
Besides, Romeo is an attractive man who is very easy on the eyes. We do look good together. My pussy clenches thinking about how we looked wrapped around each other the other night. We have mirrored closet doors and I do love to watch him pleasure me.
He does this circular thrust when he is balls deep inside me and I swear it gets me off every time he does it.
24
Rebel
Nothing could have prepared me for being a father. The warmth of my son’s breath as he hugs my neck is what I live for. Fatherhood is the reason why I am able to wake up every day and be a real man. Knowing that I am providing for my family drives me.
Axel is rambunctious and full of spirit. He pinches my ear holding on tight, as I try to give him back to his mother. “Let go buddy, daddy has to go to work.”
“Go,” he says clinging to me tighter, digging the balls of his feet into my rib.
Miracle wraps her arms around my thigh, standing on my boot. Chelle pries Axel from my neck as I work on getting Miracle to let go. I promise her I’ll bring her a sucker if she does good at school today. I can’t believe she is already in kindergarten. Colt would be in her class if he hadn’t been murdered.
Shred and Lasher were killed in a gang fight in prison. Serves the pieces of shit right. Grim hasn’t come out and said he is responsible for their deaths, but he doesn’t need to.
Heart of a Rebel Page 14